Alucard’s smile remained gentle, even as the thought of how Lisa would have liked Aveline twisted his heart. She would have thought Aveline something special, too – for more than just the intrigue of her being a half, or being fae, at all. In spite of all she had gone through among her own kind, she was still a generally positive individual. Perhaps she did not yet see the good of the fae, or her other side, but she hadn’t totally abandoned humanity even if she knew to be afraid.
That she ran showed she knew that – but she saw hope and potential, still. “She would have liked you, too.” Alucard said. There weren’t too many her mother didn’t like, even the hopelessly ignorant. It was only the truly malicious she seemed to detest.
Like what his father had become, now.
He chuckled a bit at her statement of how she was more afraid of self-discovery than Dracula, finding the amusement along with her, though he understood. Dracula had a definitive time table. Dracula wouldn’t impact her in a way she didn’t understand. He would die, and life would continue. If she began to discover herself, she would change – and change on a deeply personal level. That was always scary. Plenty preferred stagnation, or other methods of coping, like drink or drugs, or anything to make things seem okay.
To ignore what needed to be done, as long as possible. “I’ll be here,” he offered, meaning it, as she started to rise and dust herself off. “If you run away I’ll just have to find you, so I’d rather you didn’t,” he said as he pulled himself up as well, “Let’s head back.” As he said it, and as he turned, however, he felt his sleeve pulled and before he could quite comprehend why – concern crossing his face first – he was pulled into an embrace.
He paused a moment, wondering at the last time he’d been wrapped up by anyone, before he loosened and wrapped his own arms around her, sighing both in relief and contentment as he hoped she could feel that he did mean every word. He would go after her if she left like that – he did want her to see that her place was here, with this group.
And perhaps, in a way, there, with him. It was selfish and he knew it, to think that just because they were both halves in this world of wholes, that they could bond. They weren’t the same sort, precisely…but they had been through similar experiences, and he felt she understood him, even when he didn’t say so much, or add in so much. She had already been certain he suffered as a dhampir, and he smiled into the embrace as she brought it up again.
His eyes shut, “I thank you…and I promise I will tell you, but…I am afraid of opening that wound again before we have dealt with Dracula.” Afraid his resolve might break if he spoke of how it was truly tearing him apart to know he had to kill his own father, for his mother. To know it had come to that point. The pain might overwhelm him then. He might, truly, not be able to go through with it.
He was terrified of that. He thought Aveline might understand, even if she was not in such a position…but it was not an easy one to express beyond the acknowledgment that the pain would overwhelm him. His grip tightened briefly, as he confessed, “I do not want to lose my resolve before….”
Before he had to do that horrible act. An act he would be praised for. An act he would hate himself for.
~***~
Lucia couldn’t say she was surprised by his confession of wanting to screw her over. It was, on her end, a pretty shitty deal. Yet she couldn’t let Trevor waste away in ale, and she could survive on animal blood. Not as well, as he pointed out. “I was going to take a bath,” she muttered, as if that might fix how terrible she looked.
He was offering for her to take human blood – or rather, working on it. Even he seemed to know the deal couldn’t be absolved. He might go back to taking ale if it was, and neither of them needed that. She wanted to protest the apparent weakness and how terrible she looked, but she couldn’t. Carmilla had pointed it out. Trevor would recognize the signs, too – hunter. He’d know if his prey was weaker.
She wasn’t his prey, but…he could see it. And Lucia felt it. Not to mention she hadn’t even fed that day. She’d gone right to looking for information rather than getting a meal. ‘Carmilla probably has more pigs.’ Or perhaps she should have ripped Carmilla’s throat open. Vampires probably didn’t count for their deal.
“Partly,” Lucia agreed, not wanting Johann or Danica to be reduced to just that role. They weren’t. She wouldn’t have trusted them in service to her and her home if that was all they could do. It wasn’t hard to find people to feed from. She was a duchess. Right in this town, it wouldn’t be hard to take her pick of anyone. Not that she would. She’d always limited herself to either her enemies, or those who consented.
Her enemies were going to die anyway, there wasn’t much of a reason not to take advantage.
“However I have no desire to absolve this deal, or even allow you a little liquor until after Dracula is dead,” she noted, “to allow me any human blood seems dangerously close to allowing you to drink anything, as there’s no consequences to me any longer. If you drink, I have already been drinking from humans – I’m not going to go out of spite and binge drink. I’m not around you all the time to make sure, either. If the others know I’m drinking, they may think the deal is off entirely.”
They may still judge Trevor for drinking ale, but…what could be done? “My diet usually consisted of only human, I’ll confess. Perhaps it could be watered down. Hunting for animals in towns like this isn’t…easy. They usually belong to someone.” And killing the animal was a crime. “If we’re still to make it so I’m not fully without some…fasting…perhaps out on the road animal takes precedence, but in a town, I could drink normally.” A part of her thought to add she’d drink from him, to make sure he wasn’t drinking while she wasn’t around, but that just seemed unfair to demand that.
