Experiences Whats making you angry today? Rp pet peeves

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Something that's pissing me off right now is something I literally just encountered in another thread. A role-player who is younger has been given grief simply for being younger.

Warning!!

Incoming GojiBrean rant...

...

Let me say this as clearly as possible.

Age!

Does!

Not!

Matter!


This is online role-playing. Not a dating site or some kind of social to-do where age should affect your perception of someone else or expect certain kinds of behavior or interactions.

Age alone should not be a factor of your perception of others. Period. If age by itself as a number is a problem, then the problem is yours. Just because someone's younger doesn't make them unworthy, untrustworthy, or in any way less passionate or dedicated to the world of online role-playing than someone who's older.

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Regardless of the legitimacy of your reasoning for avoiding age groups, you need to realize that it's a toxic behavior that can unfairly permeate through the community for no other reason other than someone being too trusting of what you went through and then establishing your perception as their own.

You affect the thoughts and perceptions of others more easily and more frequently than you know.

Let's use a hypothetical as an example:

Someone who's in their late 20's joins and RP and, in OOC conversation, finds out everyone else here is 20+ and decides to say openly that they'll never RP with a sub-20 year old again. When asked why, they claim it's because of ONE instance where they got into an argument with a sub-20 year old in another RP a few months back. The sub-20 year old left the RP so as not to deal with the negative situation anymore, and the RP soon fell apart and died because that sub-20 year old was the most active poster in the group. Someone else in the conversation then says "I believe it. What a little douche. I'm gonna make sure to say 20+ in all my RP's from now on so that crap doesn't happen to me." When asked if they'd had a similar experience before as well, they reply with, "No. It just makes sense. Younger players suck, and I don't wanna go through that. So I'm not gonna RP with them."

They've never experienced anything negative with a younger player before, but suddenly they think that younger players suck. And it's all because the negative experience this other person went through "makes sense." Because obviously younger players aren't as "mature" as older players. Obviously they're more volatile, more prone to irrational behavior and words, and ghosting because they're just too childish to speak up before leaving. Obviously. It makes total sense. Right?

No.

For starters, that sub-20 year old was the beating heart of the RP. If it died after they left, then they weren't he problem. Everyone else was. So why are they taking the blame behind their back?

For those wondering, this hypothetical is not actually a hypothetical. This happens frequently in online role-playing because a lot of people out there are willing to believe that the negative experiences of others translates to their own reality whether or not it's happened to them before. As stated before, you affect the thoughts and perceptions of others far more frequently and easily than you may realize. And as a result, that person is then negatively affected and has changed their perception of the world around them for the worse.

Your words are powerful. And they can be dangerous too.

If you don't watch how you use them and halfhazardly throw them around in a negative fashion, the result is the spread of something toxic and ugly through the community.

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Brief tangent: If you're afraid of interacting with someone because they're younger and you don't want to be seen as some kind of creep, then you're afraid of a non-issue.

What happens IC stays IC. Your character is not you. What they do and say are not you. Just because you're the one tying the words down doesn't mean you are in any way the one thinking or behaving in the manner that your character is. It's the same thing with film stars. They're portraying characters. The actors are not in love just because their characters are. And when they make out on screen, it's for the film. Both actor's know it. Their friends know it. Their spouses know it. Even the audience knows it. So there's no problem.

It's the same here in online role-playing.

No matter what your characters do IC, it does not reflect you or define your reality.

So, if you're worried about the creep factor, don't be. It doesn't exist unless you make it exist by actually going out of your way to behave in an inappropriate manner. And as long as you don't want to be a creep and aren't trying to be a creep, you won't be a creep.

------------------------------------------------------​

For those dealing with trauma, whether it's something that happened long ago or something more recent, I say this with every best intentions: Seek therapy.

This is a scary prospect. And believe me, I understand because I've been there.

I've had to seek therapy because of my own traumatic history in life as well, and it was a very liberating experience for me. And even with therapy it was almost a year before I was able to get over everything that happened to me and move on with a clear and healthy conscience. But it worked for me. Is it guaranteed to work for you? No. But is it worth trying to help yourself even if it's not certain to work? Absolutely.

Thanks to therapy I'm no longer haunted by my past, role-playing or otherwise. And I don't negatively think about either myself, or anyone else who was involved in the trauma's source. I'm free. Why? Because, thanks to therapy, I was able to forgive myself my mistakes, forgive the mistakes of others, realize where the true heart of the problem lay, and take steps to correct it.

My mind is clear, and yours can be too.

I know it's scary to think about going to look for therapy. In fact, I didn't even want to do it at first. I resisted for months until the weight of my anxiety and emotions got to be too much and I was crying myself to sleep thinking about all the "I should have's" and "what if's" that were swarming through my head. I was trying to mentally make things better by changing the memories using the "best" of those scenarios I came up with. But it doesn't work that way. Your memories aren't yours to change. They're permanent, and they're a part of you whether you like it or not. And the fact of the matter is that I waited too long before I took the steps needed to help myself to recover and move on from what happened.

