Is That You?

[BloomingxxCyanide]

"I would remember a wild mane of hair like that in my classes, but I don't think so." David replied as he played with his bagged sandwich. "You look familiar to me too, but maybe we just pass each other a lot on campus?" he threw into the air as he walked from the kitchen to his bedroom, closing the door just enough to block a hallway view of him changing. He emerged a few minutes later with a pair of dark jeans and a white t-shirt combo that looked too big for him to be wearing, and he slipped on the same sweater from the night before overtop.


"Main bar on campus though. I just go in and ask for it?" David asked Alex as he came back into the kitchen with his backpack, still full of the books. He worked in his sandwich and a couple snacks into the smaller pouch. "Do you want to come with me or do you want to take the time to head home?" he motioned at the clock on his oven. It was 8:30 in the morning. "I have class in an hour so I figured I could grab it, go to class and meet you somewhere after class to give it back."

 

[tamaracorine]

"As much as I'd like to be noble and go without my make up for the day, I need to go home and put my make up on." she told him, blushing a little. "But yeah, go in and ask for it. Tell them that you didn't sleep with me, too. I might party, but I don't sleep around much." she grinned and headed towards the door. "Maybe we can meet up for a drink later? Coffee, I mean... not alcohol." she laughed, opening the door. "How about Finn's Cafe on the North side of campus? Near the duck pond? Four o'clock?" she walked out of the apartment and down the stairs.


Alex headed home and put her make up on for the day, changing her clothes as well so that she was wearing a short denim skirt that showed off her newest tattoo - a phoenix on her left thigh - and a band t-shirt. She let her hair loose around her shoulders and headed back to school, getting through the day easily. She was intelligent, when she applied herself, and somehow she felt like she had to apply herself to be worthy of hanging around with David.


At four o'clock, she walked to Finn's Cafe and ordered herself a coffee, then settled in the booth at the far corner, reading a book about the history of music as she waited.

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

David stayed silent as Alex left his place. He didn't want to ruin the mood of his place with his own words. Instead, he simply finished packing up, slipped on his now-cleaned shoes and left, locking the door. He had to sprint to the library to drop off the books before class - sighing at the $15 late fee for five books. If anything, the late fee negated the feeling of Alex, so David felt pretty normal again. He also didn't have time to grab her violin, but he had been late once before and it was fine, another late would be okay, right?


He beelined for the bar and entered, drawing interested looks from some people he never wanted to know. He looked around and spotted the bartender and moved to the bar, leaning his body against a stool. "Excuse me." he spoke up, and the bartender swiveled around, giving David a once over. "Yeah?" the bartender asked, and the scenario that David had envisioned disappeared. "Alex left her violin here. I came for it." Again, another once over, and then the bartender disappeared, coming back a few moments later with the violin case. "Thank you." David said as soon as the case was in his hands, and he left quickly, not wanting to be later than he was.


The case attracted attention that David didn't really want. He kept explaining about how it was Alex's, and most people teased David for 'what could of happened'. It pissed David off, and he was sure that he had no friends left after the day. They pushed, he got angry. It was a pet peeve of his for people to keep insisting something happened, even after all the times he had to explain. But other than that, his day went by smoothly. Classes were classes, marks were marks, and eventually David found himself standing outside of the cafe Alex brought up. His tightened his grip on the handle of the case and braved his way in. He just wanted to return the violin, chat for maybe five minutes, and then leave. But when he spotted the blue and purple hair, he felt like he was a kid again, getting ready for a TV marathon with his best friend; he felt calm and social, which was really strange for him. He closed the gap between him and the booth and slid the case beside her. "Your Holy Grail." he joked, referring to the Lancelot bit from the night before and sat across from her.

 

[tamaracorine]

"Thank you!" Alex grinned at him and took the case, she opened it up and smiled as her finger traced over the instrument. It was bright blue, and covered in stickers. Some from her hometown, and others from various bands. She sighed happily and looked back at David. "Thank you so much. You're my hero." she closed the case and leaned back, looking across the table at him. "So... Sorry for vomiting on you." she told him meekly.


She was much happier when she was sober, her eyes and expression brighter than before. She sipped her coffee and slid her book into her bag. "Tell me about you. I want to know about you."

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

Again, David watched her. What was with him watching her? It was like he was trying to catch up on what he missed with her, yet he didn't know her. He copied her - leaning back in the booth and he rested his hands on the table, playing with his index finger a little bit. "No biggie." he replied, looking up at her before looking away to the counter. Did he want a drink? He'd be going home to study and read, but did he need the caffeine in him? Deciding against it, David turned his attention back to the table.


