I Am The Universe

[Kasper]

I am the universe.


I am abstract.


I am a collection of nothings and everythings.


My very being is a quantam equation,


Drowned in emotion


while being completely numb


Longing for a good life


and also for the sweet serenity that is death.


I am not a solid structure


but rather a blur of colour and motion


Whose beauty is undermined by many


and cast out by most.


But still I stay true to my own colours,


even if I don't particularly fancy the painting.


My colours are vast


and individually very beautiful.


I am working on seeing them as they are--


blended and confusing and unclear--


and seeing that as beautiful.


I am abstract.


I am the universe.


I am the universe.


I am woven with the threads of existence


and infinity.


I am at my beginning,


small and undeveloped


with the capability for so much.


One day I will erupt


in a brilliant display of power,


displaying myself boldly and spectacularly


But for now I hold it within,


my potential growing and growing


until something within me happens just right


and I can truly blossom.


I will use my power to build myself up


until I don't have to try anymore.


They say I will get so big


that I will destroy myself,


crushing myself back down to nothing


To less than nothing.


But I think that's happened before,


because I am nothing at the moment


And nothingness has never been so valuable.


I am woven with the threads of existence


and infinity.


I am the universe.


I am the universe.


I am beautifully unaware of myself


while creating something even more fantastic


Than my destiny tells me I can be


Because I am nebulae and galaxies


and starts and planets


and vast expanses of so-called "emptiness"


That is really filled


with gorgeous, deep, silken black.


I am the stars aligned,


the pure work of billions of subatomic particles


buzzing about frantically with their errands,


not even knowing what those errands are--


Just knowing that what they are doing


is what they *must* do.


I am the miracle of life


and the beauty of death


and the thrill of everything in between.


I am the mystery of what comes before birth


and the fear of what comes after dying.


I am the cosmos looking at its own reflection


Observing itself


Knowing itself


Being itself


I am massive, yet so, so small


but I question my worth


every time I dare to glance at the fibers


That hold together the fabric of my being.


I am eternity;


I am the clock which sits unnoticed


until I am needed,


or when boredom strikes and I become a last resort


To lessen the loneliness.


But the truth is,


I am loneliness.


I am a broken heart,


my blood seeping into all that is.


I am the tears welling in the eyes


of the kid down the street


Who has no choice


but to take a blade to his skin


just to breathe again.


I am his breath.


I am the ground beneath him


and the sky above him.


I am the face he sees in the mirror;


I am the hatred he sees when he looks at it.


I am the love in his soul


The blood in his veins


The scent of his skin


The beating of his heart


I am his heart.


I am the universe.

 

[KnightofShadows]

The truth and beauty of all you share here, is indeed a reflection of the Universe, of yourself. You are vast, beautiful, terrible and unknowable, yet I know you as I know myself, and I embrace every shadow of your truth.

 

[Grey]

Not the worst first draft, but it's in dire need of work. Structurally a bit of a mess, possibly overlong, and utterly lacking in prosody.


Thematically more interesting than a lot of what I see, but it's just... ugly. Word choice is lacking, and if the language wasn't so simple it'd border on pretentious (although if you can't be pretentious in poetry, what's the point?).


As I often find myself saying, more discipline and practice are necessary. You've got an opportunity to do something great with this, it just needs to be refined.

 

[Kasper]

@Grey while I appreciate your comments and critiques, I'm actually extremely proud of this poem and I'm not interested in changing it. This is my writing style, and I happen to like it. I respect that you don't, but I am not changing it. This poem means something to me.

 

[Grey]

Fair enough. I just hope you learned something for future efforts.

 

[Kasper]

I don't think there's anything that I can learn from traits that I don't value, but thank you for the effort and the time you took to read it.

 

[Grey]

So... you don't value rhyme, metre, euphony, effective communication, impact, or structure?


I can see you value metaphor. What other traits do you consider valuable?


I am intensely curious.

 

[Kasper]

I value emotion, metaphor, lively reading (this is more of one to be read aloud), and being able to pride myself on work. It's fine if you don't feel any of that, because right now I'm just trying to find a way to write that satisfies my needs.


Honestly, I don't really care whether you even classify this as poetry. It holds meaning for me, as free-form usually does. I do value your opinion, it just doesn't matter to me as much as mine.

 

[Grey]

As long as it works for you. From an outside perspective, I think it doesn't really hit the mark in those arenas, either. The elements I mentioned are tools to assist you in that endeavour.


But now I understand your intent; best of luck going forward and thank you for engaging honestly.