Advice/Help What is it lacking?

[DarknessSama17]

(Im not getting any players. Is it boring? Is it missing something?)

It has been little over a decade since the humans inhabitants of Lore discovered life outside of their planet.

For Millenia it was a secret known only to select few. Now that humankind has connected with fellow mortal races as well as discovered space travel, they take their seat on the Galactic Council and fight in the Galactic Order of Knights.

The Order

The Order of Knights is the defense against the forces of the dark god. Not only do they fight against the minions of Darqus but they fight against criminal gangs, dangerous wildlife and anything else that threatens the people's safety.

As a knight you will be tasked with missions ranging from defending strongholds in space combat, to delivering supplies to villages and kingdoms in need and much more.

Knight are like rock stars and it's every young person's dream to become one. Thing is, the higher your renown the more likely a bounty will be placed on your head. This is why Knights usually travel in squads. For certain missions platoons are formed.

The Galactic Order is homed to five solar systems in the galaxy. Some are shared with one of their enemies.

The races that make up the Galactic Order and the alliance are listed below.

Humans - regular humans. At least as regular can get when more than half of the population can weild magic.

Drakon - dragon/human hybrids. They are more human but have dragon scales all over their body. They excell in dragon transformations. A pact was made between a dragon Queen and a human around the time mankind gained sentience.

Biohumans - humans created in a lab. By dissecting the life force of two compatible lovers, the best traits can be pulled out and while using the life force to create an artificial body. This method of reproduction was created long ago to reproduce faster and give mankind an edge against the vympiri.
(Note: though they gave different names, they are still considered human)

Vympiri - a vampiric like race that feeds on the life force of sentient beings. The vympiri have split into two factions. Those who follow Alucard and fight in the Galactic Order, and those who follow Dracula and sees all other races as inferior. These beings are white as snow and are unable to use mana(magic) at birth. They must drain life force and eventually reach full maturity to use the magic systems. They also gain color to themselves. Even without mana they are super strong, fast, and durable with heightened senses that increases as they continue to drain life force. Once they reach full maturity they must continue to drain life force as to not be weakened. They can use dark mana once they reach full maturity.

Agnelli - a race of angels that have an affinity for crafting mana into light. They are normally good hearted but there are a few exceptions.

Fae - a race of faires. They are divided between the summer court and the winter court. The summer court follow their King. They are experts at using mana for solar crafting and nature crafting (vines, flowers, trees and such). Those in the winter court serve a queen and have a affinity for ice and wind. Though both sides fight under the banner of the Galactic Order, they are often butting heads for which court is better.

Cullumbi - a zombie like race with stitches all over their bodies. They must devour the flesh of other creatures to keep their body parts from rotting off. They have the ability to use mana to corrode. They may use mana to shoot corrosive bullets or make a sword that corroded things. The stronger they cullumbi the more corrosive power they can wield. This ability is very taxing and consumes larges amounts of life force rapidly. Very few fight in the Galactic Order. (They are not immortal)

Lycomorph - a race of shape shifters. They excel at transformations and are often able to push a transformation a step further. They are easily spotted as they have traits that mimic their transformation.

To be a knight, you must have the ability to use your lifeforce to gather the lifeforce of the living organisms around you. By doing this one can create mana. Mana is the magic system of this universe and can be used to do all sorts of things. Wield the elements, creating weapons, performing transformation, it even allows one to breathe in space and so much more.

There are limits to what one is capable of. Your own life force will be drained and if it falls below a certain percentage you are basically useless. You could push yourself and still try to create mana but you will burst into flames and die.

Using mana for a technique is called craft. Their are many different kinds of craft. From element crafts, to summoning crafts. Ones family heavily affects what you can and cannot do. Family branches even have certain "trait crafts" that can not be learned or mimicked but can be given under harsh circumstances.

A Knight knows not to be unprepared. The basic tools for a knight are listed below.

Holopad - a tool given to universities students. They keep these throughout their life as it comes with piles of information. It can search the web, make holographic calls, get assignments and check out the Knights bingo dashboard.

Nurolink - using the latest technology and mana, this gives a unit the ability to communicate via telepathy.

Any Knight worth their coin knows a good arsenal can be the difference between life and death.

A Knights weapons can decide the outcome a battle. Weapons can be bought traded for or crafted. Knights use weapons that suit their skills. Swords, rifles, pistols, axes and much more. In today's high-tech world, weapons are made to untiize mana. They have crystals that can absorb mana and even fire elemental attacks. Some monster hunter use monster skin as they can add special properties.

Armor works the same way. Using exotic materials can add to one's mana exoskeleton. Minerals or monster skins can be used to craft armor.

Gear is given at the universities but some have family gear passed down. Others wait until they can enter the advance course to buy and upgrade their gear.

Ranks
Before we get into ranks let's go over how mana exoskeletons work. A mana exoskeleton enhances muscles and increase physical stats. Speed, strengths, and durability. Other attributes can be increased with training and accessories. A mana exoskeleton can be honed for a increase in attributes but that requires more mana which requires more life force. If a exoskeleton takes too much damage it shatters. It consumes more life force to create another. (Note: it does not make one invincible or immune to damage.)

