Other What would your useless superpower be?

[LegoLad659]

Basically what the title says. Let's say everyone in the world is born with one mundane, borderline pointless superpower, like transforming cash into its equivalent in pennies, or the ability to make people unable to open candy wrappers at will. What do you think yours would be?

 

[Abendrot]

I can see through bread

 

[Hans Johann]

Telekinesis. But it only works on pocket lint.

 

[2Bornot2B]

the ability to go invisible in the dark

 

[MapleWillow]

The ability to see through everything because then you's see nothing
Because you see through everything you can see.

 

[Rockwithfries]

The ability to cause chips to become stale

 

[Unchosen]

The ability to animate only items that start with z

 

[JadeGreen17]

The ability to spell 'Vehicle', 'Diarrhea', 'Equivalent' and 'License' right on the first try.

 

[Typewriter]

The ability to levitate helium-filled balloons.

 

[KannaChan]

The ability to read a goldfish's mind!

 

[Corrosion]

The power to perfectly moonwalk, but only on the moon.

 

[MapleWillow]

perfect

 

[FleetingExuberance]

The power of teleportation, but only to the exact location at which you're currently located.

 

[Borkus Lazorus]

WRONG!

I can see through bread

- Extremely useful for working at a bread factory in a future and spotting unauthorized items in bread or either mold growing inside bread.
- Become a performer who uses bread-related items to mysteriously know items that the audience is holding.
- Become a saboteur by hiding behind large piles of bread to spy at other people.
- Bread quality inspector.
- Be able to spot someone hiding behind bread.

Telekinesis. But it only works on pocket lint.

- Clean all your clothes instantly and remove all your pocket lint!
- Charge your services to remove lint for the homeless!
- Use your amassed pocket lint as tinder to start a campfire.
- Become a artist who specialises in making sculptures out of pocket lint and sell your creations on the market.
- Sneak a mass of pocket lint into someone's meal and telekinetically manipulate it to press against one of their vital organs, mess up their lungs, choke their trachea, press on their amyglada, cause strokes etc.

the ability to go invisible in the dark

- Useful for hiding against law-enforcement who use night-vision googles whilst you mask your heat signature.
- Makes you extremely useful as a saboteur.

The ability to see through everything because then you's see nothing
Because you see through everything you can see.

- This is basically more of a curse than an actual superpower.

The ability to cause chips to become stale

- Cause customer complaints at will and destroy a restaurant that you absolutely hate!
- Ruin a party by causing chips to become stale.
- Be hired and get paid money by scientists who want to study your abilities.

The ability to glow in the dark when no one is looking.

- Useful for navigating caves.
- Useful for navigating dark forests.
- Useful for navigating dark mazes.
- Useful for general luminescence.
- Act as a watchman for a high security facility assisted by the help of a light-detecting sensor that automatically alerts an individual if a person is looking at you.

The ability to levitate helium-filled balloons.

- Helium balloons can't technically float in a vacumn so this would make you extremely useful for space-related missions that involve gratuitous use of helium-filled balloons.

The ability to read a goldfish's mind!

- Depending on how thorough your ability is to read a goldfish's mind, you can act as a source of secondary data for scientists or university students that want to study goldfish behavior.
- If you own a gold-fish, be able to cater to your fish's needs and desires better than a normal pet-owner could.

The power to perfectly moonwalk, but only on the moon.

- Upload a music video of you moon-walking on the moon and become instantly popular.

The power of teleportation, but only to the exact location at which you're currently located.

- Depending if it's a general radius, this is extremely useful for multi-tasking in general and not wasting your energy on physical movement.

 

[Corrosion]

WRONG!

- Extremely useful for working at a bread factory in a future and spotting unauthorized items in bread or either mold growing inside bread.
- Become a performer who uses bread-related items to mysteriously know items that the audience is holding.
- Become a saboteur by hiding behind large piles of bread to spy at other people.
- Bread quality inspector.
- Be able to spot someone hiding behind bread.

- Clean all your clothes instantly and remove all your pocket lint!
- Charge your services to remove lint for the homeless!
- Use your amassed pocket lint as tinder to start a campfire.
- Become a artist who specialises in making sculptures out of pocket lint and sell your creations on the market.
- Sneak a mass of pocket lint into someone's meal and telekinetically manipulate it to press against one of their vital organs, mess up their lungs, choke their trachea, press on their amyglada, cause strokes etc.

- Useful for hiding against law-enforcement who use night-vision googles whilst you mask your heat signature.
- Makes you extremely useful as a saboteur.

- This is basically more of a curse than an actual superpower.

- Cause customer complaints at will and destroy a restaurant that you absolutely hate!
- Ruin a party by causing chips to become stale.
- Be hired and get paid money by scientists who want to study your abilities.

- Useful for navigating caves.
- Useful for navigating dark forests.
- Useful for navigating dark mazes.
- Useful for general luminescence.
- Act as a watchman for a high security facility assisted by the help of a light-detecting sensor that automatically alerts an individual if a person is looking at you.

