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Constructive Criticism for "Book"

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Brendimo

The White Willow
Hey guys i've started a small intro to a book i may or may not continue. It's not edited, and I know that there are a lot of mistakes. The plot is probably confusing and i just want to people to give me some constructive criticism on things they disliked and liked and if i should continue. This is much appreciated. =>.<=


The city was dark except for the light of the unchecked fires that blazed the streets and the heavy gunfire in the distance. A man leaped over a fallen statue racing towards a large crystal like structure that stood high up as if to pierce the sky open with its jagged tip. The massive crystal tower dull black that seemed to give off a darkish glow, its surface covered in buildings that wrapped themselves around the tower. The man ran, knowing that every second he wasted could jeopardize humanity's survival. He knew what he had to do as he raced down the street past the injured, the scared, and the confused alike. People who called for him when they saw his uniform. Light armor that had a dull black look similar to the massive tower that stood at the centre of the city. He knew where to go even in the war torn city because like every other city they were designed designed similarly with minor adjustments. He thought about the soldiers that were fighting desperately not for themselves but to buy time for as many people to evacuate. Everyone knew that no one was coming out of this alive. He thoughts drifted from memories of his child life to suddenly his family. He was never going to see them again, he was sure of it. At that moment when he thought of his one year old boy and his unborn daughter he smiled. He thought to himself that he's lost it if he can smile now. That's when a piercing magma red bolt slammed metres from him to the right exploding. Throwing rubble and human remains alike, he flew sideways hurtling through the air. He landed on his side bolts of pain shot through his arm and hip as he struggled to get up. He looked around dazed and panic started to set in, hyperventilating, fear, paranoia. He looked around crazily for the shooter and he drew his sidearm swinging it side to side looking for the hidden shooter.


He laughed crazily as he looked at his light side arm that had only a couple rounds left in it. He thought to himself what the fuck is this going to do against a lancer. He looked past his gun and saw the human remains of torn up carcass and wounded people that were closer then he was to the explosion. He stopped laughing taking deep breath he had to do this he knew what he must do. He got up with determination disappearing in a flash of blue and reappeared running on top of the buildings racing toward the citadel. The metal cylinder strapped to the lower of his spine attached to the uniforms belt. Having to glowing circles at the ends of the cylinder it hummed and glowed brighter. The man leaps off the building and nose dives straight towards the ground before disappearing in a flash metres from the ground and reappearing in full sprint across the large grounds that lead to the centre of the city. At the city centre all the streets and buildings end leaving a massive open circle and in the centre of the circle stands the large citadel surrounded by gates that glow from the crystals that power them. He ran sweat dripping down his face, suddenly his vision blurred and he stumbled. “NO!” he screamed mentally not now, he pushed himself to the limit his mind feeling like it was going to split and all his neural implants seemed give a burning sensation. The cylinder glowed brighter and the humming picked up speed. His body start to give a soft blue glow and blue smoke started to trail behind him. He started to pick up speed going faster than any human could possibly run, leaping over debri. His movements whereas if he was water flowing around rocks, he focused on his movements. Time seemed to slow as He concentrated focusing all his thoughts into running foreword. As he got closer to the base of the tower he could see the bright circles of the portals and through the portals he could see the other cities. He ran past the portals toward the defences prepared to defend the last line that the military emplaced during the failure of the citadel . He got dirty looks from the soldiers who wore a different type of armour then his science corps uniform. He leaped over barricades as soldiers scrambled around some barking orders. The man found the Captain in charge and asked the grizzly looking man.


“ Are the charges in place?” The Captain turns towards the man, the evident annoyance was seen his eyes as he turned but was quickly covered up. The man knew that under normal circumstances that he would not be able to order any of these men around yet he was commanding men because they depended on him. He depended on these soldiers to hold the line and they depended on him to complete his job.
 
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