Fantasy The Desert

[Mephistophelian]

Character Creation Criteria:





-Must be human.


-May not have any weapons beyond either a simple sword, dagger, a bow and arrow or staff of wood. Please limit this number to as few weapons as possible.


-Clothing cannot be things that do not suit the desert. Remember, they are born in the desert and have grown up in it. They won't be wearing plate armour.


-Their biography does not need to be too in depth, as the main story will only need their personality, not their history. Do, however, include the main events of their lives.


Format:

Name & Surname:


Age:


Biography:


Personality:


Physical appearance:


Clothing:


Weapons/Items:


Extra:
​

 

[Cloud Nagasake]

Raine Fullborn

Time stretches across our lives like the sand in the desert... Raine

​

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Gender: Male


Age: 19 (I suppose this is appropriate?)


Height: 5'8


Weight: 129 lbs


Physical appearance: Raine is a slim male with a nice body shape. If seen you can tell right away that most of his muscle lies within his legs.


Clothing: More often than not, Raine is seen completely covers in a white cloak with a scarf attached to the back of the hood. Underneath he wears black pants which appear to be a little tight and wrapped in a white bandages. He doesn't wear a shirt underneath his cloak, but he has a black strap which holds his two daggers up against his chest.


Personality: Raine is the kind of guy who would keep to himself and stay silent more so than expressing his feelings by talking to a trusted ally. He is a bit anti-social due to his lack of trust be puts into others, including his family. Though he is a solitary being who loves his space and keeping his precious secrets to himself, he can become hostile if provoked.


Biography: Raine was the youngest in his family clan and the five born son. He had never seen his siblings faces or his parents for that matter due to them all wearing mask and different cloaks with long or short scarfs edged with unique patterns and shapes. He wasn't really talked to and for that later developed his anti-social, and hostile behavior. One night Raine had began traveling the desert whenever the family decided it was time to relocate, and lost them all one by one in a sand storm. The last person he saw was supposedly his sister who was just a year older than him. She grabbed onto Raine and held him tight and close enough so he could hear her last words.


"Your strong Raine. Your our light. My light. Don't let the desert decide your destiny...love will let us cross paths one day. Trust."


He didn't respond, but was so shocked to hear another speak to him, and he felt that he was loved. She let him go and was sent through the storm. Raine had shown no fear that day, but instead felt the strange feeling of dispair and sadness.


He had been walking to raging sands for seven years. Fending off any hostile creatures and feeding off their corpses. Not an easy task though and at times Raine had reached his mental limit and went insane for about a month. Secretly he longs for the love he once felt when he lost his family.


Weapons/Items: Raine likes to keep a pair of daggers hidden somewhere within his cloak and uses them mainly to get a quick kill.


Extra:

 

[Mephistophelian]

"Kit" the lonely raven


[media]
​

[/media]

Devil themselves pity you, for the tings you've seen. Far away from home, in a land whitch you could not call your own. As your mind is breaking their walls, as your skin crawl from your sins. To people like us, only choise was to kill or be killed. There is no children in a desert

About

Biography: Mother once told her, that everything has its reasons. So when her mother sold her to a stranger she didn't feel sad, but more like it was just destiny. Of course, now Kit realised she had been six at the time, and so, so innocent she had not known about anything.


She had only felt like she would change the world, but to be honest....


She didn't really feel anything at that moment. She just stared how her hands pulled the knife out of a body - pumping blood out with force, messing everything it touched - how life just left mans eyes


......she started to repeat stabbing repeatedly until there was nothing to stab. Until once the man was just fleshy chunks and bones.


Kit stood up with her weak legs.


Before her was ever changing a sand mountains and the unforgiving night sky.


She started to walk toward nothingness.


Personality: Looks emotionless, most of a time. She can sing very beautifully, and dance too. Kit doesn't like other people but knows she can't survive with her own. Likes puzzles and games. Smart for a twelve ears old.


