The Social Aspect of Roleplaying

[welian]

In my time roleplaying (by which I mean post-by-post forum roleplaying, not tabletop games), I’ve found it to be a general truth that the most successful roleplays are those with fairly active OOC threads. I would actually argue that the social part of roleplaying – talking to other players, communicating with the DM, free and easy discussion among the group – is more important than the organization of the story.


A roleplay demands a socially competent leader, in my opinion. Someone who is open, articulate, and who can basically herd cats. But, since obviously not everyone is blessed with an 18 in charisma, that means that somewhere along the line we had to learn how to manage people, as well as managing a story. We see that all the time, all sorts of guides for new RP leaders who might not know how to deal with hostility between players, people who are slow to post, godmodders and powerplayers, and so forth.


That being said, what are some good and bad things you’ve seen, related to the “people interacting” bit of roleplaying? Some personal practices you use when communicating in your roleplays? Things you learned the hard way about people? Absolutely horrid mistakes you’ve made? Mistakes you see others make and would like them to stop making?


Me, personally (to spark some conversation here), I have a few guidelines I try to follow when it comes to communication with players – one, I never split up the OOC. I might split up characters into smaller scenes, but I always try to keep the general chatter in one location. I… may have killed a few threads by diverting the bulk of conversation to Skype. Now I know better – either Skype is where ALL the OOC talk is, or it’s never brought up at all.


Two, when I ask someone if they’re leaving the roleplay, I try to be as non-confrontational as possible. Most of the people I’ve RPed with (including myself) have at some point just fallen out of posting and stopped caring about the story, and then drag their feet on posting because of the guilt and not wanting to out-and-out say that they don’t want to post anymore. So I’ve learned to generously pepper my messages with “it’s totally okay if” and “you don’t have to” and “I won’t ask any questions”. It’s very coddling, but I want someone to leave my thread thinking that they’d be okay with RPing with me again (dat personal branding), not that they’re an awful human being for not being totally punctual.

 

[Atom]

Lack of communication can kill an RP but so can communicating when you have just the wrong set of people. I usually always move my RPs OOCs to a conversation. That way when things heat up between people I can give them a time out without making them too angry. Also get to know your players and their personality! I try to figure someone out early on so I know who's going to dislike who and how to meditate their problems.


And another thing when dealing with social interaction between players, always compromise. If your players are having an argument never, NEVER, take one person's side. That's always a recipe for disaster as far as I can tell. Compromise compromise compromise.

 

[Veteran Rookie]

Sprinkling in gifs for visual amusement because I didn't expect this to get so long.

Some personal practices you use when communicating in your roleplays?

I have to agree with Atom on getting to know people as the host, or even as one of the players. People behave and think differently, so I like to know who I can be direct and honest with, or who I have to tenderfoot around because they have the sensitivity of an active landmine. And no one likes stepping on landmines.

Personally?


I try to keep in mind that good manners are the way to go, always. Especially with strangers. You can be very well be friendly or firm as needed within that confine. I'm not saying you have to coddle people, but simply be polite.


As with my statement above concerning 'tenderfooting,' it's entirely possible to be mindful of another person's sensitivities while being good mannered, and not bending over backwards. Sensitivity itself is also a two-way street. It's not hard to respect a person's delicacy with good manners, but on the flip side if you're offended by something take a step back and think things through instead of jumping the gun. Is the other person being civil? Is there sarcasm being used? What's the context of the situation? Should you even be getting mad? Be as open minded as you'd want others to be. Don't be 'that guy.'

Spoiler

A good example (and increasingly relevant case from my experiences) I've seen come up several times is the topic of a person or their character being transgender. I myself do not know anyone face to face who identifies as such, so I'm very ignorant on the subject. I often get confused with the list of pronouns that get introduced as I've literally been referred to lists that use different words by different people. Despite my inexperience a little patience by both sides can go a long way. Regardless of my opinion on transgenderism I'm not looking to discuss that topic, I'm looking to roleplay. I can be perfectly civil inquiring about what I need to know, and then get back to creative writing, but I expect the other person to be equally patient and understanding with me.


Generally I've found it best initially to not type anything at all when something or someone offends me on the internet, and roleplays are no different from that. Take a breather, grab a drink, walk away for a bit. Chances are you've been staring at a screen for hours anyways, amirite? When you've calmed down go back and look things over, then post something if you must. That way you don't fan the flames unnecessarily as so often happens in online altercations. And more often than not, most major arguments in OOC's (from what I've seen; your mileage may vary) come up because of misunderstandings which can be worked out if everyone were calm to begin with.


