Realistic or Modern Anchored by Love: Draft Three

[Lexus]

A Letter from an Editor:

To the "diehard fans" Izzzy thinks have been reading drafts of this roleplay when we started it however many years ago, I hope you've enjoyed the development and progression of these characters over time. We genuinely appreciate your readership if you do exist. (I, being the skeptical human I am, believe I only ever put these words into cyberspace for Izzzy to read. Opps). But audience, if you are out there, I lava you and contribute the need to develop these lovely couples to their full potential for your entertainment. You rock! If you're a member who is over us recreating and drafting the same plot over and over again, I don't blame you in the least, I hope it was fun for you while it lasted. If by chance you're one of the lucky few of Izzzy's friends who have searched endlessly for our platform, well, you found it...

Before I begin the final draft of what I consider my literary baby, I would also like to thank Izzzy, (IF I HAVE TO CALL YOU IZZY ONE MORE TIME), for at first being my creative co-writer, and over the years, becoming my anchor and inspiration for something that has become more than just a roleplay to me. Thank you for being my best friend. I can't wait to conquer the world with you just like we have in our fictional reality. (See embarrassing picture of us below. We lowkey think y'all have waited for proof that we are best friends. Lollllll Bel is going to kill me when she sees this but oh well, once upon a time she had embarrassing selfies on here so fight me.) All sentimental feelings aside, here is the final saga of the Crazy Clan.

~Lexus

UPDATE: 7-27-18

Jk we're making draft four lol. I'll link it below when the thread is a thing.

Link here:



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The summer heat in Texas was unbearable. I thought once I graduated and moved out of Florida, I would move someplace in the northeast where I could bask in what any normal Floridan would declare an unforgiving winter. This was one of the few times I was wrong about my life plan and how I thought it would go, but it was wrong in one of the best ways.

I was a recent college grad whose only aspiration for herself was to become a journalist to help better the world for the people who lived in it. During my four years in college though, I often doubted if journalism was the best path for me to take, even though I decided at the ripe age of six what I was meant to do with my life. I often faced the scrutiny and disapproval of both society and my dearest family members of how disheartening becoming a journalist would be. There was one person who despite all the negativity, never let me stray though, my best friend, Isabel.

Our friendship was alarmingly instant and effortless. We met at a summer conference in New York for students interested in communications. She came from Texas and I from Florida and after realizing how much we had in common, we spent the week together at the conference and by the end, we were both almost depressed to part ways back home and exchanged numbers and talked nearly every day until I made my way back to Texas for her high school graduation two years after. The two of us made a pact that we would become journalists together and eventually birth our own journalistic empire where we could reform the news and give it a better quality name. We were looking to make an impact on the world to make up for our not-so-glamourous uprisings.

By the time I entered college, I knew I wanted to keep the pact we made at the start of our friendship and pave the way to our empire, so I agreed to take an internship in Texas while Isabel finished her last two years of college. It would give me the opportunity to start our savings account for the company and better yet, the chance to move closer to her and see her everyday.

Not to anyone's surprise but my own, when my internship finished and graduation rolled around, I was offered and happily accepted the offer to work full time in the same newsroom where I completed my internship and was now a breaking news reporter in Dallas. It was a stressful first position, but I knew I had to work my way up the top to get to where I wanted to be and to start out as a breaking news reporter would be an impressive start to my professional portfolio. It would showcase my ability to work under immense time constraints and stress and give me the opportunity to flash my potential leadership skills to the people who needed me to take charge on any particular day given the news cycle. I loved my career, so far, it was everything I hoped it would be and getting to see my best friend nearly every day was am added bonus. I was excited for her, she was going into her last year and had many prospects as a beginning photojournalist,

Walking through my apartment door after a long day at work, I wasn;t surprised to find that Isabel let herself in and was unpacking the contents of a plastic bag that I assumed to be from a Chinese takeout and was undoubtfully delighted at the possibility. "Yes," I answered excitedly in one syllable without any former context, that's how she would know the day was rough, "I'm ready, how are you?" I asked in an exhausted sigh throwing my bags on the chair beside us and slouching into the my side of the couch where a glass of wine had already been poured and I didn't hesitate to sip. My editor had me spend the day writing news briefs on crime reports and I never did like talking to law enforcement, they never wanted to give out the basic information, I always had to pry and after arguing with my sister the night before over money, I didn't have the patience to handle cocky Texas officers. I was just trying to do my job and do it well enough to make a good impression on the right people. But right now, I was two sips and four bites deep into my red wine and orange chicken combo while I listened to Isabel vent about her own stressors for the day.

isax

 

[isax]

Denton had really become my home over the past three years I spent in it for college. This not-so-quiet little jazz town full of rich history and wonderful people would always be dear to my heart. I was now about to start my last year at college and it was nerve wracking. I never imagined during my Freshman year I would have as many job offers as I had within the DFW area and even a couple from Houston. I swore off Houston though. I was never planning to work or live there. It just wasn't my cup of tea but DFW was a different story. I had always known I would work in the metropolis after college. I was looking forward to it. Going into my senior year was going to be full of so many emotions, I could just tell even though it was barley the summer before. I lived in an apartment complex in Denton but I mainly spent the weekends in Dallas with a person I hold dear and am so utterly proud of, my best friend, Amelia.

Helping her through her four years in college was well worth the end result. She was doing what she loved and was meant to do, despite all the negativity she faced during her years at college. I know everything she was faced with, as draining as it was, was worth going through to make it where she was now. She no longer lived in Florida because after her graduation, she was offered a job where she was an intern within the DFW area and she gladly accepted. Dallas was going to be the city that helped us both grow and get our names out there before we reached out ultimate goal in life. We both never gave up what I thought was a silly and meaningless suggestion in high school. The more we aged, the more the dream was going to become a reality. We were determined to change the world and the perspective of the media.

I was working an internship all summer long at the Dallas Morning News. Most within the journalism school at my college told me it wasn't fair I was an intern for a second time. I never felt bad about this, though. I really worked hard my sophomore and junior year to get this internship. Little did everyone know I was offered a job for the DMN and I was happily going to accept after graduation. So this summer, I was cutting my time between my internship and Amelia. I would visit my Aunt Marie every here and there. Sometimes I would even bring Amelia and like all my family, Aunt Marie really enjoyed my best friends company. So far life was going wonderfully. I was involved, had several connections like I hoped I would, and I was constantly doing something which is what I needed in my life. I also worked out regularly which would always be a wonderful stress reliever for an ex-athlete like myself.

