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Viewpoint What makes you nope out of a search thread?

Caligula

An INFP pretending to be a misanthrope.
Male as in they are male. But before you get offended this is subjective and by no means a gauge for how anyone else should experience the RP community. I've simply been RPing for 18+ years and consistently have very, very unpleasant and negative experiences with male roleplayers that has shaped my preferences. So I no longer RP with male partners.

I will occasionally RP with them in a group setting, if it's an open world/sandbox RP or at my D&D table. Otherwise I build groups with only female players so I can have a safe, comfortable and pleasant environment.
I don't see how this would be too controversial. While I won't refuse to RP with male writers, I run into a lot of male 1x1 roleplayers that seem to think they are just elaborate (or not so elaborate depending on the dude) cybersex. More often than not, I see them insistent on their RP partner being female in real life as well because of that. I guess that's just one possibility though and you could be talking about something else completely lol
 

Dutch

Ta Reine
Well most people say in their thread if they're male or female. Otherwise I ask. If they approach me most often the very kind of male rper I don't want to rp with tends to be very vocal of their gender. Either way, as a completely subjective answer based on my personal experience and my desire for a more comfortable and safe feeling RP environment I don't RP with male players; and as an answer to this thread it's the one thing that makes me check out of a thread immediately. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I will admit RPN has been one of the first few places I've found with a very mixed group of male to female rpers. My old stomping ground was predominately female.
 

rae2nerdy

Ultra Nerdy
I was pretty offended too, but likely for a different reason. Why is it okay to say "I don't want to role play with guys" and yet if you said that about anyone else it's be more of an issue?
Because you wouldn’t get offended if it was for the same or similar reason.

Ex. If I said I don’t do romance roleplays with female players because they often force me into situations I’m uncomfortable with and therefore I would prefer to only do platonic roleplays with male players.

I am giving a well reasoned explanation for why I don’t want to do something based on my personal experience.


It’s not about the gender so much as one’s experience with that gender. And it’s pretty common actually. Plenty of female players have been harassed, propositioned, etc. by men online who see them as sexual objects and refuse to accept boundaries

Heck I was on a dog show game once and a random guy popped up looking for his “girlfriend” whom he met on the sites roleplay forum. He had harassed her for months to the point she had to actually leave the site and make a new account. And when he popped up he ran her out of the games discord and thread for at least a month before she returned.

And I have heard other stories that are similar. So someone being uncomfortable with men based on frightening or uncomfortable previous experience is not strange or even offensive to me.
 

Dutch

Ta Reine
I was pretty offended too, but likely for a different reason. Why is it okay to say "I don't want to role play with guys" and yet if you said that about anyone else it's be more of an issue?
Basically what @middleagedgeek said.

I've had various experience from having my character written into a rape scene when I was 13 (I'm 31 now and I still remember to this day the creepy dude who raped my character; I'll admit now I laugh at it and how ridiculous he was, but that doesn't change the fact that a rape scene stuck with me for 18 years), I've had several sexual or rapey RP experiences with male RPers. To a male RPer who I went out of my way to create an RP for him as a gift derailing it and refusing to play the role he wanted because another role was similar so he wasn't going to play if it wasn't removed and he wasn't going to let someone else play that other role.

To last year a male player joined my RP was overly sexual to other female characters and NPCs, he was extremely aggressive to male characters and was very rude OOC; when he was kicked he then tried to spam my discord server and when that didn't work he and his friends found the RP Recruitment/Hangout server I was on and harassed me there (I had to leave the server for a week before things calmed down).

A few days ago someone from RPN got very testy and mean at me because he was a square enix fan and how dare I reference Final Fantasy 12 when he asked me what kind of scifi-fantasy mix I was thinking. And I casually said well FF12 has a nice generic but aesthetically pleasing scifi-fantasy mix . . . but I guess that was offensive to him because it's the worst game. So he rage quit an RP over the mention of a bloody video game.

Those are just four little incidents and it tends to be rather consistent for me. So I simply choose for my safety, comfort and peace of mind to RP with female players. Sure I've had males in my larger group RPs but if I am running a 4-6 player group I make sure they're all female players for everyone's safety, comfort and peace of mind.

Male RPers have consistently given me poor experiences, have been sexual, rude, hateful or mean to me. Why would I ever want to actively seek that out when I can safely say a female RP partner and group members have never mistreated me, harassed me or done anything sexually obtrusive or abusive without permission and a discussion first.
 
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zippy

drmr boy
I nope out of search threads that are not stylistically or aesthetically pleasing. People who don’t adhere to my idea of what “looks” good usually end up being people who I don’t mesh well with in general.
 

zippy

drmr boy
Tbh I’d rather the thread looked neat and organized than having gifs and bbcode give me a seizure when I click on a thread title
Style and aesthetics doesn’t necessarily mean gifs and bbcode. Just, something. Some sort of organization. Separate your headers. Make the body text look different. Do... Something to make it look like you’ve put actual effort into creating the thread.
 

