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Realistic or Modern Old

OOC
Here
Other
Here

erzulie

cheers for spring; for life; for a growing soul
WHERE THE CARNATIONS GROW
© REVERIEE


NAME:
NICKNAME:
D.O.B:
AGE: 21+ (keep in mind these are newly graduated students of NYU)
GENDER:
ORIENTATION:

APPEARANCE:
FACECLAIM: (optional)

PERSONALITY: a paragraph or more
WHAT'S THEIR GREATEST FEAR? a brief explanation, if you have multiple dont be afraid to add those -- there can be more than one ofc.

HISTORY: can be as short or long as you’d like

Sheets are due a week from now! September 9th, 2022 at 12 am central standard time.

 
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birdie gish-sato
















wooly mammoth defrosted via the microwave










♡coded by uxie♡


































b.g.s.



birdie




chirp chirp.

now, gorillas drag their victims. hyenas try to sue (in a car jam). snakes find grass in concrete. there is no city zoo (in a car jam).







































  • requisite.







    full name

    Nirvana “Birdie” Wilson Gish-Sato






    nickname

    Birdie, the Bird






    age

    twenty-three






    d.o.b.

    October 3rd






    pronouns

    she/her, though she doesn’t seem too pressed about labels






    sexuality

    bisexual with a strong femme lean; used to identify as a lesbian until she actually dated a man






    degree

    B.A. in an individualized Art study her overseeing professor called ‘Serialized Art’, though Birdie simply says she has a degree in Graphic Art.






    occupation

    McDonald’s Employee















    visage.



    scroll




    height

    5’5’’






    hair colour

    naturally raven-haired, though she’s noted for her signature ‘asshole red’






    eye colour

    deep brown, almost black






    build

    midsize with broad shoulders






    body modifications

    piercings: a former brow piercing, a nose ring, a string of cartilage piercings, triple lobe piercings with the first one stretched to about a 14g, weighed down by simple, small surgical steel hoops.
    tattoos: a tattoo on the back of her left thigh, tattoo of a cat on her left inner arm, tattoos apart of a sleeve on her left arm [x, x, x, x, x, x, x], a small heart with MOM in the middle on her ankle, a pin-up of a siren wearing a “I HEART NY” shirt on her right bicep, a sleeve on her right [x, x, x, x, x, x, x], a tattoo on her stomach (left side), a tattoo on her mid back, a tattoo on her right thigh, a tattoo on the front of her left thigh, a sternum piece, a tattoo at the back of her left ear, a tattoo on the back of her neck, a tattoo on her stomach (right side), a tattoo on the side of her right shoulder, a tattoo on the side of her knee






    style

    A typical Birdie ensemble includes a t-shirt she has likely mangled or DIYed, a pair of men’s cargo shorts, perhaps a flannel or her signature jacket, and Docs. More here






    aesthetic







    details

    A cumbersome fire truck speeding down your street to help put out the blaze (or maybe cause it). Spiking her hair into tufts of liberty or making a mess of barrettes and hairclips, the color of her hair appears to be the only constant about her appearance. Covered in an array of tattoos, carefully placed in areas that can be covered by a long sleeve shirt as per her father's orders, she projects an air of punk, unwilling to simply identify one out of fear of being called a poser. Deep brown eyes set into her head like a doll's, poking out in a comedically crazed expression. Her form breathes of life, but quickly folds with grief and thoughts of the past. As life-like of a mannequin as one will ever get.





















♡coded by uxie♡
 
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z.c.



서예슬




in too
deep.

I write best when I am either falling in love or falling apart.
- Rudy Francisco







































  • requisite.







    full name

    Zoey Calvert






    nicknames

    Zo, Calvin






    age

    twenty-two (December 5th)






    gender & pronouns

    female, she/her






    sexuality

    bisexual, closeted






    degree

    engineering

















    visage.



    scroll




    hair

    Having inherited her mother’s distinctive red shade and father’s coils, Zoey’s thick hair is typically left to float down below her shoulders, her face sometimes seeming to hide behind its cloud-like volume. Zoey has a few times throughout her life experimented with various styles, but she prefers it being left natural.






    eyes

    Large and round, Zoey’s eyes are a dark brown. Their natural shape seems to enhance all her expressions, giving a confused or anxious look that is typically not untrue to her feelings.






    skin

    Zoey’s skin is a light brown, and dotted with a dense arrangement of freckles, most concentrated across her nose and cheeks. She has a couple acne scars and markings on her skin, largely from scratching or picking at cuts.






    body/build

    Standing at 5’3, Zoey’s stature often makes her seem even shorter than she is, between a quiet energy, often slouched shoulders, and a thin frame. She has no visible muscles, with the exception of defined legs from running, overall a rather small girl.






    distinguishing features

    Zoey’s most distinguishing feature is her hair, due both to its volume and uncommon coloring, and the amount of freckles on her. Someone uncomfortable with much attention, she doesn’t have much she’d made noticeable about herself, but she has a belly button piercing she usually keeps covered. Beyond that, Zoey’s full smile is rare, but it’s width and brightness makes it memorable.






    wardrobe

    Zoey finds herself almost always cold, and so almost always with a layer more than necessary on her. She often chooses to dress in dull colors, grey toned blues and greens and blacks. Her outfits often consist of a tank top under a shirt under a jacket or sweater. She has a tendency towards wearing runners as much as she can. Zoey doesn’t wear jewelry and tends not to accessorize without function to it.






    faceclaim

    Erin Kellyman.






















♡coded by uxie♡
 
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chester finch
















everyone's favorite hater and resident shitposter














♡coded by uxie♡






























c.f.



서예슬




eat your heart out.

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair! Nothing beside remains.







































  • requisite.







    full name

    chester finch






    age

    twenty-three (august 1st)






    gender

    male, he/him






    sexuality

    bisexual, male leaning






    occupation

    part-time editor for a sleazy playwright, full-time broke boy with expensive taste






    degree

    accountancy (he hates it as much as you do)















    visage.



    scroll




    height

    6'2"






    hair colour

    sandy blonde hair that he often keeps rather short, long enough to frame his face. there was a time where he rocked a shaggy look because he wanted to feel like bowie. yes, it was dumb child shit. no, he doesn't want to talk about it.






    eye colour

    he insists his eyes are grey but with the time he spends in the shaded areas rather than the sunlight, everyone says they're black. they also probably tell him that to see him angry.






    build

    skin and bones underneath his voluminous layers of clothing. a lot of leg and just not enough muscle.






    distinguishing features

    despite the endless debate on his eye color, the windows to his snarky little soul are his most distinctive feature. less for their grey-black tone and more for the constant *look* in them; the way they hold critical observation, boredom, and amusement all in one go. there's a contradiction of intensity and somberness that fester within the pits of his pupils. other than that, well. he also has his long ass fingers. but people seem to appreciate those.






    wardrobe

    mix the pristinely expensive clothing found in uptown and ratty charity shop garments in earth-tones and you got yourself chester's closet. he enjoys the lavishness he once had but settles for the unique finds he could mangle now. more can be found here.






    fc

    charles de vilmorin





















♡coded by uxie♡
 
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/* ------ left side ------ */





𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞

𝑯𝑬𝑹𝑰𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑬 𝑱𝑶𝑬𝑳 𝑷𝑰𝑬𝑹𝑪𝑬.


𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞(𝐬)

𝑷𝑰𝑬𝑹𝑪𝑬, 𝑴𝑨𝒀𝑩𝑬.


𝐚𝐠𝐞

𝑻𝑾𝑬𝑵𝑻𝒀-𝑭𝑶𝑼𝑹.


𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡

𝑶𝑪𝑻𝑶𝑩𝑬𝑹 𝟗𝑻𝑯, 𝟏𝟗𝟔𝟏.


𝐳𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜

𝑳𝑰𝑩𝑹𝑨.












𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝑴𝑨𝑳𝑬.

𝐨𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑻-𝑻𝑰𝑴𝑬 𝑺𝑪𝑹𝑨𝑷𝑷𝑬𝑹, 𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑻-𝑻𝑰𝑴𝑬 "𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑫 𝑮𝑼𝒀", 𝑭𝑼𝑳𝑳-𝑻𝑰𝑴𝑬 𝑩𝑼𝑹𝑵𝑶𝑼𝑻.

𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲
𝑻𝑯𝑨𝑻'𝑺 𝑭𝑶𝑹 𝑯𝑰𝑴 𝑻𝑶 𝑲𝑵𝑶𝑾 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑭𝑶𝑹 𝑨𝑵𝒀𝑩𝑶𝑫𝒀 𝑾𝑯𝑶 𝑴𝑨𝒀 𝑩𝑬 𝑨𝑻𝑻𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑻𝑶 𝑨𝑮𝑶𝑵𝑰𝒁𝑬 𝑨𝑩𝑶𝑼𝑻. 𝑮𝑶𝑶𝑫 𝑳𝑼𝑪𝑲.

𝐝𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞
𝑴𝑬𝑫𝑰𝑨, 𝑪𝑼𝑳𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑬 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑴𝑼𝑵𝑰𝑪𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵. 𝑯𝑨𝑺 𝑫𝑶𝑵𝑬 𝑨𝑩𝑺𝑶𝑳𝑼𝑻𝑬𝑳𝒀 𝑵𝑶𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 𝑰𝑻. 𝑾𝑨𝑺 𝑶𝑵𝑬 𝑶𝑭 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑭𝑬𝑾 𝑴𝑨𝑱𝑶𝑹𝑺 𝑻𝑯𝑨𝑻 𝑫𝑰𝑫𝑵'𝑻 𝑹𝑬𝑸𝑼𝑰𝑹𝑬 𝑴𝑨𝑻𝑯.







𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞
𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭
6'1"

𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭
180lbs.

𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫
Deep brown to black. Honestly, it just depends on the light. He usually lets it grow out to shoulder length before he even bothers taking scissors to it in the mirror and just randomly cutting it down until it looks passable.

𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬
Dark brown.

𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐬
Save for your basic lobe piercing in each ear, he doesn't really have much money to shell out for body mods. Though he would probably get a stick-and-poke in some rando's basement if it's free and he's drunk enough.

𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦
Keanu Reeves.


𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

(+)

𝑶𝑼𝑻𝑮𝑶𝑰𝑵𝑮.
𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑰𝑺𝑴𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑪.
𝑨𝑻𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑰𝑽𝑬.
𝑶𝑩𝑺𝑬𝑹𝑽𝑨𝑵𝑻.
𝑨𝑫𝑽𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑺.
𝑺𝒀𝑴𝑷𝑨𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑻𝑰𝑪.

(-)

𝑵𝑶𝑵-𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑴𝑰𝑻𝑻𝑨𝑳.
𝑰𝑴𝑷𝑼𝑳𝑺𝑰𝑽𝑬.
𝑺𝑻𝑼𝑩𝑩𝑶𝑹𝑵.
𝑴𝑰𝑺𝑪𝑯𝑬𝑰𝑽𝑶𝑼𝑺.
𝑹𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑳𝑬𝑺𝑺.
𝑻𝑯𝑹𝑰𝑳𝑳𝑺𝑬𝑬𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑮.




extraverted


observant


feeling


PROSPECTING


Assertive


INTUITIVE


Standing at 6'1", long-legged Heritage possesses an oddly feminine softness to his conventional good looks. Long lashes frame dark eyes set under a sharp, slim brow. A multiracial background lends itself to a clear complexion that tans easily with just the right amount of time in the sun, but pales quickly under overcast gloom. The guy moves pretty fluidly, weaving through busy crowds and packed kitchens with the focus of somebody who lives a pretty active lifestyle outside of work - a thrillseeker that enjoys cliff-diving and racing around. His physique, while lean, is decently well-formed as a result.

Heritage prides himself on maintaining his zen under pressure. No stranger to life and all of the entitlement and confusion that comes with it - he begrudgingly keeps to "the customer is always right" in his professional life; but while he's good at saving face for the sake of it, he heavily values keeping genuine peace between others. Drama is a killer and he goes to great lengths to avoid it, which may mean at times that he'll completely step away from conflict if he thinks he's given it his best shot. He's good at turning on some superficial flattery and charm when he has to but doesn't lead anybody on if they'll end up getting hurt by it. Riling him up is easier said than done.

He considers himself friendly with most everyone, but genuine friends with very few. When you live the kind of transient lifestyle he does, it doesn't do well to form any sort of particularly strong bond. Can't take anyone with you when the walls start closing in and the town begins to choke you out. When it comes to strong negative emotional outbursts, he can be a bit awkward with trying to calm the distraught party down enough to talk. If you're looking for somebody to talk you down and rationalize, he's your guy. If you're looking for somebody to cry with you... best he can offer is a shoulder to cry on.



𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫(𝐬)
His biggie is probably lapsing into the usual 9-to-5 life. A full-time job, a cookie-cutter suburban household with a wife that's beautiful but devoid of any personality, a couple of kids and an office cubicle waiting for him, etcetera cetera. Waking up every Sunday at 9AM to attend a church service then returning home to mow the lawn and invite a couple guys over to watch a football game, pissing contests over how much they hate the wives that they chose to marry. It honestly puts a lump in his throat just considering it. He values his freedom too much.

