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He stole John Wick's car and killed his dog.

Three words: Hungry Giant Eagles.

Was brutally maimed by a telepathic shark named Martha.

Marry.

I'm going with child simply because both other options are away too gay for me.

"Chill down, me, everything's under contr... Who am I trying to deceive? I'm so freaking dead if this bubble ends up popping."

She's probably thinking something along the lines of "Bring it on, punk. Let's see if you dare". Intimidating af.

No specific thoughts whatsoever, just basking in the bliss.

Probably thinking about which MxM ship she's fantasizing about next.

A lil'bit too crazy for me, but I'm still flattered. Kiss

"[Censored for your protection]"

"Nature certainly approves shameless advertising"

"Woof" Edit: too slow. "Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again. Because a vision softly creeping. Left its seeds while I was sleeping."

"I don't get paid well enough for this"

"What the f*ck this dumbtard is trying to do..?"

Yes.

Meh. You just appear a lot and my personal philosophy dictates that I can't refuse a moe grill. Also, no.

Sure. 

Sure.

No. The character is Final Fantasy's Cloud, @TaraSobiki.