"About me?" he questioned, genuinely surprised. What was there to say? "I lived here in Portland up until my second year of high school - I actually lived in a town about an hour's drive from here. My mom got a promotion but we had to move to Indiana for it, so we pretty much uprooted and went, which was hard. When I graduated, I applied for colleges around here and... here I am." David replied, shrugging at the end. "Not a whole lot, unless you want to know something specific about me."

 

[tamaracorine]

"Hey, I grew up near here." Alexandra smiled warmly at him, her eyes meeting his. She sipped her coffee happily and leaned against the wall by the booth. "I had a friend who moved away in high school. Man, it broke my heart. I fell into the wrong crowd after that. Then everything went wrong. Parents split up and it was so messy." She looked down at the table, "sorry. I'm over sharing again." She laughed awkwardly and stared into the cup of coffee.


What was it about this boy that dragged her guard down? It didn't make sense.

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

David listened, and decided to overshare as well, so Alex wouldn't feel the need to apologize. He was enjoying this, which he found a little odd, but he felt like there was some kind of connection to her already there. But David never met her before... at least he didn't think so.


"I spent a lot of my free time either studying or reading. I used novels to escape my feelings and eventually they were the only thing I wanted to do; no socializing, no friends, just get lost in these stories because they all came out happy, and I didn't feel like mine was going to be the same way." David offered, sheepishly looking at Alex. "My whole world - my life - was here, and to be taken away from it just..." David made a small hand gesture and sighed. "I became the worst version of myself in Indiana, and I don't want to do anything about it because I'm afraid of finding friends, getting close to them, and then having to leave again." At this point, David leaned his cheek into his left hand as his elbow came onto the table.


After that little rant, David fell silent. He looked at Alex, and with a small smile, he said one more thing. "Oversharing is fun. Don't apologize." And then he went quiet again - but kept his eyes on Alex. There was something very familiar with her. After a couple minutes, he spoke up again. "My best friend when I lived here had the same name as you. "

 

[tamaracorine]

Alexandra remained silent as David spoke, and when he mentioned his childhood best friend, she looked up at him suddenly, leaning forward across the table. She took hold of his left hand and pulled it towards herself, her thumb tracing over a small scar on it. “Is that you?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper. “How did you get this scar?” she added.


“My… my best friend has this same scar from a stove when we were young. He tried to steal popcorn from the stove and his hand touched the heat…” she explained, still holding his hand. She had a few tears building in her eyes and quickly wiped them away with her spare hand. “You have… you have the same scar…”

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

David's reaction to her sudden movements was like him pulling his hand from fire - he jumped, and did pull his hands back, but she caught his left hand faster than he expected. She startled him! But when she got quiet, he followed her gaze to his hand where, such enough, there was the scar that he forgot about for all these years. His heart was racing at the touch, but he gave a laugh. "My mom was pissed." he commented, flexing his hand. When he spread his hand out again, he looked up at Alex.


She had the same name, and no wonder the eyes looked so familiar! But he still wasn't sure himself. Maybe she was mistaking him for someone else, who had lived in the same town, same scar, but was so much different than him. The Alex he remembered was breath-taking. She was full of life - like this Alex was - and always tagged along if she could. She was simple in appearance, not so wild like this. But... what if the heartbreak took more of a toll than he thought? He still couldn't be sure.


"I'm as me as I'll get," David started, and gently took back his hand and stood up from the booth. "But as to who you might be referring to, I don't know. I'm me, I'm a no one, and I'm sure everyone who would remember me has long forgotten me." he finished, almost sounding sad. He had no way of finding out if it was his Alex or not - and her certainly didn't want to intrude on anything. "I'm gonna go though." he started up once more, securing his bag on his back. "I have a couple of assignments and a book to finish tonight. I'll see you around." His final words to her for the day sounded rushed and upset, impatient with a hint of urgency to get away. And that's what he did. Without another word, David left the cafe and booked it home.

 

[tamaracorine]

Alexandra watched him leave and it felt like she was watching her friend drive away again, except this time it wasn't her choice, and he was walking away. It was his choice. "Yeah, bye." she muttered once he was gone. She finished her coffee and stood up, paying for it and walking out of the cafe. She carried her violin home and joined in with band practice, glad for the distraction.


The band played two shows that weekend, and both of them resulted in the same wild afterparties. She spent the days in bed hungover and watching too much Netflix. She fell back into her regular routine, convincing herself that it wasn't her David that had helped her. It couldn't have been him. He would have known her.