If you're interacting with multiple people, make sure everyone is on the same page. It won't hurt to double-check on things if you yourself feel iffy, or if you're unsure about another person's involvement. Otherwise you could end up with situations like so:

Another big thing? Admit your mistakes. It's something you'd like others to do, so hold yourself to the same standards. If you made a mistake in a post as a player, or as the host, fess up to it and move on. It's more of a bigger deal if you try to cover up errors with poor manners or no communication at all, as other people will probably feel slighted by your dismissive action.

Things you learned the hard way about people?

Given how impersonal online interactions are? It can be really, really hard to hold yourself to the standards you hold others to over the internet. What's one slip up? Or two? No one will know. No one except you, right? All the stuff I mentioned above can seem like common sense sure, but in actual practice it can be a constant endeavor to be polite online.

Mistakes you see others make and would like them to stop making?

Shipping characters does not override logic in the IC. Don't ask other people to break their character's identity for your personal daydreams on romance.

And another thing when dealing with social interaction between players, always compromise. If your players are having an argument never, NEVER, take one person's side. That's always a recipe for disaster as far as I can tell. Compromise compromise compromise.

That's quite a good solution to problems where there's no clear evidence as to who is in the wrong, or both sides have equally valid arguments. As the host you have the ultimate say in what happens in your roleplay, and if both sides can't respect a compromise from you I'd question if those are people you'd want to be writing with in the first place. Will be adding this to my list of things to keep in mind.

 

[The Narrator]

I agree that in theory, a healthy environment to write with others involves communication. It also tends to add to the appeal and enjoyment of writing with others. However, that being said, it is a deadly double-edged sword. The internet is breeding grounds for melodrama, and people take on a courage that they otherwise would not possess. It draws out unheard of egos - this can be especially true when considering people that delve into fictional characters and unknowingly take on their personalities - and can serve as a platform to garner pity or propagate hostility. I suppose it is just so easy to speak your mind since there is no threat of a true confrontation or bodily harm.


Even if you are the type of person that never finds themselves in direct conflict, it is rather difficult not to find yourself in indirect conflict by association with others. That is to say, during times of conflict you may be put in the middle of an argument and be pressured to take a side.


That being said, I am new to forum writing. It could be that the environment of forums is not as conductive to melodrama or conflict since it lacks the immediacy of a chat room setting where people are put on the spot. I can only share my experience with you and throw in my two cents for what it is worth.


I am not saying that it is best to refrain from communicating with others, or that people cannot make it work, but simply that there is a risk involved. I hope it works out for you and your friends, and all those that take that risk.

 

[Bone2pick]

In my time roleplaying (by which I mean post-by-post forum roleplaying, not tabletop games), I’ve found it to be a general truth that the most successful roleplays are those with fairly active OOC threads. I would actually argue that the social part of roleplaying – talking to other players, communicating with the DM, free and easy discussion among the group – is more important than the organization of the story.

I certainly hope not. What draws me into an RP is the specifics of its setting & premise in addition to the narrative ability of its creator. What keeps me in it is the activity level of a few key/critical other posters, the direction of the overall story, and the space to get creative with my character and develop his or her own sub-plot.


If the OOC chatter is story and character related then it'll have my interest; if it's largely off topic then I typically don't participate.

 

[welian]

Hooooly shit people actually responded to this, nice!

 

[Atom]

Hooooly shit people actually responded to this, nice!

LMFAO!


I love discussions likes this lol

 

[welian]

S'all good, that happens sometimes. I've reported the extra posts as duplicates, so hopefully a mod will come by and tidy things up. It's a shame we're not able to delete our posts, but that's another topic for another time.

 

[ZeiruliousMakavar]

Two, when I ask someone if they’re leaving the roleplay, I try to be as non-confrontational as possible. Most of the people I’ve RPed with (including myself) have at some point just fallen out of posting and stopped caring about the story, and then drag their feet on posting because of the guilt and not wanting to out-and-out say that they don’t want to post anymore. So I’ve learned to generously pepper my messages with “it’s totally okay if” and “you don’t have to” and “I won’t ask any questions”. It’s very coddling, but I want someone to leave my thread thinking that they’d be okay with RPing with me again (dat personal branding), not that they’re an awful human being for not being totally punctual.

Personally, on people leaving RPs I'd much rather them outright say that they lost interest in the RP and were leaving then either what you mentioned, or what I've most of, just leaving and not saying anything. I find that disrespectful, as it can actually end an RP depending on the situation. Because of things like that, and peoples own ideas on what they want to do in RPs, I tend to have contingencies for every little thing, just to keep the RP going. If I were to host an RP I'd set up the beginning part of the 'story' and the end, the journey from point A to point B is entirely up to those playing.

