Dreamtique
Here Be Dragons
"I still love him." I remembered that was what Bow last said to me.
Bow was lying on the floor, lifeless, with a blood-stained kitchen knife in his hand. The stab wounds covering his abdomen exposed the fatty layer and flesh, allowing blood to taint the scene. His golden fur soaked up the blood and turned crimson. His gaze only conveyed hollowness. The cold air gushing in from the wide-opened door was stinging the edge of my eyes, but I couldn't blink. The flies were buzzing in my ears, while the pungent, metallic scent filled my nostrils. I gagged involuntarily each time I breathed in too hard. I backed up against the wall and allowed my body to slide down. I lay motionless, leaning against the wall with peeling paint. There was a numbness spreading from my nose to my cheeks. Staring beyond the corpse in front of me that was partially illuminated by the moonlight, my mind started drifting.
Bow, he was my friend, we both love The Mayor so deeply. The way we understood each other made the days without Mayor that much bearable, our companionship became our narcotic. After Mayor's disappearance, nobody dared to question how or why our beloved Mayor had spirited away, the only thing we all knew was things would never be the same. I was always the tough one, I had to hide how I equally dread a future of never seeing Mayor again, I lied to both Bow and myself because I am terrified of not able to seek comfort from how Bow looked back at me with a faint glint of hope in his eyes every time I cheered him up. I needed that. There was an unspoken promise between us that we will stay functional, only because we want Mayor to be proud of us. When he comes back, he will be proud of all of us.
The villagers came in one after another. The air of the night was still until they came to comfort me.
"It's going to be okay, Tarou.”
"Give yourself a few days and you'll be fine again."
"Don’t lose hope, there's always tomorrow."
I only lowered my head. Their voices mixed and turned to noises. I wanted to deny their baseless optimism, but instead, I just let their words went past me because I believed they meant well to me. I believed we belong to this village, we are all part of something we love deeply and wholeheartedly.
"Mayor wouldn't want to see you like this, he already lost Bow. We can't let him down like this." The white cat Perrine knelt down beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Stay strong. Do it for Mayor."
I felt her breath against me, her voice was mellow and her touch was soft. Every time I tried to force a word out I felt an implosion in my throat. I exhaled, intending to make some sound for Perrine to took as a response. I wanted to look like I am thankful for their care, but I am tired, so tired that I couldn’t pretend. I stayed still, when they realized their words wouldn’t reach me, they left me alone. I stayed in Bow's now empty house, my body instinctively curled up.
The world felt timeless until a dry, scaly hand grabbed my chin, slowly guiding my head to turn to him. The gravedigger Don, his hand, covered with calluses, felt like sandpaper against me. His long, sharp claws were scraping my face, leaving a burning sensation. The reek of dirt and rotting organic matters accompanied the mole’s presence. I looked at the old mole's face, his baggy eyes looked through me as he murmured with a raspy voice.
"Come wolfie, you want to see your friend one last time?"
I didn't answer, but my lips parted slightly.
Don grabbed me by my hand and pulled me up, he wanted to guide me to the cemetery. I walked along, keeping my sight on the weed-covered path with only the tug of his hand guiding me.
"Don't be sad wolfie, oh don't be sad wolfie, smile.….."
"That's what they tell you right? That's what they want you to do…..."
"So smile, do as they say, like they all want you to."
"A clown needs to be smiling."
"I am not a clown." I answered, feeling a need to deny that.
"Everyone here is a clown."
"Everyone?"
"Everyone.”
“That's why they are always smiling."
"Except for the one hiding, they don't want to be a clown anymore."
"Come wolfie, come, tuck your friend to bed."
Don signaled, I lifted my head to see a wooden box haphazardly nailed together to resemble a coffin, Bow was lying in the coffin with a white cloth covering his body up to his neck like a blanket. The coffin was half-closed, Bow's face peered from the darkness that was about to envelope him.
I stared into Bow's eyes and reached down to touch Bow's face, in that moment my mind was blank, I wanted to embrace that emptiness more. Bow's cheeks caved in as I caressed his face, I was touching him but my hand hardly felt anything, a body without warmth only felt dense. Bow's mouth was opened, I ran my finger over his lower lip that was tinged purple from within, I began to wonder what would he say to me if he could.
"Tell me a funny story about doggie...tell me…tell me……" Don came closer.
I paused, then something came to mind.
"Bow likes candy, but somehow he is too shy to admit. I walked in on him while he had a candy in his hand one time, he panicked and shoved the candy under his tongue, he couldn't even talk properly after that, but I pretended I knew nothing. He was so ridiculous, but in the best way possible."