I don't want any of you to make my mistake.

Don't let your memories sit in your head and fester without being tempered by a voice that can empathize and guide you through the fog to a better, more stable mindset.

If you honestly believe that your mental and emotional health are at risk, step away from online role-playing for a while and seek help. It's not a shameful act, and it's not as difficult as it sounds. It's scary, yes. But not difficult. They're two different things no matter how much someone wants to lump them together just to oppose what I'm suggesting to you here. "Scary things are difficult to do!" No, they're not. Scary things are scary. Not difficult. What makes them difficult is the fact that you can't visualize yourself doing it. So you shy away from the unknown. Your own mental block is what's making it difficult for you. Not the act of seeking therapy itself.

Case in point: all you have to do is Google psychiatrists in your area, call their office, and schedule your first appointment. That's it. It'll take 5, maybe 10 minutes of your time.

Scary? Maybe. Difficult? Not at all.

When you show up all you have to do is go inside, greet the therapist, and then they sit back and listen to you and let you relay everything to them on your own time. They don't force you to reveal anything you're not yet comfortable revealing. And they don't interrupt you, judge you, or in any way make you feel small, insignificant, or like you're the scum of the Earth.

Instead, once you've said what you need to say they will likely first rehash what you've said to make sure they're fully understanding the root of your pain. Then, they'll give you an honest analysis of the situation you've presented them. They'll tell you where you went wrong, where others went wrong, and most importantly how to distinguish between the two. If you're haunted by what you've lived through then the chances are high that you're blaming yourself for things which aren't your fault. And once you learn to recognize what those things are you can stop blaming yourself, and you'll be able to take an immense weight off your shoulders. That will be your first big step towards recovery.

Forgiving yourself your own mistakes, even if your only mistake was blaming yourself unfairly for things which weren't your fault, is your first big hurdle. Once you're past that, everything afterwards is infinitely easier.

Trauma and runaway anxiety or irrational fear are all toxic to the self, and they can and will eventually kill your enthusiasm and passion for anything and everything you do in life if you don't get them under control and truly learn to move on from them.

Continuing to role-play despite trauma is not the same thing as "moving on."

And if you're struggling to move on by yourself, seek help. It's there. And it's waiting for you.

------------------------------------------------------​

Now, the truly angry part of my rant returns.

There are those who judge others based on age for no other reason than because they're part of that age group. There's no trauma. There's no bad blood between them and anyone else. There's no outside factors playing in. They just don't like a specific age group. So they say "No" to anyone within it.

Grow. The. Hell. Up.


You're not being cool by acting that way. You're not being kind by acting that way. You're not being fair by acting that way.

You're just being an asshole.

And if this is you, then here's to you never enjoying the full scope of possibilities in online-roleplaying.

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In summary, regardless of your reasoning it's time to drop the whole avoidance of age groups.

Even when you're doing so because of a traumatic experience, your behavior in avoiding them is inherently toxic and can inadvertently bleed into the community which is always a problem. Step away from role-playing and seek help first. Then, when you're ready, come back to it. Online role-playing isn't going anywhere. And nobody (with a heart or good conscience) can or will blame you for taking time to do what's best for you.

And if you're just a jerk avoiding age because of age, do the world a favor and grow up. Nobody wants to RP with someone like you except other empty, apathetic losers like yourself. And you'll never enjoy the full beauty of role-playing if those are the kinds of people you surround yourself with.

Thank you,

~ GojiBean
 
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GojiBean GojiBean so to start off I agree with you there isn’t really any rational reason for people to be uncomfortable about age. But trauma is not particularly rational which is totally fine.

As a vast majority of people who are uncomfortable roleplaying with minors were sexually harassed as children online by garbage people. This has left them with a bad association with the “power imbalance” inherent in talking to people under the age of consent. Is that a particularly rational fear? No.

But it’s also not hurting anyone nor is it something that is going to change just by trying to use logic on people. Cuz that’s not how trauma works. You don’t just wake up one day and say “why yes that man who tried to get me to write porn as a 13 year old was an exception that should be on a watch list.” (I mean objectively true sure but if you haven’t gotten there by age 25 on your own then you aren’t going to without someone a hell of a lot more qualified then either of us talking you through it)

So I just do the same thing I do with ghosting, do I agree with the people who get in their feelings about it? No. But they are allowed to have their opinions and it doesn’t hurt anyone but themselves in the long run.

The people refusing to roleplay with anyone under a certain age are narrowing their own prospects. It might seem unfair to the children sure but there are plenty of people who do not give a flying fuck one way or another. We are just usually less vocal about it so the assumption is everyone is super hardcore about age.


My advice to the youths is this.
1. It’s not about you. This is about something that happened when you were in diapers or before you were born. So I wouldn’t take it personally either way.