Physical appearance: Weakly body, about 158 cm and looks surprisingly healthy looking being a wanderer. Wrecked skin, black curly hair. Hasn't bathed in ages.


Clothing: Rags and scarfs. Colourful dress and black khimar. She has way too big pack on her shoulders.


Weapons/Items:


-Bow, there is a writing in it "?? ??? ????? ????? ?? ????? ????? ?" you don't know what it says, as it had not been yours. You are practising using it, at the moment.


-small mucic box. Plays the unknown tune, long forgotten.


-bloody knife. Keep it hidden so the world could not see your sins.


Extra: About twelve years old - she hasn't been counting for ages- about to die and knows that. Can take care how herself but is still a child - even if it is just physically. She can't really do anything about her weak body can she?

Good! Make a few adjustments to your spelling and some of your grammar (it's slightly rusty, but probably due to typing too quickly), and flesh out the bio a bit more. I don't really understand the jump you made, but I can guess.

 

[Mephistophelian]

[QUOTE="Cloud Nagasake]

Raine Fullborn

Time stretches across our lives like the sand in the desert... Raine

​

View attachment 203856


Gender: Male


Age: 19 (I suppose this is appropriate?)


Height: 5'8


Weight: 129 lbs


Physical appearance: Raine is a slim male with a nice body shape. If seen you can tell right away that most of his muscle lies within his legs.


Clothing: More often than not, Raine is seen completely covers in a white cloak with a scarf attached to the back of the hood. Underneath he wears black pants which appear to be a little tight and wrapped in a white bandages. He doesn't wear a shirt underneath his cloak, but he has a black strap which holds his two daggers up against his chest.


Personality: Raine is the kind of guy who would keep to himself and stay silent more so than expressing his feelings by talking to a trusted ally. He is a bit anti-social due to his lack of trust be puts into others, including his family. Though he is a solitary being who loves his space and keeping his precious secrets to himself, he can become hostile if provoked.


Biography: ~WIP~


Weapons/Items: Raine likes to keep a pair of daggers hidden somewhere within his cloak and uses them mainly to get a quick kill.


Extra:

[/QUOTE]
Finish the bio and it should be good to go!

 

[herocomlex]

Good! Make a few adjustments to your spelling and some of your grammar (it's slightly rusty, but probably due to typing too quickly), and flesh out the bio a bit more. I don't really understand the jump you made, but I can guess.

yeah sorry.


I'm not that good at English, so it may suck most of a time. (not my native language)


Fixing problems right away! If I notice them...

 

[Mephistophelian]

yeah sorry.
I'm not that good at English, so it may suck most of a time. (not my native language)


Fixing problems right away! If I notice them...

That's fine! We are all here to learn and enjoy ourselves


Notice: I added 'Age' to the list of things needed for the character application. It was an oversight of mine not to include it in the first place.

 

[herocomlex]

okay I fixed all mistakes I saw let me know if there's something missing

 

[Mephistophelian]

okay I fixed all mistakes I saw let me know if there's something missing

It seems all right, but the English is still a bit off. I'll accept it if you can give me an example RP scenario where you react to something. I just want to be sure you will know how to keep the level of RP up

 

[herocomlex]

It seems all right, but the English is still a bit off. I'll accept it if you can give me an example RP scenario where you react to something. I just want to be sure you will know how to keep the level of RP up

yeah that's ok, thanks for a chance.

 

[Mephistophelian]

Name & Surname:


'Somebody'
​

Age:


23


Biography:


Little is known of this man, as he knows little of himself. He woke up in the sands one night with an odd medallion clutched in his hands. All around him lay the bodies of many men, all fresh and all disturbingly drained of any vital fluids. He has been wandering the desert ever since.