The way Bow's tongue was pushed against the roof caught my attention as I reminisced. A strange compulsion led me to gently pull Bow's jaw down and dug under his tongue with a finger, I felt something. I kept my motion subtle and pulled out a damp cylinder of rolled-up paper from Bow's mouth. A shudder rushed through my body.
"You found a candy? Shh......" Don put a finger on his flaky lips.
I peeked around from the corner of my eyes, that was when I felt the pressure of everyone's stare. Their eyes were on me. I saw their faces, a question echoed in my head.
Why are they smiling?.
I grabbed the piece of paper in my hand tightly, my claws were digging into my flesh. I stepped back then walked away with hastened pace, I wanted to leave. I could hear how their breathing became fainter from behind me and felt the weight of the gaze on my back. I brought the piece of paper in my hand to my chest, then I allowed my tense body to start trembling. My vision was polarized the moment I was on the familiar path leading to my bedroom, all of a sudden I remembered that I felt vulnerable, I felt the need to hide. I slammed the door behind me, a moment of dead silence ensued before the sound of screeching bugs filled the gloomy bedroom through the opened window.
I lay down and let my body sink into the bed with Bow's note still in my right hand. I closed my eyes, not wanting to rest but to slowly fade away. Everything was dreadful, my mind was constantly trying to escape from my body. Looking at Bow’s note would mean I accepted everything that was happening, now I could only resort to the sensation of the damp paper in my hand to feel grounded in reality. I am exhausted, every passing second my body grew heavier and colder.
"Tarou."
Bow's voice whispered in my ears, I held my breath, and soon my half-formed thoughts drowned me. I didn’t know if I was ready or not, but I was already sinking in. I opened my eyes and released the tension in my right arm. I brought the paper into my sight then unfurled it.
'Truth under His desk. They won't let you. Leave.'
I crumbled the paper in my hand and looked out the window, the night seemed quiet, but I knew. I knew they were here, all of them. I stood up and pulled the curtain until there was only darkness in my room, then I lay flat on the floor beside my bed and curled up like an infant. Within the darkness I saw the shape of Bow, lying under my bed, staring back at me.
"What should I do? Bow?" I asked.
"You can be free. You don't have to love Mayor anymore."
"What am I then if I can't love Mayor?"
Bow stayed silent, he didn't answer.
"I don't know if I want to be free."
The tingles in my nose slowly turned into tears, quietly flowing.
Then came a steady, loud knock on the door. A timer within me counted down, the pulsating veins in my ears became louder. I let a few whimpers escaped me, then I became silent. I stood up and found my way out of the bedroom. Staring at the front door, my vision started spinning like the room around me was melting into the darkness. I opened my eyes wide from the pressure building up behind my eyeballs, yet I couldn't process anything I see anymore. The only thing on my mind was that I needed the empowerment of a weapon. I took an axe from the storage room with me, then I walked towards the door. The loud knocking persisted until my footsteps became heavy enough to overpower it.
I opened the door. Perrine was standing in front of me, we looked at each other in the eyes, she didn't mind the axe in my hands. Her eyes were dim, contrasting the full moon.
"Tarou." She called my name, it felt so intrusive now.
"Why are all of you watching me?"
"I am tired. I don't want to play along anymore."
"We can't let you find out. You need to still have faith in Mayor. We want to see that."
"You have something we will never get back, the oblivion that was once known as hope. You and Bow, "Mayor's favorites"...both of you gave us a new purpose, something to cling on to."
"Please forget everything you saw. Please forget about Bow. Tomorrow can still be a great day for all of us."
"Everything will be okay. Stay."
I felt something boiling and scalding me from the inside as I listened to Perrine, it felt torturous.
"I don't understand."
"You don't need to understand."
"Tell me, I beg you."
“We are all pets, we don’t need to understand.”
I swung the axe, I was not aiming for anywhere, but I swung it as hard as I could. I wanted everything to stop even just momentarily. Warm blood splattered into my eyes and painted my vision red, as I reopened my eyes, Perrine was on her knees with a gaping cut opening up from her shoulder down her chest.
"We are just pets, pets to the core." Perrine uttered, her words turned to gurgle as blood filled her airway. Perrine lay in her puddle of blood with her eyes turned to look at me, her face devoid of emotions.
The void in my head expanded, my peripheral vision engulfed by the showy veins in my eyes. I wanted to be done, but I knew I have to run. I grabbed an oil lantern and started running towards Mayor's mansion, into the darkness of the night. The footsteps behind me only grew louder as I ran.