2. These people are doing you a favor, if someone is not comfortable in a roleplay it shows and the whole experience is absolute garbage for everyone involved.

Also just as someone in their 30s who by that metric can roleplay with just about everyone on this site? Some of those people are absolute nightmares and you wouldn’t want to talk to them anyway.
 
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I speak only for myself in this regard. I personally do not have any issues writing with people younger than me or who are minors. I have been writing since I was 12ish and am now 34. It's my hobby. My tastes for writing styles have changed over the years, and there are topics I want to explore now that are better experienced by someone who has the age or the education as nerdy tangents nerdy tangents and GojiBean GojiBean was able to experience.

My feelings on the matter fall into more of a "movie rating" aspect. I have two very unique characters I have posted on here, and elsewhere, that are hopefully going to help me expand my writing skills if when I find the right people for them. One of those characters can be written with a minor and I never indicated any age "restrictions" on my partner, because I was more interested in being able to just go with the flow of the story and watch this character experience life.

The other I DID put an age restriction on, not because there were going to be some steamy sex scenes or anything, but because the character is already historically a very violent and bloody person (Vlad Tepes) and I want to explore the reasons and mentality behind WHY he became what he did. Am I saying a 16 year-old is incapable of mentally and emotionally handling such topics? By restricting them, I suppose. By law, a 17 year-old is not allowed to go see an R-rated movie (USA) without the presence of an adult. If I write an R-rated story, I may not want to be the adult responsible for exposing the minor to something they might not be mentally or emotionally equipped to handle at that time.

Does it matter to me if they are 17 or 18? Does a magical difference or magical change occur between those two numbers? No.

Communication is key when writing with anyone about any topic, and on most topics, I would have no issue roleplaying with anyone of any age. But there are some topics that I know personally I feel better being handled opposite someone who has had more education and/or experience in handling more mature themes.

That's my viewpoint on why I personally may put an age restriction on a specific roleplay or character. I do not feel it is right putting an age restriction on every roleplay idea you might have because you are indeed limiting not only your own experiences, but the chance for someone else to learn from you and grow as well.
 
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i do agree that age should not be an indicator of how good of a roleplayer someone is or how mature,, but i do want to speak up and say that i, personally, don’t find that someone’s wish should trump someone’s comfort in this matter ! may that comfort be something you deem rational or not.

is it unfair for younger people to be cast aside purely by age? yes ! and i do advocate for people to create exceptions when the younger person has exhibited the maturity that some people seek for their roleplay. however, i also understand why people put a general rule or statement about not being comfortable roleplaying with people that are much younger.

i will also say that imo,, there is a difference between a 30 year old roleplaying with a 20 year old,, and a 20 year old roleplaying with a 10 year old. as the latter most likely have a gap in life experience and education as others already have highlighted.

again, i feel that is all comes down to preferences and comfort and i don’t think people are necessarily an ageist jerk or making an issue out of a non issue if they put an age restriction on. i personally don’t see this being any different than stating you only wish to do certain pairings or a certain theme.

but also as nerdy tangents nerdy tangents has said; this is truly nothing personal against younger people and i also feel like there are a lot of rpers out there who are willing to give minors or younger people a shot !
 
Something that's pissing me off right now is something I literally just encountered in another thread. A role-player who is younger has been given grief simply for being younger.

Warning!!

Incoming GojiBrean rant...

...

Let me say this as clearly as possible.

Age!

Does!

Not!

Matter!


This is online role-playing. Not a dating site.

Age is not a factor here.

The goal of role-playing is to live vicariously through your characters in fantastical situations outside the realm of reality. And this is in no way dangerous or criminal regardless of the age of the participants so long as you respect the rules of the site you're on.

If someone's age bothers you, then you have one of two problems:

1) You're afraid of a non-issue

2) You're an ageist jerk

There is no in-between, nor are there any excuses or "but" statements you can throw up in an attempt to defend yourself if you're guilty of either of these two behaviors.

If you're afraid of interacting with minors, you haven't learned to separate yourself mentally or emotionally from what happens IC.

If you're against role-playing with someone based on their age for no other reason than they're "too young" or "too old," then you're just an ageist jerk lacking in mental and emotional maturity.

------------------------------------------------------​

If you're afraid of interacting with minors, get this through your head... The words and actions of your characters are NOT yours!

Let me repeat that... The words and actions of your characters are NOT yours!

What your character says is not you. What your character does is not you. You're just typing words on the page to bring the character to life. It's literally no different from how a film actor is not the character they play on the big screen. All the stars of the DC and MCU action films are not actually super heroes with powers. The actors themselves aren't in love with each other like some of their characters are. Etc.

What happens IC stays IC.

If you're in your 20's and one of your RP partners is 16, and you have characters who are falling in love and becoming (appropriately) intimate, let it happen with confidence. It's just characters in an RP. It's not you and the minor. And you have no reason to be afraid or ashamed of what's happening between your two characters. If anyone gives you grief about that, put them firmly on your "Ignore" list and move on without them. You don't need that kind of emotional immaturity in your life.