- Helium balloons can't technically float in a vacumn so this would make you extremely useful for space-related missions that involve gratuitous use of helium-filled balloons.

- Depending on how thorough your ability is to read a goldfish's mind, you can act as a source of secondary data for scientists or university students that want to study goldfish behavior.
- If you own a gold-fish, be able to cater to your fish's needs and desires better than a normal pet-owner could.

- Upload a music video of you moon-walking on the moon and become instantly popular.

- Depending if it's a general radius, this is extremely useful for multi-tasking in general and not wasting your energy on physical movement.

You fine, genius, brilliant, magnificent bastard.

 

[differentjasper]

I love useless superpowers, people always find ways to use them... especially Borkus Lazorus apparently XD
Hmmm I'd probably have the power to have super strength only while hugging ppl
pros: good strong hugs, as long as i'm doing a one armed hug i can use the other arm, maybe this applied to being hugged as well and then i just need someone to koala
cons: i don't want to hurt ppl when i hug them, and i don't want to put someone in danger by fighting while hugging them, maybe this is a power for villains (granted can someone who's hurt/unconscious/worse still hug??)

 

[Borkus Lazorus]

Hmmm I'd probably have the power to have super strength only while hugging ppl

- Hug a handcuffed person or a restrained person and awkwardly break their restraints with your super-strength while you do so.
- Hug a person to temporarily gain super strength to either.......push heavy objects out of the way and etc etc etc. There are so many possibilities that you can literally get away with.
- Hug a person and turn a crank attached to a large industrial-sized dynamo to get free money and provide cheap electricity courtesy of your own muscles.

My list of useless superpowers would be to......
- Be able to summon a single piece of hair that's measured around 1 cm per year.
- You can become invisible but all of your five senses are turned off when you do so.
- The power to grow old really fast irreversibly. One second of concentration makes you one year older.
- Control living dinosaurs.
- You are Mr Opposite. When you think of doing something, your body does the opposite thing. If you are angry, your body will make it look like you are happy. When you are happy, you will look like you are sad. When you want to save someone, you have the urge to kill them instead. When you don't want to breathe, you breathe. When you want to breathe, your body can't breathe. etc etc etc.

 

[Gaius Danius Griinia]

The power to make this popcorn taste slightly better

 

[differentjasper]

Ok, I love all your reasons my power would work, but also...

- You can become invisible but all of your five senses are turned off when you do so.

I would give so much to be able to have that kind of break during a busy work day, dear gosh

 

[2Bornot2B]

WRONG!

- Extremely useful for working at a bread factory in a future and spotting unauthorized items in bread or either mold growing inside bread.
- Become a performer who uses bread-related items to mysteriously know items that the audience is holding.
- Become a saboteur by hiding behind large piles of bread to spy at other people.
- Bread quality inspector.
- Be able to spot someone hiding behind bread.

- Clean all your clothes instantly and remove all your pocket lint!
- Charge your services to remove lint for the homeless!
- Use your amassed pocket lint as tinder to start a campfire.
- Become a artist who specialises in making sculptures out of pocket lint and sell your creations on the market.
- Sneak a mass of pocket lint into someone's meal and telekinetically manipulate it to press against one of their vital organs, mess up their lungs, choke their trachea, press on their amyglada, cause strokes etc.

- Useful for hiding against law-enforcement who use night-vision googles whilst you mask your heat signature.
- Makes you extremely useful as a saboteur.

- This is basically more of a curse than an actual superpower.

- Cause customer complaints at will and destroy a restaurant that you absolutely hate!
- Ruin a party by causing chips to become stale.
- Be hired and get paid money by scientists who want to study your abilities.

- Useful for navigating caves.
- Useful for navigating dark forests.
- Useful for navigating dark mazes.
- Useful for general luminescence.
- Act as a watchman for a high security facility assisted by the help of a light-detecting sensor that automatically alerts an individual if a person is looking at you.

- Helium balloons can't technically float in a vacumn so this would make you extremely useful for space-related missions that involve gratuitous use of helium-filled balloons.

- Depending on how thorough your ability is to read a goldfish's mind, you can act as a source of secondary data for scientists or university students that want to study goldfish behavior.
- If you own a gold-fish, be able to cater to your fish's needs and desires better than a normal pet-owner could.

- Upload a music video of you moon-walking on the moon and become instantly popular.

- Depending if it's a general radius, this is extremely useful for multi-tasking in general and not wasting your energy on physical movement.

ok ok i think ive finally beaten you
the ability to turn marshamllows pink

 

[IG42]

ok ok i think ive finally beaten you
the ability to turn marshamllows pink

That would save money on food colouring and let you slap a "no artificial colours" label on them.

 

[cherub.]

abiltiy to do nothin

 

[2Bornot2B]

ok ok i think ive finally beaten you
the ability to turn marshamllows pink

That would save money on food colouring and let you slap a "no artificial colours" label on them.

Damn you!

 

[Bored-Tigecko]

The power to solve hunger...
only to cause hunger elsewhere

 

[Strawberry Ink]

To somehow find all the worst songs on a randomized playlist.