As I was in front of the mansion's door I turned and looked behind me. The villagers, they were all here. I stepped back, the door behind me swung open, the darkness from the mansion vignetted my vision. The villagers gathered around me, blatantly looked at me like I was a clown on the stage. I snarled and swung the bloody axe around, hoping they would just disappear. The oil lantern slipped from my grasp and fell on the entrance, fire burst out from the lantern until a wall of flame separated me from the villagers, the villagers remained silent. I ran into the mansion, seeking refuge from the familiar darkness. My head turned to look past my shoulder, they were still humiliating me with their stares from behind the wall of flame.
I stepped into Mayor's room, the grand Mayor's desk before me. The framed photos of Bow and me were hung up on both sides of the wall behind his desk. Entering Mayor's room felt almost hypnotic, I imagined myself greeted by Mayor, but how easily that imagination was broken by the hollowness that had been growing within me for years only ended up evoking a heart-wrenching pain. I walked behind the desk and pushed, revealing a trapdoor that was sealed tight by an unnamed force. I held the axe above my head and started swinging with every ounce of strength left within me. Each swing against the trapdoor left an echo in my ears, each swing sent a fragmented memory into my head, my vision grew dimmer as smoke began to fill the room. I was able to be alone with my thoughts now, it felt liberating. Tears began to roll down from my eyes again, except now it was mixed with the blood on my face and became blood red.
I didn't know if time even existed anymore, but then the trapdoor broke apart and revealed a stairway leading down to a certain darkness. I walked down the stairs, and just as I felt like the stairway was about to end, I stopped. I sat on the stairway, the searing heat on my back and the flickering light from behind me became my only source of comfort now. It was pitch black, I closed my eyes and listened, I heard metal clanking softly like a chime.
"Why won't you come say hi?"
"Why won't you take a look at me?"
I shook my head, somehow I expected them to see it.
"It's okay, you are afraid. I understand."
"May I have the answers?"
"Yes, you may."
"Why are they doing this?"
"They don't need a reason anymore, because they all knew this is a world without Mayor."
"Will Mayor ever come back?"
"No, he will never come back."
"Why can't I stop loving Mayor?"
"We are all pets, destined to love one and only one person. It is encoded in our existence, all of us exist only for Mayor, there is no real escape."
"Does Mayor love us all?"
"The love you believe in is a lie. He only believes in entertainment."
"But......"
"I still love him."
Bow was lying on the floor, lifeless, with a blood-stained kitchen knife in his hand. The stab wounds covering his abdomen exposed the fatty layer and flesh, allowing blood to taint the scene. His golden fur soaked up the blood and turned crimson. His gaze only conveyed hollowness. The cold air gushing in from the wide-opened door was stinging the edge of my eyes, but I couldn't blink. The flies were buzzing in my ears, while the pungent, metallic scent filled my nostrils. I gagged involuntarily each time I breathed in too hard. I backed up against the wall and allowed my body to slide down. I lay motionless, leaning against the wall with peeling paint. There was a numbness spreading from my nose to my cheeks. Staring beyond the corpse in front of me that was partially illuminated by the moonlight, my mind started drifting.
Bow, he was my friend, we both love The Mayor so deeply. The way we understood each other made the days without Mayor that much bearable, our companionship became our narcotic. After Mayor's disappearance, nobody dared to question how or why our beloved Mayor had spirited away, the only thing we all knew was things would never be the same. I was always the tough one, I had to hide how I equally dread a future of never seeing Mayor again, I lied to both Bow and myself because I am terrified of not able to seek comfort from how Bow looked back at me with a faint glint of hope in his eyes every time I cheered him up. I needed that. There was an unspoken promise between us that we will stay functional, only because we want Mayor to be proud of us. When he comes back, he will be proud of all of us.
The villagers came in one after another. The air of the night was still until they came to comfort me.
"It's going to be okay, Tarou.”
"Give yourself a few days and you'll be fine again."
"Don’t lose hope, there's always tomorrow."
I only lowered my head. Their voices mixed and turned to noises. I wanted to deny their baseless optimism, but instead, I just let their words went past me because I believed they meant well to me. I believed we belong to this village, we are all part of something we love deeply and wholeheartedly.
"Mayor wouldn't want to see you like this, he already lost Bow. We can't let him down like this." The white cat Perrine knelt down beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Stay strong. Do it for Mayor."
I felt her breath against me, her voice was mellow and her touch was soft. Every time I tried to force a word out I felt an implosion in my throat. I exhaled, intending to make some sound for Perrine to took as a response. I wanted to look like I am thankful for their care, but I am tired, so tired that I couldn’t pretend. I stayed still, when they realized their words wouldn’t reach me, they left me alone. I stayed in Bow's now empty house, my body instinctively curled up.