Personality:


Quiet and reserved, this man knows he is a person, and even understands that he must have had a life before the loss of his memories, but cannot seem to recall them. Thusly, he is more curious than his silent demeanour might suggest. Nevertheless, 'Somebody' is in search of answers, and any person he comes across will likely be barraged with a flood of questions before he returns to his usual, mute ways.


Physical appearance:

Ominously tall, with broad shoulders and a smooth, bald head, 'Somebody' is the sort of person people would take great lengths to avoid, should he become their enemy.


Clothing:

Finding himself in these odd clothes, 'Somebody' never thought to remove them, and did not even consider the fact that they might not be his. He has been travelling in them ever since he can recall. They are loose on him, and seem to consist mainly of rough fabrics from different sets of clothing. The only bit that seems original would be the soft base, which consists of a long-sleeved shirt, brown pants and supple, leather boots.





Weapons/Items:

A simple dirk, coated in dried blood, and a stick of weathered wood. Around his neck is a medallion which he allows to hang freely in sight.


NOTE: This character has a story that is mysterious because he is part of the story you will all be experiencing. He is one of the few characters I will be RPing to enhance/move the story along.
​

 

[Mephistophelian]

yeah that's ok, thanks for a chance.

Here is the scenario for you, completely unrelated to this thread:

You chance upon a man in the street. A beggar. He shakes a pathetic cup at you, allowing the coins to rattle, mockingly, as he leers. As you near him, three words come to mind that would best describe this pitiful human: stink, stank, stunk.

((Bear in mind, I make this unappealing to put you into the correct mindset for your character, who should be repulsed))​

 

[Aine]

Kala 'Raven'

Just let me be. Raven

​

Age: 20


Biography: Since birth, Kala was alone; right after he was born his mother succumbed to hunger, leaving him alone in a vast, lonely desert. It was not until a few days after his mother's death that a Tribe called 'The Kala' discovered him, laying half dead next to his mother. They named him 'Raven' after the corps eating birds that circled the sky above during the time that they found him, 'Kala' is merely a tribe name that everybody in the Kala tribe shared.


The tribe was not easy on him. As he neither had a parent nor a carer, he was was tossed into intense combat training right after he was able to walk, or at least it seemed that way, as well as made to do unwanted chores, such as fetching water from miles away, or preparing food for various feasts that the tribe enjoys tremendously. These, however, trained him to become self sufficient learning many tricks and techniques to survive in such a harsh desert condition.


Raven left the tribe as soon as he turned 17.


Personality: Cold and distant and often takes things, such as jokes, very literally. Usually keeping to himself and never really talks, to the point where even some of his fellow tribesmen doesn't know if he is mute or not. He also holds a particular fondness towards animals - as he would often make company from them.


Physical appearance: Raven is very strong physically but does not appear so, due to his rather slender physique and baggy clothing - he does have a bit of muscle on him though. He is also freakishly tall (6"11', or 210cm) this, combined with his often serious face and tone of voice would likely scare those who he comes into contact with, even with his aloof and non-caring personality.


Clothing: Traditional Kala cloths that he acquired before he left the tribe, consisting of a red cloth with golden trims that covers his left shoulders and neatly folded over a white ragged shirt and baggy cloth trousers.


Weapons/Items: Raven always have a wooden staff with him, which he uses as both a tool and a weapon.


Extra:


-He holds a strong belief in a god that the Kala tribe worships. (Don't know what god yet, looking for ideas atm.)

 

[Mephistophelian]

Kala 'Raven'

Just let me be. Raven

​

Age: 20


Biography: Since birth, Kala was alone, as right after he was born his mother succumbed to hunger, leaving him alone in a vast desert. It was not until a few days later that a Tribe called 'The Kala' discovered him, laying half dead next to his mother - they named him 'Raven' after the ravens that circled the air at the time that they found him, and 'Kala' is merely a tribe name that everybody in the Kala tribe shared.


