~~Steven Universe Bronzite OC~~ (For Criticism)

Should I change her cloths design?

  • Yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0
I'd like some Criticism for my OC. I don't care how harshly you criticize but just make sure it is constructive in some way.

FreakshowFtW

New Member
PERSONAL INFORMATION​



╔══❖═════════❖══╗​

Name: Bronzite​

╚══❖═════════❖══╝​

«"Your hardly trying to bring honor to our diamond! Do it again!"»​



»Gem Family«

Pyroxene Group



»Type of gem«

Enstatite



»Facet and Cut/Carbonation«

Facet: 8R2M Cut 7IE



»Courts«

❖ Pink Diamond/Yellow Diamond❖



»Occupation«

Interrogator/Field Officer



┏━━━━━•°•°•❈•°•°•━━━━━┓​

APPEARANCE​

┗━━━━━•°•°•❈•°•°•━━━━━┛​

»Outfit«

Pre-Rebellion: A yellow dress with a low cut back which reached the ground with a diamond cutout in the front of the dress for her gem.

Post-Rebellion: A light yellow dress that is ankle length with white translucent stars on the bottom. The top of the dress leaves half of the torso exposed with a dark yellow veil falling over the shoulders. This dress has a large bright yellow diamond on the lower back of the dress.

Currently: During the events of the show Bronzite wears a dark yellow trench coat with a short sleeve off-red crop top with the Yellow Diamond insignia on the front. She wears light yellow pants, which have bright yellow diamonds on the knee, with flat ankle high dark brown boots.



»Accessories«

None



»Hair Color/Style«

Large Dark Brown Afro



»Skin color«

Brown with yellow undertones



»Skin pattern«

None



»Eye Color«

Dark Chocolate



»Height«

5,5 in.



»Weight«

135 lb



»Figure«

Hourglass



»Gem Placement«

Chest



❈•≫────≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫────≪•❈​

PERSONALITY​

❈•≫────≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫────≪•❈​



«"(I'm only trying to do what is best!)"»



»Likes«

thumbsup.png
Fruity Beverages

thumbsup.png
Caves

thumbsup.png
Slightly chaotic workplace



»Dislikes«

-1.png
Loud Animals

-1.png
Large bodies of water Ex:( Large lakes, Oceans)

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Bad Liars



»Strengths«

• Determination

• Street Smart



»Weaknesses«

• Self deprecating

•Slightly unhinged



»Fears«

(Germs)

(During her time on earth she was witness to diseases that transferred between humans and lead to mass death. After learning that Gems could carry these diseases around without being badly effected, she kept her distance from humanity for 2,000 years until the mass population's immune system strengthened. )



(Yellow Diamond)

(During the beginning of the rebellion Bronzite was transferred out of Pink Diamond's court into Yellow's court. While spending the entirety of the rebellion with her court she saw how brutal her new Diamond's methods were, and how she resented her old and new subjects.)



(Large Bodies of Water)

(This Bronzite kindergarten was built deep underground in natural caves systems that twisted and turned and held many underground lakes. Bronzite and a few of her unlucky peers were implanted along the ceiling of one chamber with deep, cold water. Her first experience after popping out of the ceiling was a free fall into deep water in a poorly lit cave. She was thankfully pulled out by another Bronzite and comforted while her group was listening to their first mission debriefing. )



»Hopes and dreams«

• Her main wish is to live an existence where she can stop and appreciate the taste of a fruity beverage, or the feeling of a hot bath.



❁Opinion on Earth❁

• Bronzite sees the beauty and potential the planet and its wildlife may hold for purposes outside of gem production.



<> Quirks <>

• When agitated she will start deconstructing what ever she can get in her hands.

»Adjectives«

•Ambitious

•Frank

•Rational



(✿)(❀)(✿)(❀)(✿)(❀)(✿)(❀)(✿)(❀)(✿)​

this or that?​

(✿)(❀)(✿)(❀)(✿)(❀)(✿)(❀)(✿)(❀)(✿)​



submissive or dominant?

✧(Dominant)

careless or careful?

✧(Careful)

trustworthy or suspicious?

✧(Suspicious)

introvert or extrovert?

✧(Introverted)

optimistic or pessimistic?

✧(Optimistic)

merciful or merciless?

✧(Merciless)



●▬▬▬▬▬๑⇩⇩๑▬▬▬▬▬●​

BATTLE INFO​

●▬▬▬▬▬๑⇧⇧๑▬▬▬▬▬●​



«"I won't stop when I'm this close to victory!"»​



»Main Abilities«

Mind-Control (Limited to 220 ft)



»Side Abilities«

Bronzites can shield up to four allies minds from psychic attacks with the bonus of directing 50% of the attack back to the sender.

»Gem Weapon«

Scepter with a glass bulb for charging up attacks



»Stats«

(0= worst 10=best)



»Speed«

7/10



»Strength«

3/10



»Strategy«

9/10



»Endurance«

4/10



»Guards or pearls«

•(Coral Pearl [Deceased] )



╔═══ -ˋˏ *.·:·.⟐.·:·.* ˎˊ- ═══╗​

«OTHER»​

╚═══ -ˋˏ *.·:·.⟐.·:·.* ˎˊ- ═══╝​



»Voice Headcanon«

Julia Nunes



»Music«

Main Theme: A Day in the Life
Battle Theme: Push ( Liquid Liquid)
Fusion Theme: Sober by Pink!



»Miscellaneous«

• If the sceptre is inserted into the ground or a liquid anything touching the material will experience a high voltage shock lasting up to 20 seconds. This however, will leave her defenceless to attacks inside and outside her target range.

•Bronzite has a bad habit of letting her mind wander when left alone with no directive. If left unattended with nothing to do she can enter a deep meditation which can only be broken with negative triggers. (Ex: Poofing, bad smells and tastes, pain, and the introduction of fears.)



»Backstory«

(Bronzite was made for the role of an interrogator and successfully fulfilled it until the rebellion began. While Pink Diamond seemingly was having trouble resolving the Rose Quartz situation, Yellow Diamond swapped a few members of Pink's court with her own gems to "lower the chance of failure". During her time in Yellow's court, she decided that no Diamond was "just and sensible" when deciding what was best for the Diamond Authority. While she disagreed with Homeworld's values, Bronzite complied to her new mission. Destroy the Crystal Gems. Her only objective on the battlefield was to shield her team from the attacks of a defective Bronzite which had betrayed Blue Diamond. Because long distance attacks are her forte, she had no issue making it to a warp pad on her officer's command before the Diamonds wiped out gems on the planet. Two hundred years later Bronzite saw an opportunity to leave and take refuge on earth after being unhappy with her place in Homeworld. Bronzite made it her mission to integrate into human society in order to avoid detection once she landed with a stolen spaceship.)(P.S: I may make changes to her backstory in the comment section)



(Template made on Amino by Yellow Moon.)



(Changed on Amino by Cat)
 

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The whole mind control ability probably needs to be explained more in depth since such a power can be gamebreaking
Okay. I thought about narrowing it down to Mind Control: Confusion-Vertigo before explaining how it worked. Do you think that would work better?
 
Okay. I thought about narrowing it down to Mind Control: Confusion-Vertigo before explaining how it worked. Do you think that would work better?
You should probably specify things such as what it can work on (perhaps levels of gems ect) possible weaknesses such as the strong minded, the poasible adverse effects it has on her (limiting her use of it), perhaps the strong willed are more resistant ect. In general such an ability will need massive drawbacks and control to work in a rp.
 

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