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠
BITCHIN' CAMARO!

𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭
Can roll the best J to ever grace your lips. Don't believe him? Join in for a smoke sesh.

𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞



𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲



❝Honestly, I think all of that lead paint on my sippy cups must've given me some kinda brain damage.❞

Heritage Sr. would probably admit to his kid being a surprisingly quiet toddler. If there was ever a tantrum thrown, he certainly wasn't there to see it - though he did have a problem with the strange fact that he was never really referred to as "dad". Spending his early childhood picking out wrenches and fiddling with the transistor radio when the old man was busy under a lifted hotrod, Heritage's very first memories are coated in grease - and more than his fair share of frustrated curses. Mom was never really around. Call it arrested development or something, but it seemed she never really grew out of the fast life. Yeah, she was there for a bit, lifting him up into her arms and dancing about the scrapyard boldly barefooted to The Monkees. Stuck around long enough to give him a lil' bro as well. Doesn't really matter why she took off, but she did, and his father - a usually gruff, conservative, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps kinda guy never really got over her.

Other than that? Yeah, his childhood was pretty run of the mill. Puppy love in elementary school, a roughhousing routine with the other boys in his Podunk midwestern town. Christ, the place didn't even have a dollar store. Just a small family grocer and a broke-down gas station with pumps that hadn't been upgraded since WWII.



❝Wanna hear about my teenage years before or after I discovered Richard Hell and the Voidoids? 'Cos those are two completely different kids.❞

He grew a bit more rebellious into his Sophomore year of highschool. He wouldn't call it rebellious, really, more like just bored out of his gourd. His school attendance was pretty grievous - though you can get by with anything if you're a good enough bullshitter, and his memory was just sharp enough to regurgitate all the right answers back onto a standardized test. His time was often spent about thirty minutes outside of town with a few other kids from school - beater car idling, doors open to let the sweet sounds of KDXX-FM! blast. Skinny-dipping in the lake, laying back over the hood with a lazy smile below his sunglassed eyes and a joint in his free hand. Sounds real cool, right? Like he'd be the guy people pass in the hallway and offer high-fives to? Honestly, he was a bit of a geek. Lanky and too reserved for his own good. These moments were only attended with by a small circle of close friends. Suppose even then he didn't really like to spread himself too thin.

September '78. Sweet sixteen. Heritage was elbow-deep within the bowels of a totaled '65 Pontiac Firebird Trans-Am, across from him stood his father. Overbearing as always, barking orders at him between the cigarette in his teeth. He can remember even then what was playin' on the radio, even. Surrender. Cheap Trick. Seemed to be the perfect backdrop to his father's insistence to grab something good while he was in there. Sometimes the parts are worth more than their sum.

He's not sure what exactly it was about that seemingly average day among many. Maybe it was the looming threat of living a slow, boring life. Living with his father until the guy's old enough to forget his own name. He was already little more than a pair of hands anyway. What would change if he kept giving jack shit?






*record scratch* ❝Yup. That's me. You're probably wondering how I got myself into this situation... and I'll tell you exactly how. I literally just cannot fucking help myself.❞








/* ------ credit -- do not remove ------ */

© weldherwings.
 
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━━┄ ⠀ ⠀ INERTIA .ᐟ
















ANDREA KIDMAN.




BY LISBETH . . .










Coded by Uxie.

































... Doomed.



Bring Me The Horizon.












INERTIA.















I

━━┄ ⠀ ⠀ De Secreto.










“ ⠀ You're all vampires﹐so here﹐you can have my HEART .⠀ ”







FULL NAME.


Andrea Sofie Ivalu Kidman.







NICKNAME(S).


Andy, Furore, Kidman, Half-Pint, Mouse.







AGE.


Twenty-five years old (16th August).







GENDER.


Unlabelled; she/her, they/them.







SEXUALITY.


Homoromantic homosexual.







ETHNICITY.


Her father is of Danish descent; her mother is of Greenlandic and Danish descent.







OCCUPATION.


Retail assistant and animal shelter volunteer.













II

━━┄ ⠀ ⠀ AD SUPERFICIEM.










HAIR.


Her hair resembles the aftermath of a little girl playing hairdresser with her doll. It's raven black and cut as short as a fuse, not even so much as tickling her shoulders when let down, with either side underneath shaved to the skin.







EYES.


Slate blue and hold a goggle-eyed expression, as if she is an eternal witness to an unimaginable horror.







COMPLEXION.


She looks like death warmed up, with pallor skin, deep purple, and red bags of skin underneath her eyes—giving her what looks like natural eye-shadow—, high cheekbones, and concave cheeks; the pinkish tinge of joy intermittently emerging on her cheeks.







BUILD.


An overactive metabolism and perfunctory dietary choices have led to an underdeveloped physique. At 5’2” (157cm) and 107lbs (48kg), she has angular shoulders that slump forward, narrow wrists, and bony hips; her rail-thin limbs and untamed, darting movements almost bear resemblance to a daddy long-legs.







BODY MODIFICATION(S).


Bleached eyebrows, alongside piercings through her right eyebrow, the right side of her lip, septum, navel, both earlobes, and left nostril—each one decked with silver jewellery; a dulled, self-inflicted tattoo of the phrase, “Follow the white rabbit” wrapping around her left forearm, and a tattoo on her right bicep of Malcolm Browne’s photograph of the self-immolation of Thích Quảng Đức.







WARDROBE.


Her clothing has always been a safeguard without the physical need for speech, though the irony of dark clothing is in the attention it picks up. Everything is varying, sombre tones of black or grey, and she habitually wears a child’s sized, distressed tank top; graphic short-sleeved and long-sleeved tops—the printed designs would surely make a Christian Texan mother’s blood curdle—; over-the-top or zip up hooded sweatshirts; further layered by a studded leather biker jacket; and low-waisted slim fit jeans stuffed into moth-eaten combat boots.







FACE CLAIM.


Rooney Mara in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.













III

━━┄ ⠀ ⠀ SAPERE AUDE.












There is a considerable difference between being alone and feeling lonely, the difference between content and yearning. Andy has never felt particularly attracted to society and indeed has less of a disposition for being a part of it; notwithstanding, there are indeed moments of disconsolate desire for relations (as few as they may be), but they are as fleeting as an intrusive thought—never attaching herself to it and continuing life thereafter, as if she had zoned out. The comfort of their own company is not necessarily out of their own volition, but a more defeated acceptance stemming from their ineptitude to relate to those around them; Andy simply isn’t there, and if asked about it, would liken it to being a ghost.