The tribe was not easy on him. As he neither had a parent or a carer, he was was tossed into combat training right after he was able to walk, at least it seemed that way, as well as made to do unwanted chores, such as fetching water from miles away, and preparing food for various feasts that the tribe enjoys termendiously. These, however, trained him to become self sufficient learning many tricks and techniques to survive in such a harsh desert condition.


Raven left the tribe as soon as he turned 17.


Personality: Cold and distant and often takes things, such as jokes, very literally - usually keeping to himself and never really talks, to the point where even some of his fellow tribesmen doesn't know if he is mute or not. He, however, holds a particular fondness towards animals - as he would often make company from them.


Physical appearance: Raven is very strong physically, but does not appear so, due to his rather slender with a bit of muscle. He is also freakishly tall (6"11', or 210cm) this, combined with his often serious face and tone of voice would likely scare those who he comes into contact with, even with his aloof personality.


Clothing: Traditional Kala cloths that he acquired before he left the tribe, consisting of a red cloth with golden trims that covers his left shoulders.


Weapons/Items: Raven always have a wooden staff with him, which he uses as both a tool and a weapon.


Extra:


-He holds a strong belief in a god that the Kala tribe worships. (Don't know what god yet, looking for ideas atm.)

Very nice! Accepted

 

[Mephistophelian]

[QUOTE="Cloud Nagasake]

Raine Fullborn

Time stretches across our lives like the sand in the desert... Raine

​

View attachment 203856


Gender: Male


Age: 19 (I suppose this is appropriate?)


Height: 5'8


Weight: 129 lbs


Physical appearance: Raine is a slim male with a nice body shape. If seen you can tell right away that most of his muscle lies within his legs.


Clothing: More often than not, Raine is seen completely covers in a white cloak with a scarf attached to the back of the hood. Underneath he wears black pants which appear to be a little tight and wrapped in a white bandages. He doesn't wear a shirt underneath his cloak, but he has a black strap which holds his two daggers up against his chest.


Personality: Raine is the kind of guy who would keep to himself and stay silent more so than expressing his feelings by talking to a trusted ally. He is a bit anti-social due to his lack of trust be puts into others, including his family. Though he is a solitary being who loves his space and keeping his precious secrets to himself, he can become hostile if provoked.


Biography: At the age of 12, Raine was the youngest in his family clan. He had never seen his siblings faces or his parents for that matter due to them all wearing different cloaks with long or short scarfs edged with unique patterns and shapes. He wasn't really talked to and for that later developed his anti-social, and hostile behavior. One night Raine had began traveling the desert whenever the family decided it was time to relocate, and lost them all one by one in a sand storm. The last person he saw was supposedly his sister who was just a year older than him. She grabbed onto Raine and held him tight and close enough so he could hear her last words.


"Your strong Raine. Your our light. My light. Don't let the desert decide your destiny...love will let us cross paths one day. Trust."


He didn't respond, but was so shocked to hear another speak to him, and he felt that he was loved. She let him go and was sent through the storm. Raine had shown no fear that day, but instead felt the strange feeling of dispair and sadness.


He had been walking to raging sands for seven years. Fending off any hostile creatures and feeding off their corpses. Not an easy task though and at times Raine had reached his mental limit and went insane for about a month. Secretly he longs for the love he once felt when he lost his family.


Weapons/Items: Raine likes to keep a pair of daggers hidden somewhere within his cloak and uses them mainly to get a quick kill.


Extra:

[/QUOTE]
Accepted! We RP soon

 

[Boky]

They will kneel before me, you will see. Neith

?

|Age: 18|Height: 5'4|Weight: 115|
​

​

Biography

Neith had it all; born into a clan of all women warriors - she was considered next in-line, thanks to careful breeding. Her mother was the best of the best, beating any woman or man into submission, before ruthlessly beheading them and drinking their blood.

​

Neith found this disgusting.



