I wrote a thing! -- It sucks.

[Quiet Is Violent]

Tonight,


The commander of darkness, of evil and hate,


Of death and crime, will rise


Stay inside, my mother cries


Go to bed, my father begs


But I don’t obey


Their voices rage


If the spirit rises,


Then the world will fall


So I am not safe at all.


I watch the window


Full of fright,


But it is not quite the same


This scary


Dark night


When the world is balanced on a pencil tip


And I cannot do a thing


Trapped in the dreaming world


Until the moon falls


And I awake


Until that time,


A nightmare worth dreaming


Will rise

 

[DemonKitten]

I think this is simply beautiful. It isn't two involved but has just enough flow to it to make it catchy. You should break it into stanzas for easy reading, but I really like it. It isn't bad at all just clean and simple

 

[Grey]

You too would profit from reading this: https://www.rpnation.com/threads/between-the-words-a-poetry-tutorial.94456/

 

[Quiet Is Violent]

I wrote another thing and it still sucks xD I can't write


Dreams are made to regret


And after all, we just forget


That our life is just a net


Catching less good than bad


And let me tell you tears aren’t sad


It’s the blood in our veins turned mad


And the smile is just a hat


Covering the dreams that I regret

 

[random5656]

I'm confused with the line "Catching less good than bad"


And honestly I thought the line "And let me tell you tears aren't sad" was cliche but the I quickly fell in love with it after "It's the blood in our veins turned mad" Gosh that was a really nice line. I loved it.


Otherwise, it's a nice poem

 

[Quiet Is Violent]

@BoatBehind I was trying to say the net caught more bad than good but wanted it to rhyme. Also, thanks! ^.^


 
When I wake in the morning


My thoughts turn to blood


Acid rain and poison blades


Are not company enough


Walking through empty halls


And knowing that they’re mine


Bodies on the floor


My mess is in my mind


This is actually from last year I found it stored in my computer (:'() y me no good at writing no more?

 

[Grey]

You're fourteen; the odds you were ever good are slim. Competent, perhaps. In possession of potential, maybe.


Thankfully you've got literally decades to improve, and hopefully the inclination to do so.