So, if you haven't already learned how to mentally and emotionally separate yourself from the RP and the characters within and role-play with confidence when your partner is underage, it's time you learned to do that. It'll spare you, your RP partners, and the community a lot of grief.

And if you're against role-playing with someone simply because they're younger or older, grow the Hell up.

I'm 32, and a handful of years ago I was role-playing with someone almost 10 years my junior. They had studied creative writing since they weren't even into double digits in age. And as a result I learned more about storytelling from someone who's almost 10 years younger than me than I ever did reading books on the subject, or watching online course videos on Udemy or on Youtube. Why? Because their passion for the craft and their years of experience had given them an understanding which vastly eclipsed my own and they didn't have an agenda when teaching me about it like the online courses or books always seem to. When I asked a question, they answered me clearly and thoroughly. They didn't talk in circles like books do. They didn't beat around the bush and tease like online courses and YouTube "tutorials" and "lessons" do in order to pad the video time. They just answered me.

If someone who's almost 10 years younger than me could teach me so much about storytelling to the point that almost everything that I know today and everything I yammer on about in the forums regarding the craft of storytelling can basically be attributed to them, then you can drop the ego and stop prematurely judging people based on their age.

I absolutely guarantee that you'll learn more from them than they will from you if you've had an ageist mentality leading up to this point.

------------------------------------------------------​

So, drop the ageism folks.

It doesn't help you. It doesn't help the other player. And it doesn't help the community to ostracize other players because of their age.

Role-playing is about the experience. And everyone on the site, regardless of age, has something unique and important to offer the experience.

Thank you,

~ GojiBean
But aren't you doing the same thing with your message? Trying to ostracize people who do not want to write with anyone younger? Not only that, you're lumping everyone in together as ageist jerks when you are only reacting to someone else's grievance.

And to be clear, it's mostly about adults not wanting to write with minors as that seems to be the root of the matter. There have been as a whole just a few instances I have seen over the threads on this site where minors have voiced their disdain publicly about situations where adults have stopped writing with them due to their age.

If people don't want to write with minors, that's their prerogative. They don't have to explain a darn thing or made to feel like they should. It's all well and good that you are okay with it but you can't be angry at someone else for not being comfortable. You are right that the character's actions and behaviors are not our own but do you really believe a parent would think the same way? I don't write with minors because too often I hear stories about members on forum communities being contacted by angry parents or actually seeing issues publicly with minors lying about their age.

It's cool that you think age doesn't matter and there are some really amazing writers in the lower age groups but it's all about comfort of how someone feels and I am certain I'm not alone in this but I personally am not comfortable with it. I also just don't want to do it either. Just like everyone else, no one has to do what they don't want to do.
I will admit it and if people feel in a way about it, I don't really care. If they don't want to write with me, that's one hundred percent fine. Again, no one has to explain their reasons for not wanting to do something especially to anyone online. It's really no one's business. It's between two partners or a group of partners because at the end of the day, everyone is just here to do their own thing write with who they want to write with and have fun telling stories.
 
I agree with GojiBean, but maybe not as militantly. I play TTRPGs with very young children (5 years old-ish), adults (40s-50s) and everyone in-between. The difference between these age groups is very small. I would say almost vanishingly small. The primary difference is that older people can keep focused on complex plots that take multiple sessions to conclude. Young people tend to do better with one-off adventures that both start and conclude within that session.

I've been thinking about it a lot, and I suppose that the format of the game plays a big role in this discussion. Dungeons and Dragons (and like games) and forum-based roleplaying are not the same. Kids do well with D&D, but might not do as well on a creative writing forum. I am starting to see that now.

I think that we (the older members of this site) as a whole see the divide between a 15-year old and a 20-year old as not really that significant. Looking back on my life, I'm sure that at 20 I would have balked at such a statement, but now that I am older I see the truth in it. Is a 20 year old more mature than a 15 year old? Yes - but just barely.

With this in mind, it's easy to see how easily we can consider such limitations (20 year old RPer looking for partner: must be at least 18 to be considered) to be sort of asinine. I really do think that it's a perceptual gap that age grants a person. With age comes wisdom, right?

As a vast majority of people who are uncomfortable roleplaying with minors were sexually harassed as children online by garbage people.

I find this extremely hard to believe, and if you have any evidence I would kindly ask that you supply it. I just now looked at the first 20 1x1 interest checks and every single one of them had a minimum age requirement attached to them. Are you saying that the 'vast majority' of these 20 people have been sexually abused as a child by some older online roleplayer? That's a super tall order if you ask me.

I don't know for sure, but if I had to guess I'd say that the age limit thing is a mix of some cruel cultural paradigm that roleplayers have developed over time and a way to exert some small amount of power.

They don't have to explain a darn thing or made to feel like they should.