After I finished up what needed to be done at my internship, I decided to grab some Chinese take out for Amelia and myself. I knew she wouldn't be out of work for another twenty minutes or so but I had a key to her apartment and that's all I needed to get inside. After getting the usual orange chicken for the both of us, I drove to Amelia's apartment, walked inside and set up the takeout on the coffee table in the living room. I poured us both a glass of red wine to accompany it, knowing we would need it after the days we had. There was so much to do at the Dallas Morning News and it wasn't at all finished. Smiling when I heard Amelia walk in, I walked to the living room from the kitchen and sat down on my rightful spot on the couch, sighing as I kicked off my heels and pinned my hair back. "I'm exhausted. There's so much to cover at the Dallas Morning News. It's been a good thirty years since they've been national but with all the new money coming in, they want to really be national. No more sister stations for most of the major cities." I explained to my best friend as I released another deep sigh, tucking in my legs so I could sit upright and eat till my stomach was content. "What's planned for this weekend? Anything worth going to in the DFW area we can go do? I'm trying to get my last few days in with you before my internship is up and school starts once again. "

 

[Lexus]

"Ahhh don't you just love conglomerates?" I asked, laughing sarcastically while I licked the wine taste from my lips. "I don't know what we're going to do this weekend, we're short staffed and if anything breaking happens that leaves me to take over," I reminded Isabel gently, knowing she understood. She would soon be in the same situation full time herself. "Buttttt I do think it's time for a change around here. I need someone to give all my love and affection to and since I don't have a man to give me satisfactory affection, I think a dog would be the next best thing. I was going to go look around in the shelters if your heart desires to come along." Finishing off the glass of wine, I got up from the couch to go pour myself a glass of water. I just realized, after the hectic news day, I never gave myself the opportunity to eat or drink much of anything. As unhealthy as that was, it was typical of me when I became too preoccupied with my tasks at hand. "Did you have anything else in mind or is a puppy enough excitement for you? Do you need anything for the semester? Do we need to go clothes shopping?!" I asked excitedly as if I was Isabel's mother and laughed at how ridiculous it sounded coming from me. As much as she didn't need to be mothered and was in turn, more of a mother to everyone else around her, I instinctively took on the role of older sister, which came off a little mom-like sometimes.

 

[isax]

"A puppy is more than enough excitement for me! You know how much I've been telling you to get one." I said, laughing playfully before I finished off my glass of wine contently and set aside the orange chicken I could no longer finish. Amelia was much more of an older sister to me than my actual older sister but sometimes, like when she asked if I needed clothes, she came off mother-like but I found it all to be amusing. "I mean I could use more clothes for the semester. Especially winter clothes because I still die in the cold weather. After three years of being in Denton you would think I'd buy some heavier sweaters by now. Before we go buy clothes though, we are going to find you your soulmate! No matter the gender, it's going to be so precious." Giggling with excitement, I slowly slipped on my heels, walking to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water to drink. "Did I tell you people are mad at me because this is my second internship with DMN? I'm not sorry about it but little do they know I have a job offer from them as well." It took a lot of work to get where I am in this point of my life and I didn't feel sorry for taking this internship twice. Everyone else in my class needed to step up their game but I didn't see that happening in less than a year. "Oh wait! Okay, so pupper first then clothes shopping but Christian has his photos on display at the DMA this weekend and I got an invite so tag along to it with me."

 

[Lexus]

Rolling my eyes as Isabel made her way into the kitchen, I gave her the notorious heavy sigh to signal my frustration. "You're never going to stop caring about what other people think of you, even when you try so hard to come off that way. If other people wanted the same internship, they should have worked harder for it. End of story, you don't have to apologize to anyone..." Wait, did she say something about a job offer? Pulling myself away from my sister lecture, I stopped mid-sentence, as Isabel had a tendency of doing when she was over exhausted. Being unable to contain my pride and excitement for her, I engulfed her into my petite stature, hugging her to remind her how proud I was of her. "A job offer? That's amazing! I'm so happy you got it! But not relieved because I knew there was nothing to worry about," Offering her a grin, I pulled away from the grin and sauntered back to my comfy spot on the new black leather couches I just bought with my last paycheck to match my gradual accumulation of modern furniture that fit my idealistic tastes. At the thought of how expensive the furniture was I second guessed now was the time to bring a puppy into it all, but it seemed right to me. I missed having a furry companion and I had finally reached a point in my life again where I knew I would be home long enough to take care of it the way a puppy deserved to be cared for, and on the off chance I wasn't on occasion, there was always Isabel who would without a doubt step in and share the responsibility if that meant she got to be around the fur baby too.

My life seemed to me to be finally falling into place and I was overwhelmingly grateful after all the hardships I had to endure throughout life to make it this far. Some days it felt impossible like I had no optimism left to give, but looking back on it now, I was appreciative to myself for always sticking through it. Life was finally starting to reprimand itself into my favor.

"I'll go with you as long as you promise you're not going to try and slip anyone my phone number to talk to me later. I can tell you right now I am not interested in anyone who is going to be at this gallery, no offense to your crowds, but I'll have to pass. I'm a strong, independent woman who is about to bring a dog into her life and I don't need a man trotting in and ruining my relationship with my new fur baby," I teased, still eagerly eating my orange chicken even though Isabel surrendered hers, leaving half of it untouched. "Do you have plans tonight with your friends or are you staying here?"

 

[isax]

"Okay, first of all I can't promise that I won't slip anyone your phone number when we go to this event. You know not all the guys going are what you expect them to be." I criticized my best friend before I joined her back on the most comfortable black leather couches she recently purchased. When I saw her glare I knew what it was for. She and I were complete opposities when it came to the type of men we dated, and though I only had two other relationships prior to me being single once more, I realized both guys had a lot in common. I had a thing for those in the high class, mainly because that was what I wished to one day be. "Okay okay, I won't give any of the handsome men there your number. You're missing out but that's okay. One day your officer or detective will come around."

Even if my friends were in town, I wouldn't have made the effort to hang out with them. I loved them all dearly and over the three years I came to the conclusion that I didn't have to do everything with them if I didn't want to. Hanging out with the same people constantly was more than draining on my everyday routine and I couldn't handle it anymore after my first semester of college. I missed a select few but this was my last "free" weekend to hang out with Amelia and I wasn't letting anyone come between us. This weekend was all ours to do as we pleased.

"I don't have plans with any of my friends. This weekend is our weekend so I'm staying here. I'm not ready for my last year, Amelia. I'm going to turn twenty-two this semester and I haven't found the love of my life, if he's out there. Derick and Bastian were utter jerks in the end and because of them I give up on trying to find a man. Maybe I'm just meant to be a single photojournalist for the rest of my life with nothing but a cat and a pupper." You heard that right. Two relationships down the drain and I already want to call it quits with love. I started to believe maybe marriage just wasn't for me despite how much I wanted it. I just haven't found the right person and there was a high chance I never would meet him.

"I'm ready to go pupper hunting and clothes shopping when you are. Christian's photo gallery is tomorrow starting at seven so we need outfits for that. Maybe I'll find the love of my life there." Who am I kidding? He isn't out there.

 

[Lexus]

Finishing my dinner and closing the container, I turned towards Isabel so she could watch my eyes literary roll into the back of my head. We were similar in so many ways it was disturbing to the outsiders who didn't know much about us, but men and how we felt about them wasn't one of our mutual topics. I was too stubborn and committed to my career to ever commit to a man and didn't feel in the slightest that I would ever need one to feel pleased with myself. As far as I was concerned, adding a man to my picture would only hinder my process and I was too selfish in my self-progression to even consider the feelings of another person. It didn't make sense to most and I understood that, but my love life was my prerogative, just like Isabel's was hers. Just as much as no one would understand why I was content with being single, I wouldn't completely understand why Isabel felt she needed a man to feel complete. I knew she needed to feel valued, but I didn't want her to change herself drastically just be with someone, and the two jerks who managed to swing her tried their hardest to control her.

"Stop acting pathetic, best friend, it's not cute. That's not how you catch what you're looking for," I reminded her, walking back to the kitchen to put our plentiful leftovers in the fridge. "A man is not the only thing you need in life and it's far from over if you haven't met him by twenty-two. I'm the wrong person to talk to if you're looking for sympathy, you know that."

