OrangyLemon
New Member
Hey guys! So I wrote a sample for an rp last night, and I really liked it! So I decided to post it here for all too see, I'm open to critiques of course! So here it is
The Sun
So Big, so beautiful, so bright, so high in the sky
I want to bathe in its warmth and glimpse into the core as I decipher its secrets
But it's too bright, too bright for me to handle
As I reach my hands higher into the atmosphere to reach the sun, I fall deeper
Deeper into the well
The more I stretch my arms into the sky the more the sky and all the clouds with it transform into one tiny speck
A star in my darkness
And I keep reaching for that star, using every straining muscle in my body to touch this n o t h i n g
Which turns into nothing
Which turns into nothing
Which turns into fatigue
This paralysis in my bones as I still reach, my arms unfolded, and hope to touch that long gone dot
I keep stretching
Uselessly grabbing, flexing every limb I have for nothing until it all comes a p a r t
Until my toes fall off one by one
Until my legs and thighs pull apart like puddy
Until my chest and lungs and heart all collapse onto each other into a heap of blood and muscle and my insecurities
Yet my arms, still up grabbing for the sun stay
They stay
And erode
And breakdown into nothing
My body, now minerals of earth assemble once more
My arms, this time gravitate towards my center as I ascend
And go up
And up
And up
Now I'm flying
I'm flying so free in the sky
Then for the first time in forever, I see it
The SUN
So beautiful
So bright
So high in the sky
Like me
I want to bathe in its warmth
So I do
Higher and higher through the clouds as my skin begins to boil
Higher and Higher through the atmosphere as I struggle to breathe
I stare as this ball of flame consumes my eyes as they become apart of the secrets that are now MINE
But it's not bright enough
I'm not blind enough
So I grab the sun
Feeling the yank of insanity taking me back to earth I climb
I climb deeper
And deeper
And d e e p e r into this sun
I wait until my body is compressed into ashes to breathe
I can finally be at peace for once in my life as I suddenly feel tired
A good tired though as I descend deeper
And deeper
And deeper
Back into the nothingness
Iffy studied his alluring piece, perceiving a new feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. Emptiness. This emptiness quickly turned into peace as he examined his work, really gazing upon the stationary and understanding the feeling he felt a few minutes ago. The feeling that he thought would take him over, Delirium.
Writing Sample Prompt: Iffy is having an episode and decides to write his feelings into a poem:
Iffy's mind was a factory, once it got to work thinking about one thing, once it got momentum, it was hard to just stop it. He sat there as his thoughts continued to marinate and settle in, but the settling become something else very quickly.
The low he was feeling kept getting stronger, and stronger turning into a new kind of emotion. Madness was it? Or maybe insanity. Whatever it was in Iffy's head started baking, then boiling, then bubbling over the rim of his brain as it seeped down into his eyes manifesting as tears as a pot one leaves on the stove for too long would.
He felt like it was all ending there, that this feeling of mania was going to take over completely as he called his friends for help. Ruby? No answer. Kate? No answer. Jackson? Same deal as everyone else as Iffy's head was sweltering with misery. His mind not having any way to release the steam correctly. That's when he had an idea.
Iffy gathered all of his strength of mind to find a journal in his room, he looked in his dresser, desk, then found one under his bed and slammed it in his lap. Opening it, Iffy found antiques, things he wrote from 8th grade, when he was better at expressing himself in general. Skimming through some poems, the stressed teen reminisced on the feeling he used to feel when he was able to write down his feelings. The release he had before he started building up tension again, but since then the tension stopped going away. It started eating at him like a parasite, but he couldn't get rid of it. Nothing felt right writing anymore as Iffy just couldn't get what he wanted in his writing, yet he felt like he could now.
He turned to a new page, and started scrawling in an attempt to get rid of the steam that was fogging up his mind, but he still felt his head was swelling. He kept writing and writing as Iffy finally came up with an idea of what he wanted to do for once. The boy started scribbling like the madman he was becoming, his madness and hysteria slowly transitioning into something better. Into art. The feeling of all his pent up sadness, anger, and anxiety turning into an illustration of Iffy's inner machinations. Into beauty.
