Poetry I was a writer once.


Memorial Mob
I s o l a t i o n

you in there
are you safe in there
wrapped in your blankets
locked in your room
the animals outside
don’t even think of you
afraid of them
them oblivious of you
whimpering infant
swaddled babe
the shadows grow taller
when you become afraid
i thought i was safe
i thought i was safe
but what i fear is no wraith
no burglar breaking down my door
not a knife to the heart
to feel no more
i fear what’s there
looking back in the mirror
there’s something in the eyes
behind my stare it becomes clearer
a beast within
looking to catch
hungry to tear
i’m most afraid when i’m alone
because i’m not me when
i have no mirror
no one to draw
my personality from
when i’m alone
all alone in there
what i really am
i s o l a t i o n
In Your Absence

This was our bed
The depression on the right
Should be filled with your form
I should feel your heat beside me
But the nights are cold now
With tattered sheets
That no longer smell of you

Here is the vanity
Where is your silhouette
In that dusty reflection
No longer do you
Tidy your face as you sit
Your hairbrush lays neglected
I don’t have the will to
Throw it out

This is a mess
I fell apart here without you
My nights are so cold
I reach for you in the dark
I begin to speak
But realize too late
That you no longer hear me
I am alone here
Without you
In the mess I became
In your absence
The Performing Art/Cruel Stage

I came out here into the light.
I unveiled myself before your sight.
I faced you with my truth.
I reached for an embrace that you refused.
I came out here onto the stage.
My peaceful heart now fills with rage!
You feign friendship to protect your peace.
But my refusal is the least
Of your concerns, I care very little.
The stage was weak and oh so brittle.
I’ll steal back the light that you stole!
Shine it here on my burning soul.
Let the flames dance and burn down this house.
The house you made of cards, you louse!
I’m done playing on your stage.
Because it only ever was my cage.
I’m done! I’m done!
Performing used to be so fun!
You sucked it dry of its very life.
In exchange you gave me perpetual strife!
I danced and sang and played for you,
But I was only ever the pitiful fool.
Your fool, I was without even knowing!
But now this is the curtain’s final closing.
I brandish my craft and dance a fine line!
Perhaps in hell we both shall dine.
This burning house shall exchange for another!
Even yet…I still love you, my brother.
When We Were Young

Twiddled thumbs
Hallway bums
Locker hearts
Streetwise smarts
Passing grades
Friendship braids
Shuffled pages
Transient stages
Ringing bells
Inner hells
Passing glances
Timid dances
Folded notes
Exchanged coats
Carried books
Kissing nooks
After hours
Freezing showers
Secret places
Friendly faces
Memories shared
Inseparable pair
Goodbye kiss
Sorely miss

Wanderer will-o'-
The wisp divine
Could you help me
Pass a bit o' time?
I've been lost here in
These woods all day
So it seems that
I will have to stay

By your ethereal
Ghostly light tonight
Might you guide
My fading sight?
I know the way
It can't be far
Tonight you'll be
My guiding star

I cringe to think
What I have in store
When mother sees me
Come through the door
She'll have been up
All the night, you see
Imagining my doom
Oh poor, little me!
I'm sure she'll forgive me
Sometime around noon
But she can't do that
If I'm not back soon

Must hurry, quick, quick!
Let me just hop over this
Mossy stone so slick
No, I've slipped and
I'm falling below!
This bog is swallowing me
In the undertow

Oh help me, somebody
Help me, oh, please!
I'm swallowed up
Past both my knees
Nothing to grab!
No way to break free!
Sinking down, down
It's the end of me!

Will-o' you fiend
O deceiver of Men!
I'm just the latest
Victim to sink in your fen
Up to my breast now
In this ravenous muck
Oh woe is me
What luck! What luck!

My shoulders are under
As I gasp for breath
I can feel dead men's bones
Now pulling me down to my death!
As the muck closes in
Darkening my eyes
The harmless glow of a Will-o'
Marks the place of my demise
Winter's Night in Three Parts

Called on the wind of the tundra's breath
Granted amnesty in summer's death
Stolen light of faded constellation
Behind burning mountains guarding the nation

The one brought in is now going out
A final breath of daylight's clout
Farewell is traded for salutation
The aurora dances for eyes inundated

A crying moon sheds tears of cosmos
Filling the cups from which the gods toast
In the east the Dawn will boast
As the moon becomes another ghost
Dirge of the Dryad

Follow the hills into the woodland tide,
An emerald sea that leaves the city behind.
Tread the path of a dryad's ghost
But tarry not near the scarp by the coast.
There by the cliff sits a cottage with an unstringed bow,
And of the one who wields it, it's best not to know.
Stay light on your feet and fly fast to the copse
That surrounds the grave of an ancient cyclops.
There on the ground is a rare bud of a flower
That only blooms at the top of the hour.
On the eve of a hunter's moon right at midnight
The indigo petals blossom in the fiery moonlight.
It was a gift, you see, from the dryad to the dead.
"A memento for the one I could never see" or so she said.
Unrequited love and a jealous hunter
Caused the night of an irreversible blunder.
An arrow flew true into the eye of the giant,
In whose hands the hunter's bones were soft and compliant.
A dead cyclops and a hunter now crippled,
Must jealousy always end in crimson stipple?
Blood now shed and a dryad's heart broken,
All that was left was her meekest of tokens.
It's said that soon thereafter the dryad's tree
Dried up and died unexpectedly.
A mystery to most but not to us of the forest:
The cause of death was heartbreak first and foremost.
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From the Treetops

When the sun is setting and all you knew
Comes tumbling down in front of you
Come to the woods for a late evening stroll.
Where there are no roads and the only toll
Is the affection you had for what matters most.
Release them into the aether and offer a toast!

