Viewpoint Why is everyone so terrified of the starter/first post?

[NotPoisonousIvy]

This is probably a very bad idea ... here goes nothing.

Alright, the title may make me sound a little bit salty, but I’m honestly just curious about this. Why is everybody so scared of writing the starter/first post for the RP? Is this just my personal experience? Am I missing something here?

I’ve been roleplaying for a few years now, and I can count on one hand all the instances in which my partners offered/agreed to write the first post. It was about four times. That job usually gets placed on my shoulders.

Now, let’s make things clear- I don’t want to make a fuss about it. I have always willingly agreed to write the starter because I honestly don’t mind it- but a few things have been really bothering me as of lately.

I have found that, in the rare instances when I was unable to write the starter (thanks to real life issues) and my partner offered to do so, they ended up ghosting the RP. Similarly, many people who claimed to be ‘busy’ were able to immediately provide one (or several) replies for the starter, despite their claims.

To sum it up- I’m confused and want to know if people here have had similar experiences. (Or am I making a big deal out of nothing?)

 

[apolla]

In my experience, people don't like starting for maybe a couple of reasons.

• They don't want to write the starter only to get ghosted. It happens, sadly, but they don't wanna put the work in for nothing, if that makes sense.
• Maybe they're afraid their writing won't be good enough, or that their partner won't like it
• No muse/no idea how to start. It should be discussed between partners on how to start, but still, some people prefer the scene be set for them.

Just what I've seen/can think of at the moment.

 

[NotPoisonousIvy]

In my experience, people don't like starting for maybe a couple of reasons.

• They don't want to write the starter only to get ghosted. It happens, sadly, but they don't wanna put the work in for nothing, if that makes sense.
• Maybe they're afraid their writing won't be good enough, or that their partner won't like it
• No muse/no idea how to start. It should be discussed between partners on how to start, but still, some people prefer the scene be set for them.

Just what I've seen/can think of at the moment.

I suppose you make a fair point- especially with the last two statements. Sometimes the starter doesn’t quite feel right no matter how much I polish it.

However, I believe the first thing you listed it’s a bit of a ‘double edged sword’- so to speak. I find that, more often than not, the person who writes the starter ends up getting ghosted. So pushing the ‘responsibility’ of starting onto another person, out of fear of being ghosted, only to ghost them yourself instead- ‘not cool man’ :/

(Again, this is just my experience/opinion- it’s not necessarily 100% accurate.)

 

[apolla]

No, honestly, I totally agree. I'm kinda in the same boat as you-- I find myself writing alot of starters. And I don't really mind. And I've definitely gotten ghosted after doing so! Maybe our writing styles didn't mesh up, maybe they forget, maybe whatever. The point is, it happened. It's completely a double edged sword, and maybe if more people weren't afraid to write starters and communicate, ghosting would happen less. But that's a totally separate convo. XD

 

[NotPoisonousIvy]

No, honestly, I totally agree. I'm kinda in the same boat as you-- I find myself writing alot of starters. And I don't really mind. And I've definitely gotten ghosted after doing so! Maybe our writing styles didn't mesh up, maybe they forget, maybe whatever. The point is, it happened. It's completely a double edged sword, and maybe if more people weren't afraid to write starters and communicate, ghosting would happen less. But that's a totally separate convo. XD

And that’s the (gospel) truth XD

 

[apolla]

And that’s the (gospel) truth XD

AHHH
i love the reference
< 3

 

[Tove]

Some don't want the responsibility perhaps or they want to see if the other person is committed or already have it in their mind during the planning process they've given up, who knows?
I know I get really apprehensive of a person that says they looked at my request thread, pitch their own plot instead, and after we have discussed plans want me to do the starter.

I know for myself I wouldn't say so much as I'm afraid. I think of it like this. If I have a request thread and someone messages me about interest in one of my plots or ideas, we toss ideas back and forth, I have no problem making a starter because usually with that plot or idea I have a good spot in mind about characters and where I want to go. Technically, it is an idea or plot of my creation that the person wanted to do. If I picked out someone's idea or plot we threw ideas together I expect them to do the starter. If they have their main character already they should set things up as I'm not a mind reader I don't know what they want to do.

 

[Fable]

I think there is a feeling of a certain pressure when it comes to first posts. First posts are first impressions of a roleplay. Perhaps they've had bad experiences where they have written the first post and gotten massively negative remarks on what was written.

For me it's the most difficult post to make for a 1x1. Not for groups, just 1x1s.