Such an introverted and asocial mien conflates Andy as disrespectful and ill-mannered. Yet talking with her about genuine interests—hers or otherwise—uncloaks a surprisingly avid and open extroversion. Although, perhaps from time to time she is too plain-speaking for her own good; when someone asks you for the truth, you don’t give them an even-handed outlook; you give them what they perceive as the truth. The artificial methods of neurotypical society are something she has ostensibly accepted (to, if nothing else, provide for herself and her mother) for the time being, but has no intention of applying them to herself.

Inevitably, it has occurred to her that: why would an employer hire somebody such as herself, when they could, hell, hire an inebriate who is out of the game by eight in the evening with vomit trickling down his favourite football jersey, seated in a dilapidated armchair, but can see to every area of work with no sweat. The reason being that most people who can handle every area of work will conduct it with mediocrity. But if appointed a task befitted to her, Andy has a clear-cut imagination and almost sheer magical ability to compile information, reports, and etcetera, from nowhere in half the time it may take thrice the number of people. Her way of working isn’t always conventional, but it yields results far exceeding expectations.







POSITIVE TRAIT(S).


Serious-minded, individualistic, principled, reflective, self-aware, thorough, methodical, diplomatic.







NEGATIVE TRAIT(S).


Mistrustful, perfectionist, aloof, tense, resentful, pedantic, self-doubting, guarded.







FEAR(S).


Failure to achieve her idea of fulfilment in life; capitulating to the ideals and standards of general society; forever lacking a solid support system.







AILMENT(S) & CONDITION(S).


Autism spectrum disorder (ASD), iron deficiency anaemia, clinical depression, nicotine dependence, pollen allergy.













IV

━━┄ ⠀ ⠀ NOS IN DIEM VIVUMUS.












TW: Mention of suicide and death.

Andrea Sofie Ivalu Kidman (born 16th August) was the youngest of three, five years her brother and sister’s (Victor and Karla, who were fraternal twins) junior. They originally lived with their mother, Alma Kidman, and father, Malthe Kidman, in an impoverished suburb on the outskirts of Copenhagen—living off food stamps and private insurance fund reaped benefits—before moving to the city Odense by the time Andy was four years old, when her mother was fit to work again after having given birth to three children.

Soon after the twins turned nineteen, Victor, who had been diagnosed with schizophrenia the preceding year, overdosed, and drowned in the bathtub of their house. His death shattered the family like a bullet through glass.

Death was not a particularly foreign concept, but unaccustomed to Andy nonetheless; except for when she had a pet goldfish at four years old—as a celebratory present to comfort her in their new home—and overfed it on accident, but her mother urged it was sleeping and flushed it down the toilet with the promise of returning it to the deep blue.

Yet she hadn’t cried then, and she didn’t cry now. Although, an overpowering sorrow encased her—a rage rather than sadness. One she never learned how to express.

When he was of legal drinking age, Malthe (whose father had been a vicious, splenetic drunkard) had vowed an oath to himself to never even so much as sniff a glass of liquor—the Devil’s Piss, he would always call it. After Victor’s death, Malthe began drinking like a horse, eventually drinking himself to death two years afterwards.

Karla had already moved to a university in the United States by this point. And Alma, now without a husband and son, became reclusive—seldom leaving their house aside from buying essential items when Andy wasn’t available—with Andy tending to her as a helper, halting her life for the following years until at length reconnecting with her sister.







RELATIONSHIP(S).


ALMA KIDMAN.
(Mother, fifty-five years old, alive.)

MALTHE KIDMAN.
(Father, passed away at forty-six years old; cardiac arrest.)

VICTOR KIDMAN
(Brother, passed away at nineteen years old; suicide.)

KARLA NADEAU.
(Sister, thirty years old, alive.)













V

━━┄ ⠀ ⠀ Galeria.
































Coded by Uxie & image PSD by Avenoirpsd.
 
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1662268395866.png
NAME: Kevin Lucas Marchetti
NICKNAME: He’s used to being called by his last name. "Kev" is allowed, if he likes you enough. If he doesn’t, he’ll refuse to answer to it.
D.O.B: March 28th, he’s an Aries.
AGE: 22GENDER/PRONOUNS: Cis Male, He/Him.
ORIENTATION: Questioning & closeted.
DEGREE: Literature.

APPEARANCE: Dark brown hair that seems to be perpetually untidy, with darker eyes to match. Kevin has a nose that gives away his Italian and Jewish heritage, though he doesn’t seem to be very connected to either. His often serious expression combined with his usually sarcastic tone give him an air of mystery, making him seem a bit unapproachable- which is exactly the point.

FACECLAIM: Louis Garrel



PERSONALITY:
Most people around NYU would describe Kevin as reserved and slightly peculiar. He was extremely intelligent, that was undeniable. On top of most of his classes, he displayed immense talent, especially when it came to the Classics. Still, he was usually found at bars, drinking, smoking and reading books that have absolutely nothing to do with the course material. His tone is serious, but his words are witty and sarcastic, in a way that it makes it difficult to tell whether or not he’s telling the truth. Which is just as well, since he’s always been especially cagey about his life before coming to New York. It’s not easy getting close to Kevin, but once it’s happened, his sense of loyalty is unwavering. He protects his own, no matter what is thrown at him.

WHAT'S HIS GREATEST FEAR?

To turn out like his family- especially his father, a narcissistic alcoholic who leeches off everyone and everything.
Amounting to nothing, the fear that everything he’s done and been through
m.gif

HISTORY:
Born to a low-income family in a city called Little Falls, with an addict for a father and an emotionally absent mother, all Kevin ever had in mind was the thought of getting out.

His grandmother did her best to raise him, once his parents proved themselves useless, but that didn’t last long- she died in the Summer of 76, when he was 12, her lungs finally gave out. She left him 50 dollars, and the knowledge that he had to figure the rest out on his own.

Despite having all the odds stacked against him, Kevin had one thing: his brain. He knew he was smart, really smart, smart enough to escape that shithole and never look back. School was his light at the end of the tunnel- he refused to die here like the rest of his family. He lived off coffee and cigarettes, studying like his life depended on it- as far as he was concerned, it did.

It wasn’t such a simple road, he had to work 2 jobs to stay afloat, and make sure to put his savings away where his father couldn’t find it. And many times, he’d find it., and spend it all on booze and H, and proceed to beat the shit out of Kevin for hiding money from him. Kevin ran away more times than he could count.

