Other Why? Just why?

[Dontforgettograbastick]

I've seen this in a lot of forms of literature and I have to ask...

WHY DO PEOPLE ROMANTICISE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS? WHY?!

Ehh, I don't know, are their other people like me cringing in a corner whenever you see this?

And if you do romanticise abusive relationships, I am curious to know your reasoning, what's going on inside your head?

 

[PhoenixMire]

I dislike romance in general, so people romanticizing creepy relationships of any kind is another level of unfathomable to me... I’ve seen romance stories where the author romanticizes a very overprotective boyfriend, to the point where he’s flat out controlling and kind of abusive. What the heck?

Not to mention all the male characters I’ve seen that are VERY forceful (pushing a nervous girl up against a wall, kissing her hard even when she’s panicking at the situation, etc.) and even though that kind of thing sounds insanely creepy, it’s written as if it’s the sexiest thing ever.
No it isn’t. It just sounds terrifying. I’m so confused

I’m really concerned for these people tbh, I hope this is just a thing that happens in their writing and not something that carries over to their life in the real world.

 

[Dontforgettograbastick]

I dislike romance in general, so people romanticizing creepy relationships of any kind is another level of unfathomable to me... I’ve seen romance stories where the author romanticizes a very overprotective boyfriend, to the point where he’s flat out controlling and kind of abusive. What the heck?

Not to mention all the male characters I’ve seen that are VERY forceful (pushing a nervous girl up against a wall, kissing her hard even when she’s panicking at the situation, etc.) and even though that kind of thing sounds insanely creepy, it’s written as if it’s the sexiest thing ever.
No it isn’t. It just sounds terrifying. I’m so confused

I’m really concerned for these people tbh, I hope this is just a thing that happens in their writing and not something that carries over to their life in the real world.

I hope so too. Also, I am glad someone agrees it's creepy! I'm not alone here! I'm just damn curious to know what they're thinking of when they write stuff like that.

 

[Darkmaster006]

Well, for starters, there's many anime/manga fans in here. And, sadly, unfortunately enough, shoujo manga tends to be (aka 90% of it) borderline-abusive shit with overused tropes and overused gendered characterisation (aka the girl is always meek and shy and the boy is strong and assertive and always, as PhoenixMire mentions, does things like pushing her or well even worse stuff and what's worse is that, according to these manga's shitty characterisation of women, they end up liking it, or still like the boy after that for some reason bc 'romance', fuck that). So, it might have to do with tropes and stuff they've transferred from their reading of these manga, maybe?

 

[Dontforgettograbastick]

Well, for starters, there's many anime/manga fans in here. And, sadly, unfortunately enough, shoujo manga tends to be (aka 90% of it) borderline-abusive shit with overused tropes and overused gendered characterisation (aka the girl is always meek and shy and the boy is strong and assertive and always, as PhoenixMire mentions, does things like pushing her or well even worse stuff and what's worse is that, according to these manga's shitty characterisation of women, they end up liking it, or still like the boy after that for some reason bc 'romance', fuck that). So, it might have to do with tropes and stuff they've transferred from their reading of these manga, maybe?

Highly possible, and why is it so hard for people to characterise women? . People should have enough common sense to realise, if they see an abusive and controlling relationship in any form of media, to go: "WaIT hang on, that's disturbing and wrong on soo many levels, so how about I not write about that?"

 

[Darkmaster006]

Not to mention the overwhelming amount of shitty harem anime there are out there with a boy as protagonist and like five girls fawning over him for some fucking reason?? It's awful, just dumb as shit and annoying, and worse of all people say it's good?? Not to mention the oversexualisation of girls in anime and a long etcetera of bullshit. But well, I guess it's not just anime, look at Fifty Shades of Grey, or, honestly, any heterosexual relationship represented in western media is like that (Japan just makes it more explicit and doesn't give a fuck).

 

[Darkmaster006]

Highly possible, and why is it so hard for people to characterise women? . People should have enough common sense to realise, if they see an abusive and controlling relationship in any form of media, to go: "WaIT hang on, that's disturbing and wrong on soo many levels, so how about I not write about that?"