I tend to worry that my first post will be lacking in quality since sometimes my mind can literally draw a blank on how to start something for a 1x1. Usually I'll inform the other person of my anxiety and apologize beforehand now and let them know that my first posts tend to be my weakest at times. A factor could also be for me that I've yet to develop a friendly OOC relationship with the person so I tend to worry terribly about my posts for a while.

I've honestly decided for any of my plots these days for 1x1 to pre-write a 1x1 starter to relieve that stress a bit. It gives me to time to flesh the first post out without the pressure of someone waiting for my brain to jumpstart and get over the anxiety.

 

[NotPoisonousIvy]

Some don't want the responsibility perhaps or they want to see if the other person is committed or already have it in their mind during the planning process they've given up, who knows?
I know I get really apprehensive of a person that says they looked at my request thread, pitch their own plot instead, and after we have discussed plans want me to do the starter.

I know for myself I wouldn't say so much as I'm afraid. I think of it like this. If I have a request thread and someone messages me about interest in one of my plots or ideas, we toss ideas back and forth, I have no problem making a starter because usually with that plot or idea I have a good spot in mind about characters and where I want to go. Technically, it is an idea or plot of my creation that the person wanted to do. If I picked out someone's idea or plot we threw ideas together I expect them to do the starter. If they have their main character already they should set things up as I'm not a mind reader I don't know what they want to do.

As I said before, your first statement may be seen as a bit of a ‘double edged sword’. Both partners are unsure and would like to see how committed the other is, they’re both in the same boat. (Again, this is just my view on the subject.)

Also- That’s an interesting take on the topic, to say the least. I have RPed on another site before, where the exact opposite was the norm. As in ‘if X goes to the trouble to write a search thread and come up with plots, the least Y can do is come up with a starter’. IDK how to feel about that mentally though.

I think there is a feeling of a certain pressure when it comes to first posts. First posts are first impressions of a roleplay. Perhaps they've had bad experiences where they have written the first post and gotten massively negative remarks on what was written.

For me it's the most difficult post to make for a 1x1. Not for groups, just 1x1s.

I tend to worry that my first post will be lacking in quality since sometimes my mind can literally draw a blank on how to start something for a 1x1. Usually I'll inform the other person of my anxiety and apologize beforehand now and let them know that my first posts tend to be my weakest at times. A factor could also be for me that I've yet to develop a friendly OOC relationship with the person so I tend to worry terribly about my posts for a while.

I've honestly decided for any of my plots these days for 1x1 to pre-write a 1x1 starter to relieve that stress a bit. It gives me to time to flesh the first post out without the pressure of someone waiting for my brain to jumpstart and get over the anxiety.

That is perfectly understandable. I believe one of my recent RP partners was in the same boat, seeing as they admitted to being too anxious to start the RP- and I didn’t mind at all. If anything, I appreciate they came forward with the truth instead of making up some lame lie about ‘being busy.’

I find the anxiety comes from RP-ers being too harsh on themselves (myself included). Sometimes, we are so determined to come up with an interesting, captivating roleplay that we forget the main reason we started this: to have fun (at least, that’s how it was for me). But that topic could use it’s own separate thread, so I’ll stop here.

 

[rae2nerdy]

So I do a lot of heavy world building in most of my plots so I tend to do the starter unless I’m too busy. As I find it’s a good way to set the scene and have one last guarantee that my partner understands the setting.

 

[NotPoisonousIvy]

So I do a lot of heavy world building in most of my plots so I tend to do the starter unless I’m too busy. As I find it’s a good way to set the scene and have one last guarantee that my partner understands the setting.

That’s a good reason why someone would want to write the starter- although I was actually asking for the reasons why people seem to always run away from kicking off a RP XD

 

[rae2nerdy]

That’s a good reason why someone would want to write the starter- although I was actually asking for the reasons why people seem to always run away from kicking off a RP XD

I mean it's why other people don't do the starter too. I don't ask them for one. But also because I'm the one who usually does most of the world building they feel like I have a better handle of the world and thus let me take point.

 

[Crayons]

Hmm... It's not like I always get the other person to write starter posts. I think I'm more of a 50/50 starter if I think back of RPs I've been in. I'm a switch. XD

However I do often have mental blocks starting scenes in RP and this question is making me wonder why. Part of it is that I'm kind of a perfectionist and so the idea of starting a scene makes me obsess over it too much to the detriment of actually getting it done. Another thing is that if I don't know what the point of the scene is going to be then I'm not sure what I'm aiming at and I don't really know how to proceed on it. Another thing is just not having enough drive or impetus to start a scene but knowing I'll be into it once it gets going.