​

Perhaps if fate was kind, Neith would've been born into a more gentler of clans. Yet fate likes to smile upon the peculiar - as Neith was the complete opposite of what her own family stood for. While they hunted, she played music on her small skinned drum. While they fought, she preferred to dance. While they screamed, she preferred to debate and barter.


No, Neith is no warrior, and thanks to her circumstances, she practically didn't have to be - in consideration of her mother who gave her everything, and allowed her to be different.

But even warriors fall.



​

Her mother had died of unknowing circumstances, causing the whole clan and Neith herself to fling into a state of chaos. While she was supposed to be the next Queen, she was - as the elders even dubbed - not ready.

​

So they rejected her.

​

"Prove to us you are worth of becoming Queen!" they spat at her, "Then, and only then, are you allowed to return."

This filled Neith with complete, and pure hatred.
​

Outcasted, unskilled, and completely weak, she was hopeless - and had no idea how to prove her worth. That is, until she remembered all the stories - stories of a better, lush environment.

For what better way to prove yourself, then to find a place that was only of folk tales?

​

Now, filled with determination, she sets out to claim what she considers rightfully hers.


She may not be the strongest, or the bravest, or the fastest -
​

But her ambition is just as potent as cobra venom.

​

• Personality
• Appearance
• Clothing
• Inventory
• Miscellaneous

• 
  
  
  Neith in all accounts, is considered naive. She spent most of her time learning things about the world by daydreaming of the stories told by her mother and elders, which makes her more of a liability as a companion than an asset. However, while Neith lacks experience, she is extremely resourceful and clever - able to make swift calculations and tactical decisions better than most of those that she grew up with.
  
  
  That being said, she also has knowledge in a vast amount of things, such as certain plants that can heal wounds faster - or how to find water in the middle of the desert. She also can read and write in her own tongue, and is fairly accurate in sketching.
  
  
  Due to her upbringing, she also can be considered highly spoiled; interrupting conversations if she feels that she needs to get in her opinion, and not understanding that at times, she cannot always get what she wants.
  
  
  However despite her childish behavior, she is shown to be quite a caring person, believing in karma, kismet, and beauty in all things, even in the harsh unforgiving desert.
  
  
  She is shown to be highly religious as all are in her tribe, though she questions that faith - quoting things that are told, yet being doubtful of them.
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  Only standing at a meek 5'4 - Neith was the shortest of her people, as well as the skinniest.
  
  
  She has a simple pear shape, having more assets in her back than in the front, in which actually causes more insecurity than anything.
  
  
  She has absolutely no muscle tone, only defined lines thanks to not eating too much meat (she didn't like that animals had to be slaughtered for a food source) and dancing as a hobby.
  
  
  She has long mahogany hair that had always been sleek and shiny - as well as it was pinned up with an assortment of bits and bobbles, though now she keeps it tied and out of the way, while wearing a leather head band.
  
  
  Her owl-like eyes are a blue color that tends to switch to hues of green, turquoise and teal, which was common for those amongst her clan - that are always lined with Kohl, as they believe it wards off evil.
  
  
  She has a tiny nose, and a small mouth that always seems to be in pout, as she tends to be thinking constantly about who-knows-what.
  
  
  Lastly, her ears are etched with elaborate designs made of henna, symbolizing her status and purity within her people. Though she can always wash this off, she has yet to have the heart to do so.
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  Before leaving her tribe, she was always dressed in the fanciest of clothing. Bright colors, silky garments, and beads were her whole life style until she was ordered to leave, in which she was given a garb of standard while that was her mothers.
  
  
  The shoulders droop on the sides, causing her to pull them up constantly as it hangs loose - too big for her, as the bottom wrap of the dress comes together to form some sort of make-shift shorts. However, the front and back of the skirt still hang down in a traditional, Egyptian style, as thin leather ankle booties cover her slender feet.
  