It's just... really imbued in media. Like it's everywhere, so people don't stop to think. So rather than think the stuff they consume is problematic, they just normalise it, which is easier and subconscious..

 

[Dontforgettograbastick]

Not to mention the overwhelming amount of shitty harem anime there are out there with a boy as protagonist and like five girls fawning over him for some fucking reason?? It's awful, just dumb as shit and annoying, and worse of all people say it's good?? Not to mention the oversexualisation of girls in anime and a long etcetera of bullshit. But well, I guess it's not just anime, look at Fifty Shades of Grey, or, honestly, any heterosexual relationship represented in western media is like that (Japan just makes it more explicit and doesn't give a fuck).

I think Sword Art Online is an example of this. Where the main character had several girls after him (I lost count), even his own dang sister! And yeah.. it has become a common trope in media, but, it just really worries me that this can make authors feel like its okay to write shit like that! Why did it even become a trope?! Shall we blame manga?!

 

[Darkmaster006]

I think Sword Art Online is an example of this. Where the main character had several girls after him (I lost count), even his own dang sister! And yeah.. it has become a common trope in media, but, it just really worries me that this can make authors feel like its okay to write shit like that! Why did it even become a trope?! Shall we blame manga?!

Yeah, SAO is exactly like what I was talking about, and it's incredibly popular even though it's shit. I think there's even some rape scenes :/.

I don't really know who's to blame, it's a pervasive problem. Japan has a thing with sexualising women, so it's obvious that it'd translate into anime, sadly. As for the West, the same goes for it, they just sexualise in a different way, I think. It's just something that goes way back in patriarchal societies and stuff. It isn't really easy to do anything about it rather than calling it out and not support it. I mean, with this mindset, you get a swarm of harems every anime seasoon. Well, all we can do is not imitate nor support that ourselves.

 

[Kaerri]

I think it's more the stereotypical "romance novel" relationships that are like that, at least in Western novels and in my experience. That's one reason I don't read a lot of mainstream romance novels even though I love to see people happily paired up (if they want to be -- if not, I'm just as pleased to see them happily single). I suggest Georgette Heyer (in historical romances), Patricia Briggs (in paranormal romance or urban fantasy, depending on your bookseller), and Sharon Lee & Steve Miller (sci-fi/fantasy) for some good examples of healthy, partner-type (not abuser/victim) romantic relationships. Or if you just want darn good stories, especially the latter two!

 

[Dontforgettograbastick]

Yeah, SAO is exactly like what I was talking about, and it's incredibly popular even though it's shit. I think there's even some rape scenes :/.

I don't really know who's to blame, it's a pervasive problem. Japan has a thing with sexualising women, so it's obvious that it'd translate into anime, sadly. As for the West, the same goes for it, they just sexualise in a different way, I think. It's just something that goes way back in patriarchal societies and stuff. It isn't really easy to do anything about it rather than calling it out and not support it. I mean, with this mindset, you get a swarm of harems every anime seasoon. Well, all we can do is not imitate nor support that ourselves.

Yikes, why include rape scenes?! Rape is a legitimate crime! I googled Sword Art Online's age rating just now and it's only rated PG-13! It terrifies me that it's become such a popular trope that 13 year olds are going to grow up seeing it in media, and potentially think it's okay when they grow up! AAAAAAAA this is one of the many reasons I hate society.

 

[Dontforgettograbastick]

I think it's more the stereotypical "romance novel" relationships that are like that, at least in Western novels and in my experience. That's one reason I don't read a lot of mainstream romance novels even though I love to see people happily paired up (if they want to be -- if not, I'm just as pleased to see them happily single). I suggest Georgette Heyer (in historical romances), Patricia Briggs (in paranormal romance or urban fantasy, depending on your bookseller), and Sharon Lee & Steve Miller (sci-fi/fantasy) for some good examples of healthy, partner-type (not abuser/victim) romantic relationships. Or if you just want darn good stories, especially the latter two!

Thanks for the recommended books! Because, boy, I need a break from all these abusive relationship novels and stories *SiGh*

 

[Kaerri]

Welcome! I hope you enjoy them. I really dislike the romanticizing of abuse as well. Abuse is what the bad guys do, it's not for the hero(ine) of the story!

