Experiences What was your worst roleplay experience?

Oof, yeah. Unrequited love can be a fun dynamic to explore, but I think some folks just have a hard time accepting that it's going to stay unrequited. And don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of romance, but some characters just aren't made for that kind of thing. Sorry you had to put up with that!

Its fine. She was my friend and we did a ton of good RP together. XD
 
My worst experience was with a very invasive RP partner. And I mean very invasive. They wanted to talk consistently, which wasn't an issue until they started to pile on the messages while waiting for me to reply. They wanted to be absolute besties, which again, wasn't an issue until like . . . you know when you meet someone and they try to create a false sense of intimacy like you've known each other forever, rather than letting the friendship develop organically? They kind of love-bombed me from the jump, developed crushes on my characters which they then projected onto me, invited me over on Discord for voice calls since we were good friends and all (in the hopes of some explicit stuff, I soon realized), and yeah. It all happened very fast and eventually, I got overwhelmed and told them I couldn't roleplay with them anymore as it was all a bit much.

They reacted the way an overly attached partner would. There was "I can change" and "But you're my best friend in the world" and "Oh my God I'm crying so hard" and even "I understand what you're saying, but could I please have one last phone call for closure?". Mind you, I think we talked and RPed for about a month total.

Now. I'm socially awkward myself and I'm by no means making fun of this person for getting very attached to me and to our characters. But it all felt like she was crossing some boundaries and coming on too strong, and it was just going way too fast and a little too deep for someone I'd met online and talked to for a short period of time. All her headcanons for different AUs for our characters showed that she didn't actually understand my hcaracters at all-- either that, or she changed them around in her mind to fit her fantasies for her characters' love interests. She was sending me photos of her lunch, of her dog, of her new hair, etc., which, again, isn't problematic in and of itself, but added to the general feeling that this person liked me too much, it felt invasive. Then, there's the fact that I was eighteen and this person was around 23, if I recall correctly. So she was older than me, came on way too strong, built a really close friendship way too quickly, and overall made me feel like I had to reciprocate her exact feelings and actions (sending photos, replying quickly, making a million headcanons of AUs for our characters when really I'd rather have been writing for the actual plot sometimes, being as into her as a friend as she was into me) or I'd be hurting her. It just felt icky. Her guilting me for eventually taking a step back was just the final cherry on the sundae.

Anyway, this is why I hesitate to roleplay with anyone under 21 most likely (I'm 22), and if I do, we're not delving too deep into a friendship. I know what overbearing people are like and I would never want to be that, and I get way too excited about characters and plotlines and I roleplay a lot of romance and wouldn't want to be geeking out over that stuff with a minor or someone who's in a different life stage than me. People act like age gaps aren't a problem in friendships and relationships, but they can sooooo easily be inappropriate, even if nothing overtly romantic is going on. There's just a power imbalance there that makes some people unlikely to set boundaries, especially if they won't want to upset the older person.

Be safe out here, guys, emotionally as well. And if somebody gives you bad vibes, you don't need a "valid" reason to cut them off. The beauty of the internet is you can block people.
 
Sibelle Grey Sibelle Grey to be clear that wasn’t an age issue. Even if she had been your exact age down to the day she still would have been someone to avoid like the plague.

I have had people of all ages exhibit that exact behavior in the past (maybe not the smut but it’s entirely possible it would have escalated to that if I hadn’t left when I did).

So it’s not really “younger players can be taken advantage by older players” as the people I’m talking about are all younger than me.

I think it’s more you need to be willing to hurt peoples feelings when they make you uncomfortable. Which is a matter of assertiveness not age.

As a lot of people on this site have anxiety disorders which don’t really go away when you turn 18 or 20 or 40 or whatever. If you have an anxiety disorder your gonna have trouble with confrontation for your entire life. Especially if you don’t have access to someone who can teach your proper coping mechanism.
 
I think it’s more you need to be willing to hurt peoples feelings when they make you uncomfortable. Which is a matter of assertiveness not age.
This is harder to do when someone is older than you, since we're literally socialized to view elders as authority figures and respect people on the sole basis of them being older than us. It's even worse if you're a woman. I think age definitely factors in. Someone who's five years younger than you likely doesn't have the same influence over you than someone five years older. I see your point, people of all ages can be toxic, but there's a specific power imbalance that comes with an age imbalance that I think is really important to acknowledge and to be careful of with a hobby like ours, where some people are forty and others are twelve.
 