What Isabel didn't know, was my "love life" if you could call it that, wasn't completely dry, but she didn't need to know any of it until I knew what to make of it because of how fast she was to jump to conclusions and gush over the possibility of it becoming anything serious. I was almost ashamed to admit it, but a woman my age shouldn't be. There was a man to fill an an itch on lonely nights when Isabel wasn't around. We both agreed it wouldn't turn into anything serious but lately, I was concerned the fling I threw myself into was becoming more than just a fling for Nick and since receiving that vibe, I pushed him away.

Nicholas Wells was one of the local deputies I spent afternoons with prying for information at casual press conferences and street confrontations. At first, I ignored his attraction to me because I was just naturally oblivious, but I soon learned how persistent Nick was, even after I spent months deliberately ignoring him. I wasn't interested. But eventually, after he creepily hand delivered me his notes from a police report and slipped me his number with it. I blamed my journalism driven curiosity and boredom for giving in to him. All of him. The man knew his way around a woman, I gave him that much, but as I warned him from the beginning, I wasn't interested in a commitment and it seemed like he was pulling for one. It was a dirty secret, I knew that, but I never pictured myself to be the uncommitted woman who didn't find herself to be emotionally attached to the man she was having sex with, and I didn't want Isabel to either, so I never mentioned it.

"We can go look for clothes tomorrow and possibly look at puppies after, but right now, I'm going to sit right here and eat this entire pint of ice cream because that's the kind of day I've had," I replied digging into the freshly opened pint of Chunky Monkey with my spoon while I scrolled through my phone, waiting for Isabel to continue the conversation.

 

[isax]

I rolled my eyes so far in the back of my head when Amelia responded how she did to my man problems. I knew she wasn't going to sympathize me in regards to me wanting someone. She hated knowing the two idiots I managed to let myself date were trying to control me, and that's where I cut the line. Yes, I want someone to spend the rest of my life with. I always have since I was a little girl and I mainly blame my parents for that. Their relationship was so solid despite my dad being my mother's second husband. I wanted that kind of love and affection for myself but I didn't need it to feel whole despite what many seemed to believe. Finding the right man in my life was difficult and I didn't know how many trial errors I could go through without completely breaking and feeling as though I wasn't worth a life-time commitment.

I know Amelia knew I had a secret fear of breaking like I once did in my life, but I couldn't tell her I was seeing someone else again. If I did, she would jump to conclusions quickly. He was a business major, and sadly, men in suits are always my weakness. It's been six months since I broke up with Derick and when I met Luke he just said all the right things to win me over. We haven't taken it farther then a few dinner dates and movie flings. We kept it simple because he knew I wasn't fully ready to commit yet. When I get back to Denton, we actually planned on going to Fry Street together for a chill night out.

Shaking off my thoughts of Luke, I focused on Amelia and the time I had left with her. Thanks to the two glasses of red wine I had, I knew I would fall asleep quickly and easily the moment I decided to lay down and close my eyes.

"I like that idea. I think all I want to do right now is soak in the shower and relax on this couch afterwards. That's the type of day I had." I replied to Amelia but my curiosity was piqued when she received a text message. Before she even had the chance to look at it, I snatched her phone out of her hand as quick as possible, running off to her room where I read the message. Hey Amelia, are you free tonight? Did I mess up somehow? The sender was under the name Nick Wells and now I knew my best friend was hiding a dirty little secret from me.

I leaned against her bedroom door, heavy as a brick, not letting her push the door open. "When were you going to tell me about Nick, huh Amelia?" I called out to her through the door before I finally moved from it and let her in, handing her the phone. "I'm offended you didn't mention a Nick to me. What's y'all's story, huh? Commitment or just casual?" With a wink I laughed when I saw my best friends face turn bright red. "Ah, so just casual." My time figuring out who this mystery man was going to be fun, along with clothes shopping and puppy searching tomorrow. What I was most looking forward to out of this weekend was the photo exhibition for Christian. I was so happy Amelia agreed to go.

 

[Lexus]

I didn't need to read the sender's name to know who sent the text. I guilty assigned Nick his own ringtone to know when it was him who wanted to talk to me. It isn't my proudest admission. Uh oh. I thought when I felt the specific vibration followed by Isabel yanking the phone from my hand. Feeling my heart catapult into my throat. "Isabel!" I exclaimed in genuine panic, running after her, knowing it was already too late. Feeling her push on the door to deter my strength from opening it. "Shit," I mumbled, sighing heavily, at my defeat. I would have to come clean now.

When she let me into the room, I felt my cheeks become unbearably warm. "Uhhhh it's less than causal," I admitted in one breath, avoiding her gaze. I felt like a child who had just been red-handed with a snack before dinner. "It wasn't supposed to be anything serious but I might have, uh, led him on too much? I don't know what to do.... I'm pretty sure he caught feelings. I feel awful about it. How did I turn into this kind of woman? I was disgusted by this kind of woman. How did I let myself disrespect Nick like this? Yikes. "I should end it, he deserves better than that. I don't want to give him what he wants, I'm awful." Biting my lip, I took the phone back and set it aside for now.

 

[isax]

My best friend was in something more than casual and didn’t tell me about it? I was utterly surprised but I wanted more details on this Nick Wells and just why Amelia felt like she had led him on. I listened to her as she explained further just what was happening between her and Nick. I was curious but when she finished the story, I knew she felt horrible about what she did. I’m sure she didn’t lead Nick on like she thought she did. Maybe Nick was just hoping for too much out of this but I was knew Amelia was upset with herself by the look on her face. Sighing softly, I reached over and took her into a hug, biting my lip. I should tell her about Luke but I was going to keep that to myself. No one else knew but I felt like my sister going guy from guy in such a short span of time. It was disgusting.

“Melia, I’m sure you didn’t lead him on. There’s a possibility he’s doing it to himself but I can’t really say much. I’ve never met him.” I replied to her gently before I laid back on her bed and sighed, staring at the white ceiling. “Since were on the topic, I’m talking to another guy. His name is Luke and it’s all been innocent. Cute little dates here and there but I feel like Amanda considering I jumped from man to man.” I became frustrated at the thought, groaning as I covered my face with one of her throw pillows. “Why can’t I just find the man I’m destined to be with already?”

 

[Lexus]

"Because life has never been that easy for either of us, Bel," I replied honestly, throwing myself in the other side of queen sized bed. "Men are disgusting," I said, reiterating what I always had in an amused giggle, staring up at the ceiling with Isabel, the two of us spent the rest of the night talking about Nick and Luke until the two of us became consumed by exhaustion.

The weekend with my best friend was relaxing. While we had fun looking at puppies, I couldn't find one that made me want to completely commit yet. It wasn't a decision I wanted to rush into if I brought one home, I wanted it to feel right. After getting our puppy fills, we went to look for clothes as promised. I never understood why Isabel didn't buy the right clothes to live in the north, considering how long she lived there now. As always, she tried to fight me on paying for her new collection of sweaters and beanies, but I didn't let her win this time.

The gallery was nice too, even though it wasn't much of my scene, the people were still friendly and I always enjoyed getting to meet the other people in Isabel's life. But now the weekend was over and it was back to the grind for the both of us. Me with work and Isabel with her final fall semester.