The end of the world is a sight to behold
From the branch of what some call "living gold".
The sky flakes away and the Earth is laid bare.
A glow in the distance from a solar flare
Ignites the vanity of the concrete jungle
As spires fall and cities crumble.

You'd shed a tear if you had any left,
But your arboreal perch leaves you rather bereft.
Your last care is now smoldering away.
Perhaps you should leave, but you know that you'll stay.
The cities are burning, and the forest comes after.
Will the page turn? Is there another chapter?

Ah, but these are thoughts for someone who cares.
My soul begins to burn in the late evening air.
From dust to dust and beginning to end
There's nothing left to which I will tend.
Perhaps I'll become the dust of the stars
And travel to places beyond this galaxy of ours.

Tether me, tether me.
Let not the gust take me away.
A storm has come and verily
The night has replaced the day.

The sea churns, and the trees do bend.
The heavens howl with audacious gales.
Through waves of panic my heart will rend
Unless I unfurl my sails.

Cast down the binds and unleash them full!
Catch the tempest and bridle the beast!
All hands on deck: give the anchor a pull!
I'm not going down without a fight at least!

Whited knuckles give the wheel a twist.
The waves have got us off track.
Rocks graze the hull but are mostly missed.
Alright, it's time to get back!

Where's my compass? It knows the way!
Cresting a wave--there's land ahead!
Steady now! This course must stay.
Look alive: you're not yet dead!

Wrestling the waves as I parry the sky,
This isn't my first combat at sea!
A torrent below and a tempest on high,
Trapped twixt quarreling lovers I be.

But, lo, through the squall comes a beam of light.
A lighthouse! Some good news at last!
Avast, there, below the eye's sight:
More rocks be coming up fast!

Turning the wheel as the anchor is tossed,
All close their eyes and brace for impact.
We've reached the end but at what cost?
What price will our journey exact?

Awakened by the kiss of wind and sun,
Not a scratch to be seen on me.
No life was lost save for just one:
The ship was taken by the sea.
Below the Dock

I've been here before
It is known to me
From the shore I step
Onto a dock submerged below
Three inches of water
The water ripples,
Ripples, ripples
Away from me as I walk the dock
Below is the deep
Deep now, not before
I stare into the deep
Did it stare back?
The ripples are waves up here
Below, the sound of water is stifling
To fall in is to surely lose
Myself in that muffled suspension
Of self in the deep
Not me
There down below
A reflection
I stare in, stare down
But I am there
Staring up
Looking out
Peering through the window
Into a place I long to be
If I reach
I can touch the reflection
Touch my self
Enter, or even
Merge with myself
But the self is trapped
Down below
Always down, looking up
Never up, looking down
Is it lonely there in the deep?
Are you lonely?
Am I lonely?
The Dock and the Depths

I am here again
This place, this lake
From the shore it seems so small
But the dock reveals the truth
A hesitant step
And another
The planks are old and worn
But they support me
They always do
The dock takes me out there
Over the water
Above the deep
I am scared of reaching the end
The precipice of the dock
Over the middle of the lake
With every step I hear it
A bubbling of water
A rush of anxiety
The water rises to greet me
"Welcome back"
It rises and swallows the dock
Three inches of water
I know this place
Where I wet my feet
Almost there now
Water is all around me
Already swallowing my steps
Will it swallow me whole this time?
I am at the end
But dare I look into the deep again?
Dare I stare down there
Where the light does not penetrate?
But I must
I cannot breathe for the water about my ankles
My lungs are choked
Strangled by an anxious rope
Down here
Over the edge
I'm here
You are here
I teeter forward ever so cautiously
A gasp releases bubbles towards the surface
As I peer out from under the dock
Staring up
Looking out
I'm drowning
No! I'm on the surface!
The water leeches my air
Suffocating in the dark
Why am I drowning again?
The dock
The water
The deep calls to me
Must I drown to answer that call?

