doneanddusted
Two Thousand Club
So I'm not a big fan of Starbucks and their sugar filled frappuchinos, but I can tolerate a mocha or something like that. I prefer those tea, because I like to push my Asianity to the limit. And not that sugary ice tea/teavana shit. Real tea.
ANYWAYS...
My friend, Lily, who can't survive without coffee, often goes to Starbucks whenever we meet up at the library. Not that there's a Starbucks in the library (I wish). I'm not here to bore you with a bunch of exposition so I'll just stop describing everything that I mention. What I will discuss, though, are names.
So Lily's name is very pronounceable. No special accents, no weird flourish, no add ons, just plain old Lily. LIL-ly. Yet for some reason, the people at Starbucks always manage to mess her name up.
"Nelly?" "I mean I could see how they could mess that up."
"Dilly!?" "Who names their kid Dilly!?"
My name, on the other hand, is Vivian. (OH MY GAWD SHE GAVE AWAY HER NAME NOW SHES GONNA DIE) Now I could see how people would misspell it (Vivienne) but generally they don't.
So as Lily and I make our way to Starbucks, I say: "You should give them a different name. Like, something that's so out there that they have no choice but to spell it right."
Lily raises an eyebrow. "Like Salmonella!"
"Yeah yeah that's great!"
Lily, being one who doesn't like to mess with poor innocent folk, refuses. So I decide to do it. We wait in line, and eventually I get to the cashier person.
"A grande mocha please. No whipped cream." No offense to whipped cream lovers but fuck whipped cream and frosting it's so goddamn sweet
"Mmkay... and who is this for?"
"Salmonella."
"What?"
"Salmonella." I try as hard as I can not to burst out laughing.
"Wait like the... like the.... okay."
A few seconds later.
"Is that actually your name?"
So that was fun. Lily and I wait for our drinks.
"A grande caramel macchiato for Lily!" Jesus Christ what the fuck is this makiato shit?
Lily takes her cup. Her name is actually spelled correctly.
"And à grande mocha for... Salmonella?"
I march over to the poor girl, take the cup, and gloat in victory, showing my cup to the world. Showing the beautiful cursive letters that spell out "Salmonella."
Now you may ask, "What the fuck?"
In which I will answer, "I'm a teenager with no hope for my future career let me have my fun."
My next plan is to tell the person that I'm Beyoncé, but prononced: "bay-YOUN-see"
ANYWAYS...
My friend, Lily, who can't survive without coffee, often goes to Starbucks whenever we meet up at the library. Not that there's a Starbucks in the library (I wish). I'm not here to bore you with a bunch of exposition so I'll just stop describing everything that I mention. What I will discuss, though, are names.
So Lily's name is very pronounceable. No special accents, no weird flourish, no add ons, just plain old Lily. LIL-ly. Yet for some reason, the people at Starbucks always manage to mess her name up.
"Nelly?" "I mean I could see how they could mess that up."
"Dilly!?" "Who names their kid Dilly!?"
My name, on the other hand, is Vivian. (OH MY GAWD SHE GAVE AWAY HER NAME NOW SHES GONNA DIE) Now I could see how people would misspell it (Vivienne) but generally they don't.
So as Lily and I make our way to Starbucks, I say: "You should give them a different name. Like, something that's so out there that they have no choice but to spell it right."
Lily raises an eyebrow. "Like Salmonella!"
"Yeah yeah that's great!"
Lily, being one who doesn't like to mess with poor innocent folk, refuses. So I decide to do it. We wait in line, and eventually I get to the cashier person.
"A grande mocha please. No whipped cream." No offense to whipped cream lovers but fuck whipped cream and frosting it's so goddamn sweet
"Mmkay... and who is this for?"
"Salmonella."
"What?"
"Salmonella." I try as hard as I can not to burst out laughing.
"Wait like the... like the.... okay."
A few seconds later.
"Is that actually your name?"
So that was fun. Lily and I wait for our drinks.
"A grande caramel macchiato for Lily!" Jesus Christ what the fuck is this makiato shit?
Lily takes her cup. Her name is actually spelled correctly.
"And à grande mocha for... Salmonella?"
I march over to the poor girl, take the cup, and gloat in victory, showing my cup to the world. Showing the beautiful cursive letters that spell out "Salmonella."
Now you may ask, "What the fuck?"
In which I will answer, "I'm a teenager with no hope for my future career let me have my fun."
My next plan is to tell the person that I'm Beyoncé, but prononced: "bay-YOUN-see"
