Viewpoint Why do straight female roleplayers tend to like abusive roleplays?

[Kaihaku]

I suppose that everyone who RPs horror wants a maniac to slash them up in real life? I could offer a hundred examples of things that I've roleplayed that I wouldn't want to experience in reality but I think that point was made clear earlier in the thread.

Everyone has a different reason for roleplaying. It's not correct to assume that every RP, or even most RPs, are some kind of direct wish fulfillment. Even in the cases where they are about wish fulfillment, often the wish isn't necessarily what you see on the surface. It's not a stretch to consider that many cis women have been indoctrinated by society to believe that they are a disappointment and failure, is it really surprising that some might want to roleplay a blameless victim who isn't responsible for the terrible things that happen to them? That doesn't mean, in this scenario, that they actually want to be abused but that roleplaying provides a safe space to process difficult emotions. I'm not presuming to prescribe broadly here, I think in each RP you'll find a unique motive, but it doesn't take much to imagine deeper motives than "I wish someone would abuse me."

I also think that it's...inaccurate to believe that only cis women are RPing these scenarios. This is one of the great societal stereotypes so it's an identity that people of any gender might take on to process these things in an immediately 'recognizable' way. Gender online is gender online. It's what people want you to identify them as, nothing more and nothing less.

 

[Sara Sidereal]

I suppose that everyone who RPs horror wants a maniac to slash them up in real life?

Without exception.

 

[Cosmo]

I mean.. this goes beyond straight female roleplayers and just a lot of people, in general. Take many romantic comedies you've seen or romantic dramas or... honestly, a lot, and switch the genders or make the male lead ugly.

Suddenly its a horror movie.

But beyond that fun note, its totally okay to find something interesting in writing or a story but have zero, and I mean zero, desires for that to happen to you or be in that kind of relationship.

 

[Sara Sidereal]

I mean.. this goes beyond straight female roleplayers and just a lot of people, in general. Take many romantic comedies you've seen or romantic dramas or... honestly, a lot, and switch the genders or make the male lead ugly.

Suddenly its a horror movie.

Most romantic comedies and dramas are horrifying regardless.

 

[Cosmo]

Most romantic comedies and dramas are horrifying regardless.

Hey now, there is nothing wrong with a boss threatening to never let their employee advance in their company and burn all their bridges with any other workplace to force them to pretend to be their fian.... Huh, what was I talking about again?

 

[Sara Sidereal]

Hey now, there is nothing wrong with a boss threatening to never let their employee advance in their company and burn all their bridges with any other workplace to force them to pretend to be their fian.... Huh, what was I talking about again?

haha, light hearted fun for the whole family

 

[Whisker]

Easy source of drama, I would guess. Conflict sells rather well regardless of RP. I imagine if they wanted to rp a steady, stable relationship, they could just run out and grab a boyfriend for that as opposed to just writing it.

 

[noire_raven_3119]

I'll be honest now. I'm falling into this category, I'm not fully straight, but when it comes to roleplay, I either play as a female character, or gn, nb or gf.
If you were to ask me why I like these dark plots, I could give a few answers.

The first and most obvious reason, I just like dark topics.

It's my way to deal with trauma. My life was never really sweet. There were nice moments, but it all damaged me in the end, and dark romance is a way to cope. It also somewhat helps me to avoid doing certain things to myself, as I can imagine it happening to a character of mine.

I'm into psychology. This may not make sense at all, but it does. I enjoy roleplays that are deep and dark because I can reflect on the mental state of the characters. Believe it or not, one of my favorite works of such is "Killing Stalking," (judge if you must.) But I like it just because we have two very complex, and very different characters are in a relationship, and seeing how it plays out is very interesting to me. I know it's not a romance by any means, but I still enjoy it.

This one will seem ridiculous, but I'm a pessimist. By thinking about bad things that might happen, even if it happens it's probably not going to be as bad as I thought it would. Before you ask, I did imagine all of the things I'm roleplaying as something that could happen to me, so if it ever does, it may not be as bad, besides, I saw it coming, somewhat.

If you think that my reasons are not normal, I know. But it is what it is. NOW, don't think that I would turn a blind eye if I ever notice something like this happen to someone else or to myself.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Wow, from the casual sexism in the original post, to all the wild takes about "women's biological predispositions" in this thread...

I didn’t want to mention it but it did seem a little … I don’t think the problem is what you think it is but go off I guess.

I just chalk it up the fact that roleplaying itself is predominately a hobby for straight women. So given they are the majority of all roleplayers period then yeah their gonna be the majority in a lot of common writing tropes too. Pretty sure it’s just math but admittedly not my strong suit.

Also media tropes are a common thing because people rarely just write what they have personally experienced (cuz that’s boring). So they write things they see on TV or read in books or whatever without any other context.

Reminds me of a fun exchange about drive by shootings where I recounted my experience with them as a small child (mostly folks shooting out windows of cars and abandoned houses) and the other person being legitimately stunned. Cuz they had only really thought of that as happening in movies at the time. But I was like “nah it was kinda fucked up in hindsight but I was like six at the time so it was just life as usual.”