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This is harder to do when someone is older than you, since we're literally socialized to view elders as authority figures and respect people on the sole basis of them being older than us. It's even worse if you're a woman. I think age definitely factors in. Someone who's five years younger than you likely doesn't have the same influence over you than someone five years older. I see your point, people of all ages can be toxic, but there's a specific power imbalance that comes with an age imbalance that I think is really important to acknowledge and to be careful of with a hobby like ours, where some people are forty and others are twelve.
(edited to be slightly clear)

I think my point is this : if you put the focus on age than you are giving the behavior a pass.

Because suddenly it’s not a point of “Oh this person deliberately sought out someone who lacked experience/has a timid personality” it’s “well this person is older so they will take advantage.”

When the actual behavior itself is usually more about taking advantage of a personality type than an age range.

As I started role playing fairly late in life (around 18) so a lot of my early experience was actually with people who were younger than me. And there was never a point where me being older made a difference in how they treated me.

They still took advantage of my inexperience and anxiety in much the same way the person your describing did. It didn’t matter that I was “in a position of power” by being a few years older.

Which is why I said putting the emphasis on age doesn’t help. Because it’s not always going to be a matter of someone older taking advantage of someone younger. It could be a younger person taking advantage of an older person OR people of the same age.

If you focus on the behavior itself though you can get to the root of the problem. The power imbalance is largely a matter of someone taking advantage of inexperience, anxiety, etc. and those things don’t go away automatically when you hit some arbitrary number.

If only because not everyone starts roleplaying at the same time or has the same base personality type.

Now to be clear I am not saying that having an age limit is wrong or that your reasoning for it is invalid. I am more trying to point out that people taking advantage of others is not an age based behavior nor is power imbalance intrinsically tied ONLY to age.
 
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“Oh this person deliberately sought out someone who lacked experience/has a timid personality”
That's probably because I'd been roleplaying for eight years at that point and am decidedly not a timid person, anxiety aside, in interacting with most people-- except maybe elders and people with seniority. You're entitled to your experience. In mine, the age imbalance definitely played a role in this person's ability to manipulate me by giving them more power, even if their own fragility was what they played on to get me to act the way they wanted me to. But also there's a whole trend going around on social media with people talking about their adult online friends leaning on them, children at the time, for emotional support in very inappropriate ways, and them feeling compelled to comfort them in part because of the sway given by their age. It's a whole thing on Twitter and TikTok. I'm not the only one this has happened to. It's important to call out the role age plays in power imbalances and in influencing behavior, like I said, especially in a hobby that has such diverse age ranges. You won't catch me telling a fourteen year old roleplayer that roleplaying with someone their age has the exact same risks at roleplaying with someone who's thirty.

I'm not giving her behavior a pass by saying the fact that she was older gave her more power in the relationship. That's my lived experience, as well as kind of an observable fact. There are a few studies about power and age imbalances (at least in the scope of romantic relationships), and the general consensus is older people have more power in their interactions with younger people. I can't think of a single society that doesn't equate age to authority and teach that to children starting from birth-- all our authority figures are adults. I think that factors a lot into the way we interact with people who are older than us, especially when we're younger. And eighteen is pretty young in the scope of a lifetime. Explaining something isn't excusing it, I think.

Power imbalances come in many forms. Age imbalances are definitely one of them; and they have real impacts, regardless of personality. Not to get dark, but do you think every kid who's ever followed an adult stranger was shy and unassertive? I'm not trying to deny your experience, and people can definitely be manipulative and toxic regardless of age, including when they're younger, and a lack of pushback from the person they're interacting with definitely makes it easier. But also please don't deny mine, considering I was, you know, literally there. Part of the reason I didn't push back much until things were awful was her being five years older than me (over a quarter of my life span at the time). I don't have a very hard time drawing boundaries with people my age, unless there's, you guessed it, a power imbalance. It's not fun, but I'm able to do it, just like I eventually did it with her. Again: I'm not saying it's normal or expected for people who are older to take advantage of others. I'm saying it's easier for them because of the way most of us are raised to view them. I'm not saying older people are all abusers, I am saying it's easier for them to abuse due to the authority afforded to them by their age. I'm happy that's not how you were raised to think, and I'm sorry that happened to you. Younger or older, people with no boundaries who can't take no for an answer are the worst.
 