Edit: just to clarify, I mean actual abuse, i.e. one person harming another, be it physically or otherwise. Not meant to denigrate or shame those who enjoy what, for lack of better words, I'll call "mock abuse" where all involved are consenting to the situation and enjoying it in their own way. I don't understand that myself, but I get that people do.

 

[Darkmaster006]

Ah, if you're looking for some recommendations, I have some good romancey anime you'd probably like:
- Wotakoi It's more comedy than romance, but it's really good. I think the manga is even better, so I recommend that too.
- Amanchu! - It's FxF but if you don't mind that, it's really really cute. (Just season 1).
- Holmes of Kyoto - Cute romancey anime with mystery too!
- Snow White with the Red Hair - Best romance anime out there. Completely healthy and cute as far as I remember.
- Tsuritama - This isn't really romance (well, I ship the main two leads and it's kinda hinted at) but it's about friendship, love, and social anxiety, and friendship XD. The story gets weirder by the minute, in a good way.

 

[PhoenixMire]

Well, for starters, there's many anime/manga fans in here. And, sadly, unfortunately enough, shoujo manga tends to be (aka 90% of it) borderline-abusive shit with overused tropes and overused gendered characterisation (aka the girl is always meek and shy and the boy is strong and assertive and always, as PhoenixMire mentions, does things like pushing her or well even worse stuff and what's worse is that, according to these manga's shitty characterisation of women, they end up liking it, or still like the boy after that for some reason bc 'romance', fuck that). So, it might have to do with tropes and stuff they've transferred from their reading of these manga, maybe?

You reminded me why I dislike shoujo lol
First off, I'm only very rarely okay with romance, and secondly... tropes like these creep me out to no end. I loathe them. I mostly stick to shounen tbh.
The only shoujo I can think of that I like is Natsume Yuujinchou. That one actually has like, zero romance lol

 

[Dontforgettograbastick]

Ah, if you're looking for some recommendations, I have some good romancey anime you'd probably like:
- Wotakoi It's more comedy than romance, but it's really good. I think the manga is even better, so I recommend that too.
- Amanchu! - It's FxF but if you don't mind that, it's really really cute. (Just season 1).
- Holmes of Kyoto - Cute romancey anime with mystery too!
- Snow White with the Red Hair - Best romance anime out there. Completely healthy and cute as far as I remember.
- Tsuritama - This isn't really romance (well, I ship the main two leads and it's kinda hinted at) but it's about friendship, love, and social anxiety, and friendship XD. The story gets weirder by the minute, in a good way.

Thank you sooo much for the recommendations. They all sound very interesting, I'll check them out! My need for nice, healthy relationships will finally be quenched!

 

[Darkmaster006]

Thank you sooo much for the recommendations. They all sound very interesting, I'll check them out! My need for nice, healthy relationships will finally be quenched!

I hope you like them.
I would add also:
Rolling Girls - It's more on the action-side and focuses on relationships too, so might be of your taste! It's very fun and colorful!
I do have some cute manga I'd wholeheartedly recommend if you're into that too!

 

[PhoenixMire]

If you'd like some fun stuff without much (if any) romance, I've got some suggestions lol
Or if you're just looking for good romance that isn't creepy... uhhhhh... I have maybe only a couple of those

 

[Dontforgettograbastick]

PhoenixMire Darkmaster006

Please, just send me all the recommendations you can XD I don't care if its manga, anime, a book, film, or tv show

 

[Spoiled Bread]

I think It's just fanservice. People can't really do it in real life without consequence (whether it's lawsuit or embarassment). So they romanticise it in fiction. Just like shooting people, you can't do it in real life, so to the shooting game you go.

Also, I recommend Chihayafuru. It's a nice anime. Where else can you find a female karuta maniac as main protagonist?