As for me and Nick and I, things were still up in the air, Instead of telling him I was no longer interested I kept him intrigued because I selfishly didn't want to let go of my lustful attachment to him. You're using him, you need to stop. You're only making things worse for when you have to let him go. You won't give him what he wants. This is wrong, Amelia.

Of course, I would have these thoughts while his body was pressed a little too eagerly against mine, my guilty conscious had a way of getting me to me at the worst times. Taking hold of his broad arm, I pushed it away from him snaking them up my sides. "S-stop, I can't do this anymore, Nick. I'm sorry. This was wrong of me." Backing up, I nervously brushed my fingers through my hair looking at the ground. "I'm not this kind of woman, or well, I didn't want to be. Can we not do this tonight?"

 

[isax]

Amelia was unlike any other woman I had ever met before. She was kind, gentle and caring. She was also headstrong, very much independent, and most importantly original. She was unique and she never let anyone bring her down. Not a co-worker, not an over confident police officer she was questioning. She was everything I wanted in a woman. She was drop dead gorgeous and how intelligent she was added to how I felt about her. She stole my breath away when I first laid eyes on her. I wanted to try and break down the walls I knew she had and I was more than grateful she texted me after I slipped her my phone number.

When we talked about what we were, she always told me she didn’t want anything more. I thought I could respect that but becoming more than what we were was a burning desire I wanted. I wish I could tear down the walls even further so that way I could fully understand the woman who took my breath away, especially now as I pressed my body close against hers, kissing her softly as my hands slowly trailed down her sides. This moment was perfect and I knew where it would lead us. It always lead to the same thing but I wasn’t expecting for Amelia to pull away and ask me to stop.

I sat up, clearing the lump that had formed in my throat with a cough before I listened to what Amelia had to say. What was I doing wrong? Why didn’t she want this anymore? What type of woman did she feel like? Si many questions were burning through my skull but I silenced them before I found my voice to respond. “Okay, we won’t do this tonight. What’s wrong, Amelia? What’s going through you’re head? There’s nothing wrong with who you are as a person.” I could only hope she believed me. I didn’t know what type of woman she thought she was being right now. I didn’t know a lot about what she was thinking right now and that frightened me. I didn’t want to lose her but maybe I pushed my luck a little too far.

 

[Lexus]

What's wrong is I'm afraid of trusting you enough to let you in. I can't let you in. I don't want to change myself to be with you, or anyone. I'm not ready to consider another person's feelings about my own actions. I don't know if I ever will be. I know that's selfish but I can't help it. I have to protect myself from getting hurt again. It was a perfectly rehearsed speech in my head, but I couldn't bring myself to say it, that only meant Nick broke the wall I didn't want him to break through. Bringing my knees to my chest I sighed heavily, my thoughts still racing. "I can't expect you to be intimate with me if I can't give you my commitment. I can't give you what you want, I'm sorry. You deserve a woman who can give you everything you want and I promise I'm not it. I'm not going to stay here forever. I want to go overseas, to conflict zones, you're not going to want to put yourself through that, No one wants to be with an international correspondent and I can't blame them. That's why I'm not asking you to do this. It isn't fair to you. We can't do this anymore. I hope you understand." Pulling my chin away from my knees, I looked over to Nick hesitantly, afraid of his reaction, expecting my feelings to send him into a plausible rage. I let this go on for a four months before I just now decided to end it. I only hoped he wouldn't completely hate me for it because I was too much of a people pleaser to be unbothered by the way I made him feel.

 

[isax]

She was ending what we had. Amelia was ending the four months we spent intimately with one another and her reasoning was heart breaking. She wanted to be an international correspondent. She had mentioned that once, saying that was the reason she could never be committed to someone. I knew what she wanted in life she worked hard for and I couldn’t ask her to stay and never leave. I knew this was her dream and I couldn’t keep her from it, but I had a right to be upset over her decision. She waited four months to break it off. Not all of this was her fault. All I could do was nod at what she explained before I sighed. “I understand, although I wish it didn’t take us four months to come to this understanding. It’s late already. You can stay here and sleep in my bed if you want, or you can leave back to your apartment. These four months were amazing, Amelia. I wish they didn’t have to end but you’re right. I can’t ask you to change for me when I know this is your dream. It’s what you’re meant to do. You’re meant to change the world and I can’t be selfish by keeping you all to myself.” With that, I stood up, walking to the kitchen where I grabbed a bottle of water. I need something heavier than the water but I wouldn’t drink it until she left or tomorrow. Right now, I needed to be numb because I felt my heart shattering piece by piece.

 

[Lexus]

After breaking it off, I knew I couldn't be a complete bitch and overstay my welcome. What man would want the woman who just rejected him to stay the night? Not a sane one. Once Nick got up, I pulled myself from leaning against the headboard where he strategically placed me in our heated moment before I ruined it with my own insecurities. Grabbing my purse from the dresser, I threw it over my shoulder and walked out of the bedroom, making awkward eye contact with Nick as he stood in the kitchen. He was probably pondering his existence after I just threatened his masculinity during an occasion when it should be at its climax. This was awkward but there was no avoiding it now. Before breaking eye contact, I approached Nick, giving him one last kiss because I knew he wanted it. "I wish you all the best, Nick," I whispered sincerely before I let myself out. It was after my fling with Nick I decided I would never do to another man what I did to him. I was better than that.

Since Isabel started her semester I hadn't seen much of her, I didn't overthink it, however, I knew she would come around when she had the spare moment in her hectic life as a college senior. In her absence, I did acquire another secret, this one I knew she would okay with. I found a puppy, She was a six-month-old boxer named Jade. The shelter told me was the runt of the litter and the breeder she came from dropped her off because no one would want her. She was precious and loved to curl into my lap whenever I was home, though she still had to learn not to chew on things that didn't belong to her but I didn't get too upset about it. Everything that was lost in the first week, a pair of shoes, a phone charger and a throw pillow could all be replaced. Plus her face was too adorable to stay mad at.

"Hey girl," I called to the excited puppy as she jumped onto my black slacks to gain her balance against me as I walked through the door, "How was your day? Did you destroy anything else?" I asked curiously making the rounds through the house while she pranced excitedly behind me. I was impressed to only find her food strewn across the floor, telling me she was playing with it rather than eating it. "You did good today," I said scratching her ears to reward her for her good behavior. It was Friday night and with a new breaking news reporter taking over my position as I positioned into crime, I made it home at a decent time. The only bad thing about it, I was left to make something for dinner, a meal I often missed in my busy schedule. Not wanting to go out again tonight, I decided to settle for a plain bowl of cereal. It was anything but a lively night.

 

[isax]

My Friday night was the complete opposite of what my best friends was like. A group of my friends, the first one's I made on campus and have stuck with through the years despite losing a couple of them, wanted to hang out on Fry street. I decided I could tag along since I hadn't done much since starting the semester. I was focused and wrapped up in my project for my Sports Broadcasting class. Being one of the only two girls in the class was intimidating but the boys in the class knew not to test my knowledge. I knew the ropes about almost any sport and it was essential.

I decided to wear my dark colored jeans with a red top accompanied with my red heels. I sat at my vanity putting on my lipstick before I walked towards the door where I grabbed my purse and keys. I drove to pick everyone up at their apartments before we made out way to Fry street. This was where everyone the age of twenty-one or up hung out on a weekend in Denton. I always couldn't wait until the day I could bar hop here and now that I could, I took advantage of it whenever I could.