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Sibelle Grey Sibelle Grey and my point is the power imbalance is a separate issue to the behavior that’s all.

Maybe it was a misunderstanding on my part but it felt like you were saying the behavior wouldn’t have been a problem if you had both been the same age or if the person had been younger.

Or the behavior would have been lessened if the ages had been reversed because you would have power over the other person.

But that’s not a guarantee, because I have been in a situation where I was bullied or had people walk over my boundaries that are decades my junior. And the fact that I am older than them did not in any way shape or form make them change their behavior or offer me “respect”.
 
Sibelle Grey Sibelle Grey and my point is the power imbalance is a separate issue to the behavior that’s all.

Maybe it was a misunderstanding on my part but it felt like you were saying the behavior wouldn’t have been a problem if you had both been the same age or if the person had been younger.

Or the behavior would have been lessened if the ages had been reversed because you would have power over the other person.

But that’s not a guarantee, because I have been in a situation where I was bullied or had people walk over my boundaries that are decades my junior. And the fact that I am older than them did not in anyway shape or form make them change their behavior or offer me “respect”.
I was not and am not saying that, and I think at this point we’re just going to have to agree to disagree on whether age factors into power. Have a good whatever-it-is-in-your-time-zone.
 
My worst experience was something akin to forced romance (to put it lightly). I would’ve been okay if it was discussed prior, but nothing on the matter was plotted.

Now, not every plot point has to be discussed, it’s fun when RP is spontaneous. But when your character tries to kiss my character three posts in - I’m a little skeptical, especially since it doesn’t fit the scene.

Like bruv, if you’re looking for that type of RP (reserved for the bedroom business) we aren’t on the same page.
 
I don't wish to share too much because it would break some rules here. However, when I was 19? I used to RP with someone who became a friend, who looking back wasn't shall we say, a very pleasant individual. Anyway, we used to RP over IM, and let's just say things got erm very personal to the point of they stalked me in RL for a year. They called me by my character name, attempted to break me and my then-boyfriend up, got too personal in other areas (I'm not explaining, bit too much), and overall just a very strange event. I admit I had a crush on her from our developed friendship but I didn't want to do anything of that nature, she was just er, how do I put this? Pushy. We thankfully no longer talk.
 
so when I still had a phone, I like Hazbin Hotel alot and all that good stuff. I had Amino. I kept trying to join roleplays, but everytime I said something, EVERYONE ignored me.
 
eheheheh somethimes I kinda would do that with my friends. they didn't mind, but still. recently I asked one of my friends if we could do a rp, they said yes, and I had 2 ideas (friday night funkin btw)

1: Find Pump, who is corrupted (I made my own comic about me finding pump, then getting corrupted myself)
2: a Friday Night Funkin tournament (I also made a comic for that)

so yea. i'm one of those people lol. but alot of times, I do do roleplays that aren't planned. like right now I'm doing a roleplay with one of my friends where some weird stuff happened with me and Tankman and now i'm completely mute. and I'm rversing that process. i'm now making a comic about that roleplay, rather than the other way around.
 
People who have the most spinebreakingly rigid worldbuilding. I can get that to an extent but when people tell ya they're going for realism while having a uh, magic system that allows for Kingdom Hearts' setting to be a part of the universe, yeah sorry dawg I ain't buying it lmao.
 
Being completely ignored by everyone (and I do mean literally every single person) in a group roleplay I had joined on a different site. Needless to say, I dropped out right then and there. xD
 
So, I had joined a fantasy pirate roleplay on another site. I had made six characters and at first, everything was going smooth. But then, nobody wanted to interact with my characters. They were simply ignored. I had some of my characters attempt to interact with the other people's characters but they were completely ignored. Even though my characters would be speaking to the others, my fellow roleplay partners would pretend that I didn't even exist to them. I dropped that roleplay soon after.
 
I really just don't join group RPs and it's because every Group RP I have joined I have been ignored. It's like idk. People have their own cliques and when you are new, then you get ignored. And I made characyers and tried to interact too but people ignored me. And/or go to sleep and find 1500 new posts too. That was hard. I find it a lot easier to just stick to 1x1 nowadays.
 
