Fall Contest 2020 The House Groaned

Forgotten Home

キミの記憶
Near soundless footsteps echo through the rickety house, daring to collapse it as each one passes. The house, distraught with the fear of falling, groans in response, and keeps itself up. The groan is quiet so that only the sole resident can hear it - it doesn't want more people to come and hurt it even more. There used to be two people living in this quiet home, but they both left one day and now just this old man with no love for it stayed, bruising and abusing it.
The old man walks through the home quietly, not taking any care in the cracks or creaks the house has. He does not care about the house anymore. The one he had cared for is gone, now trapped in a sea of dirt out in his backyard, drowning in worms and maggots, never able to escape the horrible fate that he now wishes for himself.

Feeling tired, the old man walks over the squeaking planks and into his bedroom, where he finally relaxes in his cozy bed. The house let out a groan, finally glad he is not walking around anymore today. The house wants him out. It wants revenge for how poorly it's been treated by the man. And revenge it will get, for there was one who resided in the house also, but it was no normal resident.

A groan sounds through the house but this time it is not the house - the house is dead silent as it silently anticipated the happenings. The old man knew the sounds of this house intimately and the eerie groan makes his skin crawl. It was not just that this sound is unfamiliar, it is also because the groan had come from right under where he rested his weary bones.

He sat up, the covers rustle under him. His frail body shakes in fear as the groan becomes louder. Despite the fear, he dares to look over the side of the bed. At first, there is nothing, then there is something - a grimy, rotting hand reaches out from underneath. Another hand reaches out from the bed, but it looks like the same hand. Then another hand that looked the same. And more. And more. Groans filled the room, as does the smell of a rotting corpse and death. The old man quickly shot out of bed and flees the bedroom, knowing full well this is not a hallucination.

A loud crash sounds from the bedroom and many growls sound behind him. He keeps running and running, his dry bones wanting to crack underneath him. He crashed out of the backdoor and fell off the stairs of the back porch. Pain shot through his back as he lands, forcing itself out of his body in a loud cry of anguish. Just behind his head, inches away from hitting it, is the gravestone of his dear beloved. It was her, he thought to himself. She's come to take me with her!

Groaning came from the porch where he just was and he looks up, unable to move. The rotting, grotesque creature sat watching him. It has so many arms, like a centipede made of human remains. Faces seemed to move along its skin and blood dripped from its mouth. It grinned at him with horrible, bone-crushing, gnashing teeth made from human bones and jumped at him. It gnaws against his old bones and he could hardly let out a scream as he was ripped to shreds on that grave.

The house groaned loudly as if laughing.
 
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Near soundless footsteps echo through the rickety house, daring it to collapse grammar as each one passes. The house, distraught with the fear of falling, groans in response, and keeps itself up. The groan is quiet so that only the sole resident can hear it - it doesn't want more people to come and hurt it even more. There used to be two people living in this quiet home, but they both left one day and now just this old man with no love for it stayed, bruising and abusing it.

The old men walked walks, you use present tense elsewhere through the home quietly, not taking any care in the cracks or creaks the house has. He does not care about the house anymore. The one he had cared for his is gone, now trapped in a sea of dirt out in his backyard, drowning in worms and maggots, never able to escape the horrible fate that he now wishes for himself.

Feeling tired, the old man walked walks over the squeaking planks and into his bedroom, where he finally decided to relax passive and past tense, I'd suggest just 'relaxes' in his cozy bed. The house let out a groan, finally glad he is not walking around anymore today. The house wants him out. This is a good sentence. Active. It wants revenge for how poorly it's been treated by the man. And revenge it will get, for there was one who resided in the house also, but it was no normal resident.

A groan sounded sounds through the house but this time it was is not the house - the house was is dead silent as it silently anticipated anticipates the happenings. The old men knew knows the sound of this house intimately and the eerie groan made makes? Honestly frightens would also work, more active him frightened. It was not just that this sound was is unfamiliar, it was is also because the groan had come from right under where he rested his weary bones.

He sat up, the covers rustling rustle under him. His frail body shakes here you DO use present tense 👍 in fear as the groan becomes louder. Despite the fear, he dares to look over the side of the bed. At first there is nothing, then there is something - a grimy, rotting hand reaching out from underneath. Another hand reached reaches out from the bed, but it looked looks like the same hand. Then another hand that looked looks the same. And more. And more. Groans filled fill the room, as did does the smell of a rotting corpse and death. The old man quickly got gets out of bed and fled flees the bedroom, knowing this was is not a hallucination.

A loud crash sounded sounds from the bedroom and many growls sounded sound behind him. He kept keeps running and running, his dry bones wanting want (active beats passive) to crack underneath him. He crashed crashes out of the backdoor and fell falls off the stairs of the back porch. Pain filled ...what his back as he landed on it, making regular active would be 'and made', though how about 'pain shot through his back and forced itself out of his throat with a hoarse cry' him let out a loud cry of pain. Just behind his head, inches away from hitting it, was is the gravestone of his dear beloved. It was her, he thought thinks to himself. She's come to take me with her!

Groaning came come from the porch where he just was and he looked looks up, unable to move. The rotting, grotesque creature sat sits watching him. It has so many arms, like a centipede made of human remains. It grinned grins at him with horrible teeth and jumped jumps at him honestly this whole section could be a bit more visceral. Teeth gnawed against his old bones and he could hardly let out a scream as he was ripped to shreds on that grave like this section here! This is brilliant.

The house groaned groans loudly as if laughing.

Farking hell the tensing. It keeps bouncing back between present and past. I chose present because well, that's how I prefer to roll.

I have no idea what this man did to deserve being torn apart by a zombie made of all the parts from the... I don't even know. Previous tenants that did pay for maintenance? The lack of any other connection to the events makes the house appear as cursed, petty and/or vindictive.

I'm more than a little curious what's up with the corpse buried in the back yard. I theorize the two previous tenants mentioned here.
There used to be two people living in this quiet home, but they both left one day and now just this old man with no love for it stayed, bruising and abusing it.
Are not actually both dead dead. I think the old man is actually one of the previous two tenants, except the death of his significant other also sucked out all the life from him, leaving him just a bitter hollow shell of a man that leaves the house to rot (as well as everything else in his life I assume). To be clear, it doesn't need a full explanation, just a better tie in to the rest of the story.

All in all, a good effort! Keep it up and you'll go places (places that really, really scare people).
 
Farking hell the tensing. It keeps bouncing back between present and past. I chose present because well, that's how I prefer to roll.

I have no idea what this man did to deserve being torn apart by a zombie made of all the parts from the... I don't even know. Previous tenants that did pay for maintenance? The lack of any other connection to the events makes the house appear as cursed, petty and/or vindictive.

I'm more than a little curious what's up with the corpse buried in the back yard. I theorize the two previous tenants mentioned here.

Are not actually both dead dead. I think the old man is actually one of the previous two tenants, except the death of his significant other also sucked out all the life from him, leaving him just a bitter hollow shell of a man that leaves the house to rot (as well as everything else in his life I assume). To be clear, it doesn't need a full explanation, just a better tie in to the rest of the story.

All in all, a good effort! Keep it up and you'll go places (places that really, really scare people).
Wow, I'm so bad with getting tenses right haha
Thanks for the criticism, I'll definitely get to work on getting better.
 

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