When the letter from NYU came, he took the money he had left, his books and the clothes he could carry, and he achieved his dream: he got the hell out of there. He didn’t talk to his parents, he didn’t leave a phone number, he just simply disappeared, never to return.
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erling slingerland


























♡coded by uxie♡



NAME: Erling Rezin Slingerland

NICKNAME: Erle

D.O.B: April 20

AGE: 25

GENDER: “Male”

ORIENTATION: “Straight” and presumed asexual.

DEGREE: BA in History and Literature.

OCCUPATION: Orderly at Gouverneur Hospital.

FACECLAIM: Adam Lee

Just to clear things up: Erling is pronoun-indifferent because they refrain from thinking about their identity at all (just being [REDACTED] in 1986 things), but I will always refer to them as they/them in the text. You can use whatever you want. Your characters would probably use he/him but don't let me influence you LOL.


APPEARANCE: Androgynous. Translucent. Bony frame that’s retreating and combative all at once. Quiffed, fiery red hair. Narrow eyes the colour of algae bloom that elaborate nothing, are only half-watching you - because they only have to half-see what’s there, not more. Like the serpent tempting the two lovers they will practically leer at you if you expect more from them than that.

They look like who someone from twenty years ago would've imagined someone twenty years from then would look like. Everything about them, their manner down to the way they move and use their hands, is poised yet somehow graceless, as if they could deny their own beauty if they articulated as such. Their dress sense is an exercise in self-restraint. Never heavy fabrics, never all that lustrous or varying, never too revealing of any kind of spirit or inner life. And yet they never look all that heterosexual.

PERSONALITY: Erling is an elusive figure. They're hard to know and they're hard to describe to people who've never met them. Those who know them well, in fact, know very little, and they're amenable to this - most of that in relation to who else they personally know or which artworks they privilege above others, immaterial things like that. They take a balcony seat at shows and leave before the encore. They appear struck out of time - it’s like they were sent from the Beat Generation on a bolt of lightning. Nothing about them is vanguard or modern, and they have a reluctant relationship with novelty. They don't like being part of things. On many occasions, they don’t even like having friends their own age. Old people are less demanding and better at chess.

They speak simply and with a dispassionate mountain drawl - resonant with little intonation - but they have obvious intelligence, nerve, and pith. They come off as intense even when they’re not doing anything. Not a rash person or in the habit of starting fights, but they don’t shy away from confrontation and will often pursue it to its end. To them, one of the worst things a person can be is fatuous and crude. They don't really get jokes. They prize humility and shroud themselves in seriousness. They don't really get human relationships either.

Erle is an un-diagnosed obsessive-compulsive and as such is burdened by the guilt of unwanted violent thoughts and by the constrictions of these little rituals they must carry out daily in appeasement. They fear that they or something in them is evil, and this fear flattens them. Much of what they do and are is a hopeless squirm beneath this weight.

There’s a ghostly echo about them - they vanish from their friends' lives with some frequency - but they’re also reliable and judicious. When someone needs something, they’re there. When something is wrong, they will work to right it and will accept no recognition for their efforts. They have never taken a thank-you to their face. They have been known to get in other people’s faces and belabour them their own faults, though. If they smile it’s like a squid spraying ink at you. Their laughter bites. It's tantamount to a psychic insult.

Erle respects silence and chooses minimal responses often. They’re introspective, and yet they hold so much animus and rage that they haven’t yet begun to explore. If you looked in their eyes for longer than a blink you would see it: they have dark depths in them. For all of their unexpressiveness and mystery, though? They're a fair, loyal and giving friend who is rarely frustrated or short-tempered. They don't take or ask for much from anyone.

WHAT'S THEIR GREATEST FEAR? Losing themselves. The imminent threat that at any moment they could commit vile sins still holds great sway in their mind. Their revolt against this is to live superficially and reject the warmth of others so as not to harm them.

HISTORY: Erling was born near State Route 52 in northern Georgia, in the foothills of the Appalachians, to a large family whose history in the region predates the Civil War. The Slingerland family are a family of fervent religious belief and unpunished wickedness. Slingerlands have been church leaders, businesspeople, neo-Nazi militiamen. They have gambled on state elections and have had roads built and torn down. Two hundred years of buried shame.

At age eighteen Erle was enrolled at GSU in Savannah by virtue of their family name. They attended that school for almost a year and then, without telling anyone, requested a transfer to NYU. One summer night they bought a bus ticket and egressed. They haven't looked back. Without changing their accent they tell people they're from Minnesota. The message is clear to most.

Barely an adult themselves, Erle survived a few weeks of homelessness after they first arrived in New York, having no money, no wits, and no one to count on. Eventually they found an apartment in the East Village and a job pushing wheeled bins of laundered gowns through hospital hallways. So far, things have been good. But Erle’s immediate group of friends want to take them back to Georgia for a trip. Not like they know, but still.
 
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PLACEHOLDER FOR MY GIRL

NAME: Susannah Harlekin
NICKNAME: Susy
D.O.B: 14th of February
AGE: twenty-two
GENDER: Female - she/her
ORIENTATION/DEGREE: Journalism / writer

APPEARANCE:
  • Height: 5"7'
  • Skintone: white
  • Eye color: Susannah's eyes are a mixture of brown colours. So dark they almost seem black when no sunlight shines on them.
  • Hair color & type: The first thing you would recognize Susannah by is most likely her bright orange hair. They reach close to her lower back. She can't remember the last time she cut it properly; only the dead ends come off every few months.
  • body art & piercings? a navel piercing and earrings.
  • distinguishing feature(s): The freckles all over her face
FACECLAIM: Melissa Fernandes

PERSONALITY: Susannah is a natural busy bee. She has unstoppable energy, which causes her to chatter all day long. This can sometimes cause irritation, but then you must tell her to keep her mouth shut, and if you're lucky, you'll have a few minutes of silence. Susannah is someone who quickly meets new people. A bit too easy, as she always believes in the goodness of people. This makes her a tad naive, and people take advantage of it. She almost continuously says yes when people ask for help, making her forget to put her needs first. She is also a real bon vivant who can become happy when she sees the sun shining in the morning and hears the birds chirping. She is a natural morning person because she prefers to be outside before sunrise. Then she calms down and doesn't feel like she has to be 'ready' all day. She can be a bit clumsy at times. Working as a waitress would be a disaster for her; preparing her food without cutting or burning herself is already a miracle.

WHAT'S THEIR GREATEST FEAR?
- Failure. Her columns and stories being rejected by publishers.
- Dying. Ever since she was a little kid, she always had an intense fear of dying and what comes after we're dead. Thinking about the concept of 'death' will give her anxiety attacks.
- Being blamed for the brother's death.