My worst experience was a couple years ago when Google+ was used pretty often for roleplaying. I was having a pretty interesting rp with someone, and it was all fine and dandy. Then without warning, their character rapes my character. Like wtf? This came completely out of nowhere without warning, and did not even remotely fit into the plot of the rp. Not to mention they didn't ask to make sure I was comfortable with it.

I dropped out of that like a hot rock

Anyways how about you guys?
TW: sexual assault and self-harm

I was using a trans character and I’d just met this person. She asked if they could be dating from the start of the rp, and I figured that would mean the rp wouldn’t be good. I stayed anyway since I was bored. My character worked at a bookstore and his life-long best friend also worked there. His gf walked in and saw him hugging his BFF and started screaming in this book store. The worst part of this horrible experience was she yelled: “You don’t even care that you got me pregnant!” And I was like.... Ma’am please do you even know what trans means. It was horrible. Then she started slitting her wrists in the bookstore bathroom. All because my character hugged another girl. Who is a lesbian. Then I explain OOC that it didn’t work like that, so instead she had a storyline where her dad raped her and got her pregnant. Anyways, that character is gay now because I could not see him dating another woman after that..
 
Oh man . . . there are a lot of cringey worst experiences here, it seems. I do not think that mine can compare, but it can be a good laugh.

I was in an IRC chat with a number of people, but chiefly with my co-GM messaging back and forth about our roleplay, what to do, etc. We knew some others in the chat, including some that had joined our roleplay, and then there was this newcomer who wrote terse messages like "Hey" and "How u doin?" I thought to myself, "Ooh! New person to the site! I must start conversation and make him feel comfortable joining this site."

I typed out a welcome and saying that I was doing well and wanted to know how he was. He replied that he was fine, which was perfect, and then he asked "a/s/l." Okay, okay, I saw this on some other sites, so it should not be too harmful, but I was still worried about stalkers and stuff. I lied out of precaution, saying I was 19, female, and from Kentucky, and he was hoping to roleplay after that. I said sure!

He next rubbed my shoulders via message, and my eyes widened. Several other messages flew in. He wanted to ERP. In the public chat server. With a moderator noticeably there for a PG-13 site who, well, if I can be honest, never really did anything no matter how heated things got. The co-GM I was working with was my romantic interest at the time, now my spouse.

Summoning all of the powers of ignoring the things happening, I batted away his attempts to smooch me and gave him a reply saying that I was married. "Doesn't matter. Just us," or something along those lines slipped from his fingers. Blanching, I finally decided to tell him I was not interested with some helpful commentary on the side from the co-GM. He left within the minute, possibly to bother someone else in another subsection of IRC.

That was the highlight of my night. While planning a roleplay, I had my worst and yet most comical roleplaying experience.
 
Oh man . . . there are a lot of cringey worst experiences here, it seems. I do not think that mine can compare, but it can be a good laugh.

I was in an IRC chat with a number of people, but chiefly with my co-GM messaging back and forth about our roleplay, what to do, etc. We knew some others in the chat, including some that had joined our roleplay, and then there was this newcomer who wrote terse messages like "Hey" and "How u doin?" I thought to myself, "Ooh! New person to the site! I must start conversation and make him feel comfortable joining this site."

I typed out a welcome and saying that I was doing well and wanted to know how he was. He replied that he was fine, which was perfect, and then he asked "a/s/l." Okay, okay, I saw this on some other sites, so it should not be too harmful, but I was still worried about stalkers and stuff. I lied out of precaution, saying I was 19, female, and from Kentucky, and he was hoping to roleplay after that. I said sure!

He next rubbed my shoulders via message, and my eyes widened. Several other messages flew in. He wanted to ERP. In the public chat server. With a moderator noticeably there for a PG-13 site who, well, if I can be honest, never really did anything no matter how heated things got. The co-GM I was working with was my romantic interest at the time, now my spouse.

Summoning all of the powers of ignoring the things happening, I batted away his attempts to smooch me and gave him a reply saying that I was married. "Doesn't matter. Just us," or something along those lines slipped from his fingers. Blanching, I finally decided to tell him I was not interested with some helpful commentary on the side from the co-GM. He left within the minute, possibly to bother someone else in another subsection of IRC.