Iffy's mind was a factory, once it got to work thinking about one thing, once it got momentum, it was hard to just stop it. He sat there as his thoughts continued to marinate and settle in, but the settling become something else very quickly.
The low he was feeling kept getting stronger, and stronger turning into a new kind of emotion. Madness was it? Or maybe insanity. Whatever it was in Iffy's head started baking, then boiling, then bubbling over the rim of his brain as it seeped down into his eyes manifesting as tears as a pot one leaves on the stove for too long would.
He felt like it was all ending there, that this feeling of mania was going to take over completely as he called his friends for help. Ruby? No answer. Kate? No answer. Jackson? Same deal as everyone else as Iffy's head was sweltering with misery. His mind not having any way to release the steam correctly. That's when he had an idea.
Iffy gathered all of his strength of mind to find a journal in his room, he looked in his dresser, desk, then found one under his bed and slammed it in his lap. Opening it, Iffy found antiques, things he wrote from 8th grade, when he was better at expressing himself in general. Skimming through some poems, the stressed teen reminisced on the feeling he used to feel when he was able to write down his feelings. The release he had before he started building up tension again, but since then the tension stopped going away. It started eating at him like a parasite, but he couldn't get rid of it. Nothing felt right writing anymore as Iffy just couldn't get what he wanted in his writing, yet he felt like he could now.
He turned to a new page, and started scrawling in an attempt to get rid of the steam that was fogging up his mind, but he still felt his head was swelling. He kept writing and writing as Iffy finally came up with an idea of what he wanted to do for once. The boy started scribbling like the madman he was becoming, his madness and hysteria slowly transitioning into something better. Into art. The feeling of all his pent up sadness, anger, and anxiety turning into an illustration of Iffy's inner machinations. Into beauty.
The Sun
So Big, so beautiful, so bright, so high in the sky
I want to bathe in its warmth and glimpse into the core as I decipher its secrets
But it's too bright, too bright for me to handle
As I reach my hands higher into the atmosphere to reach the sun, I fall deeper
Deeper into the well
The more I stretch my arms into the sky the more the sky and all the clouds with it transform into one tiny speck
A star in my darkness
And I keep reaching for that star, using every straining muscle in my body to touch this n o t h i n g
Which turns into nothing
Which turns into nothing
Which turns into fatigue
This paralysis in my bones as I still reach, my arms unfolded, and hope to touch that long gone dot
I keep stretching
Uselessly grabbing, flexing every limb I have for nothing until it all comes a p a r t
Until my toes fall off one by one
Until my legs and thighs pull apart like puddy
Until my chest and lungs and heart all collapse onto each other into a heap of blood and muscle and my insecurities
Yet my arms, still up grabbing for the sun stay
They stay
And erode
And breakdown into nothing
My body, now minerals of earth assemble once more
My arms, this time gravitate towards my center as I ascend
And go up
And up
And up
Now I'm flying
I'm flying so free in the sky
Then for the first time in forever, I see it
The SUN
So beautiful
So bright
So high in the sky
Like me
I want to bathe in its warmth
So I do
Higher and higher through the clouds as my skin begins to boil
Higher and Higher through the atmosphere as I struggle to breathe
I stare as this ball of flame consumes my eyes as they become apart of the secrets that are now MINE
But it's not bright enough
I'm not blind enough
So I grab the sun
Feeling the yank of insanity taking me back to earth I climb
I climb deeper
And deeper
And d e e p e r into this sun
I wait until my body is compressed into ashes to breathe
I can finally be at peace for once in my life as I suddenly feel tired
A good tired though as I descend deeper
And deeper
And deeper
Back into the nothingness
Iffy studied his alluring piece, perceiving a new feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. Emptiness. This emptiness quickly turned into peace as he examined his work, really gazing upon the stationary and understanding the feeling he felt a few minutes ago. The feeling that he thought would take him over, Delirium.