As I walked into the bar, I took note of everyone I saw. Some I recognized and others I didn't. I always made it around to meet new people but tonight I wasn't up for that. Luke had just called what we had off, even though it wasn't much. Today, I officially gave up on trying to find a man. I felt like I was turning into my sister and I couldn't stand the thought of that. I didn't need a man to be happy. Today was the girl's day I needed with the one group of girls who pushed me through our years in college. I needed a drink and while I watched Chloe lead Ari to the dance floor, I giggled gently as the two danced the night away. They were always the ones to dance while I relaxed at the bar.

"Hey Jim, the usual please!" I called out to the bartender standing behind the bar. With a nod of his head he began to get my drink: straight whiskey on ice. I anticipated how smooth the drink would go down my throat and when it was placed in front of me, I smiled contently and sipped on it. Letting out a deep content sigh, I turned back to look at the girls still dancing the night away. I needed a night away from my apartment where I buried myself I work. My night was going wonderfully and nobody could stop me from enjoying my time here. Not Luke, not Derick, and not Bastian.

 

[Lexus]

My night shift wasn't supposed to start for another two hours but when I got the call I jumped up from my bed and ran for my closet. Slipping on my hefty uniform in less than five minutes, I answered the call with a 10-4 and headed for the scene, my heart racing. There was a shooting and all units had been called out because of how severe the situation was. A suspect walked into an office building in downtown Dallas, ruthlessly firing off shots into the building, It was uncertain how many causalities there were because the horror was still in progress when I finally arrived. Pulling into the parking lot of the address routed to me, I gasped, feeling my intestines unwind and ravel into the acidity of my stomach acid, making me nauseous. This wasn't just any office building, this was the Associated Press. Amelia worked here.

Even though we broke off our fling two weeks ago, that didn't mean I no longer cared for her well being or had the time to work through my emotions about her. I still had feelings for her. Now, this was a conflict of interest but I had to put it aside and do my job. No one knew about Amelia and I because she didn't want it to interfere with either of our professional lives and I respected that so we kept it hush hush. Running out of the car and towards the building I ran into the screams of panic and chaos and helped secure the perimeter while other officers continued to bring all the victims to safety. As I helped Officer Bellinger tend to a young woman's wounds while we waited impatiently for more medical personnel to arrive. While I stood over the woman, who looked to be in her early twenties, applying pressure to her fatal gunshot wound that pierced through her stomach, I watched the light leave her eyes, she was bleeding out and all I could think about Amelia. "Miss, stay with me, you're going to be okay. What's your name?" I asked squeezing her hand with my free one to offer her comfort in what I sickenly knew was her last moments. I didn't want her to feel scared and alone during her last moments

As she lay on the cold asphalt alongside the many other victims, she looked up at me, her helpless desperation peering into my soul as she cried up at me in agony. "Jessica."

"Hey Jessica, I'm here to help you but I need you to calm down and breath slowly for me please. Can you tell me what you do?" I was simply trying to distract Jessica from the urgency of the situation and keep her consciously

Heaving a shallow breath, Jessica shook her head. She was fading out right when a medic appeared and declared she already lost too much blood. It was too late. I stayed beside her, still holding her hand as I watched the life leave her body. It was a devastating first experience to know I failed someone and cost them their life. But when Jessica died the only thought I had was, Where's Amelia?

It took an hour to finally apprehend the shooter because no one was for sure who he was or what he looked like. It was a risky situation because even though some civilians were able to run to safety after being shot, others were still trapped inside. Before the authorities could safely finish handling the scene the diaster was leaked to the public, creating outrage for the people whose loved ones were in danger.

 

[isax]

When dispatch received the call on the shooting, I was quick to get to the scene from where I was. I had started my shift earlier than my best friend Nick but we both always too the night shifts together. I was quick to give him the call though, because this situation required as much help as possible. Mass shootings always tore my heart apart, especially because situations like this are becoming a normal thing for us. Mass shootings should never be a norm. They put me on edge because the situations were never known right off the bat. I could only hope everything would work out and no deaths or casualties would occur. That was a naïve way to think but it's what I always hoped for.

I was one of the first responders to the scene. I watched as a few journalists were able to escape their building, a place that should have held a sense of security. I was quick to act, helping them make way out of range from the building, thankful when the medics arrived. The situation was still sketchy and we had no idea what the shooters real motives were at the time. We secured the perimeter as quick as we could and I did the best I could in bringing all the victims within the building out into safety. Those who were injured were the one's I tried to bring out first with Officer Johnson. My heart was racing as we worked the best we could. Eventually my uniform became stained with the blood of the victims I was helping and my mind raced constantly not knowing any of their conditions after they were brought out.

When I spotted Nick, I was thankful to see him. He had a gentle soul and was always the best to help calm the victims but I saw the grief plastered on his face when the woman he and Officer Bellinger were helping. I knew in that moment, the woman they tried to save took her last breath. Losing someone on the job was always one of the hardest aspects of our career. I knew Nick was distraught after this but I watched him closely when he disobeyed orders and ran towards the building. I knew in that moment he personally knew someone who worked at the Associated Press. This conflict of interest could not only kill him but also the person he was looking for.

"Wells, fall back!" I exclaimed, watching him inch closer and closer towards the building. I acted as quick as I possibly could and stopped him, tackling him to the ground. When we made contact with the asphalt, he seemed to come to his sense. "Are you trying to get you and everyone else hurt, Wells?!" I exclaimed at him. "You can't just run in like that! I don't know who the person you know is but we have to follow our orders for their safety!" Watching my best friend stand up and compose himself, I sighed while shaking my head.

Once the shooter was apprehended, our Chief went to handle the press that was quick to arrive within a matter of minutes. It didn't take most of them long to get here considering most were located in downtown Dallas. They were all within walking distance of one another. We still needed to get the others inside the building out safely and everything after the press pushing way for a story was a blur.

----

I was sitting at the bar, now on my fourth drink of straight whiskey on ice. I was watching one of the many TV's within the bar but when I saw the breaking news headline, my heart dropped. The Dallas AP bureau, better known as The Associated Press, was where Amelia worked. I didn't know if she was in the building when the shooter made his way within but I did know I needed to get to Dallas fast. The only bad thing about that is I wasn't sober enough to drive. I wasn't tipsy or drunk but I didn't trust myself with these four glasses of whiskey and my emotions a wreck. I didn't know what else to do but walk out of the bar and tried to call Amelia. I needed to know she was alright before I made way to Dallas in a hurry.

"C'mon Amelia. Pick up your phone." I said into my iPhone as the line continued to ring. It never usually took this long for her to answer and my heart began to sink into the pit of my stomach. She went into work. She's there. My anxiety reached it's peak but when Amelia finally answered, it simmered back down. "Jesus, Amelia. Took you long enough to answer. You had me fucking worried. You're at your apartment, right? I assume you are since you answered. I want to make my way to Dallas but I can't right now."

 

[Lexus]

When the medics called Jessica's death, I released a tearful breath, wiping the tears brimming my eyes before anyone saw them. I needed to keep my emotions in check while I was on call. This was not the time to let my emotions get the best of me when there was still a hoard of people to bring to safety. Stepping away from Jessica, Officer Bellinger and I shared a sympathetic pat on the back before we both moved on to our next task. Amelia was still nowhere to be found. I assumed she was here because it always seemed like she spent every waking moment here, she was a woman dedicated to her cause. I remembered how much I admired her dedication to the public she serves, but right now, I really wished she wasn't. I wanted her to be safe.