The world felt timeless until a dry, scaly hand grabbed my chin, slowly guiding my head to turn to him. The gravedigger Don, his hand, covered with calluses, felt like sandpaper against me. His long, sharp claws were scraping my face, leaving a burning sensation. The reek of dirt and rotting organic matters accompanied the mole’s presence. I looked at the old mole's face, his baggy eyes looked through me as he murmured with a raspy voice.
"Come wolfie, you want to see your friend one last time?"
I didn't answer, but my lips parted slightly.
Don grabbed me by my hand and pulled me up, he wanted to guide me to the cemetery. I walked along, keeping my sight on the weed-covered path with only the tug of his hand guiding me.
"Don't be sad wolfie, oh don't be sad wolfie, smile.….."
"That's what they tell you right? That's what they want you to do…..."
"So smile, do as they say, like they all want you to."
"A clown needs to be smiling."
"I am not a clown." I answered, feeling a need to deny that.
"Everyone here is a clown."
"Everyone?"
"Everyone.”
“That's why they are always smiling."
"Except for the one hiding, they don't want to be a clown anymore."
"Come wolfie, come, tuck your friend to bed."
Don signaled, I lifted my head to see a wooden box haphazardly nailed together to resemble a coffin, Bow was lying in the coffin with a white cloth covering his body up to his neck like a blanket. The coffin was half-closed, Bow's face peered from the darkness that was about to envelope him.
I stared into Bow's eyes and reached down to touch Bow's face, in that moment my mind was blank, I wanted to embrace that emptiness more. Bow's cheeks caved in as I caressed his face, I was touching him but my hand hardly felt anything, a body without warmth only felt dense. Bow's mouth was opened, I ran my finger over his lower lip that was tinged purple from within, I began to wonder what would he say to me if he could.
"Tell me a funny story about doggie...tell me…tell me……" Don came closer.
I paused, then something came to mind.
"Bow likes candy, but somehow he is too shy to admit. I walked in on him while he had a candy in his hand one time, he panicked and shoved the candy under his tongue, he couldn't even talk properly after that, but I pretended I knew nothing. He was so ridiculous, but in the best way possible."
The way Bow's tongue was pushed against the roof caught my attention as I reminisced. A strange compulsion led me to gently pull Bow's jaw down and dug under his tongue with a finger, I felt something. I kept my motion subtle and pulled out a damp cylinder of rolled-up paper from Bow's mouth. A shudder rushed through my body.
"You found a candy? Shh......" Don put a finger on his flaky lips.
I peeked around from the corner of my eyes, that was when I felt the pressure of everyone's stare. Their eyes were on me. I saw their faces, a question echoed in my head.
Why are they smiling?.
I grabbed the piece of paper in my hand tightly, my claws were digging into my flesh. I stepped back then walked away with hastened pace, I wanted to leave. I could hear how their breathing became fainter from behind me and felt the weight of the gaze on my back. I brought the piece of paper in my hand to my chest, then I allowed my tense body to start trembling. My vision was polarized the moment I was on the familiar path leading to my bedroom, all of a sudden I remembered that I felt vulnerable, I felt the need to hide. I slammed the door behind me, a moment of dead silence ensued before the sound of screeching bugs filled the gloomy bedroom through the opened window.
I lay down and let my body sink into the bed with Bow's note still in my right hand. I closed my eyes, not wanting to rest but to slowly fade away. Everything was dreadful, my mind was constantly trying to escape from my body. Looking at Bow’s note would mean I accepted everything that was happening, now I could only resort to the sensation of the damp paper in my hand to feel grounded in reality. I am exhausted, every passing second my body grew heavier and colder.
"Tarou."
Bow's voice whispered in my ears, I held my breath, and soon my half-formed thoughts drowned me. I didn’t know if I was ready or not, but I was already sinking in. I opened my eyes and released the tension in my right arm. I brought the paper into my sight then unfurled it.
'Truth under His desk. They won't let you. Leave.'
I crumbled the paper in my hand and looked out the window, the night seemed quiet, but I knew. I knew they were here, all of them. I stood up and pulled the curtain until there was only darkness in my room, then I lay flat on the floor beside my bed and curled up like an infant. Within the darkness I saw the shape of Bow, lying under my bed, staring back at me.
"What should I do? Bow?" I asked.
"You can be free. You don't have to love Mayor anymore."
"What am I then if I can't love Mayor?"
Bow stayed silent, he didn't answer.
"I don't know if I want to be free."
