love yourself
tech week will devour my non-existent soul
I wait anxiously at the bus stop; the rain pitter patters on the sidewalk. The night is dull, notwithstanding the streetlights illuminating the roads up. I was anticipating for a good and old friend of mine; he said he would arrive at the bus stop. The current time is 11:32 P.M., and I can't tell if he will come along or not. I could mumble things under my breath, about how much I enjoy being around him, how much I love him. Plus, he wouldn’t recognize a word, because he doesn’t understand Korean. That’s a tip for me, because there’s also no way he knows that I, Tobias Dominguez, am homosexual for my genuine friend, Nathaniel Shelpin.
Sailing my fingers through my dark and short umber brown hair, the strips of orchid purple combining with my original hair tone. My head clustered with the attention of Nathaniel, with his charcoal black hair, lightly tanned skin, his sweet voice, and his Sacramento green eyes....everything about him was magnificent. Nate was the only person that truly understood me. But, I can't tell him that I cherish him, because Nathaniel Shelpin is not gay.
People have been shuffling past me, clutching clear, plastic bubble umbrellas, infrequently glimpsing over at me. I shyly grasped my shadow gray beanie, and stretched it out onto my head. I felt their judgment nearly radiating off of them. It was as if their stare was burning into me.
"난 정말 당신을 좋아해요. (I really like you)" I murmured to myself. I sense my chest loosening as I spoke those words. Nate glanced up at me from his laptop, and delivered me a look of uncertainty.
"What was that, Toby?" He questioned, an interest sparkling in his eyes. I knew my chest clenched up when he asked me that question. I can't tell him what I said, though.
"It's just, a Korean thing, Nate." I hesitate with my words, responding as if I was overwhelmed. I'm talking with my best friend, for crying out loud. How can I be overwhelmed? "You wouldn't recognize it."
He nodded in doubt, and peered back down at his laptop. After a few seconds of silence between the two of us, he commenced back to his typing. I sighed once he was concentrated on his work. Glancing back down in my own lap, all I had was a plain sketchbook and a couple of pencils. The current sketch page was open to a self-portrait, which was still in the early works. I've been working on this for about two or three days.
The reason I'm here with Nate is that after middle school, he got accepted into an advanced high school while my parents made me go to a public one. The reason I didn't go to the fancy school was that I wasn't accepted in. Ever since our school separation, we haven't talked as much as we used to.
"Hey, Nate, have you made any new friends?" I asked, trying to get rid of the dreadful silence that lingered in the room. I also wanted to know how Nate was getting by without me at his new school.
Nate didn't look up from his computer, but answered my question anyway. "Yeah, I met a few new people. There's Rowan-he's planning to do computer science in college," He started, and didn't hesitate to continue, "Then Dakota-she's a nice girl. She lent me one of her pens."
I listened to him as he continued on, listing an abundance of names ranging from Danaë, Bryan, and Ysabella. One name that caught my attention, however, was Eden. "Yeah, Eden is just great. She changed a lot from last year," Nate started, and I clenched my jaw, "she's a lot cuter than she used to be, and she's nicer, too."
"That's great, Nate. I'm glad you're making friends." I smile politely, and think to myself, 그녀는 구멍에서 죽을 수 있습니다. (She can die in a hole.)
"Well, what about you now, Toby?" He asked, gazing up from his screen for a split second. Our eyes connected for a rash moment, and my ears burned. "Have you made any new friends yet?"
"I haven't made any new friends. Still stuck with the same bunch," I lied. "you know, like Morgan, Pia, Seymour...all of them." In reality, they left me for other people because being gay is a virus. It wasn't like they knew I was gay, though. Right?
"나는 느끼는 법을 모른다, 엄마. (I don't know how to feel, Mom)" I started, sitting in the dining room. "나는이 에덴 소녀가 싫다. 이해하니? (I just hate this Eden girl. Do you understand?)"
My mom sighs wearily, and replies to me from the kitchen, "에덴은 여자이기 때문에 그것이 나다니엘과의 우정의 종말이라는 의미는 아닙니다. (Just because Eden is a woman, it doesn't mean that it's the end of your friendship with Nathaniel)" I roll my eyes at her, but she continues. "그는 여전히 당신의 친구가 될 것입니다. (He will still be your friend)"
"당신이 나를 이해하지 못한다. (You don't understand me)"
"너는 내 아들이다. 물론, 나는 이해할 것이다. (You are my son. Of course, I will understand)"
"아니 넌 안 그럴 걸. (No, you will not)"
"세상에, 너 너무 복잡해! (Oh my God, you're too complicated!)" She cried in defeat, and went back to whatever she was doing in the kitchen. At least I got her off of my back. And she doesn't know I'm homosexual. Yet.
I took my sketchbook from my space blue messenger bag, which I painted with white paint to make it look like a starry night sky. I open up to a new page, and take a pencil out of my bag as well. Speechlessly, I start to sketch on the sheet. Clearly, I don't have a clue for what I'm picturing to put on the paper.
My mind is gradually going blank, and I feel really anxious now. I don't know what to draw, yet I have my sketchbook open. I can't just have it open for no reason. That would cause me to look very dumb. I looked up at my mom, and she gives me a look of doubt.