It was a few minutes later when I was helping Officer Lawerence identify the victims when both alive and dead, for the massive report that would have to be filed when this was all over. My stomach churned at the number. 76 dead, 38 injured and 20 still remained unaccounted for according to the roster that was passed onto us by the security who was present in the office at the time of the commotion. In the midst of my work, it didn't occur to me to check the list for Amelia's name until I saw her editor walk out of the building sobbing at the sight of the devastation. I knew as a leader within this organization, she felt a twinge of responsibility for this senseless massacre. Whoever did this relished in his hatred for his victims.

I learned from Amelia just how dangerous journalism could be. There were just some people in the world who would never want the truth to be told, and that meant the journalists who sought the truth had a target on their backs. Amelia knew and accepted this reality and strangely carried the target with pride. She was almost fearless of giving her life up to tell the truth, she felt it was a notable cause to trade her life for if it meant the possibility of bettering others lives. All the people I was surrounded by prided themselves in the same code of ethics as the woman I still loved, they all agreed if the truth cost their lives, they would gladly lay it down. But did they expect to be attacked in the comfort and security of their headquarters?

"Where's Amelia?" I whispered in my own concern. The list. Check the list. Pulling the roster from my pocket, scanning the list of names in full-blown panic, I felt my knees go weak when I saw she was still clocked in and she was still nowhere to be found. I had to find her. Slowly snaking through the crowd, I was trying to make it over to Mary, Amelia’s editor, to ask her if she saw her. My pace must have given away by desperation because I was only a few feet away from Mary before I heard Jayden yell a command. Before I had time to respond the two of us were in a ball on the ground. When we hit it, the thought of this being Jessica’s last resting place on earth before she died hit me. It was anything but comforting and warm. “Acciolli, I’m fine!” I exclaimed angrily. “I know my procedures,” I replied in defense. I was offended Jayden was pulling his rank over me right now. It was uncalled for.

When he came back to his feet, I was still gazing over to Mary, shaking at the thought of Amelia still being somewhere inside that building and no one knowing she was missing. “I need to know if my friend is okay,” I finally confessed, pushing past Jayden to make my last stride towards Mary. Resting a hand on her shoulder when I approached, I crouched down in front of her while the medics examined her as precautionary measures. “Mary, I’m glad you’re okay,” I said gently. “Have you seen Amelia?” I knew this question was a lot to ask considering how many people were under Mary’s supervision and the number of victims was gut-wrenching but my anxiety wasn’t going to simmer about Amelia until I had some sort of answer.

“I couldn’t find her,” Mary replied through her short sobs, she was still coming to terms with the trauma of the scene. “I tried looking for her, I didn’t want anything to happen to her.”

“What do you mean?” I asked confused by why Mary would seek out Amelia’s safety in particular.

“Nick, she didn’t tell you? I know about you two. She told me in privacy when she found out some news and didn’t want me to cut her from her assignments. She’s pregnant, Nick. She just found out.”


When I found out about the pregnancy, I was overcome with an overwhelming bout of emotions I never felt before. I felt irresponsible and weary of the future. I was anxious. I didn’t know how Nick would take it considering the surprise was revealed a week after I broke off our relations. I wanted to tell him but he was still avoiding me, he wasn’t answering any of my messages to talk to him. He needed space and time so I agreed to give him that.

I didn’t want to tell anyone until Nick and I talked about where to go next. But Mary made me come clean to her when my irregular moods and unexplained escapes from meetings let her concerned. I didn’t want to tell her but I felt like it was best she knew in case she needed to hire another reporter to take my place. In the field of journalism, pregnancy was often considered too much a liability with high profile assignments. it was one thing to endanger an individual who willing comprehended and accepted the possible dangers, it was another to endanger a life that had yet to be lived. I understood, but it didn’t make me any less upset about it.

It was six-o-clock on the night of the shooting when I plopped onto the couch and indulged on the Cheerios I was thinking about all day. I was finally relaxing and dazing into my constant exhaustion. Then my phone rang, Groaning, I picked my head up from the couch and answered it. It was Jessica, the reporter who was aiming to take my position when I moved to a different section. She asked me to come back to the office because a new source came forward with the article I left her to finish. I agreed, but really only because I forgot the only medicine I could take for my slowly aching headache in my desk. “I’ll be right there,” I reassured her before hanging up. Pulling myself away from the couch, I said a goodbye to Jade and headed back to the office, hoping my headache wouldn’t get much worse before I made it back to my cubicle.

By 7:30 I found my medicine and Jessica and I nearly finished the breaking news story about the robbery that just occurred a few hours before. I finished the brief about it before I left with information we had, but now that the case was unfolding we had to get out the full story as soon as possible.

By 7:45 I was gone. I made it halfway home before I remembered I forgot to sign out from the server so I was still considered on the clock. I texted Jessica to sign me out, but became confused when she wasn’t prompt to reply. She usually was, considering she wanted on my good side to recommend her for the position.

8:00 I saw the headline and broke into sobs. I was in shock. If I left any later, it would have been me. Hearing the phone ring, I let it ring for nearly the full time before I finally found the courage to answer, not wanting to come to terms with reality. Most of my colleagues were dead or dying. Why was I not with them? Why did I get to escape? What made me so lucky? I felt guilty. My first thought was Jessica but I pushed it aside when I answered the phone. Hearing Isabel’s voice, I broke into tears again. Her tone of voice bruising my soul. “Don’t worry about me, Bel, I’m fine,” I whispered through my tears. I could tell she had been drinking and I didn’t want her to try to make it over here. I would be fine. “I’m home,” I reassured her, not offering her the backstory of the night because I knew it would send her into her own emotional whirlwind. “Just stay where you are for now and you can come this way tomorrow. I’ll be alright by myself tonight.”

 

[isax]

"I know that's a lie. I know what's going through your head right now, Melia. I don't want you to be alone." Sighing into the phone, I bit my lip gently as I tried to think of some way to get to Dallas tonight. I knew it wasn't possible but I was leaving first thing tomorrow morning to be with her. "I'll be there tomorrow. I'll let myself in if I get there too early and you're still asleep. I need to see you in person. Amelia, I love you. See you tomorrow." With that, I hung up the phone call with my best friend. It took everything in me to bite my lip and not cry. I shouldn't have drank four glasses. If I only drank one, I would've trusted myself a little more to make the drive to Dallas. Pinning my curly jet black hair back because it got warm, I walked back inside the bar, bumping into people as I tried to push my way through. I just wanted to go home now. I just wanted to be with my best friend because I knew she needed someone there. Groaning out of frustration when no one wanted to let me through, I pushed even harder, sighing in relief when I finally made it to the people I came here with.

"I need to head home. Something happened in Dallas and I need to leave tomorrow morning the minute I wake up." I exclaimed to them as best as possible considering the music playing overpowered my voice. Chloe and Elizabeth agreed to leave already. I felt really horrible for cutting out night out short but I wasn't enjoying myself much anyways. With Luke calling things off and what happened at the Associated Press, I needed to leave Denton for the weekend.