That was the highlight of my night. While planning a roleplay, I had my worst and yet most comical roleplaying experience.

I— huh???? Why? Christ :’)
 
I— huh???? Why? Christ :’)

Hah! All of this was kind of running through my mind as well. So many questions are needed to be answered in order to get the full picture, but the mentality was one I do not think I can even wrap my head around. I am glad that you and hopefully other people got a kick out of this, however. =P
 
So I've been RP'ing with this guy for 2-3 years now, things go pretty fun, we didn't have any problems with each other. When I started to have eldritch/cosmic horrors in, however, the RP started to gradually come to a halt, until neither of us having any idea how to continue. However, outside the RP, he was pretty cool with the concept of the horrors itself.
But one day I came up with a plot to kick-start the RP again, regarding the horrors. I was really excited to tell him, only for him to shot it down right then and there, saying that it's "beyond dull as hell". Like, he just flipped 180 degree and caught me off-guard.
I couldn't even talk to him anymore and just dropped.

I took the RP to a forum, things were going pretty well with two other members. Nothing wrong with agreement or disagreement about the plots or how things work, for the most part... but I have so many complaints about something else.
One of them has the tendency to just goes silent without saying a single word. Nothing like "I'll be busy because of school" or anything, just off he goes. And he's done that 4-5 times now.
The other... full-force one-liners. Despite me repeatedly telling him to make longer posts, he never changed ; he said "sorry" then added one more short sentence in his posts, or so. And they just don't have any continuity whatsoever. One post his character tries to show/prove himself that he's worthy of being the king, next post he doesn't know how what to do when clearly seeing a village of his kingdom under attack, and next post he passes out from... like, some small cuts on his wings and tail but that's it.

I just gave up afterwards.
Extremely upset and hopeless.
 
Oooo I have a decent story for this one. The person is on RPN so they might see this but oh well. It was a long time ago so I don't remember the exact details but here we go.

At the time I was desperate for a pokemon RP and the only one I could find was someone only doing FxF. Not something I generally do but I was desperate for the sweet sweet pokemons. I would later find out that they were a male as well which is fine it just..Feels weird two dudes roleplaying as females romantically interested in each other. Or maybe that's just my toxic masculinity talking ANYWAY.

The problems were immediately apparent from like the first couple posts. Their character was this emotionally closed off sad sack that wanted nothing to do with anything. I usually have no problems with characters like this...But the whole point of the RP was that our characters were partners and were supposed to stick together. And their character was pretty much just a whole asshole to mine the entire time. The only reason I could even give for mine deciding to follow their character was 'zomg youre such a strong trainer' even though they didn't like each other. Lol.

Things were fine for a few more posts but then the conversation of ghost pokemon started. My character loved ghost types and refused to believe they were technically dead or whatever because her Gastly was her best friend. Their character REFUSED to let this go and it turned into our characters yelling at each other. Again this was like a day after they met and they had ZERO reason to stick together since their character was so outwardly hostile to mine. This alone would have been bad enough but the person decided to take it OOC and start attacking like my IRL intelligence because clearly I think exactly like my character. I would find out later that their character was basically a self insert so I understand why they didn't understand the split from IC/OOC but more on that later. So I have to assure them that yes I the player understand that ghost pokemon are dead (I don't really know or care).

More petty arguments with the character refusing to drop the dead thing, more reasons for the RP to just not continue. The arguments eventually moved OOC because at this point I was *begging* for them to give me a reason for my character to even stick around and continue the RP. I suggested a kidnapping situation where their character would have to bust in and save mine. They refused saying something along the lines of 'kidnapping plots are shallow and stupid'. I suggested something else but they shot that down too. Then I asked what they suggested we do and I shit you not they told me "Why do I always have to be the one coming up with plot ideas? Just once I want to rp with someone that can come up with ideas." I distinctly remember staring at my screen genuinely shocked that someone could be this willfully ignorant.