HISTORY:
Susannah had a relatively normal childhood. She was born into the family of newlyweds Simon and Delilah Harlekin as the second of twins. Her brother, born two minutes before her, was named Fernando. The two were almost inseparable and spent a lot of time together during their school days. Until he unexpectedly commits suicide at the age of twenty, leaving the family broken. For years she wondered how she could have missed the signals and if she could have signed something for him to help him. Questions she will never get an answer to. Susannah currently writes many books on how to deal with the loss of a loved one. She has volunteered at the local suicide prevention organization for a few months.
 

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D.J.B.



dani




the scales and the lash.

"Winged balancer of life, dark-faced goddess, daughter of Justice."







































  • requisite.







    full name

    danielle jade brown






    nicknames

    dani






    gender

    ciswoman (she/her)






    sexuality

    questioning (open to all genders rn)






    date of birth

    january 1st






    age

    22






    degrees

    philosophy & history + poli. sci. minor (she's pre-law)






    occupation

    student + gets paid for research and writing for journals















    visage.



    scroll




    appearance

    dani is 5'6 and slender. she has dark brown skin. her hair is currently brown, long, and wavy like in her pictures. her notable features include her bright smile, cat-like eyes, and amazing posture.








    faceclaim

    flo milli





















♡coded by uxie♡
 
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/* ------ left side ------ */





NAME

Tiffany Jolene Miller.


NICKNAME

Prefers Tiff.


AGE

Twenty-two.


DATE OF BIRTH

October 23rd, 1963.


ZODIAC

Scorpio.












GENDER
Cis-female.

OCCUPATION
Namely works at an auto-garage but takes an odd shift or two at the roller diner as a waitress for extra money.

SEXUALITY
Anyone that shows her attention.

DEGREE
Majored in mechanical engineering and minored in cinematography. Her GPA was below average but professors always noted she showed interest and initiative.







VISAGE
HEIGHT
5'7"

WEIGHT
124lbs.

HAIR
A natural blonde, Tiff's chopped and dyed her hair beyond repair to escape the infamous labels from high school. Choppy, brown bangs frame her face and cascade to her shoulders. If one looks closely her roots are platinum blonde, matching her almost invisible eyebrows.

EYES
A light brown and often surrounded by bold colours of eyeshadow.

DIST. FEATURES
Freckles dot her face and body but are clustered on the right side of her face and arm from the sun's exposure while driving. Pouty lips that often refuse to shut and reveal her gapped front teeth. A large bust that is usually on display.

WARDROBE
A headache inducing clash of bright juvenile clothing and comfortable country/farming attire make up Tiff's eccentric wardrobe. A lover of pattern and colour, Tiff has no qualms with showing off her body and will often be dressed in tight and revealing clothing despite the stares or comments.

FACE CLAIM
Mia Goth. Specifically from X.


PERSONALITY TYPE — ESFP

POSITIVE TRAITS

Bubbly,
Spontaneous,
Comedic,
Life of the party,
Good listener,
Tough-skinned,
A never-give-up attitude.

NEGATIVE TRAITS

Scrappy,
Self-sabotage,
Attention-seeker,
Not the sharpest tool,
Absent-minded,
Cuts corners,
Envious,
Childish.




flirty


resourceful


charming


energetic


serious


playful


Tiffany has an affinity for being the centre of attention and greedily heaps it up by the spoonful. Neglectful parenting may attribute to Tiffany's infinite search for attention and affection which has no bounds. Good or bad? Tiffany doesn't care. From a young age she found comfort of being intimate with another; a brief yet hollow escape from the loneliness she felt. Unfortunately, Tiffany's escapades would spread like wildfire and she could not escape the salacious rumours that filled the school's halls. A conquest is what she became; a topic in the boy's locker room while girls would whisper behind her back and stare in disgust.

More often than not, Tiffany's self-saboteur has the habit of attracting the wrong kind of attention. Salacious rumours have followed her from high school to university with many offering a glance or whisper in her direction. She carries the scarlet letter with pride these days having developed a tough-skin from the onslaught of comments. Slut. Whore. Town bike. Tiffany has heard it all, so give it your best. Most of the rumours chalk it up to low self-esteem or respect for herself but all she wants is to feel close to someone. To be loved and wanted is what she truly craves. A hopeless romantic at heart. Unfortunately for her, she ends up in the arms of some guy who knew she was "easy" or who wanted to boast about it to his peers.

Despite the rumours, Tiffany is always invited to all the college parties for her ability to liven up any party with her oozing charm and charisma, enthusiasm and a little flirting. She is warm and inviting, never one to let someone sit in the corner. In fact, Tiffany is tooth-rotting sweet and the few who have found a friend in her are greatly rewarded with a great listener and someone who has your back no matter what — even if she can be a little flaky or rather absent-minded.

Routine is not something within Tiffany's vocabulary, always a mystery to most in where she can be found. Prefers to live in the here and now, always chasing new experiences and an instant dopamine hit. She doesn't often think of the future and the ramification of her actions, struggling to be serious, even in the most dire situations. Many would view Tiffany as juvenile and childish, preferring to ignore any negative feelings or thoughts and letting her problems stack up. Yet, thanks to her resourcefulness and managing to just cut enough of the corners, Tiffany has been able to stay afloat (barely) in her studies and work. It doesn't hurt that Tiffany enjoys learning to things and can be quite curious; alongside her never-give-up attitude, she is ready to face any battle that comes her way.

Tiffany doesn't like being alone, often getting bored which leads to thinking and well...Tiffany hates thinking. She hates thinking about her mother, her inability to find someone who truly cares for her and what life could of been like if her father never left for war. Partying, an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and plenty of flings fill that void and keep the thoughts at bay just long enough for her next hit.



fear(s)
To never be loved is Tiffany's biggest fear. She is afraid that she is unlovable and that there is no-one out there that would ever get with someone like her. It eats her up inside but alcohol numbs all that. Apart from that, Tiffany is quite fearless.

AILMENTS
Is a kleptomaniac and often shoplifts random items, an alcohol dependency, long-sighted but never wears her glasses.

hobbies
Repairing and refurbishing vehicles, road trips, joyriding, swimming, partying and learning new things.

little more



history



The curtains open with a warm glow emitting from the stage; a young family, hand in hand, dance around the stage. One exits the stage with a tearful goodbye and never returns. The remaining two don't dance anymore, their rehearsed moves become chaotic and violent.

Roy Miller comes from a long-line of generational farmers in a quaint, country town of St. Bloomsdale, Iowa. Respected for their hardworking nature and sizeable harvest of corn, the Miller's were known within the small town. Roy married Katherine, a young woman from not much lineage that Roy defended against his judgemental family.

