How to Lose a Friendship((in 3 words or less))(ft. Zai & Gar)

[RubyRose]

Scenario: After that disastrous confession, Gar needs to get things cleared up between himself and Zai
Time: After the Zombie mob attack but before attacking Nimbasa
Location: Nightmare's Base of Operation


Now that the adrenaline was gone... now that the fight was over... now that their lives were no longer in danger Gar realized the absolutely colossal mistake he had made. All of the signs of Zai's disinterest were there, of course. Weren't they? He certainly hadn't returned Gar's lovestruck words, nor had he responded in anything outside of 'this isn't the time'. Which, he was right. A fight was not the time to confess to someone... but Gar had been so sure they were going to die he wanted to get the weight off his chest. And of course, the weight did leave... until now. It felt like fear was trying to crush the life out of him, that weight having returned to his chest in full force and then some.


The hard part, of course, was finding Zai. Then the really hard part came along. Confronting him. Every step felt heavy, like he had ten ton weights strapped to his feet. He didn't want to continue, but he had to continue. He wanted Zai to love him, but if the man couldn't to at least still care for him. Zai was the only one in the group who gave him half the time of day. Who made Gar feel like he wasn't just a pain in the ass. And now he may have lost that. Face already 3 shades darker then usual, Gar marched right up to Zai and... spent an absurdly long time mouthing words but unable to say anything. 


Finally, Gar seemed to remember himself. "Zai... I have something I need to talk to you about." 


@SirBlazeALot

 

[SirBlazeALot]

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]For Zai, inner peace isn’t something that one simply achieves. It must be actively pursued like a lion chasing a zebra. He hadn’t talked about it to anyone, but the entire trip to Nimbasa was a lot more taxing than he had let on, and it had strengthened how much he disliked Delilah. Whether or not she saw scouting out Nimbasa as a death trap and purposely sent him and Victor for whatever reason was certainly debatable. The fact was that it turned out to be a death trap. There was no one to really confide these feelings in at the time. Victor was Delilah obsessed, and Zai wouldn’t dare come off as anything less than tranquil in the presence of Devon or anyone else that looked up to him. Of course, his strength and will to survive triumphed over every obstacle that he’d faced yesterday and today, and for that he thanked Arceus. But even Zai needed a moment to let off some steam.[/SIZE]


 

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Even if he wasn’t tired from running from a horde and then proceeding to fight off that horde, Zai still would have chosen meditation as his go to stress reliever. That was the most efficient way to hunt the ever illusive zebra that was inner peace. And boy had he achieved it. He sat cross legged in the gym in the center of a boxing ring with his eyes shut and his back to the entrance. He’d been in this position since the battle with the horde ended and he had completely lost track of time while he’d been there. It could have been hours, it could have been minutes. Regardless of how long it was, he now felt much more like himself. At peace. [/SIZE]


 

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]When Gar entered, he heard someone come in through the door, and though he knew not who was behind him, he knew they were there and standing very close to him. He could feel the shift in energy. There was tension, whoever it was, and when the person finally spoke he understood why. His eyes opened slowly and he turned around to face Gar with a typically tranquil smile. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“Hello my friend,” [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]he greeted him smoothly and stood up to face him. He leaned on the ropes of the ring, and added, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“Yeah, we should have a chat shouldn’t we? About what you said.” [/SIZE]


 

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Zai had been thinking about Gar’s confession as he meditated, and he already knew what he wanted to say to the man. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“I’m sorry for not coming to you sooner. I needed some time to myself to recover from the trip. I didn’t say anything during the fight because I would rather have this conversation under… well...”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai stood up straight and motioned to the empty gym with his arms.[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] “Under conditions like this. I’m not in love with you my friend.”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] As blunt as it was, Zai said the words gently and calmly. Without voicing his opinion on homosexuality, he explained as he leaned back on the ropes, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“I’m not gay. At a time in my life I thought I might be, or maybe that everyone could be, but I’m not. I could say I appreciate your feelings, but I think that someone who truly appreciates your feelings would return them, wouldn’t you agree?”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]  [/SIZE]