 

[Celestial Water]

I didn’t want to mention it but it did seem a little … I don’t think the problem is what you think it is but go off I guess.

I just chalk it up the fact that roleplaying itself is predominately a hobby for straight women. So given they are the majority of all roleplayers period then yeah their gonna be the majority in a lot of common writing tropes too. Pretty sure it’s just math but admittedly not my strong suit.

Also media tropes are a common thing because people rarely just write what they have personally experienced (cuz that’s boring). So they write things they see on TV or read in books or whatever without any other context.

Reminds me of a fun exchange about drive by shootings where I recounted my experience with them as a small child (mostly folks shooting out windows of cars and abandoned houses) and the other person being legitimately stunned. Cuz they had only really thought of that as happening in movies at the time. But I was like “nah it was kinda fucked up in hindsight but I was like six at the time so it was just life as usual.”

I was having this talk with a writing partner not too long ago about the writing community being predominantly female. They thought I was male but I’m female. I said I thought they were female because from my experience more males DnD and more females are forum writers. Turns out they were female. Also, my boyfriend DnDs and here I am writing online since elementary school.

Anyway, writing dark topics is a form of therapy for me. Yup, childhood trauma. My favorite childhood read was The Legend of Drizzt: Dark Elf Trilogy. It was a comfort read for me that I read the series like 3-4 times. Lol. But when it comes to writing I play the male role so I can reflect and explore the reasoning. But why the male role? Because from my experience irl the male was more aggressive, stories/media were mainly a male led role back in my day and I also got sick of everyone writing heroes and females. We can’t all play the same roles there would be no story. Lmao

 

[nerdy tangents]

I was having this talk with a writing partner not too long ago about the writing community being predominantly female. They thought I was male but I’m female. I said I thought they were female because from my experience more males DnD and more females are forum writers. Turns out they were female. Also, my boyfriend DnDs and here I am writing online since elementary school.

Anyway, writing dark topics is a form of therapy for me. Yup, childhood trauma. My favorite childhood read was The Legend of Drizzt: Dark Elf Trilogy. It was a comfort read for me that I read the series like 3-4 times. Lol. But when it comes to writing I play the male role so I can reflect and explore the reasoning. But why the male role? Because from my experience irl the male was more aggressive, stories/media were mainly a male led role back in my day and I also got sick of everyone writing heroes and females. We can’t all play the same roles there would be no story. Lmao

See I grew up in a predominately female household with female centric media. So I legit just kinda forget men exist so it’s always kinda a surprise when I get a male partner. Not in a bad way just in “oh yeah men can be nerds too, I forget.”

As for roles I think I play on average more female them male characters but that’s cuz I do on average more platonic them romantic stories. You gotta outright ask to add in romance to any story with me.

And no one really wants to write friend stories with male characters. At least not in my little corner of the imaginary world. Which admittedly is pretty lady centric in general so take it with a grain of salt I guess.

 

[Celestial Water]

I forget too and I feel bad for automatically thinking female but I do. ._. Because I’m used to the other player being female. Lol

I think most want ads ask for conflicting relationships and then next probably romance. I think the majority of people are here for a bit or a lot of chaos. That’s why slice of life/platonic isn’t popular. Nothing wrong with it and the people that play it well kudos to them. But it’s just from what I’ve seen.

 

[Melpomene]

I forget too and I feel bad for automatically thinking female but I do. ._. Because I’m used to the other player being female. Lol

I think most want ads ask for conflicting relationships and then next probably romance. I think the majority of people are here for a bit or a lot of chaos. That’s why slice of life isn’t popular. Nothing wrong with it and the people that play it well kudos to them. But it’s just from what I’ve seen.

Yeah this is true. A story, quite frankly, needs conflict. And if your story is predominantly a romance, conflict in the relationship itself is necessary for it to be a worthwhile story.

Which, I guess it can be said you don't need one of the characters to be abusive or aggressive for there to be issues in the relationship. But I think that is definitely one of the reasons certain tropes tend to be popular.

 

[Celestial Water]

True. Just the aggression and abuse makes for more isolated drama. It doesn’t seem like a lot of people like doing a cast of characters for whatever reason… But it’s hard to get answers bc the audience the OP geared this towards isn't speaking up. Lol. Understandable though.

 

[Spoiled Bread]

This question reminds me of an analysis of Viego. At 6:30 TBskyen talks about what makes Viego hot, I think he summed it nicely

 

[DawnsEarlyLight]

As a straight female myself, I can’t stand ANY of the types of RP’s you’ve described, and romanticizing abuse/toxicity in any way is one of my biggest RPing NO-NO’s of all time. In short, your guess is as good as mine.