The couple flourished and so did their harvests each year thanks to Katherine's entrepreneurial talents; pulling in buyers from across the country who would pay top dollar for Roy's harvest. It was not only a profitable partnership but one that was built on a foundation of love. The young couple soon brought their first child, Tiffany Miller, into the world.

The first seven years of Tiffany's life were nothing but bliss. A time she looks back fondly on. Unfortunately in 1970, Roy was conscripted to join the army for the latest conflict. He kissed Tiffany and Katherine on their foreheads, along with the growing baby-bump and promised to return.

Roy never returned. In his stead came a letter of condolences and his dog-tags. Katherine never recovered, especially after the miscarriage a few weeks later.

Katherine withdrew and stopped taking her prescribed medication for BPD. Moments of mania led to Katherine draining the family's leftover funds on nonsensical things. Roy's family even bought the farm from her so she could pay of the debts she had accrued. Her last lavish purchase was a trailer home, promising to take Tiffany on a road-trip around the country. These hollow promises became a staple for Katherine, leaving a young Tiffany confused and conflicted.



The audience jeer, their scathing whispers forming into a crescendo of insults; a lone girl stands on the stage as she weathers it alone. One may wonder why she stands their starstruck, but the scorching heat from the spotlight brings her unfounded comfort.


Katherine's in-laws ostracised her and Tiffany was raised in this trailer home. A tumultuous and neglected childhood is what Tiffany experienced; being exposed to her mother's erratic mood swings, a different male figure every week, a lack of attention from her mother and early exposure to drugs. She tried to help her mother when she could, yet was too young to do anything impactful to make Katherine change. Katherine was often too numb or distracted to realise what some of the men she let into her home did to her daughter.

High school began with Tiffany growing into her body and becoming very popular with boys. While short-lived, the instant gratification Tiffany received from each guy fuelled her warped sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, Tiffany's escapades would spread like wildfire and she could not escape the salacious rumours that filled the school's halls. A conquest is what she became; a topic in the boy's locker room while girls would whisper behind her back and stare in disgust.

It is unclear if Tiffany was popular, while she was invited to all the parties and social gatherings, she lacked any substantial friendships with girls. Most of her friends were boys, but even then they were fleeting as they eventually lead to sexual relations and nothing else. Most of the time, Tiffany wore the labels with pride, shrugging them off to nothing more than jealousy. Instead of focusing on the rumours, Tiffany involved herself in more risky behaviour.






A familiar figure enters stage left, bearing his own pain, he finds solace in the lone girl. Together they begin a new, hopeful dance. The girl's soft, penetrable skin hardens and the audience's jeers turn to mere murmurs.

The closest person to a father figure Tiffany has is a police officer, Harrison, who was an on and off lover of Tiffany's mother. Unlike the other men, Harrison cared deeply for Katherine but sadly she couldn't commit. Harrison stuck around though, visiting and offering to babysit Tiffany. Once she was old enough, Harrison taught her about his love for cars and Tiffany would help in refurbishing his latest project; a 1969 Pontiac GTO Judge convertible. She quickly became handy with a wrench and despite not being the brightest, the inner workings of a machine just clicked in her head. When Tiffany wasn't in the back of Harrison's police cruiser for stealing, joyriding or underage drinking, she spent her time with him tinkering the car or occasionally staying over for dinner. Harrison seemingly treats Tiffany as his own daughter, many around St. Bloomsdale believing it is his way to fill in the void after the death of his biological daughter.

In fact, Harrison realised Tiffany's desire to leave this town behind and to prove everyone wrong that she was more than her mother. He handed her the keys to the 69' Pontiac convertible and paid for her tuition to attend NYU. One last hug and left the town forever, along with her mother to start anew.

While a lot of her bad habits followed, Tiffany was on a clearer path to success and happiness. The only person that stood in the way now was Tiffany herself.






/* ------ credit -- do not remove ------ */

© weldherwings.
 
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Diazepam



Turnover












Eli.















B

asics.










Full name


Eli Baker







D.O.B.


November 30th







age


Twenty-three







gender


Cis-Male (he/him)







Orientation


Pansexual







Degree


Computer Science













A

ppearance.










hair


Eli’s hair is thick, short, and tightly coiled. It’s jet black, just like his father’s was before it began to fade to gray. He keeps it styled simply, and he often decides to clip it himself as he sees fit when he can’t be bothered to visit a barber.







eyes


Depending on the lighting, Eli’s eyes are either nearly black or honey-brown. They’re usually wide and welcoming, set behind a sloping brow and long lashes. They’re especially animated, constantly squinting or softening as his expression changes.







skin


Eli’s skin is deep brown in color, with a warm, clear complexion.







height


6'4"







build


He’s always had a rather lanky build, with long limbs and prominent bone structure. His growth spurt happened quickly right when he entered high school, and ever since then, he’s received many comments on his height. He’s no athlete at this point, since much of his time is spent hunched over a keyboard, but he’s still far from fragile.







face claim


Alfred Enoch













P

ersona.










Personality


Eli finds himself in the constant pursuit of levity, and his general disposition reflects that. He’s laid-back and lighthearted, and cracking a joke and putting on a smile has become second nature to him, whether it’s appropriate or not. In social situations, Eli clings to his humor, which makes him most recognizable for his care-free attitude and agreeable personality. He’s most likely to throw around as many jokes as possible in hopes that they will stick, and sometimes, his humor is rather hit-or-miss.

If nothing else, Eli tries to be nice. One can always expect him to be ready to grant a favor and offer generosity. He’s nearly never aggressive, always preferring to make friends over enemies. His shoulder is consistently available to lean-on without judgment, although if anyone is seeking seriousness or sound advice, he’s not the person to look for. Warmth, however, is something that he’s ready to give. His energy seems to be unwavering, at least when he has an audience.

When it comes to people-pleasing, Eli has the tendency to go too far. He often neglects his own emotions and well-being to tend to others, and his self-sacrificing behavior can have consequences that affect his ability to look out for himself. His need to be liked can become a desperation, and there are times in which he’s far too willing to lose himself if it means that he can appeal to the eyes of others. His passiveness makes him a push-over in most situations, even at his own expense. Standing up for himself has always been difficult for him, and he’d rather turn his cheek than face any adversary if it means that he can avoid conflict.






positive traits


protective - positive - optimistic - empathetic - humorous - curious - generous







negative traits


flippant - irritating - deflective - facetious - self-deprecating - conformable - obsequious







fears


Eli almost fears the guilt that comes with making a mistake more than the mistake itself. He’s scared of responsibility, and the threat of failure that comes with it. He’s spent sleepless nights worrying about his mother, and growing up with the feeling that the balance of someone’s safety rests in his hands has made him terrified of the feeling of being to blame for the pain of those around him. Even if he can’t admit it, his image matters a lot to him. In his nightmares, he’s in elementary school again, disliked and unwanted, with his insecurities on full display. Being able to pick and choose the parts of himself he wants to hide or magnify is the only thing that gives him a sense of control, and without that cover, he’s far too exposed. Eli’s used to earning love from his friends and family, and the idea of getting rejected if he ever just asked for it instead is too much for him to bear.