I don't like this sort of thinking. Here, it's somewhat innocuous. Elsewhere, this type of thinking could do real damage.

If I, a dog-walker, arrive at a new client's house to meet their animal and when they open the door I see that they are two men wearing turbans, should I be able to say "Oops! No thanks, I don't want to work for you and I 'don't have to explain a darn thing or [be] made to feel like I should.'"

I will never be okay with this attitude. Not when dealing with race. Not when dealing with age. Not even when dealing with someone's favourite ice cream flavours.
 
Something that's pissing me off right now is something I literally just encountered in another thread. A role-player who is younger has been given grief simply for being younger.

Warning!!

Incoming GojiBrean rant...

...

Let me say this as clearly as possible.

Age!

Does!

Not!

Matter!


This is online role-playing. Not a dating site.

Age is not a factor here.

The goal of role-playing is to live vicariously through your characters in fantastical situations outside the realm of reality. And this is in no way dangerous or criminal regardless of the age of the participants so long as you respect the rules of the site you're on.

If someone's age bothers you, then you have one of two problems:

1) You're afraid of a non-issue

2) You're an ageist jerk

There is no in-between, nor are there any excuses or "but" statements you can throw up in an attempt to defend yourself if you're guilty of either of these two behaviors.

If you're afraid of interacting with minors, you haven't learned to separate yourself mentally or emotionally from what happens IC.

If you're against role-playing with someone based on their age for no other reason than they're "too young" or "too old," then you're just an ageist jerk lacking in mental and emotional maturity.

------------------------------------------------------​

If you're afraid of interacting with minors, get this through your head... The words and actions of your characters are NOT yours!

Let me repeat that... The words and actions of your characters are NOT yours!

What your character says is not you. What your character does is not you. You're just typing words on the page to bring the character to life. It's literally no different from how a film actor is not the character they play on the big screen. All the stars of the DC and MCU action films are not actually super heroes with powers. The actors themselves aren't in love with each other like some of their characters are. Etc.

What happens IC stays IC.

If you're in your 20's and one of your RP partners is 16, and you have characters who are falling in love and becoming (appropriately) intimate, let it happen with confidence. It's just characters in an RP. It's not you and the minor. And you have no reason to be afraid or ashamed of what's happening between your two characters. If anyone gives you grief about that, put them firmly on your "Ignore" list and move on without them. You don't need that kind of emotional immaturity in your life.

So, if you haven't already learned how to mentally and emotionally separate yourself from the RP and the characters within and role-play with confidence when your partner is underage, it's time you learned to do that. It'll spare you, your RP partners, and the community a lot of grief.

And if you're against role-playing with someone simply because they're younger or older, grow the Hell up.

I'm 32, and a handful of years ago I was role-playing with someone almost 10 years my junior. They had studied creative writing since they weren't even into double digits in age. And as a result I learned more about storytelling from someone who's almost 10 years younger than me than I ever did reading books on the subject, or watching online course videos on Udemy or on Youtube. Why? Because their passion for the craft and their years of experience had given them an understanding which vastly eclipsed my own and they didn't have an agenda when teaching me about it like the online courses or books always seem to. When I asked a question, they answered me clearly and thoroughly. They didn't talk in circles like books do. They didn't beat around the bush and tease like online courses and YouTube "tutorials" and "lessons" do in order to pad the video time. They just answered me.

If someone who's almost 10 years younger than me could teach me so much about storytelling to the point that almost everything that I know today and everything I yammer on about in the forums regarding the craft of storytelling can basically be attributed to them, then you can drop the ego and stop prematurely judging people based on their age.

I absolutely guarantee that you'll learn more from them than they will from you if you've had an ageist mentality leading up to this point.

------------------------------------------------------​

So, drop the ageism folks.

It doesn't help you. It doesn't help the other player. And it doesn't help the community to ostracize other players because of their age.

Role-playing is about the experience. And everyone on the site, regardless of age, has something unique and important to offer the experience.

Thank you,

~ GojiBean
Ageism is not always a factor in why older players will not RP with anyone under 18. As someone else pointed out it could be trauma. It could also be that a person is well beyond their 20's and just isn't able to relate to teens in any way. There is of course also the factor of some having an interest in exploring more mature topics that one may need to be an adult to fully understand. I have personally come across situations like that where I was talking about stuff in a RP that went way over my younger partner's head.
 
I agree with GojiBean, but maybe not as militantly. I play TTRPGs with very young children (5 years old-ish), adults (40s-50s) and everyone in-between. The difference between these age groups is very small. I would say almost vanishingly small. The primary difference is that older people can keep focused on complex plots that take multiple sessions to conclude. Young people tend to do better with one-off adventures that both start and conclude within that session.

I've been thinking about it a lot, and I suppose that the format of the game plays a big role in this discussion. Dungeons and Dragons (and like games) and forum-based roleplaying are not the same. Kids do well with D&D, but might not do as well on a creative writing forum. I am starting to see that now.