Officer Knight - basically foot soldiers. The weakest in the ranks. Usually this rank is given to those who did not gratitude early and become apprenticed under a higher ranking Knight. They are usually placed in squads under Divine knights. The strongest officer knight mana exoskeletons can withstand small explosions, fast enough to just break the sound barrier and can lift little over a ton. They have little skill with craft outside the elements. With time and effort they can become master knights.

Master Knight - Master Knights are usually those who gratitude after their second year at a university and are appreciated under a high ranking Divine Knight or a Holy Knight. A high ranking Master Knight can tank several hits from rockets, can reach nearly light speed, and can lift over three tons. Master Knights usually have one or two crafts they excell in. This is were Knights began getting recognition and can even earn titles.

Divine Knight - these Knights are powerful. The strongest of them can move twice as fast as light, strong enough to live up to five Tons and survive a several nukes. They can master up to three to four crafts. They take on apprentices and even lead a squad of Officer Knights.

Holy Knight - The most powerful of Knights. They are three times faster than light, can shatter a small moon and can tank a barrage of nukes. Some can push transformations a step further. Others can create their own unique element or craft. These Knights have mastered multiple crafts. They don't usually have a squad but they do take apprentices. They will lead platoons or fleet.

 

[rae2nerdy]

So a few questions

1. Where do you have it advertised?
2. How long have you had it advertised?
3. How many players are you looking for?
4. What are you expecting from your players? How often do they need to post? What characters can they make?
5. What is the plot?

What you have now is a wall of text. I would put it in a tab to make it easier to read and maybe just give people a short overview to start with then throw the world building at them if they have additional questions. Take it from someone who regularly throws waaaaay too much world building at my partners. What you have now is likely intimidating a lot of people from even reading your information.

 

[DarknessSama17]

So a few questions

1. Where do you have it advertised?
2. How long have you had it advertised?
3. How many players are you looking for?
4. What are you expecting from your players? How often do they need to post? What characters can they make?
5. What is the plot?

What you have now is a wall of text. I would put it in a tab to make it easier to read and maybe just give people a short overview to start with then throw the world building at them if they have additional questions. Take it from someone who regularly throws waaaaay too much world building at my partners. What you have now is likely intimidating a lot of people from even reading your information.

I thought so. I should've known better than to do a wall of text lol.

1. Its in futuristic
2. For like two months now
3. At least six
4. Try to post every two days. A minimum of two paragraphs. If we can get twelve players we can have villians and heroes but with only six we can have only heroes
5. Defending the mortal races from the Titans who serve the god of darkness and chaos

 

[Idea]

There are a few many things wrong here, namely the info dump on world lore instead of giving any hints as to story or direction, while the lore itself seems to self-centered and restrictive, but the biggest problem that I can see is as follows:

Why are you using a several months-old three-page thread asking for a specific role in the title and expecting new interest? Was it that popular at first? Even fandom threads have trouble getting new recruits after that long, people eventually just stop looking at it after enough time passes and pages accumulate.

 

[DarknessSama17]

There are a few many things wrong here, namely the info dump on world lore instead of giving any hints as to story or direction, while the lore itself seems to self-centered and restrictive, but the biggest problem that I can see is as follows:

Why are you using a several months-old three-page thread asking for a specific role in the title and expecting new interest? Was it that popular at first? Even fandom threads have trouble getting new recruits after that long, people eventually just stop looking at it after enough time passes and pages accumulate.

I never saw it that way. To me more pages means it must be pretty interesting. It was never popular. Should make a new thread with less world building?

 

[Idea]

I never saw it that way. To me more pages means it must be pretty interesting.

The majority of people on site look at the number of pages the way a single guy looks at a girl's ring finger. If there is already something there, then that it's taken. That's why some people put in their thread titles "ignore page count" so that people know the number of pages doesn't reflect how many people are actually there.

Should make a new thread with less world building?

Worldbuilding is great, but you shouldn't put it in your interest check unless it's essential to the plot or the appeal of the roleplay. Your interest checking is your pitcha and your selling point to the market of people's time. Your interest check has to show me why I show pick your roleplay over the sea of other options, and sell yourself as a GM that will tend to my needs as a participant. Since your interest chekc only has worldbuilding, the player has no idea what the roleplay is even really about, who they would really be or why they should care, plus it makes it look as if you're more concerned with the world than the player's experience.

 

[DarknessSama17]

The majority of people on site look at the number of pages the way a single guy looks at a girl's ring finger. If there is already something there, then that it's taken. That's why some people put in their thread titles "ignore page count" so that people know the number of pages doesn't reflect how many people are actually there.


Worldbuilding is great, but you shouldn't put it in your interest check unless it's essential to the plot or the appeal of the roleplay. Your interest checking is your pitcha and your selling point to the market of people's time. Your interest check has to show me why I show pick your roleplay over the sea of other options, and sell yourself as a GM that will tend to my needs as a participant. Since your interest chekc only has worldbuilding, the player has no idea what the roleplay is even really about, who they would really be or why they should care, plus it makes it look as if you're more concerned with the world than the player's experience.

Ah. I see. Lol nice way to put that btw. I'll try again and make sure to turn down the worldbuilding and focus more on advertising. Thank you!

 

[Idea]

No problem, glad to help!