Lost Swordlance
"You do ask many questions"
Heya ! I would appreciate some feedback on those characters, I have worked on them for a good amount of time but don't know quite what to think of them sooo.... What do you think ? 
Any tips and advices is also appreciated
Name: Alderic Deptelion
Aliases: "The holy twin"
Age: 24 years old
Gender: Male
Character Alignment: Lawful Good
Race: Human
Organizations\Affiliations: The church of St-Cuthbert (Judge), the Paladin order (Acolyte)
Class: Paladin (St-Cuthbert)
Relatives: Alderic Deptelion the old (Father), Delphine Deptelion (Mother), Remus Deptelion (twin brother), Stella Deptelion (Little Sister)
Appearance:
Personality: Friendly, Fierce, Caring, Clean, Calm. Likes animals.
Backstory:
Alderic is born as the first child of the Deptelion family, a noble family, still respectable even though their gold age had passed. As he was the first to get out of his mother's womb, his destiny was to be the next family leader. His twin brother (Remus), as the tradition goes, was vowed to be a priest. During their young years, the brothers were really close, always going out in the forest to go into imaginary adventures featuring dragons and princesses. When they reached the age of 10, they were separated to go into different schools, Alderic went to the church of St-Cuthbert, god of vengeance and slayer of undead, to learn the art of the sword and the way of the knight from the paladins. His brother went to the temple of Pelor, god of the Sun, to learn the holy art and rituals. Alderic was really good in his training and was always congratulated by his master and his father. Remus, on the other hand, found that his training was boring and not fit for his talent. Therefore, he was despised for his comportment and always compared to his successful brother. Alderic was pitiful of his brother and wanted to help him, but was reprimanded for his acts as his parents thought that Remus had a bad influence on his brother. As they were 12 years old, the family was extended by a girl, Stella, both of the brothers swore to protect her from the influence of their parents as they knew what a noble family does with a young girl.
The Deptelion family is a well-known family for their great talent against undeads. They have two relics, Cerberus, a holy sword that bind souls to the underworld and disallow anyone killed by his blade to be raised from the dead and the Ring of Deptelion, that relic is more of a symbolic one, this rough iron ring change to a shining azure ring when a member of the Deptelion family is wearing it. They also have a forbidden library, that library contained many unholy and cursed books about necromancy and souls. They were intended to be use to counter necromancer, but Remus thought that it could be a good idea to search through them. He soon became fascinated by the dark arts and read more and more books about this subject. Soon enough he became a great necromancer.
Soon, the twins were 18. It was at that age that the Ring of Deptelion shall be passed to the next family leader, a great ceremony was hosted in the Deptelion's manor. The two twins had finished their training, Most of the guest congratulated Alderic but overlooked Remus for his supposed mediocrity. The ceremony was like every others at one exception, Alderic the old, father of the family, was already trying to fit his daughter in the hands of old and prosper lords. This was the last straw for Remus. He went into a rage and rode to the nearest village. There, he used his powers to create an army of undeads and hurried back to the manor without his army. Seeing that an army of undead was ravaging the village, Alderic the young and the paladins that were at the manor rushed into the fight to protect the peasants. Remus profited of the paladins absence to raise the elders to life and ravage the manor, killing his parents and looting his house. As Alderic and his mens came back to the manor. They saw fire and death and worse, undeads. Alderic braved the fire and the zombies looking for his sister and brother. He found them, but his brother was changed. He looked malicious and ambitious. Alderic detected the evil nature of his brother and tried to recover his sister. Remus refused to let her go with Alderic, he thought that Alderic will reiterate the sins of his father and use Stella as a mere tool. Using Stella as shield, he managed to escape from Alderic.
Alderic, now a depossessed noble, enlist himself in the church as Reaper, a member of the armed hand of the church. He fought for his faith for 3 years and then got a promotion to Judge. With this rank, he had the right to go in his own quest while still having the ascent of his order. He looked for clues about Remus location, he was determined to take Stella back from his twin's evil.
Personal goal : Finding his sister and (hopefully) saving his brother.
Alternative personal goals : Getting the Inquisitur rank, the highest rank of the St-Cuthbert church. Finding true love. End the necromancer's cult.
Weapons & Armor: Full plate armor (including helm), Steel shield, Cerberus (Holy long sword), Halberd
Items & Personal Belongings: Ring of the Deptelion, Rope (18m), Flask, Map, Holy symbol of St-Cuthbert, Flay (Horse)
Skills & Abilities: Intimidation, Diplomacy, Riding, Politics, History, Faiths, Knowledge (Necromancy)
Spells & Magic:
- Holy smite : Induce his weapon with holy power, attacks do more damage on evil targets.
