Amber Chase/ Raver (OC)

[rennuelaw]

WIP


Name:


Amber


Aliases:

• Amam
  
• Raver
  
• Mr. Chase
  

Age:


23


Gender:


Male


Occupation:


Vilgilante


Appearance:

(He does not have the horn and his fingers are normal)


Amber is a beautiful young man of normal height. He is slender but somewhat curvy for a male though he does have some muscle.  He as long plantium blonde hair and intimidating blue eyes


Outfit-

Personality:


Amber has one thing on his mind , protecting his brother

 
​

Backstory:


The Chase Coven was a small family of powerful witches. They were known around the witch circles as being idealists and treating their Coven mates terribly. Amber was born into this coven along with his baby brother you came along 9 years later. From young Amber was trained relentlessly in magic and physical training. The training ranged from leviatation to fighting for his life when his father threw him into a snake pit ,that moment inciting a terrible fear of snakes in him. He was made to study when he got out of training , usually late at night.


He was bordering on losing his sanity from the poor treatment and constant fear for his life until his brother was born. A shining ray of hope in his disgusting wrenched world. Amber fell in love with the baby as soon as he saw him and he vowed to protect the child. He began working harder to gain more magic more and doing jobs secretly to get money which he hid for later use. He protected the child fro his parents by doing everything his parents they were going to make his brother do, telling them he will be more powerful so his brother won't have to go through what he went through. By the time he was 15 he gathered all the money he had earned a escaped with his now six year old brother Vernon. There excape however was nearly thwarted , Amber barely escaping with Vernon by killing the man who were after them.


They traveled across the country until they made it to Gotham. He and his brother were then taken in by a kind old woman named. Thier money was mostly spent by then so Amber started working until he was found by the police while Vernon stayed at home and helped Maggie . They forced him to start going to school and stop working , the only reason he avoided a foster home was becuase Maggie said she would adopt them herself. However by the time he was 19 , Maggie was killed in a bank robbery while he and Vernon was at school. This tore him apart , he and his brother having grown to love Maggie like she was thier mother. Angry and hurt , Amber tracked down the men. Once he found them , he made them suffer but he couldn't take the last step and murder them instead leaving them for the police.


Amber held a grudge against criminals ever since , this along with his want to protect Vernon fueled his decison to become a vilgante.


Powers\Abilities\Skills:

• Dark Ice Manipulation
  
• Seduction
  
• Acrobatics
  

Equipment\Gadgets\Weapons:


Extra:

 

[BrainyGrrrrl]

Hey, Djinnamon.  Okay, there are several issues with your CS that need to be fixed before you can be accepted.


I'll start with the easiest and most obvious first- Your character's powers and abilities.  They need to be further explained and in the case of 'Super Strength and Speed' greatly diminished.  Remember, this is the Batman universe so power standards are more 'street level' than cosmic.  Just to give you a point of reference, the strongest character physically is Bane.  So, your character's strength level has to be significantly lower.  Same goes for super speed.  The most I would probably allow would be along the lines of a super soldier like Captain America.  But not in combination with other super powers.  So, if you wanted to keep the enhanced strength and speed (Capt America levels), you would need to drop the Dark Ice Manipulation and the Seduction.  If you wanted to keep the latter two, strength and speed would have to fall within normal human limits.  A word about 'Dark Ice Manipulation'.  What makes it 'Dark'?  How is it different from normal ice manipulation?  And 'Seduction'.  Is it pheromone-based, like Poison Ivy?  Or does he have a natural talent for it because of his beauty?  And how did he get his powers?  Is he a mutant?  An alien?  Did he fall into a vat of nuclear waste?  I need much more backstory here.


Next point.  And this is a much greater concern for me.  From Amber's personality profile, I get a perfect sense of what he's like as a boyfriend and classmate.  I have no clue what he's like as a vigilante or hero.  The profile feels like it was grafted from another rp which it was.  Word for word, it's what you wrote for the DC Universe Boarding School RP.  Which is why it feels more appropriate for a school setting than here.  You try to compensate with your backstory but the backstory creates so many problems of it own.  There are so many logic gaps in it.  Okay, the first paragraph is fine.  In fact, it's very moving.  But, from the point that the police find them, it goes sideways.  I don't care how 'intimidating' Amber's nature is, they're putting Vernon in foster care.  Same goes for Amber.  And if Amber starts acting up, it's a one way ticket to juvenile detention.  There's absolutely no way that they would just give them a monthly stipend and allow them to live on their own unsupervised.