 

[Darkmaster006]

PhoenixMire Darkmaster006

Please, just send me all the recommendations you can XD I don't care if its manga, anime, a book, film, or tv show

Alright, here they go:

Kiss and White Lily for my Dearest Girl - The manga about one hundred FxF couples. Healthy and cute as hell. Honestly, the way this manga develops relationships between people is so amazing, it's so well-done and natural. It's fluffy. It's top-tier. You can read my review here, since I'd beat around the bushes if I kept talking about it XD: Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl Manga Reviews | Anime-Planet

Hana ni Arashi - As of now, this doesn't really have a story to hold onto. It's just fluffy time with these two girls who are in a relationship but hide it from everyone.

My Cute Little Kitten - One of the best from Morinaga Milk (famous romance-yuri writer). Only 4 chapters long as of now.

Nettaigyo wa Yuki ni Kogareru - The development of a friendship-love relationship between two girls. This deals a lot with feelings of insecurity and acceptance and friendship.

Tamen De Gushi - Funniest manga out there. If you aren't reading this, then why are you alive?

M A S T E R P I E C E.

Himawari-san - I'm running out of words to describe romance. Help me. "The development of a gentle, warm relationship between a bookstore owner and a high school student."

Go read it, do it for this cutie.

2DK, G-pen, Alarm clock. - "A mangaka and her salarywoman roommate come to realize that their feelings of friendship might actually be something quite different." I don't wanna spoil but this is good, although only like 3 chapters are out in english.

Shuuden ni wa Kaeshimasu - This is a collection of stories. The first two... are a masterpiece. Both art and story. Just two chapters, and it ends there, so it's short and perfect.


Cotton Candy - Title says it all.

Ohime-sama no Himitsu - "The principal's valuable vase has been broken the school prince and volley-ball club ace, Fujiwara-senpai. "Don't tell anyone, I'll do anything you say!" Having witnessed the incident, Miu, on the spur of the moment, chose to go out with her senpai. Over the course of the dating, Miu became attracted to her senpai's surprising frankness, but by then, it was too late to say her true feelings. This is how she came to fall in love with her senpai. A bittersweet highschool romance." Honestly, best climax scene I've ever seen.

Like a Snowfall in Spring

Kase-san - "Yamada is the plant appointee; tending the school's garden of flowers on her own. She isn't the slightest bit athletic, she's actually quite clumsy. However, that doesn't stop her from having feelings for the star athlete in the class next-door, Kase-san. Slightly shy, Yamada is reluctant about her feelings for the enthusiastic Kase-san. Slowly but surely, the pair are helping each other to grow in confidence for both themselves and their budding relationship, each blush and brush of the hand at a time." This is the cutest thing.

Tonari wa Nani o Kuu Hito zo - What is this? A romance and cooking manga? Yes. And it's amazing. It has a sequel, too! "Inaba Suzuna is trying her best to make a campus debut and to have many friends in Tokyo. Until she realized that she miserably fails at living alone. Fortunately, her neighbor, Seto-kun, comes and saves her from dying of starvation. Bright campus life is still far away for Suzuna, but at least, she has a very dependable neighbor! A manga about easy cooking with heartwarming story in every chapter."

You'll there aren't much shoujo manga (just one, lol), which is because honestly, I've only watched shojo anime, and out of the shojo anime I've watched, which aren't many, all follow the partner of border-abusive relationship, so I'm on the lookout for more good shojo manga/anime. If anyone has some, do recommend! (While yuri manga, even though they follow other tropes, they aren't that kind of tropes). For example, I watched 'Say I Love You', and even though I finished it, there was something negative or to criticise out of every episode that just made me enjoy it less and less. Lots of short-ish stories in the list. Anyways, I had lots of fun putting up this list and my thought about the manga, and I hope its useful for someone!

 

[PhoenixMire]

Please, just send me all the recommendations you can XD I don't care if its manga, anime, a book, film, or tv show

Uhhhh okay so I'm a weeb and only have anime and manga recommendations
You may have already read or seen some (or all?) of these, idk. They're pretty popular I guess. But here we go anyway :')