Dutch

Ta Reine
I nope out of search threads that are not stylistically or aesthetically pleasing. People who don’t adhere to my idea of what “looks” good usually end up being people who I don’t mesh well with in general.
I get this deep down in my soul. There is something about a "threw text in box" compared to a little organization.
 

rae2nerdy

Ultra Nerdy
When the GM insist on there being an equal number of male and female characters, it just screams "forced romance".
Yeah unless gender division is in the actual plot as relevant (i.e. the magical abilities of the roleplay world only work if you have a male & female bonded together) than it shouldn't matter what genders are present. Especially since people can play characters that aren't heterosexual anyway so it wouldn't even necessarily lead to a romance in the first place.
 

Nue

seal enthusiast
That's what always get's me; when people say "it's a romance RP so it needs equal genders", you can tell they didn't count on people playing a character that wasn't heterosexual
 

Brookflower

i'm nasty, i'm evil
That's what always get's me; when people say "it's a romance RP so it needs equal genders", you can tell they didn't count on people playing a character that wasn't heterosexual
one time I joined an RP, and I planned to make a lesbian character but all the girls were straight so I was just "):"
 

rae2nerdy

Ultra Nerdy
one time I joined an RP, and I planned to make a lesbian character but all the girls were straight so I was just "):"
You could have still made your character a lesbian. It’s not like being sexually attracted to women prevents you from dating men. Or being sexually attracted to men prevents you from dating women.

I mean there are people who aren’t sexually attracted to either gender that form lasting romantic relationships.

Which I think is my big problem wit the default assumption of heterosexuality. It tends to assume that you can only ever have romantic feelings for people whose pants you want into. And that more over if you ever find a single member of the same gender attractive than suddenly your whole sexuality has to change.

When you can absolutely date someone outside of your preferred gender. It’s why it’s called a preference. It means nine times in ten you feel X way about X gender. But just because one time you feel different doesn’t mean you have to change your whole mindset.


And that is the kind of story I want to see written. Not just cookie cutter boy likes girl / girl likes boy. But maybe a relationship where the characters actually get to really ask questions about their sexuality and how they see themselves. And if what they want is an actual romance or just the trappings of romance. Like do I really like this person or do I think I like this person because everyone says I should.

But yeah that’s my romance soapbox.

Tl:dr I leave a search thread that only has super surface level romance with no room for actual character interaction
 

Brookflower

i'm nasty, i'm evil
You could have still made your character a lesbian. It’s not like being sexually attracted to women prevents you from dating men. Or being sexually attracted to men prevents you from dating women.

I mean there are people who aren’t sexually attracted to either gender that form lasting romantic relationships.

Which I think is my big problem wit the default assumption of heterosexuality. It tends to assume that you can only ever have romantic feelings for people whose pants you want into. And that more over if you ever find a single member of the same gender attractive than suddenly your whole sexuality has to change.

When you can absolutely date someone outside of your preferred gender. It’s why it’s called a preference. It means nine times in ten you feel X way about X gender. But just because one time you feel different doesn’t mean you have to change your whole mindset.


And that is the kind of story I want to see written. Not just cookie cutter boy likes girl / girl likes boy. But maybe a relationship where the characters actually get to really ask questions about their sexuality and how they see themselves. And if what they want is an actual romance or just the trappings of romance. Like do I really like this person or do I think I like this person because everyone says I should.

But yeah that’s my romance soapbox.

Tl:dr I leave a search thread that only has super surface level romance with no room for actual character interaction
I'm sorry, but if I'm making a homosexual character, they're homosexual for a reason and not open to dating people of the opposite gender for a reason. If they were bisexual, then the story would be different.

But no, a lesbian character would not be dating a man in a healthy relationship. She is a lesbian for a reason. People use terms like homosexual, hereterosexual, etc. to describe who they primarily wanting a both romantic and sexual relationship with. There are different terms for those who have different romantic vs sexual feelings, but when I make a lesbian character,

She is attracted to women and will not be having a relationship with men.
 

rae2nerdy

Ultra Nerdy
I'm sorry, but if I'm making a homosexual character, they're homosexual for a reason and not open to dating people of the opposite gender for a reason. If they were bisexual, then the story would be different.

But no, a lesbian character would not be dating a man in a healthy relationship. She is a lesbian for a reason. People use terms like homosexual, hereterosexual, etc. to describe who they primarily wanting a both romantic and sexual relationship with. There are different terms for those who have different romantic vs sexual feelings, but when I make a lesbian character,

She is attracted to women and will not be having a relationship with men.
My point is that not every person exists in that kind of ironclad binary. Maybe your character would only date one gender but that doesn’t mean every character is the same.

