Journal Strawberry's Journal

[StrawberryAvalanche]

I think I am going to keep a journal here. Just somewhere to occupy my mind, and write out whatever I am feeling. I do keep a regular journal in a notebook with the character Spinel on it, but I feel as though my entries in there are about daily activities and what drama my friends and family has caused now. While, here I guess I can explore my own thoughts and opinions, and maybe even see people interact with my views. That could be interesting.

I don't know where to begin with this. It's 1 minute to 11 PM. I am exhausted.

I shall write more tomorrow.

Strawberry

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Today I decided to just work on my mechanical turking. Sure it isn't great income. But it's money I can use when I'm back in college next year. I do this for a few hours a day and then I go work on my math and physics studies. Eventually I have to start teaching myself chemistry. Ugh!

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Today I decided to just work on my mechanical turking. Sure it isn't great income. But it's money I can use when I'm back in college next year. I do this for a few hours a day and then I go work on my math and physics studies. Eventually I have to start teaching myself chemistry. Ugh!

I used to work in customer service but that gave me a lot of mental health issues so I am taking a break from working retail for a while

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Even though my mom just got hired somewhere, she wants me to keep applying her to jobs. I think she is doing this, so in case she doesn't like it, she has backup. But, the thing is that she is a licensed CNA, and she wants to work in her field. But I applied to every single CNA job in our state. And she still says she wants more job applications! UGH! So, my dad was like just apply her to every position on Indeed in our state. I mean, she wants me to keep filling out applications for her. (Which is VERY time consuming might I add LOL), so I am following my dad's advice of just applying her to everywhere. Is she going to get mad at me for the many calls she might get? Yes. But she was the one who said she wants more and more applications filled out. Such a strange woman in my opinion.


I should be the one applying to jobs for myself, however since I do not have a car at the moment (thanks DMV for constantly failing my car even though I got it fixed), I can't. So I guess this makes up for it LOL!

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Thinking about how I got my friend to try pierogies bc I wouldn't stop talking about them. Now he wants to come over and make them by hand with me XD. Amazing.

It's nice having friends from all over. We each get to teach each other something new and exciting. And he's so happy that I shown him the world of pierogies LOL

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

So, unlike me telling myself I will never go back to amino back in May of this year. Well, I did. I didn't go back to Virtual Space Amino, which is where I started out. But instead I went to other aminos. It feels strange lol. But hey I like checking things out and seeing what's going on.

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

So, I've been trying to keep a closer knit group of friends. I feel isolated and lonely. I feel like I don't know how to talk to people. But hey, hey it's okay. I've been able to finally get the parts that I need for my car, so that I can actually have a normal job. I know I was going to take a break from retail and just do mechanical turking, but I churn out hundreds of tasks per day for mere pennies. Sure they add up, but it gets boring and repetitive after a while.

I also am applying to my dream school for next spring, because my GPA from my community college transcript is high enough for it!

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Does anyone else get really paranoid when their mom is standing behind them while they are on their laptop? Like I'm not doing anything bad, but when she's behind me, I get very shakey and nervous. Afraid that something is wrong,

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

So I've been working on learning the Russian language. It is a part of my culture and I feel the need and desire to learn about it. I just love trying to pronounce stuff.
I can just feel my ancestors looking at me and going wow someone is actually trying.

It's been fun.

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

It's already August, wow. Time sure does fly by, doesn't it?
I have to work on my applications for University, and now that my car is finally fixed, I can go and work at this dog day care near me that wants to hire me. It's part time. But it is far better than retail or mechanical turking. The taxes for MTURK is so confusing too. Sighs.