Sometimes I just don't start scenes because the other player has more of an idea of the setting than I do, and vice versa. For example: Player 2's arrival kicks off the narrative or the scene is happening in Player 2's character's house.

Yeah, its a bit of a kicker if you write a 2000 word intro post and the other person immediately ghosts, but tbh that possibility wouldn't put me off starting.

 

[Dutch]

Why is everybody so scared of writing the starter/first post for the RP?

I'm not scared and will offer to do it. However, my worry is often whether or not someone will think it adequate enough. I think the real fear is not writing "ENOUGH" to start and I totally get that.

I tend not to write long starters, I don't spend a lot of time setting up background scenery or describing a lot of things outside of what I think necessary; a lot of flavor text isn't my jam. My posts are generally much shorter than what I think people expect an intro/starter post to be, which doesn't bother me per-say, but in the back of my mind without fail I think "hope this works even though it's short" and I hold my breath praying my partner or group members are okay with it.

EDIT: That is why I generally don't enjoy writing starter posts, I personally really hate the starting phase of an RP. It's the most bulky point, I find people tend to meander or be overly descriptive to no real end. It isn't until you get a few posts in and moving toward some goal that things ease up.

I try to start all of my RPs mid action for that reason, because fuck meandering intro posts, intro as you dodge a bullet!

 

[ashwynne]

I think in my 10+ years of roleplaying I've written at least 70-80% of the starters. RPN is probably the first place I've been where my partners have offered to write starters (rather than directly asking me to do them) which I was happy to take advantage of lol, especially since I was on vacation with my family at the time I started most of them so I was popping in and out of RPN.

In general I'm a really laid back roleplayer so if someone asks if I'll do the starter I do it with no questions. I personally enjoy writing them, but I seem to be in the minority with that lol. That said... there are definitely a few reasons I can think of for why people tend to avoid it:

1) Stage fright. Intro posts tend to set the standard for post length and style since most people mirror each other when writing. As a result I think it's fairly reasonable for people to get a bit nervous at the thought of having to put themselves out there for the intro. All the big 'what-if's' that come with a new writing partner tend to pop up (what if they don't like my writing? what if they write way more/less than me? what if they hate how I portray the opening scene?) which can turn some people off.

2) Lack of muse. It can be really hard for some people to actually get a starter off the ground. Envisioning location, setting up the scene, adding something that your partner can reply to right off the bat... it can be daunting, especially (I imagine) for people who never write starters and have no experience with them. I would say that this plays a big role in why people sometimes say they're busy but then reply right away when the starter is done, it triggers their muse (although--in my experience--writing a post tends to take between 30 mins to an hour or so which could conceivably be enough time for a person to finish whatever they were legitimately busy with).

3) Wanting to check the compatibility of their partner. I don't personally think this one is very fair, but I believe a decent number of people use the starter as a writing sample to decide if they want to RP with the person or not. It's a lot easier to ghost someone when you haven't sank a few posts in and then have to awkwardly leave. Naturally, I think this is very poor etiquette and in these cases it's better to just outright ask for a writing sample, but regardless I'm sure there are a fair number of people who do this.

 

[Lucyfer]

From my experience, I hate putting the time and energy into Starters. I end up writing most of mine as well, but I honestly dislike it because of how many RPs die out without even starting - and it always seems to be the starters I put a lot of time in to that end up not going anywhere. So it's not a matter of fright with me, it's just...frustration? The feeling that this won't end up going anywhere and I'll have wasted time I could have put towards something else.

they want to see if the other person is committed or already have it in their mind during the planning process they've given up, who knows?

^^^So kind of that - I would like the other person to start, so I know they are committed to it. It's unfair, and I know that, which is why most the time I'm still willing to start - but I'm still gonna be salty about it xD

 

[Stray Cat]

I don't mind starting, but there are certain circumstances that might deter me from wanting to.

I find starting to be simple once I know what all involved parties want. I love to discuss ideas and potential storylines; when there is a lot of source material it's not only easier but fun too. My pet peeve is when someone is unenthusiastic about the roleplay. For example, I will make an attempt at a conversation but receive answers such as ”Okay.” ” That’s fine, ” or ” Do whatever you want. ”Then, they will demand that I start, but I'm lost because there is zero direction.