 

[kawaiifart666]

err i feel like it could be bc it's something that gets romanticized a lot in media? theres many reasons ofc but this could be one of them

 

[nerdy tangents]

I forget too and I feel bad for automatically thinking female but I do. ._. Because I’m used to the other player being female. Lol

I think most want ads ask for conflicting relationships and then next probably romance. I think the majority of people are here for a bit or a lot of chaos. That’s why slice of life/platonic isn’t popular. Nothing wrong with it and the people that play it well kudos to them. But it’s just from what I’ve seen.

Sorry got side tracked but to answer this I think we go back to the media issue.

As I am sure many of us can attest platonic relationships are often much more conflict based then romantic ones (at least I should very much hope they are).

Because a good romantic relationship is about finding a partner you are choosing to spend your life with that makes you happy.

Whatever conflict exists in that relationship is just base level “this is what it’s like to deal with other humans who have their own inner lives and personality.”

Whereas most platonic relationships you don’t super get to pick who your hanging out with and kinda have to make the best of the people your paired with.

You can’t pick your family, your coworkers, etc. Theoretically your friends are in the same boat as romantic partners just without the sex.

So the idea that a conflict is only tied to romance has always kinda made me laugh, because almost all the really great drama has nothing to do with whether or not you want to bone someone.

But it’s the drama people write about the most or portray most often in tV shows.

So if you are blessed with a functioning relationship with everyone in your life IRL (in which god bless can’t relate personally) then once again you are gonna pull drama from what you see on TV.

And while there are toxic ass friendships, coworkers, and family in media they are overshadowed by romance. And to be fair that drama usually doesn’t come with a resolution. Romantic drama ideally has a three act structure attached, if the media is well written.

So not only do you get the drama you get the resolution at the end where everyone is happy. It takes a more confident writer to attempt that same resolution with platonic pairings.

Mostly because you don’t have a well worn format for “how to make a shitty family member/friend/coworker less shitty.”

 

[Celestial Water]

Sorry got side tracked but to answer this I think we go back to the media issue.

As I am sure many of us can attest platonic relationships are often much more conflict based then romantic ones (at least I should very much hope they are).

Because a good romantic relationship is about finding a partner you are choosing to spend your life with that makes you happy.

Whatever conflict exists in that relationship is just base level “this is what it’s like to deal with other humans who have their own inner lives and personality.”

Whereas most platonic relationships you don’t super get to pick who your hanging out with and kinda have to make the best of the people your paired with.

You can’t pick your family, your coworkers, etc. Theoretically your friends are in the same boat as romantic partners just without the sex.

So the idea that a conflict is only tied to romance has always kinda made me laugh, because almost all the really great drama has nothing to do with whether or not you want to bone someone.

But it’s the drama people write about the most or portray most often in tV shows.

So if you are blessed with a functioning relationship with everyone in your life IRL (in which god bless can’t relate personally) then once again you are gonna pull drama from what you see on TV.

And while there are toxic ass friendships, coworkers, and family in media they are overshadowed by romance. And to be fair that drama usually doesn’t come with a resolution. Romantic drama ideally has a three act structure attached, if the media is well written.

So not only do you get the drama you get the resolution at the end where everyone is happy. It takes a more confident writer to attempt that same resolution with platonic pairings.

Mostly because you don’t have a well worn format for “how to make a shitty family member/friend/coworker less shitty.”

100% agree with you. It also kind of doesn’t help that I don’t see platonic tags. I see a whole slew of pairing tags and romance but not much platonic. So it just seems like that is all there is to see in the want ads but I typed in platonic in the search section and it pulled up quite a bit of threads! I was surprised. Maybe romance seekers are more aggressive with their wordings than platonic seekers… I’m not sure lol

 

[Owl Knight]

It feels reductive to make a generalization like this.

I think that the case may be that the types of roleplay era interested in the above topic happen to be straight women, not that straight women are universally into role-playing those topics.

 

[Idea]

It feels reductive to make a generalization like this.

I think that the case may be that the types of roleplay era interested in the above topic happen to be straight women, not that straight women are universally into role-playing those topics.

In fairness, the title says "tend to". So it's referring to a trend rather than anything universal.

One could still argue that the reality of the situation is backwards though, and I would very much agree with you there (though in that matter too the OP seemed to be drawing from the experience of it being very common on threads they assumed were from straight women), though I do think its still worth pointing out that no one said any of this was universal.

 

[nerdy tangents]

It feels reductive to make a generalization like this.

I think that the case may be that the types of roleplay era interested in the above topic happen to be straight women, not that straight women are universally into role-playing those topics.

I thinks it’s more that straight women are the majority of all roleplayers period.

So it’s like saying the majority of male x male roleplayers are straight women. That’s factually true but only because straight women are the largest demographic on this site. Not because there is something intrinsic about straight women that make them more likely to write male x male then any other gender identity.

It’s the same here. I have no doubt that straight women are the majority when it comes to writing abusive relationships. But again that’s because they are the largest demographic on the site not because something about their sexuality or gender identity makes them more likely to write abuse.

To be honest I can’t say with any certainty there isn’t the same percentage of non-straight non-women who write abuse. It’s just their total demographic is super small so it’s harder to tell.