Advice/Help Was I doing something wrong?

[Shadow Rose]

Before I start I must say I've all but given up on looking for a partner. I don't want anyone asking me for an RP with me out of pity (yes this has happened before). I'm not in the mood and I've generally have just lost all the interest I had once. Also this will be something of a rant but am also looking for advice as I genuinely feel like I did something to chase people away.

Alright so for two years I searched and searched for a partner. Maybe two. Not a whole lot. People I could start writing stories with and maybe even become good friends with as irl I'm not very good at making lasting friends either. Nobody likes to stay even though I've try to be nice to everyone.

I posted ads. I responded to ads. I never expected it to happen over night of course. And I did meet a couple of people that would have been absolutely wonderful partners if things had worked out. Like we hit it off and would have been easily been best friends for years and each respective RP would have lasted a good long time.

But then they left. One ghosted me. The other I can't even remember what the reason was but at least they had the courtesy to say they were dipping (even though I later learned they were actively RPing with other people and one more wouldn't have killed them).

There were others before of course. They've all ghosted. I get it. Life is crazy. Things happen that are out of your control. People have jobs and families. People get sick (especially these days). I have a job and family. I understand. I dont need to hear it for the umpteenth time.

What I dont understand is why I wasnt able to get at least one over the course of 2 years. I tried to be nice and give people options. I practice my writing to make sure it's good enough. I try to give my partners something to work with (I'm to the point where I can't even bring myself to do one liners). I'm always welcoming to those who maybe have a busier life and try to compensate, via if they can only do once a day that's fine, if they can only do on the weekends that's fine, whatever the case.

But I guess I'm not good enough. Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe I was too picky. And I'm bummed about it. I really wanted it to work. But I just feel like I wasted a lot of my time.

 

[rae2nerdy]

So as I learned a few years back at a customer service conference. Sometimes you just have to grab a QTIP.
Or Quit Taking It Personally.

I get it. I am sort of like a lone unicorn roaming around my fandom circles. I don't like romance. I prefer to roleplay in alternate universe settings. And my biggest wish in life is to write a magical farm roleplay where you raise cute little goat unicorns. I quite simply do not fit with a vast majority of the people I roleplay with.

Most of my roleplays don't last for very long or even get started. I have one right now that has made the two-month mark and I'm struggling to stay motivated in it. Roleplaying just isn't a long term hobby for me and I have learned not to expect it to be.

I think the biggest issue people have when it comes to ghosting is internalizing this "It must be me. I must be bad. I am the problem" mentality. And it's just not true. Because if it was just you then why am I also struggling to find partners? Why are there multiple threads with multiple people all complaining about the same feeling and the same situation?

I think it really comes down to just changing your own attitude. If you stop seeing it as "I must be doing something wrong" and just accept "This is how roleplaying works" than you'll be a lot happier. Trust me it helps my feelings of confidence immensely to just shrug and move onto the next potential partner.

 

[Tove]

To be honest, you are taking it way too personally. But, it happens. Everyone, whether they admit it or not, has been at a place where they question themselves on whether they did something wrong or they must be a bad partner because of partners ghosting. The reality is when it comes to roleplay, people ghost. It happens to everyone and will continously happen in every community where collaborative writing is present. There's nothing you nor anyone else can do about it though what you can do is choose how you will respond to it.
You shouldn't let that make you feel like something is wrong with you and your writing when it's not.

 

[Shadow Rose]

I get it. I'm over exaggerating. But maybe if my last couple of prospects didnt literally tell me "your ideas suck and would never work that's why people are ghosting you" maybe I wouldn't feel this way. But I'm burned out at this point anyway. I looked for what felt like forever and I'm just...not interested. A couple of years is kind of a while just to look for someone who is willing to stay.

 

[Sludge]

Been roleplaying for a while I can tell you with absolute certainty that 95% of roleplays dont last longer than a couple of months. Most die in a week.

This is inevitable when playing with random people. Every rp is you gambling to see if the next person will be compatible with you and have the motivation to keep going.

Its not you, it is the hobby.

Is this bad? Does that mean that you will never find a long term rp? No!

It gives you an opportunity to try as many different things as you want without having to commit a year of your life to a single idea. And by the time you get tired of that you will have found people for long term stuff.

I get it. I'm over exaggerating. But maybe if my last couple of prospects didnt literally tell me "your ideas suck and would never work that's why people are ghosting you"

Then you are not playing with the right people. It happens.

Or maybe they had good intentions and were just giving you advice. People rarely go out of their way to do that online so, hey. No need to take it personally.

 

[Shadow Rose]

Been roleplaying for a while I can tell you with absolute certainty that 95% of roleplays dont last longer than a couple of months. Most die in a week.

This is inevitable when playing with random people. Every rp is you gambling to see if the next person will be compatible with you and have the motivation to keep going.

Its not you, it is the hobby.

Is this bad? Does that mean that you will never find a long term rp? No!

It gives you an opportunity to try as many different things as you want with having to commit a year of your life to a single idea. And by the time you get tired of that you will have found people for long term stuff.



Then you are not playing with the right people. It happens.

Or maybe they had good intentions and were just giving you advice. People rarely go out of their way to do that online so, hey. No need to take it personally.

Nah they were quite rude about it. I just paraphrased.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I get it. I'm over exaggerating. But maybe if my last couple of prospects didnt literally tell me "your ideas suck and would never work that's why people are ghosting you" maybe I wouldn't feel this way. But I'm burned out at this point anyway. I looked for what felt like forever and I'm just...not interested. A couple of years is kind of a while just to look for someone who is willing to stay.

So that’s like when an abusive man says I hit you but it’s your fault. That is a hundred percent not your fault and is entirely down to those people being assholes.

 

[Yunalescaa]

I have been the ghoster and the ghostee. It happens. This is a hobby for a lot of people so sometimes they just drop it and vanish without a trace. It definitely stings at first but you just have to push through it. They probably weren't the right fit for you.