  
  She also has a belled anklet on her right foot.
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  • A beaded traveler Knapsack
    
  • Curved Dagger
    
  • Ornament hair pin with a scarab
    
  • Water skin
    
  • Papyrus (x20 sheets)
    
  • Kohl
    
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  Neith does not have a surname, as her tribe believes surnames are earned by your achievements, not by birth. Her mother's surname was 'Batal', meaning champion.
  
  
  She was born into the 'Alkubra' clan, Alkubra meaning cobra.
  
  
  

?

 

[Mephistophelian]

They will kneel before me, you will see. Neith

?

|Age: 18|Height: 5'4|Weight: 115|
​

​

Biography

Neith had it all; born into a clan of all women warriors - she was considered next in-line, thanks to careful breeding. Her mother was the best of the best, beating any woman or man into submission, before ruthlessly beheading them and drinking their blood.

​

Neith found this disgusting.



​

Perhaps if fate was kind, Neith would've been born into a more gentler of clans. Yet fate likes to smile upon the peculiar - as Neith was the complete opposite of what her own family stood for. While they hunted, she played music on her small skinned drum. While they fought, she preferred to dance. While they screamed, she preferred to debate and barter.


No, Neith is no warrior, and thanks to her circumstances, she practically didn't have to be - in consideration of her mother who gave her everything, and allowed her to be different.

But even warriors fall.



​

Her mother had died of unknowing circumstances, causing the whole clan and Neith herself to fling into a state of chaos. While she was supposed to be the next Queen, she was - as the elders even dubbed - not ready.

​

So they rejected her.

​

"Prove to us you are worth of becoming Queen!" they spat at her, "Then, and only then, are you allowed to return."

This filled Neith with complete, and pure hatred.
​

Outcasted, unskilled, and completely weak, she was hopeless - and had no idea how to prove her worth. That is, until she remembered all the stories - stories of a better, lush environment.

For what better way to prove yourself, then to find a place that was only of folk tales?

​

Now, filled with determination, she sets out to claim what she considers rightfully hers.


She may not be the strongest, or the bravest, or the fastest -
​

But her ambition is just as potent as cobra venom.

​

• Personality
• Appearance
• Clothing
• Inventory
• Miscellaneous

• 
  
  
  Neith in all accounts, is considered naive. She spent most of her time learning things about the world by daydreaming of the stories told by her mother and elders, which makes her more of a liability as a companion than an asset. However, while Neith lacks experience, she is extremely resourceful and clever - able to make swift calculations and tactical decisions better than most of those that she grew up with.
  
  
  That being said, she also has knowledge in a vast amount of things, such as certain plants that can heal wounds faster - or how to find water in the middle of the desert. She also can read and write in her own tongue, and is fairly accurate in sketching.
  
  
  Due to her upbringing, she also can be considered highly spoiled; interrupting conversations if she feels that she needs to get in her opinion, and not understanding that at times, she cannot always get what she wants.
  
  
  However despite her childish behavior, she is shown to be quite a caring person, believing in karma, kismet, and beauty in all things, even in the harsh unforgiving desert.
  
  
  She is shown to be highly religious as all are in her tribe, though she questions that faith - quoting things that are told, yet being doubtful of them.
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  Only standing at a meek 5'4 - Neith was the shortest of her people, as well as the skinniest.
  
  
  She has a simple pear shape, having more assets in her back than in the front, in which actually causes more insecurity than anything.
  
  
  She has absolutely no muscle tone, only defined lines thanks to not eating too much meat (she didn't like that animals had to be slaughtered for a food source) and dancing as a hobby.
  
  
  She has long mahogany hair that had always been sleek and shiny - as well as it was pinned up with an assortment of bits and bobbles, though now she keeps it tied and out of the way, while wearing a leather head band.
  
  
  Her owl-like eyes are a blue color that tends to switch to hues of green, turquoise and teal, which was common for those amongst her clan - that are always lined with Kohl, as they believe it wards off evil.
  
  
  She has a tiny nose, and a small mouth that always seems to be in pout, as she tends to be thinking constantly about who-knows-what.
  
