RpNation

Ain't no party like a Pewdiepie party!

xDD When I'm sad I sometimes play the piano. I don't have a grand piano, but I have a keyboard. I've been learning for 4 years now.

@Raerae I mean, I've done other forms of self harm beyond my skin-picking disorder and I'm most certainly not proud of any of it, but it gets really hard sometimes, especially when you're lacking support at home of all places.

I love watching Pewds play Happy Wheels. I'm always crying laughing at some point. :')

@BubbleCat I actually know how to play the clarinet and various percussion instruments due to 6 years in band during middle school and high school. I was planning on changing my military job to a musician, but I'm stuck until I get the surgery sorted for my right hand.

I like to watch him play Happy Wheels too aha xD

I usually just teach myself now. I don't know what I want to do in life, but being a musician sounds awesome, and I also like fashion.

Wow.... That's awesome! I really want to learn other instruments, maybe drums or guitar.

That's awesome you both play instruments, I've always wanted to but never got the chance, I do sing, though.

One thing we're all going to have to learn is that people are unreliable. My brother tried to convince me my life was a lie, my sister kicked me out and said I was worthless, and my grandmother told me I was going to hell. Can't rely o another's approval, we just have to hope we're doing what's best for us.

@BubbleCat I've had a guitar for two years now (my parents got me one for Christmas back then), but I've never really been able to learn how to play it. I was just too busy with other stuff at the time and thanks to depression over the years, I often find myself unwilling to do anything that I'd consider fun.

I'm hoping that by changing my military jobs, I'd get a one-way ticket to finally learning how to play my guitar.

@Raerae I actually have two friends IRL who are completely understanding of what I'm going through. Both have experienced depression one way or another in their own ways, though I've only told one of them some of the details around my own experience.

I'm also finally seeing a counselor at my college (I was coerced into doing so thanks to my parents), though I think my parents are still insisting on finding someone else they can pay to 'fix' me.

@Raerae Well, all of the people who have said those things to you are wrong. We all know how amazing and sweet you are. Don't listen to them.

Lots of people have said mean things to me too, like I'm ugly, fat, someone once spread around a rumour I was a lesbian (which I'm not, but I think respect gay's).

Thanks love.

I have my mom and younger sisters support, so I'm absolutely fine. But not everyone has that luxury. People can be cruel, but that's okay, they're not vital anyways.

I don't really believe in therapy. I respect some aspects, but all the diagnostics are hardcore and typically just a scam to subscribe medicine and get a $ bonus. Wouldn't go myself tbh.

Yeah, I've been intensely bullied most of my life. It actually first started when I was 8 years old (hence the social anxiety and all). I've heard my fair share of things from how stupid and worthless I am to how I should just kill myself before I waste anyone else's time.

That doesn't mean it's all bad, however, and if it's offered, I'd at least try it out. Mine didn't go over well, usually cause I know the answer before they do, or people judge me for my low class upbringing and think they can blame everything on drugs or abuse.

Oddly enough my relatives have been the bullies. I'm serious, worst people I've ever come to know. I wouldn't wish their presence on anyone.

@Raerae The only reason I'm going to therapy at my college is because my parents coerced me into it with the underlying threat that they'd find someone for me and pay them to try and help me (I had no choice in the matter in other words).

I've only seen my therapist once so far, but I kinda like it. I'm still on edge about sharing so many things with someone I hardly know, but I force myself to do it simply because getting it out is so relieving in itself. He also hasn't even mentioned medication to me yet. I guess he has to evaluate me further before deciding on that?

People don't realize that what they say is probably going to stay with them for... Forever. I'm always going to feel worried about my appearance and weight but in the end... Are people really true friends if they care about your appearance over your personality? No. When I get married, or have a boyfriend is he really going to worry about that fact I don't have a thigh gap? Nope.

@Raerae My parents and my mom's parents have been the bullies as well. I get it at home and then I go to school or work (Nat. Guard) only to get it again. It's like I just can't escape it. And to think my parents wonder why I only want to have pets when I'm older lol. Pets will love you unconditionally as long as you treat them well.

You could have a chemical imbalance that intensifies the depression and anxiety- my mom has that, and takes paxcel. If that's the case, it'll help a ton! But it's something you should get a second opinion on doctor wise, cause some prescriptions are unnecessary. Most of America is hooked on an unnecessary drug or two. He may not prescribe it though. Sometimes cathartic release is all you need.