Other Help - How to come out as pan?!

[Wyosch]

oh my god...
My dad just texted me asking if I was ok and I said 'yes' but then he said 'I saw what you replied to one post on FB' (it was a post asking how you were feeling and I wrote that I was finally learning how to love myself for who I am but that some stuff in my life right now made me quite depressed - aka my best friend (female, my crush) but I didn't mention that of course) and now my dad wants to talk to me this evening and I bet he'll text my mom too and oh my god what do I say ?!?!?!? only the thought of coming out makes me panic and I'm currently on the verge of crying help

 

[Error 420]

I mean, I'm bi, and I've never "come out". I guess I live in a very liberal place, but it's just sorta anything goes. I'm dating a girl but I gossip about what guys are snacks. Just sorta be.

 

[The Son]

Well, you can fry things, that's good enough for me

 

[AbsurdNerd]

I didn't wait for my parents to ask me, I just told them about it. I felt that that particularly was easier for me, and just be cool about it! Your parents will probably be more accepting of you than most other people. But that said I don't know you or any of your loved ones personally, so I can't quite say. Like I said, just be cool about it and... and... AThiefOfSpades could probably help you better since I'm deprived of sleep and am bisexual, so I can't relate to you as much as I'd like to. Hopefully you got something from this... Jesus, I need to sleep instead of post while I'm sleep deprived. It's like a drug, man.

 

[AThiefOfSpades]

Oh, I am not the best person for this. I didn't have super-accepting parents and I didn't have super-homophobic parents, mine were just kind of...in the middle...so idk how to advise you in either case.

Just: your dad seems very nice from your description and that he cares about you. If you think they'll be homophobic, just tell them "I have a crush on someone who's a friend and they don't like me and I'm sad about it" and if they ask you if it's a girl, um, just say no? Lies are best when they're closest to the truth

And then if they're NOT homophobic, decide whether or not you're comfortable telling them. If you are, cool, let em know. If you are not, 1 of 2 things will happen:

More likely: they won't ask or hint and you just don't tell them.

Less likely: They ask and you say "I am not comfortable discussing my sexuality with you at this time." You can repeat this as often as necessary until you are comfortable.

If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to message me. I'm online often and while I feel unhelpful I have no problem offering a listening ear.

-AThiefOfSpades, panromantic asexual transgender (because someone had to get all three of the things)

 

[Wyosch]

Thank you all for your replies!

So my dad had texted my mom to tell her something was wrong with me and that she had to talk to me.
So yeah she came into my room while I was panicking about telling them - strangely enough I did.

My parents aren't homophobic, I mean, they immediately started calling my best friend (who had come out as transgender) by his new name and his new pronouns.
I don't really know why I was so scared, actually.

So my mom just told me that no matter what she'll love me, but she thinks I'm confusing love with strong friendship. She said that I had never had a female best friend like the one I'm crushing on, and that I probably just feel like this because she's just such a good friend and that I really like her as a person - but not love.
I don't know what to think of that, but at least my mom accepted me.

I didn't tell my dad yet, even though I know it'll probably be fine too, I'm just slightly scared to tell him. So he'll have to wait a bit.

 

[AThiefOfSpades]

If it makes you feel any better, all people are so wrapped up in themselves they may even forget you like who you like. I had to remind my dad I was bisexual (back when I thought I was bi-- hahaha) at least once, at which point he shot a NOODLE out of his NOSE, which is just a glorious story all around.

And I told one of my best friends at the time I was bi (pretty sure these stories are like 1-2 years apart) and she forgot and did this tearful "oh god I hope you don't hate me" coming out as bisexual and I was like "why on Earth would you think that would remotely bother me" and she was so confused and I had to remind her?? That I came out as bi?? Literally two weeks before that?? And then she told me she had feelings for me, so I hid under a table. Because saying "no" like a normal person was beyond my 13-year-old capabilities...I have no excuse for that. Oh, the cringe.

I really wouldn't worry too much. Come out on your own time, though your mum probably told your dad anyway already.

 

[PanOtterPus]

As soon as I read pan, I though you meant coming out as me and I was prepared to fight for the title.
After reading the thread though I'm super happy for you that your mums so accepting :3 Maybe try and have her with you when you do decide to tell your dad, just as moral support either way, good luck fren!

 

[Wyosch]

As soon as I read pan, I though you meant coming out as me and I was prepared to fight for the title.
After reading the thread though I'm super happy for you that your mums so accepting :3 Maybe try and have her with you when you do decide to tell your dad, just as moral support either way, good luck fren!

I am honestly not sure wether I'm pan or bi, I just know I'm not straight lol. I however feel to be more pan, as I really wouldn't mind dating someone trans, as long as they have a great personality I can fall in love with.

If it makes you feel any better, all people are so wrapped up in themselves they may even forget you like who you like. I had to remind my dad I was bisexual (back when I thought I was bi-- hahaha) at least once, at which point he shot a NOODLE out of his NOSE, which is just a glorious story all around.

And I told one of my best friends at the time I was bi (pretty sure these stories are like 1-2 years apart) and she forgot and did this tearful "oh god I hope you don't hate me" coming out as bisexual and I was like "why on Earth would you think that would remotely bother me" and she was so confused and I had to remind her?? That I came out as bi?? Literally two weeks before that?? And then she told me she had feelings for me, so I hid under a table. Because saying "no" like a normal person was beyond my 13-year-old capabilities...I have no excuse for that. Oh, the cringe.

I really wouldn't worry too much. Come out on your own time, though your mum probably told your dad anyway already.

So on your first reply here you said you were a 'panromantic asexual' ?
I know what asexuality is, and though I have come across the term 'panromantic' before, I still don't know what that is. Would you mind explaining?

And nah, my mom didn't tell my dad yet. She never tells anyone any secrets me / or my sister tell her. ^^

 

[AThiefOfSpades]

Oh, okay. So you know how most sexualities are a prefix followed by "sexual". Liking the same sex makes you homosexual, the opposite heterosexual, both bisexual, not limiting yourself to binary genders/sexes is pansexual, liking a single nonbinary gender is monosexual, and some combination of genders that don't fit the above is polysexual?

So any of those prefixes can also be applied to romanticism. Most of the time, people's sexuality and their romanticism match up, so they only announce their sexuality. But when they DON'T match up, it's useful to define your romanticism, because in that context, romanticism is who you'd be willing to date and sexuality is who you're attracted to and/or who you'd sleep with (not always the same thing, lol). IE if I just tell people I'm asexual they might assume I'm aromantic and therefore am uninterested in dating. There's nothing wrong with that, but it isn't true for me. I don't mind dating, and I don't fucking care what gender someone is as long as they're within an acceptable age range (3 years younger to fourteen years older). I just don't want to sleep with people.

The prefixes used to define sexuality can therefore be used to define romanticism. See? (Sorry if I explained that terribly)