((Jesus I feel like I haven't written for Zai since the update what the heck XD))

 

[RubyRose]

/monthly_2016_04/-16Gar.jpg.14368ae19ec0c86291c59548dc7430a1.jpgZai looked so damn calm; just like a living statue. Even though tranquility seemed to radiate from him in waves, Gar couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. He was so tightly strung he was actually afraid he might just snap. Then again, that harsh feeling almost melted away when Zai turned to look at him. Just seeing this man, meeting eyes with him; it almost made Gar want to be a better person. Just to have Zai's approval. It was ridiculous and as soon as Gar thought it he felt pretty damn lame. 


That Zai knew immediately why he had come to speak with him didn't surprise Gar, but still made him unhappy. He didn't know what to say in response, and so he just stood and listened as the man he adored above everyone else ripped apart the one dream Gar had. It was almost like he could feel his mind shutting down, those old barriers that he used against everyone else attempting to rise even against Zai. And he said everything so smoothly; there was such an ease and kindness in his words. It just struck Gar harder. Feeling his knees go a little weak, Gar moved to lean up against the edge of the wrestling box a few feet away from Zai to try and play off how weak he was feeling. Taking his usual cool guy pose, Gar shrugged. 


"It's whatever." He tried to play off but his voice cracked, deciding answering Zai's question honestly was a waste of time. Because Zai might have been right. This moment was really hurting his image but Gar knew no one really cared anyway. "I just wanna know one thing, man." Gar said, taking a deep breath. He glared down at the floor, brows furrowed over his eyes and actually giving him a menacing look. "Why the fuck do you give me the time of day if you don't care?" Because loving someone and caring for them were interchangeable words in Gar's mind. "Why even bother with me? No one else gives a flying fuck about me -Actually I'm pretty sure they all want to see me dead- but you actually seemed to care." 


@SirBlazeALot

 

[SirBlazeALot]

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Zai found himself pleasantly surprised by how Gar reacted. Not to say that he was getting his jollies from breaking the man’s heart, in fact the opposite was true. He just expected way worse of a reaction. Such as denial. That he hadn’t meant what he said and he was just out of his mind due to the stress of the situation. But now that Zai had some time to think about it, the confession explained a lot of Gar’s actions. What particularly stuck out was his outburst at the infirmary when Zai expressed interest in Dustin. When he played the moment back in his head, he found himself mentally slapping his forehead at how blind he had been, and even worse, how insensitive he had been to his friend. He truly never would have guessed that Gar would be into someone like him. In the past, when Zai was more similar to the foul mouthed scout then he could certainly see it. He always imagined that Gar fancied himself with someone equally as edgy as him. In truth, he had speculated that his hatred for Freddie might just be a mask for the affection he truly wanted to show the woman. Now he understood how off base he was. [/SIZE]


 

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Aside from denial, he was mostly expecting the man to leave in a fit of rage with the brand of pain that can only be supplied by unrequited love. So when Gar instead chose to converse, Zai couldn’t help but feel relieved. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“Of course my friend, ask me anything. I am an open book,” [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]he replied when Gar asked him if he could ask him a question. Zai sat on the edge of the ring and rested his head in his arms on the lower of the two ropes. The question didn’t surprise him at all, Gar always struck him as someone who didn’t receive enough love and attention, so he acted out to get [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]something [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]out of people. Even if their reactions were negative. So of course he would think that someone who treated him with respect must have powerful feelings for him. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“Because I [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]do[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] care, my friend,”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai answered with a small shrug. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“Just not in that way. Love comes in many flavors my friend, romantic isn’t the only one. ”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai squeezed his shoulder as he elaborated. [/SIZE]


 