Sometimes you start out with one idea of your character and it evolves over the course of the roleplay due to them developing chemistry with other characters.

For that matter your character could have purely platonic relationships with other characters as well.

Just because none of the other characters say their romantic prospects in the CS doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still give it a shot.
 

Brookflower

i'm nasty, i'm evil
My point is that not every person exists in that kind of ironclad binary. Maybe your character would only date one gender but that doesn’t mean every character is the same.

Sometimes you start out with one idea of your character and it evolves over the course of the roleplay due to them developing chemistry with other characters.

For that matter your character could have purely platonic relationships with other characters as well.

Just because none of the other characters say their romantic prospects in the CS doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still give it a shot.
If I make my character in the mindset of being attracted to women, I'm not going to change it over the course of the RP unless the RP is specifically about discovering your sexuality and exploring other attractions. I'm making their sexuality known already because that's part of her character.

However, unless another character goes on the path of discovering their sexuality and declaring themselves bisexual or a lesbian, then my character won't be interested them. Both OOC and IC, I respect the choice they made even if it makes me a bit sad my character won't get the romantic aspect of the storyline.

But if someone identifies as gay/lesbian/straight, then they've felt those identities are what they truly feel, hence their binary attraction to one gender. If my character was bisexual, it would be much different as she's open to both forms of attractions. If she was heterosexual, she still wouldn't go after characters who were male and gay "just in case they might have chemistry." She respects their sexuality, and they can have a wonderful friendship without the attraction.

If the character is open to dating females as well as males, they are bisexual. Not heterosexual.
 

Nue

seal enthusiast
Also I think non-mobile friendly coding is a bit annoying on search threads. I don't really mind it in the actual roleplay because I think most people use their pcs then (I tried typing up a roleplay response once on mobile and it was the most tedious thing ever) but I'll find when I'm bored on my phone I'll check the interest check section, and be unable to read a lot of 'em. It's not a huge thing tho.
 

ashwynne

aquatic authority
Ohhh there are a few things that are on my short-list that I look out for:

> Spelling/grammar mistakes in the post. Obviously not just a minor slip up, but if there are multiple I'm out.
> No information about the type of roleplayer they are (post length and average expectation for replies mainly)
> Long laundry list of pairings vs outlining basic plots they're interested in.

I'm not keen on pure romance roleplays that aren't plot driven first, so seeing a thread that just lists a fandom and the ships for it is a huge turn-off for me. This also normally applies to basic lists like 'angel x demon' since those usually lead to gratuitous romances with no substance as well. Sometimes if the concept of the pairing is unique or there's a little plot blurb to go with it this doesn't chase me away, but normally it does. In these cases I will go through the users post history to see if I can find examples of other roleplays so I can make a better determination about whether we'd be a good fit.

Beyond those three things I'm usually willing to overlook other things. If the plot they're looking for is good then things like coding or organization don't bother me, though it is a bonus to have an attractive search thread.

Obviously if its unreadable or in a strange font I'm also unlikely to stick around, but sometimes if their plot idea is good and their other posts aren't done in the same weird style I'll still give 'em a shot.
 

rae2nerdy

Ultra Nerdy
Ohhh there are a few things that are on my short-list that I look out for:

> Spelling/grammar mistakes in the post. Obviously not just a minor slip up, but if there are multiple I'm out.
> No information about the type of roleplayer they are (post length and average expectation for replies mainly)
> Long laundry list of pairings vs outlining basic plots they're interested in.

I'm not keen on pure romance roleplays that aren't plot driven first, so seeing a thread that just lists a fandom and the ships for it is a huge turn-off for me. This also normally applies to basic lists like 'angel x demon' since those usually lead to gratuitous romances with no substance as well. Sometimes if the concept of the pairing is unique or there's a little plot blurb to go with it this doesn't chase me away, but normally it does. In these cases I will go through the users post history to see if I can find examples of other roleplays so I can make a better determination about whether we'd be a good fit.

Beyond those three things I'm usually willing to overlook other things. If the plot they're looking for is good then things like coding or organization don't bother me, though it is a bonus to have an attractive search thread.

Obviously if its unreadable or in a strange font I'm also unlikely to stick around, but sometimes if their plot idea is good and their other posts aren't done in the same weird style I'll still give 'em a shot.
I’m the exact opposite with romance. I tend to gravitate towards character driven romance. As no matter what the plot says if I don’t feel like the characters have chemistry than the romance is forced.

That said I am also not a fan of just plain pairings either. Instead I look for people who say they’re open to adding romance as a subplot to their ideas or plots.

As I feel like adding romance in as a subplot later tends to mean you let things grow between the characters organically.
 

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