The tingles in my nose slowly turned into tears, quietly flowing.
Then came a steady, loud knock on the door. A timer within me counted down, the pulsating veins in my ears became louder. I let a few whimpers escaped me, then I became silent. I stood up and found my way out of the bedroom. Staring at the front door, my vision started spinning like the room around me was melting into the darkness. I opened my eyes wide from the pressure building up behind my eyeballs, yet I couldn't process anything I see anymore. The only thing on my mind was that I needed the empowerment of a weapon. I took an axe from the storage room with me, then I walked towards the door. The loud knocking persisted until my footsteps became heavy enough to overpower it.
I opened the door. Perrine was standing in front of me, we looked at each other in the eyes, she didn't mind the axe in my hands. Her eyes were dim, contrasting the full moon.
"Tarou." She called my name, it felt so intrusive now.
"Why are all of you watching me?"
"I am tired. I don't want to play along anymore."
"We can't let you find out. You need to still have faith in Mayor. We want to see that."
"You have something we will never get back, the oblivion that was once known as hope. You and Bow, "Mayor's favorites"...both of you gave us a new purpose, something to cling on to."
"Please forget everything you saw. Please forget about Bow. Tomorrow can still be a great day for all of us."
"Everything will be okay. Stay."
I felt something boiling and scalding me from the inside as I listened to Perrine, it felt torturous.
"I don't understand."
"You don't need to understand."
"Tell me, I beg you."
“We are all pets, we don’t need to understand.”
I swung the axe, I was not aiming for anywhere, but I swung it as hard as I could. I wanted everything to stop even just momentarily. Warm blood splattered into my eyes and painted my vision red, as I reopened my eyes, Perrine was on her knees with a gaping cut opening up from her shoulder down her chest.
"We are just pets, pets to the core." Perrine uttered, her words turned to gurgle as blood filled her airway. Perrine lay in her puddle of blood with her eyes turned to look at me, her face devoid of emotions.
The void in my head expanded, my peripheral vision engulfed by the showy veins in my eyes. I wanted to be done, but I knew I have to run. I grabbed an oil lantern and started running towards Mayor's mansion, into the darkness of the night. The footsteps behind me only grew louder as I ran.
As I was in front of the mansion's door I turned and looked behind me. The villagers, they were all here. I stepped back, the door behind me swung open, the darkness from the mansion vignetted my vision. The villagers gathered around me, blatantly looked at me like I was a clown on the stage. I snarled and swung the bloody axe around, hoping they would just disappear. The oil lantern slipped from my grasp and fell on the entrance, fire burst out from the lantern until a wall of flame separated me from the villagers, the villagers remained silent. I ran into the mansion, seeking refuge from the familiar darkness. My head turned to look past my shoulder, they were still humiliating me with their stares from behind the wall of flame.
I stepped into Mayor's room, the grand Mayor's desk before me. The framed photos of Bow and me were hung up on both sides of the wall behind his desk. Entering Mayor's room felt almost hypnotic, I imagined myself greeted by Mayor, but how easily that imagination was broken by the hollowness that had been growing within me for years only ended up evoking a heart-wrenching pain. I walked behind the desk and pushed, revealing a trapdoor that was sealed tight by an unnamed force. I held the axe above my head and started swinging with every ounce of strength left within me. Each swing against the trapdoor left an echo in my ears, each swing sent a fragmented memory into my head, my vision grew dimmer as smoke began to fill the room. I was able to be alone with my thoughts now, it felt liberating. Tears began to roll down from my eyes again, except now it was mixed with the blood on my face and became blood red.
I didn't know if time even existed anymore, but then the trapdoor broke apart and revealed a stairway leading down to a certain darkness. I walked down the stairs, and just as I felt like the stairway was about to end, I stopped. I sat on the stairway, the searing heat on my back and the flickering light from behind me became my only source of comfort now. It was pitch black, I closed my eyes and listened, I heard metal clanking softly like a chime.
"Why won't you come say hi?"
"Why won't you take a look at me?"
I shook my head, somehow I expected them to see it.
"It's okay, you are afraid. I understand."
"May I have the answers?"
"Yes, you may."
"Why are they doing this?"
"They don't need a reason anymore, because they all knew this is a world without Mayor."
"Will Mayor ever come back?"
"No, he will never come back."
"Why can't I stop loving Mayor?"
"We are all pets, destined to love one and only one person. It is encoded in our existence, all of us exist only for Mayor, there is no real escape."
"Does Mayor love us all?"
"The love you believe in is a lie. He only believes in entertainment."
"But......"
"I still love him."
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