I think that we (the older members of this site) as a whole see the divide between a 15-year old and a 20-year old as not really that significant. Looking back on my life, I'm sure that at 20 I would have balked at such a statement, but now that I am older I see the truth in it. Is a 20 year old more mature than a 15 year old? Yes - but just barely.

With this in mind, it's easy to see how easily we can consider such limitations (20 year old RPer looking for partner: must be at least 18 to be considered) to be sort of asinine. I really do think that it's a perceptual gap that age grants a person. With age comes wisdom, right?



I find this extremely hard to believe, and if you have any evidence I would kindly ask that you supply it. I just now looked at the first 20 1x1 interest checks and every single one of them had a minimum age requirement attached to them. Are you saying that the 'vast majority' of these 20 people have been sexually abused as a child by some older online roleplayer? That's a super tall order if you ask me.

I don't know for sure, but if I had to guess I'd say that the age limit thing is a mix of some cruel cultural paradigm that roleplayers have developed over time and a way to exert some small amount of power.



I don't like this sort of thinking. Here, it's somewhat innocuous. Elsewhere, this type of thinking could do real damage.

If I, a dog-walker, arrive at a new client's house to meet their animal and when they open the door I see that they are two men wearing turbans, should I be able to say "Oops! No thanks, I don't want to work for you and I 'don't have to explain a darn thing or [be] made to feel like I should.'"

I will never be okay with this attitude. Not when dealing with race. Not when dealing with age. Not even when dealing with someone's favourite ice cream flavours.
You are entitled to feel how you do as I am and I honestly don't care.
 
i do agree that age should not be an indicator of how good of a roleplayer someone is or how mature,, but i do want to speak up and say that i, personally, don’t find that someone’s wish should trump someone’s comfort in this matter ! may that comfort be something you deem rational or not.

is it unfair for younger people to be cast aside purely by age? yes ! and i do advocate for people to create exceptions when the younger person has exhibited the maturity that some people seek for their roleplay. however, i also understand why people put a general rule or statement about not being comfortable roleplaying with people that are much younger.

i will also say that imo,, there is a difference between a 30 year old roleplaying with a 20 year old,, and a 20 year old roleplaying with a 10 year old. as the latter most likely have a gap in life experience and education as others already have highlighted.

again, i feel that is all comes down to preferences and comfort and i don’t think people are necessarily an ageist jerk or making an issue out of a non issue if they put an age restriction on. i personally don’t see this being any different than stating you only wish to do certain pairings or a certain theme.

but also as nerdy tangents nerdy tangents has said; this is truly nothing personal against younger people and i also feel like there are a lot of rpers out there who are willing to give minors or younger people a shot !
I do generally follow the 18+ rule, but the other day I did almost make an exception for someone under 18. They were honest with me and said straight up that they were under 18. I think what ultimately made me decide against RPing with them was their sloppy grammar. Maybe English was not their first language, I don't really know, but their writing style even while PMing me rubbed me the wrong way. It came across as super lazy, which led me to assume they would utilize a similar style in actual RP.
 
I think that we (the older members of this site) as a whole see the divide between a 15-year old and a 20-year old as not really that significant. Looking back on my life, I'm sure that at 20 I would have balked at such a statement, but now that I am older I see the truth in it. Is a 20 year old more mature than a 15 year old? Yes - but just barely.

With this in mind, it's easy to see how easily we can consider such limitations (20 year old RPer looking for partner: must be at least 18 to be considered) to be sort of asinine. I really do think that it's a perceptual gap that age grants a person. With age comes wisdom, right?
generally, i agree that people of age twenty aren’t necessarily much more mature than those can be at fifteen years old. but then again, that doesn’t take away the fact that some 20+ year olds feel uncomfortable roleplaying with people of that age. is this discomfort completely rational? perhaps not,, but it doesn’t make it less valid imo. no one should be forced to do something against their comfort (excluding comfort being racist and a bigot etc)

in the end,, we all here have the rights to set boundaries in my opinion. the younger people also have the right to be upset by it, but i don’t think it’s wrong for older people to say they prefer their rp partners to be 18+.


i also don’t think that rule is used to extent power, just as stating you want partners to reply x times a week or to be x amount of descriptive isn’t.. almost everyone has things that might exclude others from roleplaying with each other — that just tends to happen. for me, people who include age preferences aren’t bad or worse for it.
 
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Jesus, I just had an epiphany.

When I play RPGs, either live or on a forum such as this one I very much prefer a gamemaster/player relationship and not a friendship. This is why age is so irrelevant to me.

If you're looking for a friend, then clearly you don't want a 15 year old when you're 25+.
 
GojiBean GojiBean , I definitely agree that age is just a number and does not equate to maturity.
I advocate on the side of both having age restrictions and not having age restrictions depending on the themes present in the roleplay. But, I do equate age to life experiences due to personal experiences I've had with writers who are younger or older than me.