[QUOTE="Hungry Hungry Hobo]Shipping characters does not override logic in the IC. Don't ask other people to break their character's identity for your personal daydreams on romance.

[/QUOTE]
That is actually something I agree with. Especially with what seems to be the popular troupe nowadays. Rich and popular guy/girl gets with a less then popular girl/guy. Does that happen in real life? No, it generally doesn't. It does rarely yes, but it happens practically all the time in RPs. My logic states that a rich and/or popular person would generally want to get with someone else who is rich and/or popular, more so if they are richer, or more popular. If I have a rich/popular (In universe obviously...) character, there better be a damn good reason as to why they'd want to get with someone who isn't.


Generally though, I tend to push shipping/romance out of my mind when RPing until it actually becomes an 'issue,' as in to the point in an RP where romance would make sense. In real life, lasting relationships take time to form and usually from long term friendship before hand. You're not going to jump in and marry someone you just met five days ago. Right?

 

[White Masquerade]

@Bone2pick


We are def on the same page! I'd venture to say the most successful role-plays, are ones that are run well, with a good plot. An active OOC is just a side-effect. I truly believe if the RP is engaging, OOC chatter isn't necessary. A good RP can survive w/o an OOC. An OOC cannot survive w/o a good RP.


You all gave wonderful tips. I have nothing else to add.

 

[Veteran Rookie]

[QUOTE="White Masquerade]An OOC cannot survive w/o a good RP.

[/QUOTE]
We just call those 'chatrooms' at that point, heh.

 

[welian]

[QUOTE="White Masquerade]I truly believe if the RP is engaging, OOC chatter isn't necessary.

[/QUOTE]
No way! The best roleplays, the REALLY engaging ones, are the ones you wanna talk about because they've ascended to fandom status. You've absolutely gotta have an OOC!


.... Though that would be an interesting project, a roleplay where no OOC is allowed between players.


 
Okay, screw it all, I've decided that one day I'm going to run a roleplay where there is NO player-to-player communication, only player-to-mod. It'll be a magnificent clusterfuck of a social project.

 

[White Masquerade]

No way! The best roleplays, the REALLY engaging ones, are the ones you wanna talk about because they've ascended to fandom status. You've absolutely gotta have an OOC!
.... Though that would be an interesting project, a roleplay where no OOC is allowed between players.


 
Okay, screw it all, I've decided that one day I'm going to run a roleplay where there is NO player-to-player communication, only player-to-mod. It'll be a magnificent clusterfuck of a social project.

Lol. Tag me if you do. It'd be sure to make the IC interactions much more intense if they can't say anything outside xD .


*Takes notes on thoughts about what happened and any related comments*


"OH MAN! I can't wait to post! Have I got some stuff to tell this guy!"


( )

 

[Bone2pick]

No way! The best roleplays, the REALLY engaging ones, are the ones you wanna talk about because they've ascended to fandom status. You've absolutely gotta have an OOC!

Well you will have an OOC for collaborative questions: What are the seasons called in this setting? Can I introduce an antagonist of my own creation in the near future?Would [insert item] be available for purchase in this town? What (if any) penalties are there for magic use inside the city? Ect.


But what I think you're implying by using the word "fandom" is an OOC with quite a bit of friendly discussion about what you like, what you don't particularly like, and what you're looking forward to. And again, personally speaking, that's not something that gets me any more or less involved.


I'm looking for high quality in-character posts. The kind of posts that invoke imagery, emotion, and drama. The kind of posts that include the most dynamic pieces of other players recent IC posts and then react against them. That's what draws me in, and that's what keeps me there. If the OOC provides fandom chat for folks, then that's obviously fair. But I can't concede that player/GM banter could trump character and story, at least not in this medium.

 

[Grey]

I think they're complementary.


Then again, I'm from that school of GMing where you scatter plot hooks in front of the players and use their rampant, paranoid speculation to fuel new ideas.


Darkening Skies alone had three days of OOC where the players speculated about an antagonist based on their understanding of the setting, their characters' understanding, and hints or red herrings I'd dropped.

 

[Ashurbanipal]

In my time roleplaying (by which I mean post-by-post forum roleplaying, not tabletop games), I’ve found it to be a general truth that the most successful roleplays are those with fairly active OOC threads. I would actually argue that the social part of roleplaying – talking to other players, communicating with the DM, free and easy discussion among the group – is more important than the organization of the story.