The talking continued OOC because at this point the RP is at a dead standstill. My character is threatening to walk away and their character continues to not care and talk shit about mine. It all kind of clicked in my head when this person finally said "People like you (see here, ME, not my character) don't know how to relate to [my character]. She's extremely complicated blah blh blah" It was here I realized this person's character was pretty much a self insert. It also explained why they got so defensive all the time when I called their character a bitch and boring and etc. So at this point I straight up asked this person HOW could my character relate to theirs in any way? Everything I have tried has not worked. And do you know what they said to me? "I don't know." BITCH IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOUR CHARACTER LIKE SOMEONE HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

I just stopped replying at that point and have't done a FxF rp since. It was a dumpster fire both IC and OOC from start to finish.

Also shout out to the other partner I had (whom I had just met) that tried to suggest MY fc for a character I made, then when they didn't like him, threatened to drop the RP altogether. THey then said I could just write a description (or find a fc more fitting for what they had in THEIR head) so i wrote a description. To which they said when they read it all they could see was the first FC and still refused to RP. So I eventually picked a fc they liked and then had to stop because work was extremely busy and they said they were extremely upset with me for wasting their time.
 
Oooo I have a decent story for this one. The person is on RPN so they might see this but oh well. It was a long time ago so I don't remember the exact details but here we go.

At the time I was desperate for a pokemon RP and the only one I could find was someone only doing FxF. Not something I generally do but I was desperate for the sweet sweet pokemons. I would later find out that they were a male as well which is fine it just..Feels weird two dudes roleplaying as females romantically interested in each other. Or maybe that's just my toxic masculinity talking ANYWAY.

The problems were immediately apparent from like the first couple posts. Their character was this emotionally closed off sad sack that wanted nothing to do with anything. I usually have no problems with characters like this...But the whole point of the RP was that our characters were partners and were supposed to stick together. And their character was pretty much just a whole asshole to mine the entire time. The only reason I could even give for mine deciding to follow their character was 'zomg youre such a strong trainer' even though they didn't like each other. Lol.

Things were fine for a few more posts but then the conversation of ghost pokemon started. My character loved ghost types and refused to believe they were technically dead or whatever because her Gastly was her best friend. Their character REFUSED to let this go and it turned into our characters yelling at each other. Again this was like a day after they met and they had ZERO reason to stick together since their character was so outwardly hostile to mine. This alone would have been bad enough but the person decided to take it OOC and start attacking like my IRL intelligence because clearly I think exactly like my character. I would find out later that their character was basically a self insert so I understand why they didn't understand the split from IC/OOC but more on that later. So I have to assure them that yes I the player understand that ghost pokemon are dead (I don't really know or care).

More petty arguments with the character refusing to drop the dead thing, more reasons for the RP to just not continue. The arguments eventually moved OOC because at this point I was *begging* for them to give me a reason for my character to even stick around and continue the RP. I suggested a kidnapping situation where their character would have to bust in and save mine. They refused saying something along the lines of 'kidnapping plots are shallow and stupid'. I suggested something else but they shot that down too. Then I asked what they suggested we do and I shit you not they told me "Why do I always have to be the one coming up with plot ideas? Just once I want to rp with someone that can come up with ideas." I distinctly remember staring at my screen genuinely shocked that someone could be this willfully ignorant.

The talking continued OOC because at this point the RP is at a dead standstill. My character is threatening to walk away and their character continues to not care and talk shit about mine. It all kind of clicked in my head when this person finally said "People like you (see here, ME, not my character) don't know how to relate to [my character]. She's extremely complicated blah blh blah" It was here I realized this person's character was pretty much a self insert. It also explained why they got so defensive all the time when I called their character a bitch and boring and etc. So at this point I straight up asked this person HOW could my character relate to theirs in any way? Everything I have tried has not worked. And do you know what they said to me? "I don't know." BITCH IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOUR CHARACTER LIKE SOMEONE HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

I just stopped replying at that point and have't done a FxF rp since. It was a dumpster fire both IC and OOC from start to finish.

Also shout out to the other partner I had (whom I had just met) that tried to suggest MY fc for a character I made, then when they didn't like him, threatened to drop the RP altogether. THey then said I could just write a description (or find a fc more fitting for what they had in THEIR head) so i wrote a description. To which they said when they read it all they could see was the first FC and still refused to RP. So I eventually picked a fc they liked and then had to stop because work was extremely busy and they said they were extremely upset with me for wasting their time.

Oof those both sound like nightmares. So frustrating. Why????
 

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