Other "Why won't anyone roleplay with me?"

[DisneyGirl]

Bumping this for anyone who needs some encouragement

 

[Daisie]

Good plan to bump, I've actually referred/linked to this thread a good few times. I think it's a valuable thread.

 

[DisneyGirl]

Good plan to bump, I've actually referred/linked to this thread a good few times. I think it's a valuable thread.

Aww, thank you so much! I’m so glad to hear that

 

[gator]

There is no plot until players start making decisions in the game.

The game belongs equally to each participant.

 

[Wei Wuxian]

I have to agree with the OP. It is hard to find an active player that won't drop after a few posts or something mysteriously happens and you never hear from them again, but you see them on other sites you're on together posting and joining things. I used to get discouraged when I would create a group RP, people would join and then a person would make an excuse that they couldn't continue, meanwhile, they were posting and carrying on in another story. It sucks, it makes you feel like your story isn't good enough, but you got to let your love for writing keep you pushing and eventually you will find those people who are just as dedicated as you and don't mind starting up a story and finishing it with you. I have about four that I know of that if I call on them they'll want to. I'm in a story with two of them now.

That said, I am relatively new here at RPN, so I am always seeking dedicated players who are LGBTQ-friendly and align with me. Thank you so much for this encouragement because even I have been getting a little discouraged lately looking and looking and looking. I feel like in some of the stories I am in, some of the players don't like me and that's fine. I know this because I'll communicate with them and they won't respond to me unless someone else replies to me. It's cool though, you live and learn and you understand you're not going to be everybody's cup of tea, but I appreciate this post very much.

 

[sans.rpn]

Or, "Why do I keep getting ghosted? Should I quit roleplaying? Is it just not for me? Is there something wrong with me?" Etc.

I keep seeing a lot of ya'll getting discouraged and, heck, a lot of times I get discouraged while RP partner searching too. It's frustrating to plan out a roleplay, get all excited for it, maybe even finally start writing with somebody...and then have it not work out. I get it. I feel your pain.

Now, I know this is not what you want to hear, but here's the truth: finding a good roleplay partner (or even just a good roleplay) takes time. For everyone. I can only speak from my experience. I've been roleplaying for 14 years. I've been an active member of RPN since January 2015. In that time, I've planned roleplays with just slightly over 200 people here. 211 if I counted correctly. Do you want to know how many of those 1x1 roleplay partners I ended up writing with for more than just a few posts before one of us or both of us dropped out? Around 20ish. How many of them lasted longer than a month or so? Exactly 7. In my 4 years of roleplaying on RPN, I have had 7 RP partners that ended up sticking with me longer than a couple of months. I only have two active roleplays with two of them right now.

"Dang, that sounds depressing," you might think. But if you think about it, that's how it is with everything in life. How many people have you met in your lifetime that ended up being your friends? How many jobs do people apply to before they end up working at a handful of places during their lifetime?

Now here's the good news: you only really need a handful or less of people to roleplay with. The cool thing about the roleplay partners that I've met through RPN is that we share the same 1x1 interests and we've become really good friends. Some of them are my best friends. That means that we can have multiple roleplays together, without having to go through the search again.

"But I just want to roleplay now!"

So do I. Finding someone who's willing to reply to your search thread and do a little bit of plotting and maybe posting is usually easy but finding a quality roleplay partner is a totally different thing altogether. It's like dating in that way. Thanks to dating apps, you can find any cute person to go on a date with you, but finding someone really special is gonna take work and it's not realistic to expect to find them on the first couple of dates. But, you will find them eventually and it'll be worth it. Trust me.

Now. There are some important things to consider that might be hurting your chances of finding partners:


- If you're mean/controlling/intimidating, or something similar to that, then that might be why you're having problems. If you're not good at collaborating or too demanding, that's definitely going to destroy any potential roleplays you have.

- It's important to be able to express yourself clearly. English may not be your first language and/or maybe you struggle with grammar and spelling, and that's okay. Nobody's perfect. But it is important that others are able to understand you, otherwise they can't write with you.

