Viewpoint What did you do if your rp partner(s) ghosting on you?

[CecilDMMasters]

Many times a long term partner I'm also talking to a lot on the side and have an idea why the RP is trailing off.
To be honest I don't try to hard anymore when the RP dies before it really takes off as I've noticed signs often that they seem to have actually changed their mind. Were seeming to expect something way different. Realize I really am not bending on my comfort zone rules. Or they are annoyed I'm not online 24/7.

 

[ikiqaiii]

if they ghost you, just wait until 3 years later when they express utter joy at one of your interest checks then tell them to fuck off

this is...this is beautiful.

*quiet applaud*

 

[Darklord95]

The title said it. If your rp partner(s) ghost on you what did you do? What if you love the topic so much and you feel like it's such a waste to drop it?

I make it clear in the rules of an RP I start that ghosting will in no way be tolerated, after a day of no responses I send them a private message asking if their still in it, of a week goes by and I have no reason to believe that they’re still with the RP then I assume they’re ghosting, I kick them out, and I kill of their character, though I’ve only really done group RPs, I’m not sure how you’d do that in a 1x1 RP. I imagine it would be about the same, replacing people who aren’t into it isn’t that hard, you just need to find someone else who’s into it, and know how to make a good death scene for the old partners character.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I make it clear in the rules of an RP I start that ghosting will in no way be tolerated, after a day of no responses I send them a private message asking if their still in it, of a week goes by and I have no reason to believe that they’re still with the RP then I assume they’re ghosting, I kick them out, and I kill of their character, though I’ve only really done group RPs, I’m not sure how you’d do that in a 1x1 RP. I imagine it would be about the same, replacing people who aren’t into it isn’t that hard, you just need to find someone else who’s into it, and know how to make a good death scene for the old partners character.

It's actually pretty different tbh. One of the reasons a lot of people get into 1x1s in the first place is because of the flexible schedule. As a lot of us can't commit to a specific time to be online every week or a consistent schedule of posts. So we go to 1x1s because it's a lot easier to work out a schedule with one person than it is to work a schedule out with a group of people.

As an example one of my current partners is moving IRL. So they have said they will be unable to get on the computer for the entire month of July (possibly into August depending on how things IRL work out). Now since it's just me and them in the roleplay it's really easy to just say "No problem we can place this on hold for July and you let me know when you get settled into the new place."

You can't really do the same with a group. Assuming the person comes to you beforehand you can't exactly tell everyone else "Well so and so isn't going to be able to post so we're going on a mini hiatus until they can come back." In all likelihood you would just write the character out of the action (either have them injured or killed) and let the person either make a new character when they come back or bring back their old one.

But it would have to be something that you need to have a lot of discussions to handle properly. The person can't just be like "Oh btw I'm gonna be gone for a month hope you can keep a spot open for me, okay bye." Or if they leave for a month without being able to inform you in advance then it's even less likely that you can keep a slot open for them.

1x1s on the other hand it's a lot easier to just build in a system to cover unexpected issues popping up. You can tell them - "Hey I will wait for a week then the roleplay goes on hiatus for a month. If you haven't responded by the end of the month the roleplay gets moved to my archives."

 

[Darklord95]

It's actually pretty different tbh. One of the reasons a lot of people get into 1x1s in the first place is because of the flexible schedule. As a lot of us can't commit to a specific time to be online every week or a consistent schedule of posts. So we go to 1x1s because it's a lot easier to work out a schedule with one person than it is to work a schedule out with a group of people.

As an example one of my current partners is moving IRL. So they have said they will be unable to get on the computer for the entire month of July (possibly into August depending on how things IRL work out). Now since it's just me and them in the roleplay it's really easy to just say "No problem we can place this on hold for July and you let me know when you get settled into the new place."

You can't really do the same with a group. Assuming the person comes to you beforehand you can't exactly tell everyone else "Well so and so isn't going to be able to post so we're going on a mini hiatus until they can come back." In all likelihood you would just write the character out of the action (either have them injured or killed) and let the person either make a new character when they come back or bring back their old one.

But it would have to be something that you need to have a lot of discussions to handle properly. The person can't just be like "Oh btw I'm gonna be gone for a month hope you can keep a spot open for me, okay bye." Or if they leave for a month without being able to inform you in advance then it's even less likely that you can keep a slot open for them.

1x1s on the other hand it's a lot easier to just build in a system to cover unexpected issues popping up. You can tell them - "Hey I will wait for a week then the roleplay goes on hiatus for a month. If you haven't responded by the end of the month the roleplay gets moved to my archives."

I see your point, i’ve decided that if something like that happens, then i’ll have their character be out of commission until they get back. But I understand why that wouldn’t be a valid option for everyone

 

[pfpfpfpf]

About a week ago, I had someone who was interested in rping with me. They shared some ideas they had and I enjoyed them so I ask this person to respond back to compare ideas of what kind of plot to do. Of course, they were quiet but with everything going on now I understood and gave the person some time. Only today, when I respond if this person was alright, they said they sort of have forgotten and lost interest in rping with me. So I was screwed off even before we could even start. Talk about annoying.

 

[ShadowPuppet]

I’d move on. If they’re not interested in the story and where it’s going I don’t want to force them to respond. Ruins the fun.

 

[pfpfpfpf]

Yes I know I agreed with you. I give them some time to respond but if they are quiet all this time they aren't worth it.