And if he felt guilt from robbing banks, wouldn't he just return all the money?  Just leave it somewhere anonymously?  Or maybe give it to charity?  And if he wants to avoid jail, becoming a vigilante is probably the worst thing he could do.  Because then he'd be hunted by the police (or at least draw their attention) on a nightly basis.


In fact, the entire vigilante angle seems tacked on.  Like you added it as a last minute thing to get your CS approved.  Which brings me to my final and most important issue.  Forgive me if I'm wrong here, but I get the feeling you're just interested in your character having intimate romantic relationships.  To the exclusion of everything else.  And if that's the case, then, to be blunt about it, this rp isn't for you.  That's not what this rp is about.  Sure, romantic relationships are a big part of it.  But the primary focus is and always will be on superheroics and villainy.  And the heroes and villains dealing with their own personal angst, the issues they have that compel them to do what they do.  I think that being upfront about this now, at the start, will save you a lot of grief and will save us a lot of grief down the road.


So, if you're willing to commit to that 100 percent, then make the necessary changes to your CS, and I'll be more than happy to take another look.  But, if that's not what you're really seeking, what's going to make you happy, then it's best to face it now rather than continuing and then both of us being unhappy later on.

 

[rennuelaw]

He won't give back the money or go to jail because he still has Vernon to take care of (As he refuses to allow Vernon go to a foster home.) I'll try to change it as best i can,

 

[rennuelaw]

Hey, Djinnamon.  Okay, there are several issues with your CS that need to be fixed before you can be accepted.


I'll start with the easiest and most obvious first- Your character's powers and abilities.  They need to be further explained and in the case of 'Super Strength and Speed' greatly diminished.  Remember, this is the Batman universe so power standards are more 'street level' than cosmic.  Just to give you a point of reference, the strongest character physically is Bane.  So, your character's strength level has to be significantly lower.  Same goes for super speed.  The most I would probably allow would be along the lines of a super soldier like Captain America.  But not in combination with other super powers.  So, if you wanted to keep the enhanced strength and speed (Capt America levels), you would need to drop the Dark Ice Manipulation and the Seduction.  If you wanted to keep the latter two, strength and speed would have to fall within normal human limits.  A word about 'Dark Ice Manipulation'.  What makes it 'Dark'?  How is it different from normal ice manipulation?  And 'Seduction'.  Is it pheromone-based, like Poison Ivy?  Or does he have a natural talent for it because of his beauty?  And how did he get his powers?  Is he a mutant?  An alien?  Did he fall into a vat of nuclear waste?  I need much more backstory here.


Next point.  And this is a much greater concern for me.  From Amber's personality profile, I get a perfect sense of what he's like as a boyfriend and classmate.  I have no clue what he's like as a vigilante or hero.  The profile feels like it was grafted from another rp which it was.  Word for word, it's what you wrote for the DC Universe Boarding School RP.  Which is why it feels more appropriate for a school setting than here.  You try to compensate with your backstory but the backstory creates so many problems of it own.  There are so many logic gaps in it.  Okay, the first paragraph is fine.  In fact, it's very moving.  But, from the point that the police find them, it goes sideways.  I don't care how 'intimidating' Amber's nature is, they're putting Vernon in foster care.  Same goes for Amber.  And if Amber starts acting up, it's a one way ticket to juvenile detention.  There's absolutely no way that they would just give them a monthly stipend and allow them to live on their own unsupervised.


And if he felt guilt from robbing banks, wouldn't he just return all the money?  Just leave it somewhere anonymously?  Or maybe give it to charity?  And if he wants to avoid jail, becoming a vigilante is probably the worst thing he could do.  Because then he'd be hunted by the police (or at least draw their attention) on a nightly basis.