- Pursue and only pursue those with the same interests/style as you. If you're into anime roleplays with quick daily replies, then contact other people who like anime roleplays with quick daily replies. Most likely someone who likes anime but detailed writing or someone who likes quick replies but not anime isn't going to be interested in roleplaying with you. It doesn't make you a bad person or them a bad person. You're just not compatible. I write detailed and romantic modern roleplays. If I tried to roleplay with the medieval fantasy crowd or the daily replies crowd, I would never find a roleplay partner. You gotta find your tribe.

- Last but not least, be patient. Assume people are gonna ghost you and be ready to move on. Grieve and rant about it for sure, but the show must go on. If it gets to be too much, try sticking with the few partners you have. If having the luck of finding 7 roleplay partners out of 200 sounds like too much for you, maybe roleplaying is not for you and that's okay.

I went through a lot of roleplay partners in these past four years. I got ghosted. I lost friends. I got my heart broken and I got angry. Roleplaying really is time-consuming and can take a lot out of you. Writing a story with somebody is a bond like no other. But going through 200 was worth it all to find those 7.

Keep searching guys

TRUTJ hurtss

 

[Shadow Rose]

This is encouraging and all don't get me wrong...but at least you had a few stay after a few years so I can't help but to think something akin to "that's easy for you to say"

I've been looking for about 5 or 6 years and I haven't even had one stay. Always they leave after like 3 or 4 posts. I'm starting to wonder if people hate me or my ideas or what the hell I'm doing wrong. I've gotten to the point where I'm just not really posting adds anymore, anywhere and I've even turned a couple of people down because I feel they'll just leave me anyway so why bother.

Of course I try to be fair. I'm not the only one writing this and I refuse to be some kind of dictator so any ideas my partner has I'm willing to listen to and try out. Grandma died and need a couple weeks? No problem. Sorry for your loss. Have an interveiw and need a day? Good luck! Life happens. I get it.

Still is it really so hard to say "hey I'm not interested/I'm too busy/my health"? I mean its not. I've done it before. It takes two seconds and what am I going to do bite your head off through your screen? As long as you're not lying to me because I *have* caught people doing that too where they said something was going on and they wouldn't be able to rp anymore....and then I caught them looking for more rps.

 

[Jannah]

I have a hard time finding partners, but I admit it's mostly a me problem. I have some pretty niche interests. My mental health issues can also make me quite unpredictable when it comes to replies. Most RPers like consistency, which I can't necessarily promise.

 

[LoCarb Madman]

My problem has been, at least here recently, is my interests. It’s either TV Shows I thought were popular but aren’t, or the fact that probably the lone wrestling fan on this entire site searching for a story so niche I might as well hit up ChatGPT and get my writing in that way.

I try not to be demanding and I try to be clear with what I want and what I’m looking for. Unfortunately, most of my efforts fall into my DMs with guys, or guys pretending to be women who was out and out NSFW stuff. And I’m just not about that.

I guess, wanting to do a wrestling RP is too much to ask. But, I’m too stupid to not post my ad of bump my thread lol.

 

[Daisie]

My problem has been, at least here recently, is my interests. It’s either TV Shows I thought were popular but aren’t, or the fact that probably the lone wrestling fan on this entire site searching for a story so niche I might as well hit up ChatGPT and get my writing in that way.

I try not to be demanding and I try to be clear with what I want and what I’m looking for. Unfortunately, most of my efforts fall into my DMs with guys, or guys pretending to be women who was out and out NSFW stuff. And I’m just not about that.

I guess, wanting to do a wrestling RP is too much to ask. But, I’m too stupid to not post my ad of bump my thread lol.

Hey, the way I see it, the chances of you finding a wrestling RP partner are 0% when you don't post an ad. When you do post an ad, it's a above 0%.

 

[LoCarb Madman]

Hey, the way I see it, the chances of you finding a wrestling RP partner are 0% when you don't post an ad. When you do post an ad, it's a above 0%.

But I do have an ad. All 40+ replies are me bumping it lol.