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

My mom says I need to study more. She wants to go out and get me a bunch of textbooks and workbooks, and have me study when I am home. She thinks that my late night random bursts of study, is not good enough for my brain to retain information. Goshh. But my dad told her not to go out and do that right away, but we'll see. I know my mom by now, she is a very odd person. But I love her so much so it's fine

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

I feel like I don't really socialize all that much anymore. The other day, I think I did the most socializing outside of my family, was when I talked to a cashier in a tiny little Russian food shop. I need to start talking to my friends more, I hate reaching out first to people, because I am often afraid of being seen as too clingy, so I tend to wait for my friends to reach out to me first. It doesn't happen very much. Mostly my friends in other countries or on the other side of my country reach out to me, and talk to me. While my friends in my state are just so busy with their lives that it feels like they do not need me anymore. I know they are busy and I am very happy for them, but I am quite sad to never see them anymore. I guess that's just how it's meant to be. Who knows at this point lol.

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Good morning.
I woke up quite early today, I will be starting my mechanical turking shift in about an hour, from 8 am to 9 am. My minimum goal is $10. Somehow I have done enough tasks to get higher paying tasks. Which is nice. But it took so long xD. Though, to be fair I would just watch shows or things on YouTube on my smart TV and do mechanical turking projects on the side. Sooooo was I really working .

I've made a goal for myself to go on walks more. So I started walking at least 2 miles per day around my neighborhood (unless it's raining or unbearabley hot). And my phone has this thing called Samsung Health, so that's been helping me track my steps! Yay!
I'm trying to take care of myself more. It's hard work, but eventually I'll get there.

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Also the reason my shift is from 8 am to 9 am is because that's when I will focus ONLY on m.t. but after I'll probably put on forensic files and do tasks while having that on in the background.

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

I stopped reaching out to a lot of my real life friends. Im just over everything tbh. Its been almost a week and only one person spoke to me (outside my family and internet friends). Crazy huh?

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Happy September!

It flooded by me, but not as bad. My one friend managed to drive into the flood. How she did that, is beyond me. But it's begun to clear out.
I've been writing out more characters for the series I'm writing for myself, just a story about vampires and nobility. I've always been fascinated by both. I'm currently on the second story. It is told in the point of view of a human, who fell in love with a vampire princess, and these two are just goofy gals trying to navigate their relationship, and everything around them. My mom wants to read the story, which makes me quite nervous, because there is swearing and some ~suggestive~ content, and my mom swears I'm the most innocent person she knows. So uh, this shall be fun LOL.

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

I'm listening to "we fell in love in october" by girl in red, and it describes my most memorable romantic relationships and ,,, I genuinely miss that person. But I ruined my chances with that person, so oh well. I miss them, and I love them so much, but I can't talk about it with anyone.


And ironically that person and i actually did fall in love in october, and today, but september 7th 2018, was when I met them.

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Happy September!

It flooded by me, but not as bad. My one friend managed to drive into the flood. How she did that, is beyond me. But it's begun to clear out.
I've been writing out more characters for the series I'm writing for myself, just a story about vampires and nobility. I've always been fascinated by both. I'm currently on the second story. It is told in the point of view of a human, who fell in love with a vampire princess, and these two are just goofy gals trying to navigate their relationship, and everything around them. My mom wants to read the story, which makes me quite nervous, because there is swearing and some ~suggestive~ content, and my mom swears I'm the most innocent person she knows. So uh, this shall be fun LOL.

thinking about this,,,, how do i explain to my mom that this isnt some cute and soft story bc there are violence mentions ._.

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Oh yeah, if anyone is reading these, you can comment, I don't mind, in fact I would be honored, it would be nice to see what people think of my random little rambles to be honest with you. So come say hi, I don't bite LOL

 

[Larry]

I feel like that was a direct callout to me!
As I've told ya already, I think that it's mighty how you're able to lay yourself so bare, I don't think it's something that I'd be able to do myself, not if my life depended on it. It takes a great deal of conviction, or so I'd like to think, to do something like this, and commit your thoughts to writing.
So I can do nothing but commend you for the sincerity you show in writing these journal entries!