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“People don’t understand the value of an individual. I count myself as blessed to have met you and everyone I’ve ever met - even those I’ve killed - because we’re all one of a kind. There’s something to love and respect about everyone you meet my friend. People refuse to recognize this fundamental truth because it makes them feel guilty. It’s easier to pick out the faults in others and find reasons to hate them, so that they can be used to justify the heinous acts we commit against one another, be it physically, emotionally, or spiritually. You’re prickly, crass, and a bully. But you’re also intelligent, passionate, comedic, resourceful, and fiercely loyal to those you care about. There’s a lot to love and respect about you if one bothers to look deeper than the surface. Those that don’t are simply afraid of what they’ll find. Afraid that you’ll shatter their perception and force them to think in a different way. Possibly even awaken thoughts that they’ve been trying to bury for years.”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai slid out from under the ring and stretched his arms, having been sitting in the same position for quite some time. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“But this is no world for cowards, my friend. So I guess the long and short of it is, I’m simply not afraid of you or anyone else. And if you’re not my enemy, then you’re my friend. And friends care for one another.”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]   [/SIZE]

 

[RubyRose]

/monthly_2016_04/-16Gar.jpg.14368ae19ec0c86291c59548dc7430a1.jpgZai was an open book; he had always seemed so open with Gar. Even when everyone else made it obvious that they thought Gar was a waste of time, Zai had spoken to him and treated him like a worthwhile being. Sensations flooded Gar and he wasn't sure what to do. He was torn with the need to cry, to run, and to hit something. Keeping his eyes on the floor, he scowled even more to try and take his mind off of the burn in his eyes. He should have known from the beginning it was either pity or because Zai had nothing better to do then string him along. Because love didn't exist. It was a stupid idea that Gar had allowed himself to believe for a fair while. He should have known better. 


The touch to his shoulder quelled the violent thoughts, but built the sadness and the hurt from Zai's lack of interest in him. All that talk about what he was good at... it didn't even sound like him. Prickly, crass, a bully... Gar could believe that. But intelligent? Passionate? Comedic? Zai saw things in him that weren't even there, and yet still didn't love him. 


The words that usually inspired Gar were really only annoying and Gar exhaled heavily, looking up at the ceiling  and then back at the floor. "Doesn't fucking help me much, does it." The man said, mouth twisted with unhappiness. There's so much to respect and love in you, Gar. That's why everyone hates your guts and wants you dead. Why Delilah wouldn't bat an eyelash if you died and why Zai has to use his Buddha speak to reject you. His glare at the floor turned a little watery, and the scene blurred a bit around him. "Friend, huh... I don't believe in that. Friends.... love... they're fairytales that the weak come up with. I'm not weak and I'm not a coward and I don't fucking need you." Pain turned to anger and Gar began to bubble with rage, bringing his fist down hard on the stage as he tried to deny how much this was hurting him. It was so hard to shut down how he was feeling, though. Because he was feeling. He had no control and he couldn't stop it. A tear slid down his cheek as he slammed his fist down on the stage again, and then again. The sting no where near the one he felt in his chest.


@SirBlazeALot 

 

[SirBlazeALot]

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Zai frowned slightly as Gar pounded his fist and began to cry. Ironically if only he could see how week he truly looked and sounded right now. This would surely be an embarrassing moment when he recalled it in the future.[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] “If that’s how you feel then I doubt I can convince you otherwise my friend. I keep many friends and my enemies are no longer breathing. You must think I’m quite weak and cowardly, yes?”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] he responded with a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. It wasn’t in his nature to be sarcastic, but he couldn’t help but point out the flaw in Gar’s childish thought patterns. He didn’t want to give off the vibe that he was giving up on him but he also didn’t want to force his ideals upon him. Zai pondered the predicament for a few moments before nodding.[/SIZE]


 

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]He tapped Gar on the shoulder and preemptively said, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“When you have a clearer head, you’ll regret saying what you’ve said, and you’ll feel the need to apologize. You may not because your nature simply doesn’t allow for honesty over pride, so just know that you’ve already been forgiven, my friend. Don’t let it trouble you. However, there are better things in here to punch than the floor my friend.”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai slid out from under the ring and disappeared for a moment only to return with punching pads on each hand. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“You’ve got some emotions to work out.” [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Zai clapped the pads together and added, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“Surely a brave one like yourself will face them and fight through them. Or will you run away like the coward you claim not to be?”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai stood in the middle of the ring and stood in the horse stance with the pads raised and ready. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“Show us who you truly are.”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] [/SIZE]