She had Danica and Johann, and plenty of time between. They were consenting volunteers. Trevor would not have been. “I don’t know. This is a deal to keep you in line. You can suggest better terms.”
That she ran showed she knew that – but she saw hope and potential, still. “She would have liked you, too.” Alucard said. There weren’t too many her mother didn’t like, even the hopelessly ignorant. It was only the truly malicious she seemed to detest.
Like what his father had become, now.
He chuckled a bit at her statement of how she was more afraid of self-discovery than Dracula, finding the amusement along with her, though he understood. Dracula had a definitive time table. Dracula wouldn’t impact her in a way she didn’t understand. He would die, and life would continue. If she began to discover herself, she would change – and change on a deeply personal level. That was always scary. Plenty preferred stagnation, or other methods of coping, like drink or drugs, or anything to make things seem okay.
To ignore what needed to be done, as long as possible. “I’ll be here,” he offered, meaning it, as she started to rise and dust herself off. “If you run away I’ll just have to find you, so I’d rather you didn’t,” he said as he pulled himself up as well, “Let’s head back.” As he said it, and as he turned, however, he felt his sleeve pulled and before he could quite comprehend why – concern crossing his face first – he was pulled into an embrace.
He paused a moment, wondering at the last time he’d been wrapped up by anyone, before he loosened and wrapped his own arms around her, sighing both in relief and contentment as he hoped she could feel that he did mean every word. He would go after her if she left like that – he did want her to see that her place was here, with this group.
And perhaps, in a way, there, with him. It was selfish and he knew it, to think that just because they were both halves in this world of wholes, that they could bond. They weren’t the same sort, precisely…but they had been through similar experiences, and he felt she understood him, even when he didn’t say so much, or add in so much. She had already been certain he suffered as a dhampir, and he smiled into the embrace as she brought it up again.
His eyes shut, “I thank you…and I promise I will tell you, but…I am afraid of opening that wound again before we have dealt with Dracula.” Afraid his resolve might break if he spoke of how it was truly tearing him apart to know he had to kill his own father, for his mother. To know it had come to that point. The pain might overwhelm him then. He might, truly, not be able to go through with it.
He was terrified of that. He thought Aveline might understand, even if she was not in such a position…but it was not an easy one to express beyond the acknowledgment that the pain would overwhelm him. His grip tightened briefly, as he confessed, “I do not want to lose my resolve before….”
Before he had to do that horrible act. An act he would be praised for. An act he would hate himself for.
~***~
Lucia couldn’t say she was surprised by his confession of wanting to screw her over. It was, on her end, a pretty shitty deal. Yet she couldn’t let Trevor waste away in ale, and she could survive on animal blood. Not as well, as he pointed out. “I was going to take a bath,” she muttered, as if that might fix how terrible she looked.
He was offering for her to take human blood – or rather, working on it. Even he seemed to know the deal couldn’t be absolved. He might go back to taking ale if it was, and neither of them needed that. She wanted to protest the apparent weakness and how terrible she looked, but she couldn’t. Carmilla had pointed it out. Trevor would recognize the signs, too – hunter. He’d know if his prey was weaker.
She wasn’t his prey, but…he could see it. And Lucia felt it. Not to mention she hadn’t even fed that day. She’d gone right to looking for information rather than getting a meal. ‘Carmilla probably has more pigs.’ Or perhaps she should have ripped Carmilla’s throat open. Vampires probably didn’t count for their deal.
“Partly,” Lucia agreed, not wanting Johann or Danica to be reduced to just that role. They weren’t. She wouldn’t have trusted them in service to her and her home if that was all they could do. It wasn’t hard to find people to feed from. She was a duchess. Right in this town, it wouldn’t be hard to take her pick of anyone. Not that she would. She’d always limited herself to either her enemies, or those who consented.
Her enemies were going to die anyway, there wasn’t much of a reason not to take advantage.
“However I have no desire to absolve this deal, or even allow you a little liquor until after Dracula is dead,” she noted, “to allow me any human blood seems dangerously close to allowing you to drink anything, as there’s no consequences to me any longer. If you drink, I have already been drinking from humans – I’m not going to go out of spite and binge drink. I’m not around you all the time to make sure, either. If the others know I’m drinking, they may think the deal is off entirely.”
They may still judge Trevor for drinking ale, but…what could be done? “My diet usually consisted of only human, I’ll confess. Perhaps it could be watered down. Hunting for animals in towns like this isn’t…easy. They usually belong to someone.” And killing the animal was a crime. “If we’re still to make it so I’m not fully without some…fasting…perhaps out on the road animal takes precedence, but in a town, I could drink normally.” A part of her thought to add she’d drink from him, to make sure he wasn’t drinking while she wasn’t around, but that just seemed unfair to demand that.
She had Danica and Johann, and plenty of time between. They were consenting volunteers. Trevor would not have been. “I don’t know. This is a deal to keep you in line. You can suggest better terms.”