- Repel undead (Weak) : Repel weak undeads, that can't be accomplished without an holy symbol. May even destroy really weak undead instantly.
- Lay on hand : Heal neutral and good target and damage evil target, drains Alderic's stamina.
- Aura of good : Alderic have an aura imbued in positive energy around him. Identifying him as a paladin. Can be sensed by some creatures and by some spells, once the aura is even stronger, even normal villagers will sense the aura.
Weaknesses: Rage against undeads (Will try to actively destroy them even if it is overkill, can be reasoned but it's not easy), Still have hope for his brother.
And here is the antagonist.
Name: Remus Deptelion
Aliases: "The evil twin"
Age: 24 years old
Gender: Male
Character Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Race: Human
Organizations\Affiliations: None
Class: Necromancer
Relatives: Alderic Deptelion (Brother), Stella Deptelion (Sister), Alderic Deptelion the old (Father), Delphine Deptelion (Mother)
Appearance:
Personality: Ambitious, Malicious, Possessive, Manipulative
Backstory: See Alderic
Weapons & Armor: Wand of greater wounds, Skull of binding.
Items & Personal Belongings: Collection of cursed books on necromancy.
Skills & Abilities: Taunting, Riding, Knowledge (Arcanes)
Spells & Magic:
- Greater wound: Inflict pure negative energy upon someone. Damaging living creatures and healing the deads.
- Raise dead: Transform a dead corpse into a zombie or skeleton.
- Create undeads: Create zombies from nothing, those are weaker than the one raised from a corpse and expire if the caster fall unconscious.
- Authority of the necromancer: "Wild" undeads will not be hostile to Remus and may be compelled to obey his orders.
- Greater evil aura: This aura make people uneasy and stressed when nearby Remus. A trained warrior will instantly understand the nature of this sensation. Remus may concentrate on hiding his aura but can never conceal it entirely. The aura deactivate during his sleep.
Weaknesses: Paranoid, Very high opinion of himself, Fear his own death.
Quote\s: "You'll end up like the others, Alderic. Everyone always betray me. I will teach Stella how to be happy in this world so leave it to me and vanish."
Any tips and advices is also appreciated
Name: Alderic Deptelion
Aliases: "The holy twin"
Age: 24 years old
Gender: Male
Character Alignment: Lawful Good
Race: Human
Organizations\Affiliations: The church of St-Cuthbert (Judge), the Paladin order (Acolyte)
Class: Paladin (St-Cuthbert)
Relatives: Alderic Deptelion the old (Father), Delphine Deptelion (Mother), Remus Deptelion (twin brother), Stella Deptelion (Little Sister)
Appearance:
View attachment 200468
Alderic in his parade armor, his everyday armor is the same model but darker and without the gold plating. The sword is Cerberus
Alderic in his parade armor, his everyday armor is the same model but darker and without the gold plating. The sword is Cerberus
Personality: Friendly, Fierce, Caring, Clean, Calm. Likes animals.
Backstory:
Alderic is born as the first child of the Deptelion family, a noble family, still respectable even though their gold age had passed. As he was the first to get out of his mother's womb, his destiny was to be the next family leader. His twin brother (Remus), as the tradition goes, was vowed to be a priest. During their young years, the brothers were really close, always going out in the forest to go into imaginary adventures featuring dragons and princesses. When they reached the age of 10, they were separated to go into different schools, Alderic went to the church of St-Cuthbert, god of vengeance and slayer of undead, to learn the art of the sword and the way of the knight from the paladins. His brother went to the temple of Pelor, god of the Sun, to learn the holy art and rituals. Alderic was really good in his training and was always congratulated by his master and his father. Remus, on the other hand, found that his training was boring and not fit for his talent. Therefore, he was despised for his comportment and always compared to his successful brother. Alderic was pitiful of his brother and wanted to help him, but was reprimanded for his acts as his parents thought that Remus had a bad influence on his brother. As they were 12 years old, the family was extended by a girl, Stella, both of the brothers swore to protect her from the influence of their parents as they knew what a noble family does with a young girl.
The Deptelion family is a well-known family for their great talent against undeads. They have two relics, Cerberus, a holy sword that bind souls to the underworld and disallow anyone killed by his blade to be raised from the dead and the Ring of Deptelion, that relic is more of a symbolic one, this rough iron ring change to a shining azure ring when a member of the Deptelion family is wearing it. They also have a forbidden library, that library contained many unholy and cursed books about necromancy and souls. They were intended to be use to counter necromancer, but Remus thought that it could be a good idea to search through them. He soon became fascinated by the dark arts and read more and more books about this subject. Soon enough he became a great necromancer.
