Advice/Help When your partner(s) been off for (what you think is) too long

[Meryl_ya]

Do you poke them? Give them a message asking how they're doing? Or maybe you're like me that's like, "oh, okay, maybe they don't want to RP this again" or "ah, they must be very busy, I shouldn't bother them"?

I know people can't read minds and that you have to say (type) it to them, but like, was there a time where you're about to send them "the message", an invisible force is like stopping you by whispering to you that you'll bother them, or along the lines and you end up not doing so

Tldr: if you're able to poke at your partner, HOW do you do it? Like, do you change your mindset to "I'm just checking on them, that should be fine."? Or like, you never really think too much about it and just send it?

 

[Lucyfer]

Honestly, it depends on the partner.

I have partners that I talk with every day, and others I talk to maybe a couple of times a week. Once I have an idea of their "norm", then I can decide when to poke them.

A daily partner? I'd usually reach out after one or two days of silence (OOC).

A weekly-ish partner? Probably if nothing OOC, I'd reach out after 10-14 days.

In both cases, I usually either send a check-in message, or a meme I think they'd like. I actually do care about my partners, so I do worry when I don't hear from them. I know some may take it as harassment/bothersome to get messages, but if so, I just gotta live with that and hope they respond so I can see they're okay.

Of course, if the "vibe" was off, and things weren't going smoothly in the RP or OOCly, I will sometimes just not send a message and assume they were ghosting on me. This is especially true if I see them active elsewhere. I can respect ghosting; I know it's intimidating sometimes to tell someone you want to leave and I've had enough bad experiences in doing so, so I get it.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Yeah I usually get a sense of how often they post then send a check in once they have been offline for an unusual amount of timez

I usually ask if they’re doing okay or if their IRL obligations are going well.

 

[Nihilum]

Usually just one message is good enough to check in on someone: this helps you feel like you're not being bothersome while also sating your need to know if they're doing okay, and prevents the other person from feeling overwhelmed by dozens of messages from one person who's worried about them. If they respond, good. If not, you tried and that's all that matters.

You don't even have to specifically ask if they're doing okay; sometimes, just a simple "Hey! What've you been up to lately?" is a good way to check in without asking that emotionally weighted question of 'is everything okay?'

The bottom line is, while it's difficult to overcome that mental hurdle, most people more often than not appreciate when someone stops by to see how they're doing. It helps reinforce that they're cared about, and can make them feel less alone if they are going through something. If someone reacts negatively to a well-intentioned question like that, they might not be worth your time anyways.

 

[Pilgrim59]

Do you poke them? Give them a message asking how they're doing? Or maybe you're like me that's like, "oh, okay, maybe they don't want to RP this again" or "ah, they must be very busy, I shouldn't bother them"?

I know people can't read minds and that you have to say (type) it to them, but like, was there a time where you're about to send them "the message", an invisible force is like stopping you by whispering to you that you'll bother them, or along the lines and you end up not doing so

Tldr: if you're able to poke at your partner, HOW do you do it? Like, do you change your mindset to "I'm just checking on them, that should be fine."? Or like, you never really think too much about it and just send it?

Just say what you mean. Mean what you say. Nothing wrong with checking in on someone you are clearly concerned about. Even if they are ghosting you (without addressing the problem), just send it their way. Better git your last words in before you fall down some stairs or drown in your own pool, than to regret not saying anything. In the end, you can look at yourself in the mirror and say "I tried."

Alternatively, you could always send "I'm coming over. See ya at 5."
That usually make them respond or at least check your DM with haste. A little bit of tomfoolery don't hurt none.
That was a joke, btw. It doesn't work. I think. Most people I talk to don't even live in the same country. Mlem.

 

[counterfeitcowboy]

I have a partner I talk to all day every day. If I don't hear from them all day, I'll check in and say something like, "haven't heard from you today; hope all is well!" That said, I would probably wait a week before I checked in about our RP even though this person typically replies more than once daily. I would just check in to make sure they were still interested and that my post wasn't difficult to respond to.

With other roleplay partners, it depends on how frequently they send in a post on average. If I'm used to a reply a week, I'll probably wait a month before I check in and ask if they've lost interest. If they reply daily, I'd check in after a week.

I only check in once per extended absence, however. If a person is interested and invested, they don't need to be prompted every time it's their turn. Sure, once in a blue moon you might forget, or maybe miss the "your turn!" message, but overall anyone you need to consistently check in on is not that into it. Anyone who needs more than one reminder is not posting either because they don't have the time or the motivation.