 

[RubyRose]

/monthly_2016_04/-16Gar.jpg.14368ae19ec0c86291c59548dc7430a1.jpgOf course Gar didn't think Zai either weak, or cowardly. But he wasn't going to admit that. He also wasn't going to tell the man that he was weak and cowardly, though; in fact he was a little to distraught to do much more then listen and attempt to get his emotions back into the box they belonged in. Gar didn't lift his head, bowed as he was no, but his eye did move to look at Zai from the corner of his eye. I'm forgiven. It was an odd thing to say, but it was also very Zai. It was awful, warring with himself. He just wanted to shut down, and yet Zai managed to keep him from doing that. Just by being himself. 


When he next looked up, he was offered away out of his inner war. At least for a little while. Dealing with rejection? Gar didn't know shit about that. But fighting? Fighting was something Gar knew. The taunt wasn't even necessary, though it nailed the last nail into the coffin of Gar's decision. Pushing to his feet completely now, he took a long moment to look at what was being offered. That need to expel his emotions in violence grew, and he wrapped his hands in tape before facing Zai, dropping into a fighting stance. "I'm not a coward." He grumbled, before throwing a punch at one of the punching pads. 


Gar's fighting style was far from refined. He was a scrapper; he used every trick in the book to win a fight, not a well styled and organized punch. That being said, his skills had improved with a couple lessons from Zai and practicing on his own. Still, that edge of chaos was there as he continued to swing. But the more he attacked, the more he despaired. "I don't understand. Why are you doing this?" He grunted between swings. "You say you care, but don't love me. How is it different? Why don't you just hate me like everyone else?" Gar's emotions were a whirlwind; a rollercoaster of twists and turns. The rejection and denial twisted with curiosity and a desire to know, sprinkled with rage and depression. It was a wonder Gar was still functioning at all. 


@SirBlazeALot((I hope I understand that right, Blaze. If not, let me know; I'll rewrite it )) 

 

[SirBlazeALot]

 

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Zai furrowed his brow at the question, and grunted softly as each of Gar’s punches thundered against the pads and reverberated throughout the empty gym. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“I don’t know how to explain this to you any better than I already have! Please forgive me but I must answer your question with another question my friend!”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai paused as he gathered the words momentarily.[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] “Why do you believe that if you are not loved romantically then you must be hated? Surely you know that the world is not so black and white!” [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]He wasn’t going to say this out loud but it was quite the pitiful viewpoint to have. And he was sure that whatever caused Gar to develop this viewpoint had been painful for him. Had he truly lived his entire lifetime believing that [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]everyone [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]hated him? If so, it would explain why he was such a jerk to everyone. He automatically assumed everyone hated him and so he did things to them to perpetuate those feelings. It had become a self fulfilling prophecy. And Zai knew he was one of the few -- maybe even the only -- Nightmare to treat Gar like… well, a friend.  [/SIZE]


 

 

[RubyRose]

/monthly_2016_04/-16Gar.jpg.14368ae19ec0c86291c59548dc7430a1.jpgHis punches, though a little erratic, had continued to hit the gloves with as much power as Gar could muster. He remembered the feeling of punching someone in the face, the feeling of triumph when they stopped looking at him with loathing and instead looked at him with fear. Though neither was good, fear granted him a heady sense of power. When Zai asked his question, though, Gar missed the pad entirely and almost toppled over from the momentum of his blow. Straightening up, he stared hard at Zai. 


"Of course the world is that black and white. It's always been that way." He said, remembering the hatred he faced even as a child. The look he gave Zai wasn't a scowl, wasn't a look of loathing. Just a look of 'how could you not know that.' For Gar it was as if Zai were questioning whether getting punched hurt, or whether Gar was actually gay. Things that were so real to Gar he could practically touch seemed hard to explain to other people because he didn't understand how people didn't just know. The world, even when they had claimed to love him, had turned it's back at him at every point. He actually shouldn't have been surprised when the one person he thought loved him actually did not. He should have seen that coming the entire time. 


