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Fantasy Starborn - OOC

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Lioness075

Everyone's fighting some battle of their own.
@GasglowJones Hey, I was just super curious about what your character's pet looks like. You mention it's got a puffin-like appearance, but then also added in that it's a predatory bird. Any chance you've got some concept art you borrowed from Pinterest or wherever for a good visual? ^^
 

Lioness075

Everyone's fighting some battle of their own.
@CryptedCourt Omg, dude, our characters could absolutely be best friends later on in the RP. Mine would just have to get over yours being a biological transmuter first, but they both share an enthusiasm for learning more. :3
 

Lioness075

Everyone's fighting some battle of their own.
@Lioness075. best discription is a Kelenken but larger actually usable wings, and about the size of a peacock. and fun fact, the name Raphine comes from raphus cucullatus. otherwise known as the dodo.

(Kelenken photo link:
)
Hahaha, the dodo. I love it. The appearance is something that you'd laugh at when you first see it and then only realize it's terrifying after it lunges at you. XD
 

SilverFlight

Tende altum, volare altius
Supporter
@LetsGoGuy It is a very good effort, an interesting character with a lot of potential, however some sections are too short, though you use commas, you are still using point form for several sections and the level of English is not quite up to par with the pace and quality I am looking for. Your personality and bio sections are a little vague and there's not quite the level of development I would like to see. Unfortunately I cannot accept your character into the thread. Keep improving though and I hope to have you in another of my threads later down the road.
 

SilverFlight

Tende altum, volare altius
Supporter
@CryptedCourt

Very solid transmuter character. You are right in that I am worried she may come off as a bit too anti-social, but a little tweak to the personality section should clarify what you mean to do with her. Maybe give an opening, something she is interested in, for character to approach and befriend her.

I would also add the detail that she turns into animals to pickpocket and eavesdrop more easily, as that might not be clear for people not interested in biological transmutation.

The personality and bio are a little short, I'd like to see a bit more written there.

The size limitation I had for transmuters is a rabbit, so unfortunately a mouse is too small. I will accept a ferret, which are almost as good at getting through small holes as mice are.

Change these few things and I will have no issue accepting your character.
 

SilverFlight

Tende altum, volare altius
Supporter
@GasglowJones
Good, interesting character, you raise an important point in the name of the Imperial language, for the sake of simplicity, I will name it Imperial. I'll add that to the lore.

Now to your CS, the personality and bio sections are much too short. I need a lot more detail in both. I think I also mentioned that humans and aliens cannot hybridize, however I doubt there are many who know that as fact, so your explanation in the bio can stand.

Lengthen those sections and your CS will be accepted.
 

Lioness075

Everyone's fighting some battle of their own.
Also, if anyone is struggling with ideas for a character in any shape or form, please feel free to send me a PM on here and we can shoot ideas back and forth. I wouldn't want someone to miss out on the RP simply because of writer's block. I definitely understand that writing one's personality section can be difficult. I've always struggled to write that section for my character sheets.
 

GasglowJones

that odd fellow wandering 'round singing in french
@GasglowJones
Good, interesting character, you raise an important point in the name of the Imperial language, for the sake of simplicity, I will name it Imperial. I'll add that to the lore.

Now to your CS, the personality and bio sections are much too short. I need a lot more detail in both. I think I also mentioned that humans and aliens cannot hybridize, however I doubt there are many who know that as fact, so your explanation in the bio can stand.

Lengthen those sections and your CS will be accepted.
Aye aye! Changes have been made.

just lemme know if I need to change anything else.
 

Lioness075

Everyone's fighting some battle of their own.
@Lioness075 Yes I can really see them becoming best friends. Cora can just transmuate whenever Larassa wants to hang out lol.
That would actually freak her out knowing that Cora isn't an actual animal and is just transmutating. Larassa will have a strong hatred for biological transmutation because of her background, so it will take her some time to want to actually be Cora's friend.
 

SilverFlight

Tende altum, volare altius
Supporter
@Schnomoah I am worried your character might be a bit abrasive, if she's like that with the authority I have written she won't do well in the group. The personality is just one line too short. You might add a way someone could get on her good side, just so there's an opening for other characters to approach her. Do that and she'll be accepted.
 

SilverFlight

Tende altum, volare altius
Supporter
@Spellsword_Kirov Interesting character, the personality is a bit too short, and I would like to know a bit more about how he interacts with others when he's put on a team. As I said in the guidelines, characters who don't do well in teams will not be good for the rp.
 

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