  
  Lastly, her ears are etched with elaborate designs made of henna, symbolizing her status and purity within her people. Though she can always wash this off, she has yet to have the heart to do so.
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  Before leaving her tribe, she was always dressed in the fanciest of clothing. Bright colors, silky garments, and beads were her whole life style until she was ordered to leave, in which she was given a garb of standard while that was her mothers.
  
  
  The shoulders droop on the sides, causing her to pull them up constantly as it hangs loose - too big for her, as the bottom wrap of the dress comes together to form some sort of make-shift shorts. However, the front and back of the skirt still hang down in a traditional, Egyptian style, as thin leather ankle booties cover her slender feet.
  
  
  She also has a belled anklet on her right foot.
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  • A beaded traveler Knapsack
    
  • Curved Dagger
    
  • Ornament hair pin with a scarab
    
  • Water skin
    
  • Papyrus (x20 sheets)
    
  • Kohl
    
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  Neith does not have a surname, as her tribe believes surnames are earned by your achievements, not by birth. Her mother's surname was 'Batal', meaning champion.
  
  
  She was born into the 'Alkubra' clan, Alkubra meaning cobra.
  
  
  

?

Nice app! Accepted! So sorry for the delay...We start now.

 

[Boky]

No problem, Thank ya!

 

[Mephistophelian]

Name & Surname: Carter Fin
Age: 27


Biography: Little is known about Carter except that his parents died when he was 13 and he started going on a murder spree.


Personality: Quiet, anti social, vindictive.


Physical appearance:

Weapons/Items: Average Cutlass, 5 throwing knifes, long thick rope.

Please include a broader biography, and a more detailed personality. Additionally, one of the very few rules for new characters is "May not have any weapons beyond either a simple sword, dagger, a bow and arrow or staff of wood. Please limit this number to as few weapons as possible.". Your character has 6 weapons. I can accept two, but 6 is a bit much.

 

[CHIMNY]

Ok got it.

 

[Mephistophelian]

Ok got it.

You missed out a few sections that must be filled, such as physical appearance and clothing! Also, the story is a bit...cliché, shall I say? It has a few plot holes (such as why he didn't fight the bandits before they killed his parents) and doesn't really expand much on the story of his life. Yes, it isn't really needed, but I helps me get a feel for your writing skill, your willingness to write and your potential to write a story that includes others.

 

[CHIMNY]

Sorry its not that great i was rushing, now i will take my time for it.

 

[Mephistophelian]

Good! Be sure to include a bit of backstory to before he became 13.

 

[CHIMNY]

Ok im done.

 

[Mephistophelian]

Name & Surname: Carter Fin
Age: 27


Biography: Little is known about Carter except that his parents died when he was 13 and he started going on a murder spree. His family had started to wonder the desert looking for a civilization, for his whole life it was like that. His mom was pregnant one night so the family set up camp under a cliff which was close by to a camp of common criminals, they found the family and murdered everyone for their own sake except for Fin, naturally Fin attacked the bandits and beat them to death with the cutlass used to kill his parents. Fin then without knowing who they were went to the bandit camp, were the bandits took him in, raiding and killing everyone they saw. At age 20 Fin found out the truth about his parents murder and started to quietly kill the bandit members, within a week they all died. Fin then continued to kill and raid for his own sake.


Personality: Quiet, anti social, vindictive. Fin is very careful around other people and will never accept a drink or food without the giver taking it themselves. Only kills for food, water, etc, and also out of anger or fear or annoyance.


Physical appearance:

Clothing: As above but also wears a black hooded cloak.


Weapons/Items: Average Cutlass, wooden staff, long thick rope.

I can see your mastery of English is sufficient, but I still don't believe the biography/backstory is acceptable. Please rewrite it entirely, as the plot is still rather Cliche.

 

[CHIMNY]

Sure will do.