Another reason I might not feel inclined to start is the impression I receive from the other person. Someone’s attitude during the initial discussion plays a vital role in my deciding. If you're friendly, upbeat, and genuinely invested in our roleplay, I will be more than happy to start. But, if the person is cold and standoffish, it's off-putting. I feel intimidated almost because I'm worried my writing won't be to their liking.​

 

[CharmedRed]

I usually start in a majority of the RPs I’ve ever been in. On the rare occasions I don’t, it’s because I have no clue how to start. I’m sure that may be a reason for others, as well as compatibly check, piggy back off the starters post, or even if they’re not comfortable with setting the scene.

 

[Idea]

Well, I find that partners do usually prefer to have be the starter, given the choice, but I more often than not can convince a partner to start a roleplay simply by giving them a good reason why it would be better that they did, usually pertaining to the plot favoring one or another person starting, as they have to set up the scene or innitiate the action according to the premise. Because of the relative ease of this arrangement there's plenty of variety over who gets to start in my roleplays.

With that said, though I certainly wouldn't call it 'fear' I do find that starting the roleplay is a very different experience from your first response. From my own experience, this pressure is pretty much the same as someone staring at a white page when they want to start writing a book or short story. Maybe it's from a lack of ideas, often from an excess of possibilities that leads to choice paralysis, but the first step into a story is very different from just having to respond, as no doubt you know, since it's the final decision for all those beginnings. Not only does this create extra pressure, it also means a lot more work may have to go into the first post.

Furthermore, as others have mentioned, it's also the first impressions of the RP. While in a response there is at least the comfort of seeing the other person's work already there, thus defining the goalposts, when you are the one starting there are no goalposts yet. What if you aren't up to par? Conversely, what if your partner turns out to be disappointed or to ghost you? Those fears can gnaw at someone.

I have found that, in the rare instances when I was unable to write the starter (thanks to real life issues) and my partner offered to do so, they ended up ghosting the RP. Similarly, many people who claimed to be ‘busy’ were able to immediately provide one (or several) replies for the starter, despite their claims.

Well, 'busy' is a vague, barely defined and quite subjective term. Moreover, the innitial hype of an RP makes it way harder to resist working on it at early stages rather than later stages. So there's one explanation. And frankly, I find it quite preferable to the opposite, people who join RPs or make other compromises, only to immediately state they are busy with something which the slightest inquiry reveals to be entirely mundane or entirely predictable.

 

[NotPoisonousIvy]

I don't mind starting, but there are certain circumstances that might deter me from wanting to.

I find starting to be simple once I know what all involved parties want. I love to discuss ideas and potential storylines; when there is a lot of source material it's not only easier but fun too. My pet peeve is when someone is unenthusiastic about the roleplay. For example, I will make an attempt at a conversation but receive answers such as ”Okay.” ” That’s fine, ” or ” Do whatever you want. ”Then, they will demand that I start, but I'm lost because there is zero direction.

Another reason I might not feel inclined to start is the impression I receive from the other person. Someone’s attitude during the initial discussion plays a vital role in my deciding. If you're friendly, upbeat, and genuinely invested in our roleplay, I will be more than happy to start. But, if the person is cold and standoffish, it's off-putting. I feel intimidated almost because I'm worried my writing won't be to their liking.​

Now this I can 100% agree and relate to- especially the part about the ‘unenthusiastic partners’. A huge pet peeve of mine- could even use a whole other thread to discuss that matter.

I think in my 10+ years of roleplaying I've written at least 70-80% of the starters. RPN is probably the first place I've been where my partners have offered to write starters (rather than directly asking me to do them) which I was happy to take advantage of lol, especially since I was on vacation with my family at the time I started most of them so I was popping in and out of RPN.

In general I'm a really laid back roleplayer so if someone asks if I'll do the starter I do it with no questions. I personally enjoy writing them, but I seem to be in the minority with that lol. That said... there are definitely a few reasons I can think of for why people tend to avoid it:

1) Stage fright. Intro posts tend to set the standard for post length and style since most people mirror each other when writing. As a result I think it's fairly reasonable for people to get a bit nervous at the thought of having to put themselves out there for the intro. All the big 'what-if's' that come with a new writing partner tend to pop up (what if they don't like my writing? what if they write way more/less than me? what if they hate how I portray the opening scene?) which can turn some people off.