One evening the next month she decided to look through old photos, and found one of herself and David. It was early evening. She picked it up gathered her things, slinging her bag over her shoulder and leaving the house. She bought some chinese food on the way and knocked on David's door. "Open up... It's Alexandra... Please. I have food for you."

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

The month passed with nothing too exciting happening to David. He studied, got lost in more books, e-mailed his parents more and more as some loneliness settled in. There was a lingering regret brushing Alex off the way he did, but the regret faded with the days. And soon he was back to himself.


His bookshelf grew as well. Stacks and stacks of books piled on the top of the shelf and started to form around the floor of the bookshelf. With the lack of friends and spare time between classes, work and homework, he found more and more stories to dive into and live through. His choice genre briefly turned to romance, but that faded as he went back to crime books.


The evening Alex decided to pop by was an unusual night for David, he was invited out to a very small gathering at a pub by a female in his class that he had found himself talking to more and more over IMs. He wanted to change his socializing ways? He should start now! The knock echoed through his apartment and he strode out of the bathroom clad in a towel to answer it, not expecting Alex. His mouth fell open as he laid eyes on her and his mind went blank. "Alex... hey." he stumbled out, before robotically gesturing her into his apartment. His apartment became more David-like over the month - aside from the bookshelf. A couple of posters were up and he had a few pillows and a couple of blankets, plus a small DVD shelf that only had half of it filled. He was lost on what to do again, so he just stood there after Alex entered his apartment, feeling a bit numb and shocked.

 

[tamaracorine]

Alex put the food down on the table, "It's been bothering me, that I think you're someone you don't think you are. Or maybe I'm not someone I think I am... Or... Whatever..." She laughed, her words all twisted.


"Today I was looking through photos, and I found one of me and my best friend..." She pulled it from her pocket and laid it on the table. "Is that you?" She asked quietly, peering up at him.


"If it is you, then... Why don't you recognise me? What... What have I done that's so bad that you won't recognise me? I tried to write you letters but they always got sent back. I think you gave me the wrong address." She let some of her frustration and sadness show. She paused, then sighed, "If it isn't you, I still think your hair is sexy."

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

David looked at the picture, and was taken back. He had the same one in a box somewhere at his parent's place. So Alex had to be his Alex! His heart jumped to his throat and he took a sharp breath in, nearly choking on it. His eyes went right to her as she asked her questions, and he didn't have a straight-forward answer to give. Not until he had time to process this all.


"Your hair. Your face and the make-up. How you dress. The fact that I found your drugged." he replied very monotone - like he was naming off facts - and brash. His defense mechanism for when he didn't want to become angry? Become a robotic ass. "The Alex I had to leave was nothing like this. The Alex I thought I'd see again clearly..." his voice got caught in his throat as tears of his own came to his eyes, and he picked up the picture like it was breakable. His straight-forward answer better be better after he had some time to himself. He looked from the picture again to Alex, not bothering to wipe the tears from his eyes. Again, David looked back at the picture and fell very quiet, his thumb rubbing over the photo-Alex.

 

[tamaracorine]

Alex looked broken hearted. He didn't know her anymore. He didn't seem to even like her anymore. "You left!" she exclaimed, tears falling and her hands shaking. "You left and you never contacted me again! No one would be my friend. No one. Then some people decided to become my friends and... dammit!" she stood up and began to pace. "I'm not blaming you for what I've become. It isn't your fault that you left, but god dammit, have I really changed that much?"


She stood still and looked at him. "You like her. You like who I was but not who I am. That's fine. I understand. You... you always were better than me at everything. Maybe this would always have happened." She was angry and frustrated, and the words tumbling from her lips were the first thoughts in her mind. "I just wanted a hug. I wanted my friend to realise it was me and hug me but no... You don't like who I've become..."

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

"Because that's how I left you, and how I knew you!" David outburst suddenly, appearing calm on the outside but he was furious on the inside. "I was torn away from my life and the only other person who I knew as well as myself! This? This is scary! This is not how I figured you'd turn out to be! This isn't how I figured how I'd become! And meeting like that? Never in a million years! I thought I'd meet you again somewhere more classy. There, I said it. Classy. Not throwing up on my shoes from being drugged! Damnit Alex!"