In fact, the entire vigilante angle seems tacked on.  Like you added it as a last minute thing to get your CS approved.  Which brings me to my final and most important issue.  Forgive me if I'm wrong here, but I get the feeling you're just interested in your character having intimate romantic relationships.  To the exclusion of everything else.  And if that's the case, then, to be blunt about it, this rp isn't for you.  That's not what this rp is about.  Sure, romantic relationships are a big part of it.  But the primary focus is and always will be on superheroics and villainy.  And the heroes and villains dealing with their own personal angst, the issues they have that compel them to do what they do.  I think that being upfront about this now, at the start, will save you a lot of grief and will save us a lot of grief down the road.


So, if you're willing to commit to that 100 percent, then make the necessary changes to your CS, and I'll be more than happy to take another look.  But, if that's not what you're really seeking, what's going to make you happy, then it's best to face it now rather than continuing and then both of us being unhappy later on.

Is the revised history good so far?

 

[BrainyGrrrrl]

Is the revised history good so far?

Other than some proofreading, it'll do.  Personality still needs works.  Yes, all Amber cares about is protecting his brother, so does that make him serious all the time?  Humorless?  Does he feel burdened with responsibility?  Does he have any sort of lighter side at all?  I mean, you don't have to go to the opposite extreme, make him completely lifeless and dour.  Even though he has all this responsibility, he might have a sense of humor or mischief for instance.  And in fact, having that lighter side might keep him going, keep him from totally descending into despair.  Just a thought.  Also, I'm assuming that you're going to revise Amber's powers further since in his backstory, I see mention of magic skills such as levitation but nothing about 'dark ice manipulation' (which would really warrant a discussion all its own) or seduction skills.


Also, since Amber is an adult now and taking care of Vernon, he really needs a normal job.  Something that pays the bills.  My suggestion is that you think of something that he likes to do/is good at and make that his job.  Something that could be justified by his past experience and educational background, so don't make him, like, a rocket scientist.


Good start but work on it some more.  And don't feel like you have to rush it.  Take your time.  I'm not going to be able to give it a final lookover until tomorrow at the earliest so you have time.

 

[rennuelaw]

Other than some proofreading, it'll do.  Personality still needs works.  Yes, all Amber cares about is protecting his brother, so does that make him serious all the time?  Humorless?  Does he feel burdened with responsibility?  Does he have any sort of lighter side at all?  I mean, you don't have to go to the opposite extreme, make him completely lifeless and dour.  Even though he has all this responsibility, he might have a sense of humor or mischief for instance.  And in fact, having that lighter side might keep him going, keep him from totally descending into despair.  Just a thought.  Also, I'm assuming that you're going to revise Amber's powers further since in his backstory, I see mention of magic skills such as levitation but nothing about 'dark ice manipulation' (which would really warrant a discussion all its own) or seduction skills.


Also, since Amber is an adult now and taking care of Vernon, he really needs a normal job.  Something that pays the bills.  My suggestion is that you think of something that he likes to do/is good at and make that his job.  Something that could be justified by his past experience and educational background, so don't make him, like, a rocket scientist.


Good start but work on it some more.  And don't feel like you have to rush it.  Take your time.  I'm not going to be able to give it a final lookover until tomorrow at the earliest so you have time.

The personality is a work in progress currently also i'll explain the dark ice. A witch's magic is affected by witch's feelings. As i said Amber was beginning to fall into insanity thus the ice reflect this by changing colour.

 

[BrainyGrrrrl]

Also, another concern of mine- With magic, it's easy to make your character overpowered.  In a fight, he could be throwing up energy shields and all sorts of things that would make him basically invincible.  So, I need very clear parameters and limits to his power so that one of Batman's villains, say someone on the level of Poison Ivy or Killer Croc would have a 50/50 chance of defeating him.

 

[rennuelaw]

Also, another concern of mine- With magic, it's easy to make your character overpowered.  In a fight, he could be throwing up energy shields and all sorts of things that would make him basically invincible.  So, I need very clear parameters and limits to his power so that one of Batman's villains, say someone on the level of Poison Ivy or Killer Croc would have a 50/50 chance of defeating him.

kk