"Even my family, who tolerated the things wrong with me for years... even they turned their backs on me. They tried to kill me when they found out I liked men." Gar said. There was no venom in his tone, for once. Only acceptance. A bleak understanding that there was something wrong with him, and that other's had a right to hate him. A right before he even gave them a reason. "And they used to say they loved me. I thought maybe romantic love would be strong enough, ya know? Shoulda known better." Gar replied, unable to help spilling his guts to Zai. It was just something the other man had about him. Something that made Gar trust him absolutely, so that his tongue would flap about things he had never told another soul. That his own family had tried to kill him slipped so easily, when that was something Gar had personally never even whispered about to another living being. 


@SirBlazeALot

 

[SirBlazeALot]

 

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Zai stood up straight from his horse stance and listened carefully as Gar recovered himself. He cocked his head at the strange expression Gar had given him, as if the answer to his question was obvious. And when he explained, it all made sense why.[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] “That’s terrible, my friend,”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] he replied with genuine sadness.[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] “Unconditional love exists only in the heart of the Great One. But even [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]He[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] is cruel. He is benevolent enough to grant us the many pleasures of the world, but cruel enough to give each of them a price. Perfect balance. Perfect neutrality.”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai sighed and leaned against the ropes of the ring.[/SIZE]


 

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“I don’t mean to get preachy. It’s just that your story is all too familiar. I wasn’t always the person I am today, Gar.”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai wasn’t particularly open about his past either, beyond that he was on his way to helping others curb their addictions.[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] “I used to be completely out of control. And when I needed it the most, it seemed like my family suddenly didn’t love me anymore. Love isn’t what they make it seem in fairy tales Gar. Even if I did love you romantically, there’s no telling for how long. Or how long you’ll even love me. People move on with time, and stay together only because they’re afraid to be apart. They become weak without each other.”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai sighed and clapped the pads together and resumed the horse stance. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“And now they’re all dead. And if not, then it will only be a matter of time.” [/SIZE]

 

[RubyRose]

/monthly_2016_04/-16Gar.jpg.14368ae19ec0c86291c59548dc7430a1.jpgTo hear Zai mention that 'Unconditional Love' -which Gar took to be the love that was so desperately wanting, or at least the love Zai thought he needed- would only come from the 'Great One'... well that was more depressing then his story in Gar's eyes. Mostly because he wasn't religious. He had never really believed in the Great One after all the hatred towards him started, although he had given it a shot for Zai once. He found he just couldn't believe in a being that would make other beings have such a miserable existence. And it was always so annoying hearing people go on about how 'The Great One' had blessed them and that's why they had had a good day or 'Arceus' was looking out for them which is why they survived an otherwise fatal accident. It was all bull to Gar. All a bunch of made up fairy tales people told each other to feel better about their own miserable lives. Of course he wasn't going to say that to Zai. 


The one thing Gar had hoped for, truly, was a few days or maybe even a week of knowing what real love was. He was aware of how short this new existence was... but he had wanted to know what it meant to actually be loved, even for a short while. It was a dream to think it was endless. It was a dream to think it even existed. "For all your endless wisdom, Zai, that's pretty damn Morbid." Gar said with a laugh, falling back on a normal attitude. Because hearing the man he had worshipped for so long dash his last hopes with such calmly spoken words... it was like a joke. A huge shitty joke that the universe was playing on him. "And that's coming from the guy who's pretty damn certain Love doesn't exist anymore. How do you keep living if those are your real beliefs? And how do you explain your shadow? You can't deny you care for her, and some of the people here... what are you going to do when they die?" He said, before starting to attack the pads with his less then refined punches once more. 