Do you see them?
See them now?
The thousands of satellites
Falling to the ground?
Watch them burn
Through the air
Catching the stars
In their flare

See them change
Look again
Like fallen angels
They descend
Former glories
Left behind
Lost forever
In the race against time

Look once more
A final change
Beast demented
Beast deranged
Senses loss
Inhibitions failing
Like scuttled fish
Bodies flailing
You, Us, and What We Could Have Been

I found you to be something
Worthy of my attention
I wanted you--more than anything
But it's all a mess now
You died and I have vacancy
That was never filled
Except by numbing agents
That made it hurt all the worse
When they wore off
I remember you now
I think of what I had
What we could have had
I miss you
I miss you
I dream of you
Or something like you
So many minutes spent
On phone calls with you
Your voice in my ear
As we picked each other apart
And found out how we fit together
I loved you
I loved you
I miss who I was when I had you
I miss what I was when our future
Was a possibility instead of just
Wishful thinking getting me nowhere
I'm so bitter now with all my regrets
Dragging me down to somewhere
I know I can't stay
What words can I use
To bring you back to me
Is there a magic powerful enough
To raise you from the dead
To extract you from the visions
In my head are dreams of you
Of what you could have been
And it hurts
It hurts
I'm hurting here with these
Haunted midnight meetings
With a ghost that looks like you
I pretend she's you
I want her to be you
I need you
I need you
I've always needed you
Because the loneliness weighs so heavy
On my eyelids drowsy from
Sleepless nights
Restless nights with your ghost
And that phantom cares not for me
Not like you once did
That spirit is a liar
And she's stealing my very vitality
Because all I could fill my vacancy with
Was a cheap mirage
A trick of the mind
To imprison me with the feelings
I never resolved of you
And us
And everything we could have been
I'm furious with myself for being so weak
For not being better than this
And yet I've all but fused to my crutch
It seems I was not strong enough
To be whatever I could have been for you
And I'm sorry, dear
I'm so, so sorry
I never wanted you to die
I never wanted to turn into this
Version of myself that is unworthy of you
Unworthy of those calls we shared
But I can't take it back
And I won't
I refuse to apologize for ever having
Loved you and all of what we were together
I'm sorry that you met your end
But I'm not staying here in this pit
Wallowing in unrequited feelings for you
If the world must turn
And the seasons must pass
Then so to will I turn
And I will pass into a future
Where I can be someone you are
Proud of and I hope you
Can forgive me for that
You were my first love
And I hope to never forget you
But I cannot be held back by my
Memories of you
And us
And what we could have been

Better them than me
I'll just sit here quietly
Alone in my head
Talking with the dead
This is how it must be
There's no one to blame but me
The fault is mine
Though no one can tell me why
But that's alright
My suffering just might
Make things easier for others
Who no longer have mothers
No fathers to love
No guardian looking down from above
They are alone just like me
It was never just 'I' but 'we'
This misery is ours but we do not share
To blame me must be what's fair
Perhaps if I suffer
I can give them a buffer
From whatever god we offended
When the ritual was ended
Though we are safe the night is not over
Not for me: the withered clover
The black spot on a ripened fruit
A white sheet stained with soot
No longer good but to be hidden away
Locked in a drawer to always stay
Rise Up and Walk

An outstretched hand
May you reach for it
From your place on the floor
Paralyzed as you are
I know you've strength enough
For one last fight
Raise thyself
I say
Rise up and walk
Take up the rags you wallow in
Wash yourself in the new day sun
Purify your silhouette
In the gilded rays
Let the radiance
Burn away
Ashes to ashes
Your self of yore
Today is what you are
Now is a chance
One chance
Your chance
Perhaps even the last chance
Again I say
Rise up and walk
Dealings With Neighbors

Familiar streets and familiar faces
Tons of fun hangout places
Alas, they are ruined now
All because THEY came to town
We had fun when it was just US
Same old, same old is always a plus
But now the same just isn't the same
Among our labels there is now a new name
'THEM' we say with disgusted expression
Our former happiness an obligatory concession
Our joy offered up on a silvered platter
While THEY moved in, growing fatter and fatter
Our familiar streets were sized just right
But now they are simply too tight
There is no room here for THEM and US
Were it up to me, they'd be on the next bus
Our pleasant quiet is now just noise
There's too much ruckus to maintain poise
It's THEM, I tell you, THEY are the cause
Why our former joy has been given pause
Oh, make THEM quiet, shut THEM up please!
I'm begging you down on both my knees
I'm the victim here. Can you not see?
THEY must be too loud for you to hear my plea!
I know what I'll do: I have just the trick
I'll poison the water, lickety split!
THEY are the problem and THEY'll reap their reward
Cloak and dagger, my friends, is more effective than swords.
Dreaming to Find

Sometimes at night
I like to dream
About fantastical things
And places unseen
I'm looking for something
In those visions
I search through caves
And lofty villas
Have I found it?
I cannot say
But my longing only
Makes me stay
Brings me back
The following day
I awake to life
But only live in my dreams
I live to search
For this unseen thing
Is it a person?
Is it a thing?
Is it a lover?
Can you tell me?
Tonight it's a mountain
Tomorrow, the sky
I'll crawl
Then I'll walk
Perhaps then I will fly
I hope that dying
Feels a lot like dreaming
You close your eyes
Breathe steady and slow
Count something precious
Then away you go
Awakened to a dream
Where everything is new
And sitting beside you
Or there in your hand
Is what you've been
Dreaming to find

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