Black and White

[iAutisticTiger]

Black and white, I'm colourblind

An absolute, concrete mind

Yes or no, without an inbetween

Not a shade of grey to be seen

The pain is black, the numbness white

A skewed perception of wrong and right

All I've ever felt, will ever feel

Just a delusion, an illusion, unreal

​

 

[Grey]

Hm.


I don't like it - but it's actually edging towards genuinely good. One of those pieces with untapped potential. I suggest you consider developing this one further. Just my opinion, mind you; this one stands up well enough to avoid much criticism.

 

[iAutisticTiger]

Oh, thanks. I wrote it in English, when my teacher decided to let us do whatever we want, but she turned on music and I couldn't concentrate. It was hard enough trying to describe my mindset in the first place, because it's not really something I think about, but obnoxiously loud country music made it impossible. I'm not really sure how to take it further, though, without it turning physical. Emotions, I can deal with, but what's actually happening? Nope.

 

[Poe]

I think that there's a lot of very vague images in here, you touch them and then move right on to the next. I would do what Grey said and try to revise but in terms of concrete next steps for you to take, I think that maybe you should spend some time thinking about that central idea of what exactly it is you're trying to describe. I'm in an odd place of believing the poem to need a bit more in terms of revision but also not entirely sure what else needs to be changed. I'll mull it over and see if I can think of anything.


Keep posting!