B

ackground.





Eli Baker was born the youngest of seven.

By the time he came around, the family had already done their growing, shifting and setting in their roles long before he was in the picture. The Baker’s were already stretched thin, and his siblings were uninterested in making any room for him. His parents had been married for nearly a decade by then, and each year was more difficult for their relationship than the last.

Growing up in a full house meant that Eli had a steep learning curve. There was always something going on that made the young boy feel like the world could be falling down, some battle among his siblings or an icy look exchanged between his parents. As a child, Eli had somehow spent a lot of time alone in a house that was always shared.

His father was a carpenter, and his days at work were constant with a family like his to provide for, and his hours were long. Eli quickly realized that his dad had already chosen his favorite children, and that if he didn’t do something spectacular to catch his attention, his dad’s interest in him dwindled to nothing.

But Eli’s mother was a different story.

He didn’t know what it was about him that made his mother latch onto him, whether it was the fact that he was the youngest or that his sense of empathy as a child was too keen to go unnoticed by someone who craved it. But the two came to depend on each other, even as Eli continued to grow older.

When he finally reached school age, he was excited. It was a chance to get out of the house, make friends, and learn something new. For his elementary school years, it went horribly.

The bullying was relentless, a constant hum behind his ear, a heavy weight at the bottom of his stomach. He couldn’t figure it out. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong, and any attempt at making friends or smoothing things over didn’t seem to remedy it. His teachers offered some reprieve, however, and he was able to find some solace in their company and understanding.

In fourth grade, in 1973, his English teacher, an early computer buff, introduced the young boy to the brand new Xerox Alto. As soon as Eli’s fingertips touched the keys, he was obsessed. That feeling would follow him for the rest of his life.

At home, all he had was his mom. He was a smart kid, and even though he was still quite young, he knew at some point around then that something was wrong. His mother acted differently around him than other adults did. To them, he was a child. To his mother, he became her confidant, her comfort, and her counselor. Oftentimes, she wasn’t well, and beyond the bouts of exhaustion that came with taking care of her children while working two different jobs and the wear of her failing marriage, there was something that affected her, and had her whole life. She was lonely, sort of like Eli was then, and without many friends. Eli knew that she was sad a lot, and he became the one who she showed it to clearly. She was a strong woman with a lot on her plate, but when she needed someone to lean on, she always chose Eli. And he was too young for that, and it was too much for him. He couldn’t tell her that, though. Over the years, he began to realize the impact that he had on her mood, and as he grew up, the fact that he was so close to her suffering made him feel, in some way, responsible for it. It wasn’t long until he thought that if he wasn’t there to take care of her, something really bad might happen. There were times in which she told him as much, and he never forgot it.

By middle school, Eli was prepared for a new school with more torment. On the very first day with a new crowd, he decided that rather than wait for one of the kids to take a jab at him with some deprecating joke at his expense, he would just beat them to it and get it over with. Amazingly, it worked.

That was then he realized that a laugh could earn him some protection. The more jokes he made and the more he acted out, the less he was pushed at. If he was funny, people didn’t mind that he was around, and this knowledge cemented itself in his brain. It became all he ever thought about. After a while, he settled into the role of the care-free class clown, and he decided that it was a much more comfortable place to be.

One day, he tried telling a joke to his mom. It made her smile.

It became his self-appointed job to make people laugh, and he soon found that he liked it. From his teenage years all the way to adulthood, his sense of humor shaped his personality. The way he acted around other people became the most important thing to him, only until he was alone. When he was alone, all he cared about was computers.

Ever since he was ten years old, it was his mission to learn everything there was to know about the blooming world of computer technology. By the time he was in high school, he was learning about programming and spending his time building computers as advanced as he was capable. It was incredibly frustrating and exciting at the same time, and he loved every second of it. Growing up as the field was first expanding only piqued his interest more, and he knew that he wanted to pursue a career in computer technology.

College was hard to bring up. He desperately wanted to go, but his limited funds and the responsibility he felt tied to his mother made it seem impossible. He stayed awake at night, torn between wanting to live his own life or feeling like he needed to be around to save someone else’s. It wasn’t until he was presented with a scholarship to NYU that he actually made his choice.

His mother cried. And then she begged him to stay. He grit his teeth and held fast to his decision, trying his best to calm her while not giving in. It went on until she threatened him, and told him exactly what he always feared: that if he left her, something terrible would happen to her.

Eli crumbled.

He promised her that he would stay, talked her down until they both could breathe. He’d done it many times before. But this time, he called a doctor afterward.

That first night in the hospital, he stayed awake with her until she fell asleep. After, he went home. By morning, he was on the way to New York.

That first week away, he slept very little at odd hours. He ate even less, his stomach curled into knots. He called the hospital almost hourly. She was alright, he would find out, but she wouldn’t talk to him. The punishment that came with setting his first boundary lasted for what felt like years. After a while, she finally answered his calls and quelled his worries a bit. She was getting some help now, and she seemed to be able to function better without him now that she was receiving treatment. Over time, they eventually fell into a familiar routine. They called each other daily, and sometimes their conversations were healthy, but sometimes they were the same as when Eli was a kid. Whether he was going to be chatted to or swallowed was something he could never predict, but he held onto her still. The miles between them made it different so that sometimes, they did Eli some good, and other times, they only exacerbated his anxiety.

Through it all, Eli’s mother told him that she still loved him just as much, even though he left. But she never actually forgave him for it. So the guilt would remain.

On his own, college was a whole new world for him. He came to love his classes and the friends that he made. He was fine as long as he kept himself occupied, so he found a way to thrive on restless energy, spending his days and nights at the computer lab or out laughing with friends. He was able to find a way to get caught up in college life, and now that it's ending, he’s afraid of where it might lead, especially if it points toward home.









g

allery.
































♡coded by uxie♡
 
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    Fill the silence with the sound of your voice to remind them that you are here

    wen, jia yi (juliet)


    nearly twenty-two

    july twenty-ninth

    asexual

    female - she/her pronouns

    born in maplewood, nj

    finance major

    Carry the weight like a good daugher






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