Fate/Holiday Legends; Night Before Christmas

[LostHaven]

T'was the night before Christmas, and all was quiet.


Saber was sleeping, after dinner, a-eating'


Beast was hibernating, but Enki, was busy.


The factory had been raided, and Rider was on strike.


There was no delivery guy, and dark, was the sky.


Enkidu panicked.


No christmas, it shall be.


Gatekeeper, smiled in glee.


His work was done, he's had his fun, and now christmas, end in tatters.


@Birdsie

 

[Birdsie]

Gilgamesh was currently in a rich hotel, not caring about the troubles of the outside world. Laying down on a red couch adorned with golden trim and multiple, small pillows he was drinking wine from a golden cup, only the finest items from the King's personal treasury. He took a sip. The taste was exactly how he liked it, strong, magnificent. It was an explosion of flavor in one's palate. It was quite heavenly indeed, worthy only of the highest sort. The night outside was cold and snowy. The color of white was largely dominant above all others.


Gilgamesh was having a wonderful, yet lonely evening. He did not care about the holiday and his apartment was left without decoration.

 

[SomeStupidWords]

"And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?" Lancer asked, ruffling his fake beard. Unfortunately, his armour was far too spiky and hot for the child to actually sit on his lap, but that was hardly the important part. 


The child's mother looked at Lancer dubiously. Most Mall Santas didn't wear bizarre golden armour, and most made an effort to actually seem cheerful. This particular Santa had a piercing stare, a calm demeanour, and had certainly never said "ho, ho, ho!" in his entire life. 


Still, the child seemed happy enough, as he babbled out his desire for a firetruck. Lancer inspected him closely, before nodding. "Very well," He said, before standing and leaving the grotto, both parent and child looking confused as he did so.


It took him a while, wandering the streets, to find what he was looking for. He even briefly considered starting a fire to attract one, but decided against it. Eventually, though, he found a fire station with a truck parked in front. He gave a small smile.


---


The next day, a certain mother was astonished to wake in the morning with a barely-used firetruck parked in her front garden.


The firefighters, too, were surprised to find, instead of their truck, a note that read: 'In exchange for this truck, I, Lancer, will find and extinguish every fire in this city until you acquire another.'

 

[LostHaven]

Green particles formed together inside Gil's room, and materialized into the shape of a certain long, green haired lancer with a ridiculous looking red cap and red coat, who was meant to be dead ages ago.


Gilgamesh, there's no time to explain.


Said Enkidu, dressed in the most ridiculous, embarrassing attire.


We have a huge problem, Gatekeeper's doing, I'm afriad.


@Birdsie

 

[Birdsie]

Gilgamesh looked in Enkidu in shock, spitting out his wine like shotgun fire. "How?!" was his only question. HOW was Enkidu here? Not even alive. It was possible for him to materialize as a Heroic Spirit... but how and why here?


"I mean; Yes, what is it?" Gilgamesh quickly added, still in a degree of shock. The King of Heroes composed himself, standing up proudly with his hands at his upper thighs. "What do we have to do? Must we purge a great evil like years ago? Must we destroy an evil god? Must we conquer the world?!" He asked of Enkidu with great excitement painted on his face.


@MrEvilMexican

 

[LostHaven]

Enkidu took a deep breath, and prepared to be laughed at.


Weeeeeeell... While you were busy earning yourself a title as 'the most powerful heroic spirit,' I got assigned the position of GOD FORSAKEN SANTA.


He almost seemed pissed, and who wouldn't be?


I had to bloody morph into the shape of some fat old man and climb on a sleigh with a Rider servant... But GATEKEEPER decided to get Beast to raid the toy factory and... well... we don't have a sleigh OR rider, just a stack of presents.


Enkidu was embarrassed to add on the last part, and he knew Gilgamesh wasn't too fond of christmas. But he couldn't think of another servant that can shoot presents into everyone's chimney's over the course of half a night...


Gilgamesh, please help me... To SAVE CHRISTMAS.


@Birdsie

 

[Birdsie]

"Fufuhahahahahahahaha!" Gilgamesh laughed at him, his head turning towards the sky as he closed his eyes. He was expecting such great exploits, yet the first thing they did together was... saving christmas. The celebration of the birth of the son of God according to Christianity. What a profound quest it was! Gilgamesh looked back at Enkidu with an amused smile.


"I am not sure what is funnier, Enkidu. The fact you appeared here before me, telling me you became a figurehead of foolish religions; or the fact you lost a Servant and his Noble Phantasm to some abhorrent abomination in one night!" Gilgamesh laughed once again, then came to a stop. "But, very well. I shall aid you on this exploit. Not happily, of course - but sometimes you can't help it." Gilgamesh would rather just keep all the gifts to himself, but Enkidu wouldn't allow or approve of that.


@MrEvilMexican

 

[LostHaven]

Thank you, then. I couldn't ask for anything more...


ten years of service, I barely survived the first year...


He muttered that last part to himself silently. A huge sack of presents suddenly appeared out of nowhere, using Chaldea fancy schmancy teleporting magicks. Enkidu opened the sack and showed all of the wrapped up presents to Gilgamesh.