"뭐하고 있니? (What are you doing?)" She inquires, paying attention to whatever she is doing in the kitchen. My Egyptian blue optics glance down at the paper.
"나는 그림이다. (I am drawing.)" I reply back, starting to sketch out a person.
"네이트? (Nate?)"
"예. (Yes.)"
Sailing my fingers through my dark and short umber brown hair, the strips of orchid purple combining with my original hair tone. My head clustered with the attention of Nathaniel, with his charcoal black hair, lightly tanned skin, his sweet voice, and his Sacramento green eyes....everything about him was magnificent. Nate was the only person that truly understood me. But, I can't tell him that I cherish him, because Nathaniel Shelpin is not gay.
People have been shuffling past me, clutching clear, plastic bubble umbrellas, infrequently glimpsing over at me. I shyly grasped my shadow gray beanie, and stretched it out onto my head. I felt their judgment nearly radiating off of them. It was as if their stare was burning into me.
"난 정말 당신을 좋아해요. (I really like you)" I murmured to myself. I sense my chest loosening as I spoke those words. Nate glanced up at me from his laptop, and delivered me a look of uncertainty.
"What was that, Toby?" He questioned, an interest sparkling in his eyes. I knew my chest clenched up when he asked me that question. I can't tell him what I said, though.
"It's just, a Korean thing, Nate." I hesitate with my words, responding as if I was overwhelmed. I'm talking with my best friend, for crying out loud. How can I be overwhelmed? "You wouldn't recognize it."
He nodded in doubt, and peered back down at his laptop. After a few seconds of silence between the two of us, he commenced back to his typing. I sighed once he was concentrated on his work. Glancing back down in my own lap, all I had was a plain sketchbook and a couple of pencils. The current sketch page was open to a self-portrait, which was still in the early works. I've been working on this for about two or three days.
The reason I'm here with Nate is that after middle school, he got accepted into an advanced high school while my parents made me go to a public one. The reason I didn't go to the fancy school was that I wasn't accepted in. Ever since our school separation, we haven't talked as much as we used to.
"Hey, Nate, have you made any new friends?" I asked, trying to get rid of the dreadful silence that lingered in the room. I also wanted to know how Nate was getting by without me at his new school.
Nate didn't look up from his computer, but answered my question anyway. "Yeah, I met a few new people. There's Rowan-he's planning to do computer science in college," He started, and didn't hesitate to continue, "Then Dakota-she's a nice girl. She lent me one of her pens."
I listened to him as he continued on, listing an abundance of names ranging from Danaë, Bryan, and Ysabella. One name that caught my attention, however, was Eden. "Yeah, Eden is just great. She changed a lot from last year," Nate started, and I clenched my jaw, "she's a lot cuter than she used to be, and she's nicer, too."
"That's great, Nate. I'm glad you're making friends." I smile politely, and think to myself, 그녀는 구멍에서 죽을 수 있습니다. (She can die in a hole.)
"Well, what about you now, Toby?" He asked, gazing up from his screen for a split second. Our eyes connected for a rash moment, and my ears burned. "Have you made any new friends yet?"
"I haven't made any new friends. Still stuck with the same bunch," I lied. "you know, like Morgan, Pia, Seymour...all of them." In reality, they left me for other people because being gay is a virus. It wasn't like they knew I was gay, though. Right?
"나는 느끼는 법을 모른다, 엄마. (I don't know how to feel, Mom)" I started, sitting in the dining room. "나는이 에덴 소녀가 싫다. 이해하니? (I just hate this Eden girl. Do you understand?)"
My mom sighs wearily, and replies to me from the kitchen, "에덴은 여자이기 때문에 그것이 나다니엘과의 우정의 종말이라는 의미는 아닙니다. (Just because Eden is a woman, it doesn't mean that it's the end of your friendship with Nathaniel)" I roll my eyes at her, but she continues. "그는 여전히 당신의 친구가 될 것입니다. (He will still be your friend)"
"당신이 나를 이해하지 못한다. (You don't understand me)"
"너는 내 아들이다. 물론, 나는 이해할 것이다. (You are my son. Of course, I will understand)"
"아니 넌 안 그럴 걸. (No, you will not)"
"세상에, 너 너무 복잡해! (Oh my God, you're too complicated!)" She cried in defeat, and went back to whatever she was doing in the kitchen. At least I got her off of my back. And she doesn't know I'm homosexual. Yet.
I took my sketchbook from my space blue messenger bag, which I painted with white paint to make it look like a starry night sky. I open up to a new page, and take a pencil out of my bag as well. Speechlessly, I start to sketch on the sheet. Clearly, I don't have a clue for what I'm picturing to put on the paper.
My mind is gradually going blank, and I feel really anxious now. I don't know what to draw, yet I have my sketchbook open. I can't just have it open for no reason. That would cause me to look very dumb. I looked up at my mom, and she gives me a look of doubt.
"뭐하고 있니? (What are you doing?)" She inquires, paying attention to whatever she is doing in the kitchen. My Egyptian blue optics glance down at the paper.
"나는 그림이다. (I am drawing.)" I reply back, starting to sketch out a person.
"네이트? (Nate?)"
"예. (Yes.)"
~
Words: 1,099
Words: 1,099