By the time David was done yelling, his body language changed. He stood straighter, took on a rougher demeanor and his face was so contorted in a medley of emotions that it was hard to identify one. He was pushed, and he retaliated in a way he hated. Especially towards Alex. He let out a very erratic sigh and clenched his fists tightly, letting go of the tension when he felt a bit calmer. "Look." he started, the anger still visible in his voice. "Things change, and people change. We clearly found different ways to cope, but I never, NEVER, thought you'd take this path. Drugs, really?" The anger bubbled in him again and he clenched his jaw. "Look." he started again, looking at his computer desk for the time. He had about half an hour before he was suppose to meet his female friend. "I have to go out somewhere in half an hour." A deep frown came to his face. "I honestly didn't expect this. And I need to get dressed." he gestured down to the towel. "You can hang out here until I go, but can we do this some other time? Get really mad at each other and let it go from there?"

 

[tamaracorine]

Alex wilted under his sudden anger, she stumbled backwards and leaned against the wall, her eyes downcast and her arms folded awkwardly across her stomach. "I..." she started to speak, and then stopped herself, closing her eyes to try and blink back the tears. "I'm sorry I let you down." she whispered, turning and walking out of the apartment. She ran all the way home and collapsed in her bed.


It was a school night, and for once she was asleep before midnight. She woke up in the morning and pulled her hair back into a ponytail, walking out of the house and to class without any make up on. It wasn't that she was trying to impress David, she felt ashamed of herself after his words, and she couldn't bring herself to do what she always did.


Once class ended, she found herself a place on the street and pulled her violin out, placing the case in front of her. She began to play whatever it was that came to mind - and just as it always did, the music flowed from her. She was at peace when she played music. She knew David would have to walk passed her to get home, and part of her hoped he would stop and talk. She wanted to apologise.


 
(SO MANY FEELS.)

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

David didn't watch her leave, but when his door closed, he turned around and threw his fist at the wall, a loud thud echoing through his apartment. The punch got rid of his anger, but now his hand hurt. Rubbing his knuckles, he went to his bedroom and got dressed and then took a couple extra minutes to make sure he was good before leaving.


His night actually went well. He was three minutes early and reserved a bigger table for the gathering. The people who showed up were thankful for David's early arrival - tables started to fill shortly after David got the table. And he had fun. His female friend - Ivey - made sure he was okay the whole night and even sat beside him! He didn't have any alcohol and spent some time after the gathering making sure everyone got home safe.


The next day, Ivey met him just before class and thanked him for the night before. David went through his day with a smile, and even talked to his friend from orientation about the night, ignoring the comments. He was in too good of a mood to let the comments get to him. When classes were done, David found himself walking with Ivey to a fast food place off campus for a study session - just the two of them. As they turned onto the pathway that David normally took home, his ears picked up on a violin melody, and it was like he knew it already. And then he spotted Alex's hair and his heart jumped to his throat. How would this play out - especially with Ivey? Both girls were a wild card to David, but he kind of knew Alex a bit better. When they drew close, David stopped, prompting Ivey to stop as well. "That's beautiful." David commented softly, unsure of what else to say.


Ivey gave Alex the infamous once-over and looked at David, somewhat in disbelief that he stopped in the first place.

 

[tamaracorine]

Alex kept playing as David stopped, but the sight of the extra person - exactly the sort of girl she imagined David would like - made her stop. She gulped and looked up at him, "Thanks. I just wanted to play." she shrugged weakly. "I figured I'd make some cash along the way. It doesn't do much, but it's often enough to cover the cost of some books and stuff..." she couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes. She turned to the girl, "Hey, I'm Alex.. Are you David's girlfriend?"


She was ready to cry again. Nothing felt right about this interaction. She wished she had chosen a different street, and had never run into David in the first place.

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

David and Ivey both shook their heads at the same time. "No." Ivey replied, "Just friends. And occasional study buddies." David's eyes were on Alex's violin, looking over the stickers. Sure enough, there was one from their hometown and David touched it. "Is everything still alright there?" he asked in reference to the sticker.


"I'm Ivey, and how did you get your hair like that? It's wild!" Ivey spoke up, smiling. David only heard the words, he was still occupied by all the stickers on the body of the violin. He had heard of a couple bands on the stickers, and others were very well done. He pulled his hand away and straightened up, looking at Ivey. "Her hair, yeah?" he questioned, looking back at Alex and now noticing the lack of make up. His face flushed the slightest at the sight. THAT was his Alex. Minus the hair being so colorful.


"I've always wanted to do something with my hair, but my parents were solidly against it." Ivey commented, running a hand through her own long chestnut hair.

 

[tamaracorine]

"Yeah, it's the same place it always has been." Alex told him, "Same people. Same old guy runs the corner store. I don't know how he's still alive, to be honest." she laughed, resting her head against the wall that was behind her. "I don't miss it, though... After Mum died, Dad lost his crap and fell apart. He never really put himself back together again." she looked down, shrugging.