"We'll go but that guy has been eyeing you all night." Chloe said with a nod of her head in the direction of the man sitting at the bar. He looked more than stunning with his long sleeve shirt and dark jeans but right now, a man was the last thing I was looking for.

"I don't really care right now. I need to leave. Let's go."

I don't remember how I got home, but I did know I needed to sleep so I could make the drive to Dallas the moment I woke up. Before I took a shower, I decided to pack some clothes. I tried to calm my nerves which caused my anxiety to soar. I kept hearing my phone go off and I knew who it was. Luke was calling me but he was the last person I wanted to talk to right now. Sleep. Just sleep, Isabel. Amelia needs you tomorrow. After I showered, I did just that.

-
I woke up at eight in the morning, jumping out of my couch, groaning at the discomfort I felt settling in my bones from sleeping somewhere other than my bed. I walked to the bathroom, changed into my clothes for the day, then went to make myself a cup of coffee I could take to go with me. I didn't look at any updated news regarding the mass shooting at the Associated Press. I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was too painful to know we as journalist weren't even safe within the comfort of our headquarters. No one would ever understand the dangers of being a journalist but maybe now they would. We always wore a target on our back for those who wanted to silence the truth, and we wore it fearlessly. Those meant to be journalists would never once doubt giving up their life for the truth. It was the code of ethics I took as a mere intern and would take once more after graduation when I began working for the DMN.

The drive to the Dallas went by in a blur. I couldn't remember anything from the drive. The only topic of discussions for all the podcasts I listened to were talking about the shooting. 80 dead, 38 injured and 16 unharmed. Only 16 out of everyone in that building were unharmed. It made me sick. What made this even worse is Dallas PD still hasn't gotten the shooter to tell them what his motive was. My head was spinning and my stomach wanted to release the acid within it considering I haven't eaten. Am I crazy for still wanting to be a journalist? Is it crazy that the need and want to be a journalist only grew after this? I was no fool. I knew many within my major, from all grade levels, were going to change their majors. I was not going to be one of them. This was still what I was called to do.

Running up to Amelia's apartment, I was quick to let myself in, dropping my bag on the floor when I saw her in her living room staring at the news on her television. Shutting the door, I smiled at her as best as I could despite the reason I was here. When she stood up, I was in her arms and she in mine within a matter of seconds. I couldn't hold back any emotion I had right now. Amelia was the only one who would ever understand why what happened affected me just as much as those who worked at the AP. I couldn't stop the tears. They came down so fast when I was in the arms of my best friends.

"Why would anyone do this?"

 

[Lexus]

I hadn’t slept at all since the shooting. How could I? I was too preoccupied with my survivor’s guilt. I was there. If I wasn’t in such a hurry to leave I would have been part of the casualty statistics too. Why wasn’t I? I didn’t try to understand it. I just lost some unbelievable colleagues. Journalists who were far more talented than I had lost their lives and interns, who like Isabel, were just getting their foot in the door, and yet I was still here? Why? It seemed unjust.

The guilt festered when I had the numbers. Only 16 people who were at work yesterday were unscathed by the tragedy. Sixteen. I wished this was a nightmare but I knew it wasn’t because I couldn’t remember the last time I slept. Since the news of what happened at the Dallas AP broke, both my work and personal phones were blowing up with texts and calls from my friends and loved ones who were concerned for me. To their relief I was part of the lucky twelve percent. The only person I expected a call from that didn’t make the call was Nick.

By the time Isabel arrived I already consoled my distraught family back in Florida and a few friends from college who knew where I had been working since graduation. Hearing the pain-stricken sorrow in their premeditated grief tore me apart. They were all prepared to come to terms with the possibility I wouldn’t answer my phone. They all feared I was one of the 80 people that were taken unapologetically yesterday.

I didn’t stand from where I had been sitting since the night before until Isabel pulled me into her arms, Feeling her sob against me, I wrapped both my arms around her, holding her while she cried. The sound of her weeping brought tears to my eyes but I pushed them aside because I brought it upon myself to console her, not grieve with her. I would work through my grief later, when her emotions didn’t overwhelm her as badly. I had always been this way and that wasn’t going to change now. When she pulled away from me with tears in her eyes, I let go of a heavy breath I was holding at her question. “I don’t know, Bel. I wish I did,” I replied, my own voice cracking, but even then I didn’t let myself break. I prayed this incident wasn’t enough to deter my best friend from stray from her dreams.

I felt awful that I pulled her away from her friends and her protective bubble of UNT to come face the harsh reality of the real world. But there was no ignoring the fact that she could have lost her best friend last night. I knew once that realization hit her, she would throw herself into her own guilt that she had no business being in. There was nothing she could have done if she was here with me to stop me from going back to the office. There was no way for her to know this was going to happen.

“I’m here,” I whispered into her shoulder, not letting go of her. “I’m sorry for putting you through this.”

 

[isax]

“Shh, you’re not putting me through anything. I’m just being emotional.” I whispered to my best friend the best I could as the tears continued falling. I could’ve lost my best friend last night. If she had stayed at work, there’s no doubt in my mind she would’ve given her life for one of her co-workers. It was still a lot to take in knowing how many journalists lost their lives. My stomach wouldn’t stop churning from the reality of what happened. I was no longer in my UNT bubble. I was here, in the real world, experiencing everyone’s pain and heartache. That was always something I did despite being a college student who could be sheltered from the truth. I know Amelia felt bad for pulling me away from the comfort of the university but I needed to be here.

When I was able to compose myself, I sat down in the couch next to my best friend, holding her hand with my head on her shoulder as I chewed on my bottom lip. I know this wasn’t a topic Amelia wanted to talk about. I knew this but she was the only one who would understand everything racing through my mind in this very moment. She was the only one who understood why I was so heartbroken for the journalists who passed despite never meeting them. She was the only other person who knew what this would do to the journalistic world and how every other journalists is in pain right now.

“My classes are getting smaller. So many people are dropping the major. Even some seniors who were so close to having their degree.” I wanted to talk to someone about this. I wanted Amelia to know why I needed to get away from UNT for the weekend. This was the talk of Mayborn and so many students no longer had the passion or want to be journalists. I couldn’t blame them. This field isn’t for everyone and I know most of those dropping the major could never take on the ethics journalism calls for. I know they would much rather stray from the truth then die trying to tell it. “Andrew wants to speak with me later this week after my classes are done to talk about this and what’s going through my head. I needed the break from UNT.” Sighing, I buried my head in my hands as I tried composing myself and what to say next. “In other news, Luke called whatever we had off last night and girls night didn’t go as planned. They danced the night away while I drank mine away. Chloe said some guy kept eyeing me but I ignored it. I just wanted to be here with you.”

 

[Lexus]

Sighing at everything Isabel had to say, i shook my head. I knew she was at a cross fire and the shooting didn’t help any. “You’re not like everyone else, Isabel. As long as I still am telling the truth there’s no reason you shouldn’t be either, and even if I wasn’t, you don’t need me to do what you know you want to do.” Squeezing her hand, I continued, “I’m sorry about Luke, but it sounds like you need to stay away from the dating scene for awhile until you figure the rest of yourself out first.” I never understood how her friends could choose to be so oblivious to the real world and how it worked, but they were still in college, too comfortable in their bubbles that would soon break after they graduated.