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

I feel like that was a direct callout to me!
As I've told ya already, I think that it's mighty how you're able to lay yourself so bare, I don't think it's something that I'd be able to do myself, not if my life depended on it. It takes a great deal of conviction, or so I'd like to think, to do something like this, and commit your thoughts to writing.
So I can do nothing but commend you for the sincerity you show in writing these journal entries!

Ahahaha it kind of was! I thought about the comment you left on my wall, and I was like, "Hey yeah, I should probably post a reminder that it's more than okay to come say hi or something!"
And thank you, honestly despite my entries becoming less frequent (due to me forgetting I have a laptop- don't ask me how I forget these things LOL), I actually feel kind of happy that I can just ramble on here. Like sure I keep certain aspects of my life private, and to myself, but usually I'm just posting my random thoughts, and maybe one day I'll look back and go, "Wow Strawberry, so this is what you thought about back in 2021".
But again, thank you so much

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

I feel like I have two completely different personas. The person I show to the internet and to my friends that didn't know me my whole life, (so my new friends from college). And my persona for my friends that met me when we were growing up. I've tried to intermingle the groups together, but it only ends in chaos, because in one group I'm more talkative and overly excited and the other half of me is very quiet and reserved. (The first group gets the more open Strawberry, while despite being my friends all my life and I love them dearly, the second group gets the more reserved side, I guess after us growing apart, I just kind of become more quiet). I don't know, maybe I'm just weird. I think about it a lot, because I often do have to quickly flip a switch for either side. I think I need to work on finding a balance between both of them.

 

[Cheesemick]

I feel like I have two completely different personas. The person I show to the internet and to my friends that didn't know me my whole life, (so my new friends from college). And my persona for my friends that met me when we were growing up. I've tried to intermingle the groups together, but it only ends in chaos, because in one group I'm more talkative and overly excited and the other half of me is very quiet and reserved. (The first group gets the more open Strawberry, while despite being my friends all my life and I love them dearly, the second group gets the more reserved side, I guess after us growing apart, I just kind of become more quiet). I don't know, maybe I'm just weird. I think about it a lot, because I often do have to quickly flip a switch for either side. I think I need to work on finding a balance between both of them.

Honestly shouldn't listen to anything I say lmao but you did say to comment so i'mma throw my two cents my ten cents is free. Personally I think this it a little black and white thinking. We all act differently around different people. Being formal around your boss and informal around you friends the way you act around your crush for example is gonna be different from the way you act around everyone else, its natural to be someone your not sometimes and the person you are other times. I think maybe try not finding a balance but blending the two sides together. The mind is like a lake you throw things into, try not to separate the lake like oil and water but blend it to make it clearer for yourself and for the people around you to gaze into the beautiful thoughts you throw within. I personally don't think our actions define who we are all the time more like water pretty flexible in a infinite amount of ways.

I honestly feel very bad about spoiling the sincerity and I feel like I'm being very harsh LOL I'm sorry I'mma not post again. I think you wanted a second option doe, hope I helped. because I also like just reading the thoughts as is, I think its relaxing. I also think its very brave to write your thoughts out here like this and I don't wanna snuff out that courage.

 

[Larry]

I wouldn't think too much on it Mick! You spoke your mind, just as Strawberry did, so don't feel ashamed for doing so! What ya wrote was very well-written and honest, so fair play to ya.

 

[The Great Sage]

I feel like I have two completely different personas. The person I show to the internet and to my friends that didn't know me my whole life, (so my new friends from college). And my persona for my friends that met me when we were growing up.

I don't think it's uncommon to feel this way. People are basically social chameleons and change their personality depending on where they are and with whom. There have been plenty of studies involving infants being exposed to different types of stimuli (angry person, sad person, quiet person, loud person, ect.) and even people who haven't yet learned to talk or walk know how to change their behaviour relative to their surrounding environment.

Feeling like you're two different people or like you're a different person around each different group is totally normal and totally human. It's just mother nature's way of helping you fit in.