2) Lack of muse. It can be really hard for some people to actually get a starter off the ground. Envisioning location, setting up the scene, adding something that your partner can reply to right off the bat... it can be daunting, especially (I imagine) for people who never write starters and have no experience with them. I would say that this plays a big role in why people sometimes say they're busy but then reply right away when the starter is done, it triggers their muse (although--in my experience--writing a post tends to take between 30 mins to an hour or so which could conceivably be enough time for a person to finish whatever they were legitimately busy with).

3) Wanting to check the compatibility of their partner. I don't personally think this one is very fair, but I believe a decent number of people use the starter as a writing sample to decide if they want to RP with the person or not. It's a lot easier to ghost someone when you haven't sank a few posts in and then have to awkwardly leave. Naturally, I think this is very poor etiquette and in these cases it's better to just outright ask for a writing sample, but regardless I'm sure there are a fair number of people who do this.

Another well though-out response! (wouldn’t expect anything less from you though XD)

I agree with what you stated- but maybe I was a bit vague about the ‘busy’ part. I understand real life comes first- I often get overwhelmed by it all too. However, I find a lot of people use this as a standard excuse to hide behind just so they don’t have to write the starter, regardless of being busy or not. It happened frequently to me on another site I used to RP on (where PMs had a character limit, so people preferred to do everything, including planning the RP in open threads). My point is- if my partner has time to sustain several leisure chats, and later provides me 5 replies at rapid fire after my starter- they probably weren’t that busy. (That might just be me being salty over bad past experiences tho.)

(P.S. My saltiness doesn’t apply to any of my current RP partners- idk how I got so lucky this time around Xd Love ya’ll )

 

[rosiphaura]

I think it's because in the first post you're supposed to set the scene, set the whole thing to start really. First posts tend to be lengthy and very detailed. Or maybe first posts are small, sweet and to the point. That's just the things tho. I think there is some pressure on the first post for that reason.

"What's my partner going to think?"
"Oh God, he/she's going to hate it"

Sometimes people are just lazy (I count myself among these) and sometimes if the first post isn't set right, some people get turned off the whole thing altogether and that's when ghosting an rp turns out to be way easier than just saying something about it.

Not salty either I'm just saying these from personal experience, plus I don't think anyone likes when our babies get ghosted or abandoned.

 

[DarkNerd]

Hm.. these are interesting responses. I don't have much experience in forum-based roleplay but I think a lot of the explanations outlined by other members aptly explains why others might show reluctance in participating.

1) Fear of Inadequacy
When you have elitism staring down at you, it does make the other seem more apprehensive to begin. I know I come off as being dry and monotonous so I try to at least communicate some friendliness/openness in the beginning.

2) Fear of a lack of writing prowess
Writer's bloc is a real thing and when one is first starting, it can be sometimes challenging-- especially when you have no idea who this person is or how they generally wish to do things.

3) Fear of being ghosted
I suppose it happens even in RP. You'll build a scene, you'll put forth the time, and boom, they're gone without so much of an explanation. Did you do something wrong? Maybe in their minds. You can't control others of course.


Personally, I don't have any fear of starting or following. I'm new to RP on RPNation; I make no qualms about it. Like with anything in life, those who strive to know one, put forth the effort, and see you halfway are the ones you should focus on. RP is about fun, not posterity.

 

[SpectrumCrow]

I totally agree with the fear in terms of writing skills, especially when you haven't wrote anything in a while. I get very nervous, especially when role-playing with people who I admire as my skills aren't the best. But as I'm seeking to improve I'm going to try and write first more now.

Ghosting is a definite fear that I'm going to have in general, but I think (sometimes perceived) skill level can be a huge factor in someone being too nervous and shy to do the first post.

(Apologies if I just said what most people had said, I just wanted to throw my two cents in with my own words.)

 

[Wyn]

I think people are a bit insecure about their writing or might be a little hyperaware of their posts. I know that whenever I go to post, whether it's in a group RP or 1x1, I'm always a bit worried that my writing style won't match my partners or that the length is off and such. It doesn't stop me from posting first but I think it's just anxiety that goes along with sharing your craft with others.

 

[FoolsErin]

This is like the opposite of me. Maybe it's because I'm not a 1x1 person and all, but I love starters. Setting the atmosphere, putting them onto the scene...it's a lot easier than a post right smack dab in the middle of the roleplay in my opinion. Hell, the longest piece of writing I've ever done on this site was a 3, maybe 4 paragraph starter in a fandom crossover.