“I might have something that can make you feel better,” I whispered, getting up from the couch and walking into my room to let Jade out of her crate I was still using to train her in. Reapproaching my best friend, I set the puppy in her lap. Jade greeted Isabel happily, planting puppy kisses on her cheeks. “ I was waiting for you to come visit to tell you, but this is Jade. We seemed right for each other.”

Still feeling bad about taking Isabel away from her friends, I watched her enjoy Jade’s company while i thought about where we could go for an early lunch, knowing neither one of us had eaten yet today. “Do you want to go out for lunch or do you want to order something?” I asked, trying not to let my anxiousness get the best of me. I really needed to talk to Nick but he still ignored my messages. It made me wonder if he ever cared for me to begin with. I knew he had to know what happened at the AP last night. I needed him to know about his child before I made the best decision I could for both me and the baby. I was only twenty-three and wasn’t ready to become a mother. My career barely began two years before and I didn’t want to walk away from the field I was most passionate for. Especially not now, not after we lost so much talent. I needed Nick to understand that. I wasn’t ready to be a mother and i didn’t want to have a child with a man I only ever had a physical attraction to and nothing more. I felt trapped. I didn’t know what to do. Pulling myself from my thoughts I picked up my phone to check if he responded to any of my messages about needing to talk to him. He hadn’t. His silence put me on edge because I was beginning to think I knew what he wanted and I wasn’t willing to do that.

Throughout our four months of intimacy. Nick made clear his strong feelings for me, but what he also made clear was what he didn’t want to come of our intimacies. He told he never wanted to be a father and he wasn’t willing to budge on the topic. He just wanted a woman to be his companion, he didn’t want a family and I respected that because I told myself I wanted the same thing, but I knew if I by some chance did have children I would make it work. I wasn’t completely heartless.

The next time Isabel returned to Dallas she was greeted by yet another awful sight. After the shooting, I came clean to her about Nick and I and about his fool proof plan to not slip up when being intimate, wasn’t so fool proof. I told her I was afraid, not only because I just changed the course of my future, but because I knew Nick would try to get me to terminate the baby.

It was two weeks after the shooting when he finally showed up at my door and tried to convince me I didn’t need to go through with having a child. He said I was too young and had so much more life to experience before I could even think about being a mother. He told me I would have to come clean about our relationship with everyone and neither one of us wanted that. His detest was obvious, but I already decided I wasn’t going to give him what he wanted.

“If you don’t want to be a part of this, that’s your decision but you’re not going to talk me out of mine!”

Inching towards me, Nick took a hold of me and grabbed me by the wrists, squeezing them tightly before he brought me to the floor, making me gasp out of fear. “Stop! Don’t touch me!” I exclaimed, struggling to find my own strength to protect myself. “Nick stop!” I screamed as he continued to hold a grip on me, grabbing my chin to look at him straight in the face. “You need to get rid of this problem, Amelia, or I’ll find a way to make it happen.”

 

[isax]

After the shooting, I made it a point to see Amelia much more often despite my responsibilities at UNT. I was heavily involved with student orgs just like I hoped I would be but holding a staff or officer position in most of them was exhausting. My escape to Dallas was almost always needed considering what it was like at the Mayborn now. The school lost a considerable amount of students who no longer wanted to be apart the journalism program. None of the Ad or PR majors dropped and I never expected them to. I was not one of the 40% of students who dropped their majors. Being a photojournalist was still very much what I wanted. I wanted it now even more than ever considering the amount of journalists we lost. Someone needed to step in and continue telling the truth just like they would have wanted. I was going to be one of those incoming journalists.

Two weeks after the shooting, I was able to find the time to escape Denton and make my way to Dallas. After Amelia opened up to me about Nick and just exactly what happened between the two, I knew I needed to be around more. Especially because Amelia was now with child. I knew Nick wasn't a man who wanted to be a father and I knew Amelia would not agree to terminate the child. The child was in no way a problem like Nick viewed it to be and I wanted to be there with my best friend this weekend just incase Nick decided to show up so he and Amelia could talk about where to go now. I wanted to make sure Nick didn't push Amelia to do something she didn't want and what I saw happen made my blood boil.

When I walked into Amelia's apartment, I witnessed everything that happened between she and Nick. I didn't know who this man think he was but there was no way in hell I was going to stand back and watch him threaten Amelia. He pushed her to the floor, pinned her there and her pleading for him to stop rang loudly in my ears. I swear I saw red flash before my eyes and it stayed there when I heard what Nick told Amelia as he forced her to look him straight in the face. "Get off of her!" I exclaimed, making presence known. I was quick to rush to Amelia's aid, pushing Nick off of her despite the massive size difference between us. "You're nothing but a low life jerk! This child is not a problem, you are! You can't force Amelia to kill this baby and I'll be damned if I let you do anything to harm her or the child."

After prying Nick off of Amelia, I soon felt the floor hit my back and I let out a groan of pain. With all the working out I had been doing lately, my body was sore. I was able to get an advance and push Nick off of me, getting a punch in straight to his jaw so he knew I wasn't afraid of him. "Last time. Get. Out. If you come anywhere near her again, I won't be so kind and make sure your badge gets stripped. Don't test me, Nick Wells."

 

[Lexus]

When I heard Isabel scream over Nick, I couldn’t help but flinch. This is not the kind of scene I wanted her walking into. It would only make her more concerned for me and not on herself like she needed to be. I hated Nick for causing such a stir, but now that he put his hands on me in response to his anger, I was afraid of him. I felt how strong he was and like most officers, he wasn’t easily overpowered. Even for my small stature, I was a strong woman, but I was no match for his strength. This concerned me because I never knew when he would try to come back when Isabel wasn’t around. I was suddenly fearful to be alone and as an independent woman, I hated knowing, like some men before him, Nick now had complete control over my head as I wondered just what he would do to me if given the chance.

Once he pulled away from me, I pulled myself away from the floor quickly, holding my burning wrists. In my own fury, I watched Nick turn his rage towards Isabel and I wasn’t having that either.

“Nick stop!” I exclaimed again, this time my anger more apparent than my fear for him. “This is between me and you, not her. Don’t touch her.”

The next time i saw Nick he lured me to his house. I didn’t want to go but knew if I made a scene about it, he would just show up and become more livid if I declined his invitation, so I went. I was afraid but I didn’t let it show. Walking into his living room, I sat beside him uncomfortably, pushing his hand away when it reached for me. “Don’t touch me, please. What did you want? Why am I here?” For a second, I thought maybe he had a change of heart and wanted to talk to see how we could work this out. I was wrong. Less than two minutes later, I was overpowered by his strength again, laying down on the couch he had his knee delivering uncomfortable force into my abdomen, bringing me to tears. For the second time I was trying to overpower this strong man but realized how impossible it was, I realized all I could do was surrender, giving up the fight I just unleashed by painful cries and pleaded him to stop. I should have never had the decency to tell him the truth. In that moment, seeing the anger flare into his eyes, I thought he was going to do much more than bully me into getting rid of his problem, I was pretty sure he was going to kill me. Maybe it was an irrational thought, but in my panicked fear it seemed plausible. Leave it to me to survive a mass shooting by a thin hair and then up getting beaten to death by an enraged lover. For me, the shooting seemed like a more pleasant way to go.

With his hand over my mouth to quiet the sound of my cries this man who I no longer recognized to be a man who confessed his romantic feelings for me, was now crouched over me holding me captive until I gave into his command.