Differentiating between IC and OOC can be difficult, regardless of age. I personally always like to mention that what happens in IC stays in IC. Unfortunately, it sometimes bleeds out to OOC, if there is one.

Ideally, as you've stated, "The goal of role-playing is to live vicariously through your characters in fantastical situations outside the realm of reality. And this is in no way dangerous or criminal regardless of the age of the participants so long as you respect the rules of the site you're on", but unfortunately, I'm not sure if anyone else experienced this but the term 'roleplaying' when I first started out and perhaps still, has always had a negative connotation. I still find myself even now stating "Oh yeah! I write with others as collaborative writing".
- I grew up with strict parents and while this hobby is not criminal, for the people around me, there is this stigma. While it's considered old-fashioned, I still hide this fact from my parents and even friends that I roleplay or that I communicate with people I don't know over the Internet, minor or not.
- That said, because I experience this negative reaction to 'roleplaying' from people around me, I can understand why some older players would prefer for age restrictions. The result of a parent logging into their child's account and yelling at you for interacting with a minor is very real. ( I've had this happened to me before and I have to say it's not a pleasant experience ). At the same time, I can't imagine my parents logging into my account and yelling at others for interacting with me when I was a minor. It's terrifying.


The Great Sage The Great Sage , I think you bring up an interesting point regarding this statement, "If you're looking for a friend, then clearly you don't want a 15 year old when you're 25+".
In my experience, I'm not actively looking for friends, however, by interacting with fellow writers on RpN and in group roleplays I'm in, it just so happens that I do make friends. I love OOC interactions and getting to know people. However, I know there are others out there who don't prefer to interact outside of just talking when clarification is needed in a story and don't want OOC interactions.

As one example, regarding life experiences and my personal experiences, I was in a group roleplay that was based around a university. Most of us, regardless of age, can understand how school settings functions. However, depending on the themes present in the roleplay, each school roleplay is different and there's so many routes you can take such as light-hearted or heavy-hearted themes.
- That said, aside from the writing aspect of roleplaying, I enjoy the social interactive side of roleplaying too. You can meet writers from all backgrounds and of varying levels. I'm someone who loves outside chatter. Because of this, I'd like to be able to relate to my fellow writers and I like to try to include everyone as much as possible in-character and in out-of-character discussions.
- But, there were some chatter outside of roleplaying that caused unintentional exclusion and discomfort.
- At the time, I was 21 and there were a couple of us who were in the same age range. The same could be said in the same group roleplay where there were younger players who were around 15-17. Intentional or not, there was a divide in the group roleplay because players leaned towards those in their age group due to personal life experiences. In this specific roleplay, I've had younger players express feeling left out because they didn't understand the topics being discussed, weren't comfortable talking about certain subject matters, and leaned towards writers who they'd relate to more. Due to this, this caused many strains and conflicts in the roleplay. It wasn't an intention exclusion, but it does happen.

Personal comfort level is important and I'll always advocate for it. I will also try to advocate for inclusion, but not if it infringes upon someone's comfort level and personal preferences.


This became long-winded, but, that said, I can understand why there are age restrictions and understand both arguments. However, at the end of the day, calling others ageist because there isn't a reason for it or that they're jerks is not an accurate representation or depiction of the reason why writers do or do not place an age restriction.

RpN has it in their Roleplay Rights that Roleplay Creators have the right to remove or reject any player from their roleplay - which unfortunately can cause exclusion but it's not against the rules.
 
I think people should play however they want all I'm saying is if anyone doesn't like something they really don't have to explain themselves nor feel shamed for their choices. If you feel like age is irrelevant then more power to you keep writing and creating great stories with your partners. Do you and don't let what other people do or don't do bother you. Everyone has a preference and a comfort zone. Yes it's good to venture out of it some times but a lot of people aren't like that. But it is what it is.
 
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Idk bout yall but I just ain't trying to befriend people in middle school. OOC is important for me, and I wouldn't know what to do with them?

"So, kiddo...how's that..-"
<glances at smeared writing on hand>
"...7th grade history homework?"
 
the age restriction argument always baffles me because as neon reverie neon reverie said, no one should have to do anything out of their comfort zone

There are a lot of salient point being made in this thread, but this point brings to mind the one area I don't see many people addressing.

For many people over 25, the idea of one to one communication with a legal minor online can feel ethically murky. Regardless of the maturity level of the minor in question and the innocence of the conversation. I have two kids and, if they were teenagers and I knew they were on any website talking to adults I did not know, I would want to pretty heavily monitor that activity, because people are creeps and some teenagers don't make the wisest choices.

For me, it's about boundaries to give me the freedom to pursue this hobby without having that subtle concern that someone's parent is going to mistake my intentions. If that kind of boundary means I miss out on potentially perfectly fine roleplays and cuts out some kids who are well meaning, that's not great, but it does take some of the grey area out of the situation. Calling it "ageism" or assuming the issue is just about mental maturity ignores that there are very few online spaces where it is totally fine for adults strangers to interact with minors. Boundaries keep everyone safe.
 