 

[Daisie]

But I do have an ad. All 40+ replies are me bumping it lol.

Well that's what I'm saying lol
Even if it doesn't wind up doing anything, it still brings your chances above 0, so it's a good thing anyways

 

[HeavenlyDemonDonquixote]

Or, "Why do I keep getting ghosted? Should I quit roleplaying? Is it just not for me? Is there something wrong with me?" Etc.

I keep seeing a lot of ya'll getting discouraged and, heck, a lot of times I get discouraged while RP partner searching too. It's frustrating to plan out a roleplay, get all excited for it, maybe even finally start writing with somebody...and then have it not work out. I get it. I feel your pain.

Now, I know this is not what you want to hear, but here's the truth: finding a good roleplay partner (or even just a good roleplay) takes time. For everyone. I can only speak from my experience. I've been roleplaying for 14 years. I've been an active member of RPN since January 2015. In that time, I've planned roleplays with just slightly over 200 people here. 211 if I counted correctly. Do you want to know how many of those 1x1 roleplay partners I ended up writing with for more than just a few posts before one of us or both of us dropped out? Around 20ish. How many of them lasted longer than a month or so? Exactly 7. In my 4 years of roleplaying on RPN, I have had 7 RP partners that ended up sticking with me longer than a couple of months. I only have two active roleplays with two of them right now.

"Dang, that sounds depressing," you might think. But if you think about it, that's how it is with everything in life. How many people have you met in your lifetime that ended up being your friends? How many jobs do people apply to before they end up working at a handful of places during their lifetime?

Now here's the good news: you only really need a handful or less of people to roleplay with. The cool thing about the roleplay partners that I've met through RPN is that we share the same 1x1 interests and we've become really good friends. Some of them are my best friends. That means that we can have multiple roleplays together, without having to go through the search again.

"But I just want to roleplay now!"

So do I. Finding someone who's willing to reply to your search thread and do a little bit of plotting and maybe posting is usually easy but finding a quality roleplay partner is a totally different thing altogether. It's like dating in that way. Thanks to dating apps, you can find any cute person to go on a date with you, but finding someone really special is gonna take work and it's not realistic to expect to find them on the first couple of dates. But, you will find them eventually and it'll be worth it. Trust me.

Now. There are some important things to consider that might be hurting your chances of finding partners:


- If you're mean/controlling/intimidating, or something similar to that, then that might be why you're having problems. If you're not good at collaborating or too demanding, that's definitely going to destroy any potential roleplays you have.

- It's important to be able to express yourself clearly. English may not be your first language and/or maybe you struggle with grammar and spelling, and that's okay. Nobody's perfect. But it is important that others are able to understand you, otherwise they can't write with you.

- Pursue and only pursue those with the same interests/style as you. If you're into anime roleplays with quick daily replies, then contact other people who like anime roleplays with quick daily replies. Most likely someone who likes anime but detailed writing or someone who likes quick replies but not anime isn't going to be interested in roleplaying with you. It doesn't make you a bad person or them a bad person. You're just not compatible. I write detailed and romantic modern roleplays. If I tried to roleplay with the medieval fantasy crowd or the daily replies crowd, I would never find a roleplay partner. You gotta find your tribe.

- Last but not least, be patient. Assume people are gonna ghost you and be ready to move on. Grieve and rant about it for sure, but the show must go on. If it gets to be too much, try sticking with the few partners you have. If having the luck of finding 7 roleplay partners out of 200 sounds like too much for you, maybe roleplaying is not for you and that's okay.

I went through a lot of roleplay partners in these past four years. I got ghosted. I lost friends. I got my heart broken and I got angry. Roleplaying really is time-consuming and can take a lot out of you. Writing a story with somebody is a bond like no other. But going through 200 was worth it all to find those 7.

Keep searching guys

Definitely my current struggle and it sucks but well, hopefully we’ll all find that one rp partner that has the same enthusiasm as us!!

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Totally my problem at the moment. So I've been focusing on improving my writing and shooting my shot on whatever catches my interest. It's better to attempt to reach out than nothing at all.