Story Some feedback please?

bwi

the bts life
This is the opening paragraphs of a short story that I'm writing for school. It needs to be in the horror genre. (just for some context)


Marina scuffed the bottom of her shoe on the porch of her friend Conner’s house. Everything about it was the same-the slightly worn brick, the way the porch seemed to sag under her weight and the clattering of the window panes as the autumn breeze rushed by-but something felt off. Instead of the sound of the wind chimes putting her at ease, they seemed to clang, echoing through the hush of the night and causing a shiver to crawl over her skin.

Marina wrapped her cardigan closer around herself before raising her fist to knock on the door again. It opened with a creak before her knuckles could even touch the metal and she was left staring at a very unimpressed looking Zack. His tall frame cast a shadow across the porch, making her squint up at him.


In the second paragraph, I know that "metal" probably isn't the right word but I honestly couldn't think of anything better. Also, do you think Zack's appearance needs more description or would that be too much paired with the opening description? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
 
Maybe use "Before her knuckles could even touch the sleek metal of the door...." And maybe if you need help with describing, I can help. But other than that, it looks very good so far! Keep me updated!
 
Hello. Love the piece but as a suggestion, I would describe not just the house but it's surroundings as well. Is the house located in a forest? Are we in a barren neighborhood? Paint a macabre and ominous picture for the audience. As for Zach, I would describe his appearance, relation to the protagonist, and personality in more detail -- maybe in another paragraph. Then again, this is just an introduction so I apologize if you've done so already in the paragraphs to come.

"Before her knuckles scoured the worn out surface of the door, it opened with a creak..." I'd use that or go with the suggestion above.
Besides that, good stuff. Look forward to seeing more and I hope you get a good grade on this.
 
I suggest explaining Zack's appearance as you go on in the story it might be a little too much right off the bat since you are already describing the house and such so I believe describing Zack should definitely come later unless he has a main part with the main character of the story. For example, if he is gonna be involved in the story a lot you might want to introduce him now so people can get a nice picture of him in their mind but if he will come in later on maybe describe him when he has more of a main part if that makes any sense.
 

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