Her mother had died the year after David left. It was a car accident that killed him. She smiled sadly at the memories that came flooding back. "Anyway, it was a relief to get the hell out of there in the end." she looked towards Ivey and smiled, "Lots of bleach, and constant dye... It's a pain, to be honest, but I like how it looks so I keep doing it. My Dad never cared what I did, so really, I could do what I wanted..."

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

David felt a pang of guilt in his stomach when Alex revealed her mother's passing. It was her mother that talked to his mother and assured his mother that it was fine for them to be so close. He stayed silent as his own memories came to mind, and he only half-listened to whatever Alex told Ivey.


Ivey, on the other hand, was still fascinated with Alex's hair. "Have you done other colors or is this set your go-to?" she asked, eyes sparking. "I think you'd look good with like... a sunset kind of thing going on. Lots of orange, yellow and a bit of red." she added, blushing a little bit at the suggestion. Ivey shifted her backpack on her right shoulder a bit. "I used to study cosmetology in high school, still kind of do." she brought up.

 

[tamaracorine]

"Maybe I'll let you try it." Alex told her with a slight shrug. She put the violin back to her neck and began to play once more. "I better let you two get back to what you were doing." she looked at David. "I'll see you around, I guess." she shrugged, the melody she was playing now a much sadder tune that the one she had been playing.


She wanted to tell David the whole story. She wanted to explain how hard it had been and how much she had tried to contact him. She didn't know how to say any of it. She just wanted to talk to him. Instead, she retreated into the music, her eyes shifting downwards to look at the bow as it moved across the strings.

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

David's eyes connected with Alex's and he was more confused. It looked like she was sad, but when people played music, they always concentrated to the point of looking sad. He kind of shrugged it off, and followed after Ivey who said goodbye to Alex and sped ahead of David, calling back about how he'd have to pay if she beat him. The two exchanged banter - Ivey swear at David after he caught up and pulled ahead, and soon they were out of sight.


The night was decent. They helped each other with things from classes, ate and David dropped Ivey off at her dorm before he headed home himself. When he got home, he went right into reading, only to take a break to send his mother an email, but he spent most of his night reading, even falling asleep on the couch with the book in his hands.

 

[tamaracorine]

It took Alex another week to bring herself to speak to David again. She dug through her boxes of things and found a pile of letters still in envelopes, every one of them returned to their sender. It was all her letters to David - from the first saying she missed him, to those written while her mother was descending into death, and those after she died. They trailed off after another year worth of weekly letters that detailed her life with her new friends - the regrets about choices she had begun to make, the time she pierced her own nose, the first time she got drunk, and how badly she wished her father would find a way to help her stop. She shoved them into her bag and excused herself from band practise, heading to David's apartment.


The colour in her hair had faded, and the blonde roots of her natural hair colour were beginning to peek through. She knocked on the door and waited. She hadn't stopped thinking about her mother since she had seen David that day, and for some reason, she felt like she needed to explain herself to him. The letters did a better job than she could. She lost her courage after a minute of waiting and put the pile of letters outside his door, then turned and sprinted down the stairs and out of the building.

 

[BloomingxxCyanide]

It was probably a good thing that Alex left the letters - a half-dressed Ivey ended up answering the door against David's wishes. When Ivey spotted no one there, she called back to David and then she noticed the letters. "David! Mail?" she called out, questionly, and David appeared next to her, fully dressed. He leaned down to pick them up and recognized the writing. "They're letters from Alex, when we were smaller." he commented, counting the number of letters that were there. And there was a lot. Ivey closed the door as David walked to his living room, and she disappeared somewhere else.


David thumbed through the sealed letters, too afraid to open them. He had recieved these. He just asked his parents to do a return to sender. He was still hurting when they started to arrive, and eventually he forgot he asked his parents and they just assumed he wanted them sent back. But diving into made-up worlds was much easier than staying in his own.


Ivey came back out, fully dressed and with her backpack and said goodbye to David - who only waved at her. They had the day off from classes, so David ended up taking care of Ivey the night before when she got drunk with some of her friends. He ended up spending the night awake, remembering the night with Alex. And now that he was alone, he could sleep. He went to his window to watch for Ivey, but spotted Alex just outside his building. As much as he wanted to call her up, he needed to sleep. So he turned away from the window and headed to his room to crash out.


Ivey, on the other hand, emerged from the building and noticed Alex. "Hey!" she called out, waving. "Why didn't you stick around? He got the letters. I'm pretty sure he's going to try and take a nap before reading them though, he was up all night."