I'd agree with this to a point. Effective communication is a necessity for any cooperative endeavor and more than a few competitive ones. But one mustn't neglect the organization of the story itself: while a charming social network might hold players to a game despite its quality, it is a bad thing to have people clinging to a dead game or one flailing toward that state. A certain level of cool detachment facilitates cutting ties with surgical precision when necessary and helps calling it quits.

A roleplay demands a socially competent leader, in my opinion. Someone who is open, articulate, and who can basically herd cats. But, since obviously not everyone is blessed with an 18 in charisma, that means that somewhere along the line we had to learn how to manage people, as well as managing a story.

If only you plebs could have my +2 bonus to CHA. I'm rocking that 20, and let me tell you: the +5 modifier really makes it easy to look good and magnetic when stomping all over the little people.

We see that all the time, all sorts of guides for new RP leaders who might not know how to deal with hostility between players, people who are slow to post, godmodders and powerplayers, and so forth.

You smite them, obviously. Who needs a guide?

That being said, what are some good and bad things you’ve seen, related to the “people interacting” bit of roleplaying? Some personal practices you use when communicating in your roleplays? Things you learned the hard way about people? Absolutely horrid mistakes you’ve made? Mistakes you see others make and would like them to stop making?

Be aggressive. Take risks and be willing to draw the ire of others for stealing the spotlight -- better there be a glory hog who keeps things moving than a half dozen too-polite people who plod and prattle their way to stagnation. An assertive and straightforward nature draws others in. There's no virtue in passivity; impose yourself on the world around you. Far too many people expect story to fall from the sky, as though it accumulates in clouds and all you need do is tilt back your head and stare, slack-jawed and dull-eyed, into the sky for your funpour.


Don't be that person. That goes for anyone in charge of the roleplay, too, such as a DM or ST in more organized settings. While there are valid concerns regarding player agency and railroading, a sly and energetic director will have the marionettes jiggling in some fashion or another absent complaint so long as the experience is fun enough.

Two, when I ask someone if they’re leaving the roleplay, I try to be as non-confrontational as possible. Most of the people I’ve RPed with (including myself) have at some point just fallen out of posting and stopped caring about the story, and then drag their feet on posting because of the guilt and not wanting to out-and-out say that they don’t want to post anymore. So I’ve learned to generously pepper my messages with “it’s totally okay if” and “you don’t have to” and “I won’t ask any questions”. It’s very coddling, but I want someone to leave my thread thinking that they’d be okay with RPing with me again (dat personal branding), not that they’re an awful human being for not being totally punctual.

No, no, smite them. The dead and forgotten never make things awkward. Tyranny is the spice of life.

 

[Bone2pick]

Darkening Skies alone had three days of OOC where the players speculated about an antagonist based on their understanding of the setting, their characters' understanding, and hints or red herrings I'd dropped.

Do you consider the above to be the social aspect of roleplaying? I can't say that I do.

 

[Grey]

It's people having an excited conversation about a mutually interesting topic, interspersed with jokes and personal opinion.


If that's not social I'm at something of a loss.

 

[Bone2pick]

I attend my local library's book club meetings. Last month we discussed Lord of the Flies, anyway, we took an hour to discuss the book and ask questions. That's why I attended, to discuss the book. Afterwards lots of members decided to hangout and talk about all manner of things with one another. I did not.


I didn't (and don't) consider the act of simply talking about the proposed subject at the book club social time. I make the distinction. And that goes for any number of my other interests. I take guitar lessons and talk with my instructor, I don't consider that social time. Again, I'm in an out.


If the social aspect is simply any form of conversation, then the word gets muddied into something meaningless imo.

 

[Grey]

Difference of intent, then?


The players weren't talking in a way intended to achieve something, they were having the conversation for the fun of it.


Interaction for the purpose of extracting value - nah, wouldn't call that social.

 

[Silvertongued]

Well, if I can hopefully get an upcoming game up and running, I'll have a game that may very well be lacking an OOC, or at least, a very pared down one.


See, the players will not know what other players characters are doing, or even who they are, remaining wholly ignorant of the character and their abilities OOC, and be only capable of finding out IC. Interaction will generally be done between GM and player, up until the point that two players are interacting face to face. Add this to the fact that players are encouraged to kill or otherwise outmaneuver each other, in a relatively lethal system...


There will be an OOC chat/thread, but players are discouraged from divulging any information that may lead to their characters identities, especially since it might lead to their characters demise. Seems like it might make simple conversation a little difficult.