- Blue Exorcist. The anime is fun but I prefer the manga, since it goes much further. It's pretty fun and can get really intense down the line.
- Noragami. Both the manga and anime are good, but the manga has a lot more happening. Yato can be a creep but he's slowly learning not to be haha
- Mob Psycho 100. Popular, I know, but I really love this show. It's funny, charming, and the animation is so fluid and nice, not to mention I really enjoy the characters.
- Violet Evergarden. It's just so beautiful. It's popular so you might have already watched it, but if you haven't, you should.
- Mushishi. Some people might consider it to be slow and boring, but I think it's so pretty and atmospheric. It's episodic; some episodes are tragic, some are more happy, some are kind of eerie. It's great all around.
- Cells at Work... if you like biology I guess. I actually don't like biology and I ended up really liking this (both the anime and manga), it's just so lighthearted and fun and educational!
- Natsume Yuujinchou. I mentioned it before; I really like it. It's so cute and sweet and there's no romance (at least not for our main character, which I like).

Some other, slightly darker things:
- Another, if you like horror I guess? It's a fun show, even if it's not perfect, and I feel like the ending was a bit... meh. But other than that it's a decent way to pass time.
- The Promised Neverland. Apparently it's got an anime now, which I haven't watched, but I like the manga so far. I haven't finished it, but it's really enjoyable and tense.
- Durarara, maybe? It's really fun and kinda silly, but literally nobody in that show is mentally okay. They're all totally crazy lol

And then obviously any Ghibli films you haven't seen yet. Watch them haha
And I won't recommend My Hero Academia since I'm pretty sure you've already seen it buuut it's great too

There are my lame recommendations

 

[Dontforgettograbastick]

I think It's just fanservice. People can't really do it in real life without consequence (whether it's lawsuit or embarassment). So they romanticise it in fiction. Just like shooting people, you can't do it in real life, so to the shooting game you go.

Also, I recommend Chihayafuru. It's a nice anime. Where else can you find a female karuta maniac as main protagonist?

You have a good point there! And I'll have to check Chihayafuru out!

 

[Darkmaster006]

Uhhhh okay so I'm a weeb and only have anime and manga recommendations
You may have already read or seen some (or all?) of these, idk. They're pretty popular I guess. But here we go anyway :')

- Blue Exorcist. The anime is fun but I prefer the manga, since it goes much further. It's pretty fun and can get really intense down the line.
- Noragami. Both the manga and anime are good, but the manga has a lot more happening. Yato can be a creep but he's slowly learning not to be haha
- Mob Psycho 100. Popular, I know, but I really love this show. It's funny, charming, and the animation is so fluid and nice, not to mention I really enjoy the characters.
- Violet Evergarden. It's just so beautiful. It's popular so you might have already watched it, but if you haven't, you should.
- Mushishi. Some people might consider it to be slow and boring, but I think it's so pretty and atmospheric. It's episodic; some episodes are tragic, some are more happy, some are kind of eerie. It's great all around.
- Cells at Work... if you like biology I guess. I actually don't like biology and I ended up really liking this (both the anime and manga), it's just so lighthearted and fun and educational!
- Natsume Yuujinchou. I mentioned it before; I really like it. It's so cute and sweet and there's no romance (at least not for our main character, which I like).

Some other, slightly darker things:
- Another, if you like horror I guess? It's a fun show, even if it's not perfect, and I feel like the ending was a bit... meh. But other than that it's a decent way to pass time.
- The Promised Neverland. Apparently it's got an anime now, which I haven't watched, but I like the manga so far. I haven't finished it, but it's really enjoyable and tense.
- Durarara, maybe? It's really fun and kinda silly, but literally nobody in that show is mentally okay. They're all totally crazy lol

And then obviously any Ghibli films you haven't seen yet. Watch them haha
And I won't recommend My Hero Academia since I'm pretty sure you've already seen it buuut it's great too

There are my lame recommendations

Noragami is such a good anime! And yeah, Yato can be a bit of a creep sometimes, although I think it's mostly played for the laughs for some reason. I find 'Shima' from Blue Exorcist to be a much more annoying creep, though.
Also, Cells at Work is so good and wholesome . The anime designs are great.

Also, if you want some like your darker stuff (I loved The Promised Neverland), go for:
Jigokuraku it's a lot like it and I'm sure you'll love it. It's even free on mangaplus.

 

[Dontforgettograbastick]

PhoenixMire Darkmaster006

Thanks for all the recommendations guys! Some of these sound really cool!