 

[SnapePotions34]

I try to give them more than a few days, usually a week, then poke them to see if they're doing okay. Then I give them another week or two and poke them again to see if we should temporarily stop the rp. If it needs to be permanent, then I move on.

 

[pfpfpfpf]

I waited a year for someone as he had college and life but nothing changed even when he finished so I moved on.

 

[Darklord95]

I try to give them more than a few days, usually a week, then poke them to see if they're doing okay. Then I give them another week or two and poke them again to see if we should temporarily stop the rp. If it needs to be permanent, then I move on.

You’re more patient then me, in my RPs if they go a week with no reply, they’re out.

 

[pfpfpfpf]

You’re more patient then me, in my RPs if they go a week with no reply, they’re out.

Yes, I agree with you. If they say they need more time than I can deal with. However when they either go quiet on you, block you, or you see them online you know it isn't worth it.

 

[Darklord95]

Yes, I agree with you. If they say they need more time than I can deal with. However when they either go quiet on you, block you, or you see them online you know it isn't worth it.

It really annoys me when I see someone in my RP is online but they haven’t even checked my RP, but the people who do that always post at least every 2 days so I can’t really complain.

 

[pfpfpfpf]

Lucky you, I haven't had a rp that last at least a month in the last few months. They last a week or two because either the rp went sour or the other needed to stop.

 

[Darklord95]

Lucky you, I haven't had a rp that last at least a month in the last few months. They last a week or two because either the rp went sour or the other needed to stop.

I’m determined with the RP I’m running right now, even if everyone in it leaves, I’ll just restart it with a different group, it’ll be too good not to.

 

[pfpfpfpf]

I tried to do a group rp once, I couldn't connect with the others. Not as simple to find that one.

 

[CecilDMMasters]

I’d move on. If they’re not interested in the story and where it’s going I don’t want to force them to respond. Ruins the fun.

The one true rule to me of an RP is both parties need to have fun. If both are not having fun it's become a job for one of them and that''s just not right.

I assume this is the cause of most ghostings not connected to sudden life change making the RP slip through the cracks. And I can't even blame people as I've had people get so frustrating when you try let them know you aren't really enjoying the RP (or aren't comfortable with it). Last time I broached the subject of "sorry, but honestly I'm not feeling this RPs path at all . . . " the person literally kept taking the conversation in circles that went no where while trying to get me to keep responding and I ended up giving up and ghosting the conversation.

 

[redeyesredskies]

I deal. People don't ghost to be dickheads. They ghost because they don't want to write. And if you don't wanna write with me, cool.

 

[pfpfpfpf]

I met this person on here a few days ago and he shared his ideas. One of the ideas I liked so I messaged him I wanted to try this idea and when ideas to add to it, he liked it. However, both of us had to depart from here for the day and talk more tomorrow. When the next day came, the other said he needed more time to think of an idea. I was a bit baffled of why that happened as he liked my idea before but it ended like this.

 

[ashwynne]

I hope they’re okay and I move on. If they ever return I welcome them back with open arms. Granted, I don’t consider it ghosting until we have a couple pages of replies between us. Prior to that I see it as more of a “trial” period where we are both establishing our interest and if someone ghosts during that point there are no hard feelings... I simply assume they lost interest but didn’t know how to say so, so they simply stopped replying. Is it the most polite? No, but I’m not owed anyone’s time in this hobby and I have no way of knowing the motivating factors behind why they ghost.

Life is too short to get worked up about these things imo and I’d much rather have someone ghost me than continue an RP when their heart isn’t in it. This way I can just chalk them up to not being a compatible partner for me and move on.

 

[cxrlyxo]

this isn't really someone purposely ghosting, but i did lose contact with an RP partner i LOVED.

back in like august of 2018 i started rping with a girl on kik. had an amazing plot (i still have screenshots that i go back and read), were able to get a few replies back and forth, and then it was time to go back to school and stuff. she said i was free to talk to her whenever, but i never got around to it. she had started advertising that she was looking for partners again in early 2019, but i either didn't see it or forgot. anyways, i've found a couple of her social media platforms but nothing of use/active. she hasn't posted on tumblr since february of 2019. i've tried asking around to see if anyone had talked to her or gotten one of her other platforms, but no luck. i've been sad about it ever since. hope she's doing okay.

 

[pfpfpfpf]

I know how you feel. I had someone I enjoyed RPing with but when college came around he rarely spoke back. I felt like he only responded when he felt like it so I had to let go and move on.

 

[missflags]

If someone’s bent on ghosting, there’s often not much you can do about it without understanding why. I always approach the conversation trying to understand what *my* potential shortcomings are. For example, is my grammar terrible? Is my character terrible? Am I contributing enough to plot? I’m I stealing the spotlight? Am I building too much of a relationship ooc? Or maybe I should build more of a relationship?

And despite whatever I THINK the problem is, I check in to see if my partner is doing okay. Some of us can sit down and churn out novels, but sometimes for others, writing takes too much time and energy when compared to other life priorities. So if I think we’ve gotten to a boring part of the roleplay where my partner has no inspiration, I might wait a few days (depending on their general level of normal responsiveness) and ask “Hey! I just wanted to check in to see if you’re interested in continuing? If not, I completely understand! If you’re busy and need more time, no worries. But if you want to flesh out what we’re going to do next, we can talk about it.” Or something to that effect.

I feel like I have not been ghosted in a really long time. And on the flip side, I USED to be a ghoster (I know, shoot me), and I feel like these strategies would have worked on me back in the day. There was nothing worse than feeling pressured to continue.