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  1. Anshelical

    Story One More Life Before I Go

    This is a quite descriptive slice-of-life story so far. While your descriptions are excellent, keep in mind to avoid distracting the flow of the story. For example, Readers may understand the clerk's tone changed a bit by becoming softer. If, and this revise is not limited to this, perhaps the...
  2. Anshelical

    Story Genesis Prologue (open for feedback)

    etc. Wow, this is an interesting story. Your descriptions of the setting and the emerging characters are really detailed. If there was any feedback I could give, I'd say keep the verbs describing dialogue a bit inconsistent so that it doesn't distract from the flow of the story often. But this...
  3. Anshelical

    Story (Still working on a titile, any ideas?)

    Ah I see now. I'll be awaiting chapter 2! :)
  4. Anshelical

    Story Sado Academy ~ My Story

    I just have one question. In chapter one, there's a character (the cat) named Goldenstreak. Then in chapter two, there's a Goldenrod. Is this the same character, or are they different?
  5. Anshelical

    Story I really wish I had believed her pt. 1 (scary story, trigger warning)

    This could be an apparition of his guilt.
  6. Anshelical

    Story Chapter One

    That's a pretty good hook for a start I'd say. Just one thing to make it even better: if your story had a name yet, perhaps the thread name should reflect the title of the story rather than the chapter.
  7. Anshelical

    Story A Trail in the Dark

    This "her" that was referenced... did he end up throwing her into flames, too?
  8. Anshelical

    Story (Still working on a titile, any ideas?)

    Hm, this story seems like it might have some potential so far. So is Laura a four-year-old science experiment trying to defy the odds of intelligence development (is the research trying to make the perfect child)?
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