Journal Be me

[TheLoyalAcorn]

Be me 21 years old with already 4 years in a contract I wish I never accepted. Last year, I get told to drop out of college to go to some silly country no one cares about. All my friends in college tell me things like. "TLA are you ready to stack bodies?", "I can't wait to kill towel heads how about you TLA" or other such things. I of course agree I mean why shouldn't I. Thousands of dollars have already been wasted to train me, feed me, house me and pay me for my job.

Before I go, everyone says they'll send me letters except one girl who said she had a bf. I thought we were friends and I just wanted someone to send me stupid shit like "hang in there" or "here's a crappy stale pretzel". My family says they'll call every time they get a chance. My class mates say they're coming and can't wait to join the fight. My college tells me they'll put a special hold on my account until I get back.

None of those kids showed up, My family never calls, my college doesn't remember who I am, all the people that said they would send me mail never did. I'm just lonely. I get told how awesome it is I'm doing this and how they love me, care for me or wish me the best but where are they now. I watch friends and family post on FB about me and get half a thousand likes. My inbox gets a PM once a month if I'm lucky that's not about my phone bill or rent.

I don't really know if I want people to read this hence why I'm posting it here. I know on social media my family would feel guilty. I don't want to tell any of my friends because they know me as the joking, laughing and sarcastic guy. I don't feel close to anyone really, but I want the world to know I'm not happy where I am in life. I'm not happy family is another word for a way to get cheap facebook likes. I guess I just wanted the peace of mind someone out there read this and relates.

I just want to go home. I never did the things all those kids asked if I was ready to do. I spent the whole time fixing, planning or explaining things. I just want to forget about all of this. I'll suffer all the posts when I get back. All the people suddenly caring about me. I'm just bitter. Where was everyone when i sat alone in my room listening to my roommate get a call from his friends and family every night. Where was everyone when the news reported an explosion and all my coworkers got frantic texts and calls. Where was everyone?

 

[Eye of Nowhere]

I know it's a journal and I probably shouldn't post here. But I do anyway, because I wish to coney something I feel is important.

The way you feel is the way a lot of military personnell feels, my dude. Lonely and forgotten in some locker no one cares about whilst home goes on without you. This is actually one of the main causes of depression, aside from combat related stress.

Important for you is to hold on to your self. Important is also that you speak about your feelings when you go home. It's ok to confront people with their neglect. It's ok for them to have excuses. The worst you can do to yourself is keep all that emotion stuffed away until it starts festering. If they feel guilty, thatns ok too. You feel disappointed, no ? You're not the guardian of everyone's feelings, mate.

Meanwhile. I think it's best if you find a way to pass the time. Read, study, prepare your return with a plan to build yourself a life should you leave the army. That'll at least distract you a bit.

Good luck out there.

 

[Windsock]

if you don't don't confront fakers they'll continue being fake.