Soon, the twins were 18. It was at that age that the Ring of Deptelion shall be passed to the next family leader, a great ceremony was hosted in the Deptelion's manor. The two twins had finished their training, Most of the guest congratulated Alderic but overlooked Remus for his supposed mediocrity. The ceremony was like every others at one exception, Alderic the old, father of the family, was already trying to fit his daughter in the hands of old and prosper lords. This was the last straw for Remus. He went into a rage and rode to the nearest village. There, he used his powers to create an army of undeads and hurried back to the manor without his army. Seeing that an army of undead was ravaging the village, Alderic the young and the paladins that were at the manor rushed into the fight to protect the peasants. Remus profited of the paladins absence to raise the elders to life and ravage the manor, killing his parents and looting his house. As Alderic and his mens came back to the manor. They saw fire and death and worse, undeads. Alderic braved the fire and the zombies looking for his sister and brother. He found them, but his brother was changed. He looked malicious and ambitious. Alderic detected the evil nature of his brother and tried to recover his sister. Remus refused to let her go with Alderic, he thought that Alderic will reiterate the sins of his father and use Stella as a mere tool. Using Stella as shield, he managed to escape from Alderic.
Alderic, now a depossessed noble, enlist himself in the church as Reaper, a member of the armed hand of the church. He fought for his faith for 3 years and then got a promotion to Judge. With this rank, he had the right to go in his own quest while still having the ascent of his order. He looked for clues about Remus location, he was determined to take Stella back from his twin's evil.
Personal goal : Finding his sister and (hopefully) saving his brother.
Alternative personal goals : Getting the Inquisitur rank, the highest rank of the St-Cuthbert church. Finding true love. End the necromancer's cult.
Weapons & Armor: Full plate armor (including helm), Steel shield, Cerberus (Holy long sword), Halberd
Items & Personal Belongings: Ring of the Deptelion, Rope (18m), Flask, Map, Holy symbol of St-Cuthbert, Flay (Horse)
Skills & Abilities: Intimidation, Diplomacy, Riding, Politics, History, Faiths, Knowledge (Necromancy)
Spells & Magic:
- Holy smite : Induce his weapon with holy power, attacks do more damage on evil targets.
- Repel undead (Weak) : Repel weak undeads, that can't be accomplished without an holy symbol. May even destroy really weak undead instantly.
- Lay on hand : Heal neutral and good target and damage evil target, drains Alderic's stamina.
- Aura of good : Alderic have an aura imbued in positive energy around him. Identifying him as a paladin. Can be sensed by some creatures and by some spells, once the aura is even stronger, even normal villagers will sense the aura.
Weaknesses: Rage against undeads (Will try to actively destroy them even if it is overkill, can be reasoned but it's not easy), Still have hope for his brother.
And here is the antagonist.
Name: Remus Deptelion
Aliases: "The evil twin"
Age: 24 years old
Gender: Male
Character Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Race: Human
Organizations\Affiliations: None
Class: Necromancer
Relatives: Alderic Deptelion (Brother), Stella Deptelion (Sister), Alderic Deptelion the old (Father), Delphine Deptelion (Mother)
Appearance:
Personality: Ambitious, Malicious, Possessive, Manipulative
Backstory: See Alderic
Weapons & Armor: Wand of greater wounds, Skull of binding.
Items & Personal Belongings: Collection of cursed books on necromancy.
Skills & Abilities: Taunting, Riding, Knowledge (Arcanes)
Spells & Magic:
- Greater wound: Inflict pure negative energy upon someone. Damaging living creatures and healing the deads.
- Raise dead: Transform a dead corpse into a zombie or skeleton.
- Create undeads: Create zombies from nothing, those are weaker than the one raised from a corpse and expire if the caster fall unconscious.
- Authority of the necromancer: "Wild" undeads will not be hostile to Remus and may be compelled to obey his orders.
- Greater evil aura: This aura make people uneasy and stressed when nearby Remus. A trained warrior will instantly understand the nature of this sensation. Remus may concentrate on hiding his aura but can never conceal it entirely. The aura deactivate during his sleep.
Weaknesses: Paranoid, Very high opinion of himself, Fear his own death.
Quote\s: "You'll end up like the others, Alderic. Everyone always betray me. I will teach Stella how to be happy in this world so leave it to me and vanish."
