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Dirties my clean spoons by licking them.

Sued for looking at me weird.

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Marrying a cat would be considered bestiality, so no.

Buggy

I can't help but wonder what the suicide rate is among telemarketers...

((Thank you! I agree that dogs are amazing.)) Comes back as a zombie to eat the cat's brain.

People always complain about me playing violent video games. Would they prefer me to do those actions in real life?

Well, dark humor is the point of this thread. LOL.

Brutal, dude. Brutal. Bites cat, successfully spreading rabies to said cat. The cat died of rabies.

I'm probably going to get a really stern lecture from site staff, but it's worth it. Why are jews so smart? They went to concentration camps.

Hit by a car while distracted with a spoon that was on the other side of the road.

Criminal turned rancher tries to leave his past behind. - Red Dead Redemption

Wario!!!

Hit by lightning.