Story The Hateful World - Seeking feedback on the first chapter of my novel

[Venom Adhamm]

Hey all, hope you're doing well and keeping safe. I'm Adhamm, and I've been writing for most of my life. It's mostly been short stories and poems, which you may have seen posted here before. But I've always wanted to write a novel. I've gone through several ideas, characters, stories, and worlds, but I've finally settled on something I really want to flesh out. I finally have a story I'd like to tell.

I've never written long-form prose before, so I was hoping to get some thoughts and feedback on what I'm doing right, what I'm doing wrong, and how to improve. Below is the first chapter in its current state. I'm still not completely happy with it and still want to tweak it later on, but its final version likely won't differ drastically from what you see here. Alongside typical feedback and thoughts on flow, sentence structure, general quality of writing, and so-forth, I am looking for specific feedback. First, what is the general vibe you get from the chapter? What kind of tone do you expect the rest of the story to take? And second, what questions does it leave you with? Would you feel motivated to continue reading in search of answers? Are you keen on seeing where this is going?

Your feedback is very much wanted and appreciated. Thank you for reading.

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The Hateful World (For Sharing)

docs.google.com

 

[Quin-]

Greetings Adhamm.

I must say, I really enjoyed this, and you've got me very intrigued about the world behind it.



General vibe:
Visceral, post apocalyptic, sci-fantasy?



Tone expectations:
Hoping for more of the same, perhaps with eventual focus on creating meaningful relationships with other characters, while exploring the twisted world.
perhaps some deep existential life lessons, on finding what little joy and meaning one can amidst this unpredictable life.



Questions remaining:
What are those things? Robots? Did they destroy civilization? Where did they come from? Is this the future of Darpa?

What is this special society mentioned? Why is it rpg themed? How does it's social structure and economy work? Is it a paradise, or just another flavour of dystopia?

Is there magic? How did the world get this way? Where did our mc come from? Why is he being pursued? What drives him? What is his true nature?

Will he make friends? Will there be female characters who actually drive the plot, who I can empathize with?

When will the next chapter be out?


Other comments:
At the beginning, from the bugs perspective, I was a little confused about "those hateful things".
Wasn't sure if this was going to be a bugs life, and was at first assuming the hateful things were cars.
Then I thought it referred to humans, then I though perhaps referring to those robot things?
Still not entirely sure.
The very start felt a little confused.

Once it got into the chase scene though, I got sucked in. You did a very good job doing the scene setting, and portraying the experience of being hunted through a forest while utterly exhausted.

Though I do feel like some snippets, hints, or memories, as to why this person is being chased, or what they're life was like beforehand, would increase my investment in them on a personal level.

Absolutely interested to see where this is headed.
I love when authors put some thought and effort into possible alternate economics and other often overlooked elements of world building.
Will definetely read more, if you continue.



A final word of advice, to take or leave, as you please.

Don't get too caught up editing the details until you've completed the full story.
This is something that can be done in short form writing without any real issue, but when you make the jump to long form, this habit can kill.
And by kill, I don't just mean your own motivation to continue, but also the invested readers will to continue reading, and well... being invested.
I won't get into too much detail because i'm sure you have some idea of the issues this can cause.

My advice, treat the first run through the story, as a true rough first draft. Hammer it out until the full if rough form of the story is revealed, then go back and edit it to your own standard of perfection.
Little touch ups at the end of chapters are fine, but try not to mess with plot points. (You probably know this already.)

This is something I struggle with, and am currently attempting to get over.