It's a mystic code... A sack that can hold an endless amount of presents, even without looking big and huge. I need you to load them all into your Gate of Babylon and fire them down every chimney you see. Wreck their roof if you have to. In fact, just shoot a hole in the roof. I don't even know where the chimneys lead. The fireplace, that's right.


He passed the unusually light sack to Gilgamesh and sat down on Gil's sofa thing.


Oh, and I also need you to beat up Iskandar until he gives you his chariot... It's the closest thing to a sled I can think of...


@Birdsie

 

[Birdsie]

Gilgamesh took the sack. A golden portal opened on thigh-level and Gilgamesh threw it inside. The sack, and all of the presents inside were now a part of his treasury. Of course he had to give them to children first.


Gilgamesh listened to Enkidu's instructions and then ridiculed him. "Iskandar? He was not summoned in this war! How am I supposed to-- Argh, don't mind. I have just the thing." Gilgamesh looked outside, as a huge golden portal appeared. It moved to the side, unveiling a huge, golden aircraft of ancient construction. "So we have to deliver these all over the world?" He asked once again. "I will see to that personally. I shan't allow a single person without their gift!..." Gilgamesh rose his middle finger in the air, heroically, then became disgruntled and mumbled to himself: "This isn't even worthy of my time."


"To Vimana!" Gilgamesh yelled, jumping out the window onto the large aircraft and waiting for Enkidu to follow.


@MrEvilMexican

 

[LostHaven]

*FOURTH WALL BREAK!!!*


Gil, this is a parody, logic doesn't need to apply here. Remember in Carnival Phantasm when all of Archer's projectiles somehow missed you, even though there were millions of them? And remember how Cu-Chulainn could be thrown by Berserker as an Anti-Unit Noble Phantasm?


Enkidu reminded Gilgamesh...


---PAUSE---


/servantfourthwallbreaklv1=off


---CONTINUE---


Enkidu climbed aboard Gil's golden ship thing that can somehow fly at light speed even though it's made of pure gold and gold can't fly. He pulled out a map and showed it to Gil.


Actually, we have a good half the world's population to ignore.


He explained.


Due to Trump's wall, we can't deliver the presents without the fat dumb amercans shoot guns at your majestic ship, Russia has banned all UFO's so they might fire rockets and dirty the ship, and finally, China's air is so terrible I'd prefer both of us to NOT breath that stuff in. So that's about half the world we have to do.


He then pulled out a phone Noble Phantasm that can make calls through time and space and called Grand Lancer.


Mall Santa #198,567,122, this is Santa Enkidu. How's you're side going? Gatekeeper just raided our factory, I need you to get to this time, AND NOW.


@SomeStupidWords @Birdsie

 

[Birdsie]

Gilgamesh sat atop the golden throne of Vimana and prepared to blast off at full speed, then warned Enkidu. "We will go quickly, shield yourself from the winds."


Vimana set out at ridiculously high speeds and eight small portals to the king's treasury opened behind it and followed, all were aimed downwards and fired a hail of gifts and presents rained down to the chimneys of the houses at great speed. Gilgamesh simply sat on his throne, feeling uncomfortable with giving things to other people.


@MrEvilMexican

 

[LostHaven]

Enkidu sat behind Gilgamesh, on his flying golden spaceship thingy, trying his best not to fall off the thing.
"Say Gil, I've watched Fate/Stay Night. You have one damn a mega-crush on Queen Arthur."
He joked...

ENKIDU HOW DID YOU BREAK THE FOURTH WALL?!
"Gilgamesh obviously has a fourth wall break noble phantasm..."
NERF STICK!!!
"We stole that."
Shit. GIL WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS YOU BLOODY MONGREL!!!

Anyhow, one particular present fell toward a house and blew the entire roof off, and landed in the food cupboard and blew it all up. It was Saber's house.
"Shit Gil, you screwed up."
Birdsie @TaraSobiki

 

[Birdsie]

Gilgamesh was simply sitting there, then heard Enkidu's words as his eyelids rose in surprise.
"WHAT? NO, I DON'T! She's just a possession refusing to be possessed by me." Gilgamesh leaned forward with a grumpy face, supporting his right cheek with his hand.

Gilgamesh, after realizing he had broken the fourth wall looked towards the camera and said. "By the way, Nasu. We stole took the fourth wall and placed it in my treasury, where it belongs. Same goes for the Nerf Stick!" Gilgamesh moved his hands to the right and left, as two golden portals opened up on them. Soon after, two Noble Phantasms fell into his hands.

In his right hand, Gilgamesh held a huge, metal stick with some decoration and trim on it. It had 'Nerf' written on it. Literally.
In his left hand, The King of Heroes had a miniaturized brick wall that had 'Fourth' written on it. Again; literally.

Gilgamesh had Vimana stop as soon as his spider-sense Sha Nagba Imuru went off. He felt he fucked up. He looked down and saw Saber's house with a huge hole in the rooftop. His face turned pale, thinking what King Arthur would do to him for this. Then he calmed down and said. "Whatever. I can afford the repairs..." with calm, closed eyes. Then they opened up once again, as Gilgamesh came to realization: "Wait... THE FOOD CUPBOARD?" Oh no. Saber would not accept insurance. She would only accept the King of Heroes' blood.

"Enkidu! We're getting the hell out of here, I have a bunker somewhere in the middle east."
LostHaven @TaraSobiki