My thanks to everyone who replied to my initial post.

I have since edited it, as I realized after reading your comments that I let my own emotions get in the way and cloud my intended message about the situation at hand.

Hopefully the edited version makes more sense and reads more fluidly.

Cheers!

~ GojiBean
 
There are a lot of salient point being made in this thread, but this point brings to mind the one area I don't see many people addressing.

For many people over 25, the idea of one to one communication with a legal minor online can feel ethically murky. Regardless of the maturity level of the minor in question and the innocence of the conversation. I have two kids and, if they were teenagers and I knew they were on any website talking to adults I did not know, I would want to pretty heavily monitor that activity, because people are creeps and some teenagers don't make the wisest choices.

For me, it's about boundaries to give me the freedom to pursue this hobby without having that subtle concern that someone's parent is going to mistake my intentions. If that kind of boundary means I miss out on potentially perfectly fine roleplays and cuts out some kids who are well meaning, that's not great, but it does take some of the grey area out of the situation. Calling it "ageism" or assuming the issue is just about mental maturity ignores that there are very few online spaces where it is totally fine for adults strangers to interact with minors. Boundaries keep everyone safe.

Exactly. As a 30 year old I have thought about it from this perspective. This is what largely cemented my decision to not write with minors. It's usually not an issue for me since the vast majority of my RP sites are 18+. This is literally the only one that isn't.
 
...I would want to pretty heavily monitor that activity, because people are creeps and some teenagers don't make the wisest choices.

And that makes you a good parent. A minor should not be allowed to freely roam the internet. If a minor is wanting to join a RP group, I would like to think that they have their parent's implicit blessing.

Bonus points if the parent joins the site and attempts to share in their child's interests.
 
I am once again asking the community to either:
1. List your age requirement in your title
Or
2. Put it as your very first rule

It is the ABSOLUTE WORST for me to read through an interest check, get super hyped, only to be let down by the “btw you gotta be 18+”
seriously, it’s so frustrating! And the people who say “I prefer 18+ but y’know whatever”
No! Stop it! I hate that! Either have strict age requirements or don’t have them at all! I hate the wishy-washy thing.

also I’m displeased with the lack of horror slasher rps on this site, but that’s all.
 
And that makes you a good parent. A minor should not be allowed to freely roam the internet. If a minor is wanting to join a RP group, I would like to think that they have their parent's implicit blessing.

Bonus points if the parent joins the site and attempts to share in their child's interests.

I'm not even really opposed to a minor joining in on a group RP. To me the fact that there are multiple people involved adds some oversight and accountability. But I'm a high school English teacher. The idea of even totally innocent 1x1 interactions with a legal minor just doesn't sit right with me. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, ha ha.
 
I am once again asking the community to either:
1. List your age requirement in your title
Or
2. Put it as your very first rule

It is the ABSOLUTE WORST for me to read through an interest check, get super hyped, only to be let down by the “btw you gotta be 18+”
seriously, it’s so frustrating! And the people who say “I prefer 18+ but y’know whatever”
No! Stop it! I hate that! Either have strict age requirements or don’t have them at all! I hate the wishy-washy thing.

also I’m displeased with the lack of horror slasher rps on this site, but that’s all.
I actually saw some interest checks recently for horror type stuff. It seemed some had mentions of slasher type stuff too.
 
Look, I don't give a shit about """ethical implications""" of excluding people. I'll exclude who I want for literally any reason. It's rp, not basic human right. And btw, people whining about others' boundaries go straight on my 'do not rp with' list.
 
I am once again asking the community to either:
1. List your age requirement in your title
Or
2. Put it as your very first rule

It is the ABSOLUTE WORST for me to read through an interest check, get super hyped, only to be let down by the “btw you gotta be 18+”
seriously, it’s so frustrating! And the people who say “I prefer 18+ but y’know whatever”
No! Stop it! I hate that! Either have strict age requirements or don’t have them at all! I hate the wishy-washy thing.

also I’m displeased with the lack of horror slasher rps on this site, but that’s all.
You can't tell others how and where to put the 18+ rule of their request thread. The point of the matter it is in their thread. So you have to read the whole thing but isn't that what you do anyway when you're looking for a partner?
 
You can't tell others how and where to put the 18+ rule of their request thread. The point of the matter it is in their thread. So you have to read the whole thing but isn't that what you do anyway when you're looking for a partner?
it’s not a serious request, I’m just annoyed. also, this is for what’s upsetting people as far as rping goes. Just for opinions, and serious discussion at times. I know there’s a fair bit of discourse about the age limits and stuff, and this is one small thing. I know I can’t tell people what to do, and I wasn’t trying to.
Even if I was being serious, you see the part where it says “asking”? Yeah, no. I’d never try to tell anyone on this site what to do. Trust me, I learned how people react to that a long time ago.
 
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