Church418
Peace is a lie, There is only Passion
Children of the Star
Greetings my fellow RPers. So a friendly admin-type alerted me that I had placed this in the wrong section and recommended I move it to "Prose" in the creativity forum, so here it is!
I've recently completed the meat and potatoes of my first novel (Minus the first and second chapter, still having trouble with it X.X) and am in the process of proofreading it. As part of my proofreading I've decided to post small segments of my story that reflect the personality of my five main characters:
1.)Teneramente
2.)Recitativo
3.)Fortissimo
4.)Calore
5.)Passionata
Every couple of weeks I'll post a new segment to allow the current submission enough time to be viewed and critiqued. Any and all of your criticisms will be well-received and taken to heart, in a constructive way.
I'll place the premise in a spoiler so you get the general summary of the novel.
The Basics
Children of the Star is an in depth story of Light and Dark. A story of creation and philosophy. I was inspired by several religious texts in the creation of this tale, and of the insights of several famous philosophers.
The Light: A super luminous entity that has existed since the beginning of time. It watches over It's realm, and It's children, as they sing and dance in worship and harmony with their Creator. The "Children of the Star" are angelic beings that emit tangible energy through song and dance. This energy can be guided and molded into spectacular creations that live on for eternity. The Light's realm is pure paradise, and there is not but joy to be found in it. The children are kept ignorant to what lay beyond their perfect realm, inside of the universe once labelled by the entities as "The Great Abyss"
The Dark: A super luminous entity that existed along side the Light since the beginning of time. After a failure to uphold an agreement, and a clash that became more devastating than either had anticipated, the Darkness hasn't been seen since.
Earth: A special creation that is home to Humanity. The "perfectly flawed" creation.
Humanity: Intelligent beings born of both Dark and Light. In the early ages of Humanity, the Light lived in harmony with them. But as the minds of men evolved, they slowly began to reject the idea of supernatural beings. Humanity looked inwardly to themselves and created the world they live in today. A comfortable, gray, corporate world that is slowly dying. The hearts and souls of Humanity have faded. Art and culture have all but died out. Humanity is on the immanent path to self destruction.
The Protagonists(listed above): Angelic beings specially named "Soloists" for their unique ability to sing and dance alone to create tangible energy. Most "Children of the Star" must worship and perform in groups, but Soloists can act alone. Our protagonists will be the first Children of the Light in ages to receive knowledge of what lay beyond the realm. Why? Because the Light has seen a time when Earth is devoured by the Darkness. Their hearts and souls are being corrupted, and the only way to stop it is to inspire Humanity to look back toward the Light and receive their inheritance in Grace.
But it will not be that easy. As our protagonists enter Earth for the first time the Darkness and internal suffering they see in Humanity is too much for them to bear. They will experience all of the negative aspects of life for the first time, and some might falter under the weight.
Children of the Star is an in depth story of Light and Dark. A story of creation and philosophy. I was inspired by several religious texts in the creation of this tale, and of the insights of several famous philosophers.
The Light: A super luminous entity that has existed since the beginning of time. It watches over It's realm, and It's children, as they sing and dance in worship and harmony with their Creator. The "Children of the Star" are angelic beings that emit tangible energy through song and dance. This energy can be guided and molded into spectacular creations that live on for eternity. The Light's realm is pure paradise, and there is not but joy to be found in it. The children are kept ignorant to what lay beyond their perfect realm, inside of the universe once labelled by the entities as "The Great Abyss"
The Dark: A super luminous entity that existed along side the Light since the beginning of time. After a failure to uphold an agreement, and a clash that became more devastating than either had anticipated, the Darkness hasn't been seen since.
Earth: A special creation that is home to Humanity. The "perfectly flawed" creation.
Humanity: Intelligent beings born of both Dark and Light. In the early ages of Humanity, the Light lived in harmony with them. But as the minds of men evolved, they slowly began to reject the idea of supernatural beings. Humanity looked inwardly to themselves and created the world they live in today. A comfortable, gray, corporate world that is slowly dying. The hearts and souls of Humanity have faded. Art and culture have all but died out. Humanity is on the immanent path to self destruction.
The Protagonists(listed above): Angelic beings specially named "Soloists" for their unique ability to sing and dance alone to create tangible energy. Most "Children of the Star" must worship and perform in groups, but Soloists can act alone. Our protagonists will be the first Children of the Light in ages to receive knowledge of what lay beyond the realm. Why? Because the Light has seen a time when Earth is devoured by the Darkness. Their hearts and souls are being corrupted, and the only way to stop it is to inspire Humanity to look back toward the Light and receive their inheritance in Grace.
But it will not be that easy. As our protagonists enter Earth for the first time the Darkness and internal suffering they see in Humanity is too much for them to bear. They will experience all of the negative aspects of life for the first time, and some might falter under the weight.
1.) Is it easy to read?
2.) How does this character make you feel? What are your initial thoughts regarding their personality?
3.) Did it make sense to you?
4.) Were you able to envision the setting?
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