@SirBlazeALot

 

[SirBlazeALot]

 

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]He chuckled modestly when Gar referred to him as endlessly wise. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“I wouldn’t go that far my friend. Only Arceus is infinitely wise. The rest of us just do what we can.”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] As Gar resumed punching the pads, Zai shrugged and answered,[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] “When they die, they die. A tender kiss from a lover won’t cure a zombie bite or a bullet to the lung.”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai began to elaborate on his point of view. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“Of course I still [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]care[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] for Devyn. I care for her, you, McSkitty, Freddie, Victor, Glynis, Roscoe, Floyd, Dustin, and many more as well. And it’s not just because I actually like you guys. It’s because all of us work together to survive. It isn’t so complicated really. We all contribute to each others’ continued well being because we’re all capable people. It would be detrimental to[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] not [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]care about any of them, wouldn’t you agree? As long as my friends remain capable, then I have every reason to keep them alive and happy for as long as possible, and they will do the same for me. But if all of you were legless, mentally retarded, or obese? Then I wouldn’t care what happens to any of you. I wouldn’t feed any of you, I wouldn’t risk my life for any of you, I wouldn’t let you anywhere near the medicine if one of you got sick. Protecting others just because you like them or you[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] love[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] them would only be delaying the process of natural selection. People who are in love protect each other no matter what, even if they know their lover, family member, or friend are simply living on borrowed time, and I know from experience that that can get you killed right along with them. If Devyn loses both of her arms tomorrow, then I’ll kill her myself. And because she understands the world we live in, she would probably ask me to put her down herself.”[/SIZE]

 

[RubyRose]

/monthly_2016_04/-16Gar.jpg.14368ae19ec0c86291c59548dc7430a1.jpgWhile Gar listened, he continued to attack the punching pads. What Zai was saying caught Gar entirely off guard. He made it sound like he could cope with losing any of them, despite claiming to care for them. Was this really the man he had been infatuated with for so long? The worst part was despite Zai's denial and his own, he still felt a strong pull towards the other man. He would still be devastated if Zai died, and though he wouldn't openly admit it he would still step in and help when and where he could if this man only asked. Sweat began to drip down his temples while he worked, absorbing Zai's words and trying to come to terms with them. "So your caring for people is more about self gain through their survival instead of you seeing them as other people? Geez man, you're worse then me." Gar said with a humorless chuckle. "She probably wouldn't even ask. She'd take care of it herself." He added with a particularly harsh punch. "Here's my heads up. I don't want you shooting me unless I turn into one of those things. If I end up armless, I'll find another way to survive. Don't worry, though; Considering losing my arms will be the end of our friendship I'll make sure to leave you be." He added, tone a little harsh but also edged with the dark humor he usually had. "I realize why I liked you so much now. It wasn't just that you treated me decently... you're a survivor and I respect that." He said before finally straightening up. He was done. "Unfortunately for me, I don't get to pick who I love and who I don't and even if that word is just a fantasy, I feel compelled to be yours in whatever way you need me. Even if it's just someone to help keep your ass unbitten." 

 

[SirBlazeALot]

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Zai cocked his head. Now Gar would find that he was being looked at as if he had just asked Zai if getting punched hurt or if he was actually straight. Well… Zai wasn’t completely straight. In truth he wasn’t sure. He just refused to be with a man ever again, and he only told Gar he was straight to remove any glimmer of hope that they would ever be together, because leading people on is needlessly cruel. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Of course[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] it was all about self gain. Zai knew that the others looked at him as if he were supposed to be some kind of saint because he was calm and meditated a lot, but their expectations of him were always blown away once they really got to know him. After all, he [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]was a raider[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]. Honestly, if people really thought he was the way that they saw him, why did they think he even stuck around with the Nightmares? It was a painful reminder that yet another person who thought they loved him realized that they don’t really know him. At least it was for a short moment. Then Gar changed everything.[/SIZE]


[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]In truth, Zai felt his heart warm when after several harsh and dark comments, Gar revealed that nothing had changed in how he felt about him. In fact, it had only become[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] more[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] clear as to why he loved him. Zai opened his mouth to say something, but he found himself speechless due to so many electric emotions racing through his head simultaneously. Regret. Curiosity. Shame. Gratitude. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“Y-Yes, well,”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] he began unsteadily. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“Just know I’ll be making sure you don’t get bitten too.”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] Zai turned away and slid out from under the ring. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“Self gain isn’t such a bad thing if we all gain from looking out for ourselves, right my friend?”[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] He asked as he went to go to set the punching pads down. [/SIZE]