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[DearWormwood]

Yes, I have been diagnosed with social anxiety and what not. And yes I also have depression. Now before I go on to what I'm going to be talking about I just want to make something clear.

I am not trying to be 'edgy' nor am I just seeking attention. I don't normally do this sort of thing but something inside me is just telling me that maybe something good could come out of this. The only other time I have mentioned my anxiety on this site is on a old partner search thread that I had that you could probably find if you looked for it. Now, if you've known me or roleplayed with me at some point, this may be a surprise if you didn't already know about it. Since I'm always cheery and happy in my posts or replies or anything. And a lot of the times I am. Because roleplay is my escape. It's my time to forget whats going on in the real world. I hate how much anxiety I fucking get just from stepping outside. It's fucking bullshit. Some days I just wake up and feel like I'm completely fucking worthless and that I'm never going to do anything important or worthwhile in my life and I'm just gonna die an anxiety and depression filled mess of a person.

And if you know me or your currently roleplaying with me and see this and just found out about my anxiety and depression and then treat me differently like I'm a fucking 3 year old that if you say the wrong thing I'm gonna fucking explode, I'm sorry but we can't be friends or partners or whatever you consider me as.

I'm sorry if I seem hostile. I'm not trying to be. It's just hard to talk about things like this. If you want to reply with some positive messages or something go ahead. Or you can just be an absolute asshole and say I'm just looking for attention. Whatever suits your fancy.

This is me signing out,
Brian AKA TheComicWriter

(P.S Yes I know, my profile pic looks pretty 'edgy'. I just like the artistic part of it.)

 

[DearWormwood]

Also, does it make me weird if I like to roleplay as people with depression or anxiety sometimes? And despite that whole rant I just had, I don't have any triggers when roleplaying. Suicide? Gore? Torture? Severe depression? I'm fine with it all.

 

[sukaithemoonlord774]

I don't think you're seeking attention, I don't think you're an a-hole. Personally, just from what I've read; I think you're extremely courageous for speaking your mind and openly talking about topics that still have so much stigma and aren't really talked about enough outside therapy offices - In my opinion. I have some social anxiety myself, although my official diagnosis is general anxiety disorder or GAD. But I feel like it goes hand-in-hand with having social anxiety, in my opinion and from my own experiences. I also have slight depression (not severe, but it can be severe at times) and I can relate to what you're saying.

Also, although I'm a seemingly upbeat person to the outside world and I do admittedly have triggers in real life. Like people trying to make jealous or people backstabbing me etc. In my writing and RPing, I'm also up for things like gore and torture. And not solely physical torture, but also my characters (particularly the male love interests) being emotionally tormented and mentally tortured. I love driving my male characters a little insane and making my females worse than any "dere"-label, anyone could come up with. In my opinion. And I say that, because I hate labels and people putting me in the boxes of "tsundere". "yandere" etc. Well, now I'm talking too much... But yea, I respect you for speaking your mind and I hope you find people who are genuinely willing to RP with you and not freak out over you being open about yourself! In my belief, we all deserve a great RP partner who will accept us for ourselves and our flaws; both in and out of character. But that's just me. To each their own!
Have A Nice Day,
Sukai!

 

[sukaithemoonlord774]

P.S. If you'd ever like to talk about things or discuss twisted RP ideas, feel free to message me! Although, I'm in college online so I can't always answer immediately, but I will do my best to give you reasons why if I don't respond in over a week's time. But anyway, I hope this reply also helps... Lol! Once again --
Have A Nice Day,
Sukai!

 

[DearWormwood]

I don't think you're seeking attention, I don't think you're an a-hole. Personally, just from what I've read; I think you're extremely courageous for speaking your mind and openly talking about topics that still have so much stigma and aren't really talked about enough outside therapy offices - In my opinion. I have some social anxiety myself, although my official diagnosis is general anxiety disorder or GAD. But I feel like it goes hand-in-hand with having social anxiety, in my opinion and from my own experiences. I also have slight depression (not severe, but it can be severe at times) and I can relate to what you're saying.

Also, although I'm a seemingly upbeat person to the outside world and I do admittedly have triggers in real life. Like people trying to make jealous or people backstabbing me etc. In my writing and RPing, I'm also up for things like gore and torture. And not solely physical torture, but also my characters (particularly the male love interests) being emotionally tormented and mentally tortured. I love driving my male characters a little insane and making my females worse than any "dere"-label, anyone could come up with. In my opinion. And I say that, because I hate labels and people putting me in the boxes of "tsundere". "yandere" etc. Well, now I'm talking too much... But yea, I respect you for speaking your mind and I hope you find people who are genuinely willing to RP with you and not freak out over you being open about yourself! In my belief, we all deserve a great RP partner who will accept us for ourselves and our flaws; both in and out of character. But that's just me. To each their own!
Have A Nice Day,
Sukai!

P.S. If you'd ever like to talk about things or discuss twisted RP ideas, feel free to message me! Although, I'm in college online so I can't always answer immediately, but I will do my best to give you reasons why if I don't respond in over a week's time. But anyway, I hope this reply also helps... Lol! Once again --
Have A Nice Day,
Sukai!

Thank you so much! I don't really feel all that courageous lol. But I guess that's just my insecureness talking lol. I've been dealing with my anxiety probably my whole life but the time it got really bad and my family and I noticed I have a problem or something I was in like middle school. It was realllllyyyyy badddddd. But somehow I made it to high school. And high school was worse. The people who were supposed to help me, (The teachers, counselors, etc) were just assholes. I had a really bad panic attack at school one day and one of the vice principals really said, "Your acting like a seven year old.". My own therapist turned on me at one point too. I don't know why. They just stopped doing anything. They wouldn't do anything. So I had to switch therapists. And there's not really any around where I live. And all that shit certainly did not help with my depression.

Spoiler: I'm censoring this because its dark and some people probably dont want/need to see it.

I became suicidal at one point. My depression was clouding my mind and making me think that no one really gives a shit about me. It would use what the teachers and therapist did as examples for how nobody cared. There were only two things that stopped me from taking the easy way out. The first one was that I was simply afraid. I was scared of death. I like to think that, that is our brain fighting back. It knows what we are thinking of doing so it tries to stop us. And the second thing was that... I didn't want to make my family hurt. I didn't want them to be sad. All I've ever wanted in life is for my family to be happy. My depression even at one point tried to make me believe that my family would be better off. But I knew that wasn't true. I know the one person who would be hurt the most and that person is the one I'm the closest with. My mom. Me and my mom have always been close. And I know if I did take the easy way out, she would never be happy again. But I got better. I'm not like that anymore thankfully. Although there are still days that I just feel like I'm worthless and no one gives a shit, I still get through it. Because its the only thing I can do. Welp, now I've just went on a whole life story rant.

I also have some triggers in real life but for some reason I just literally have no triggers in roleplay lol. WHOOHOOO HURRAY FOR EMOTIONALLY TORMENTED AND MENTALLY TORTURED!!!! SOUNDS LIKE MY KIND OF STUFF. lol.

Before I forget, I just want to say some more things about people and when they find out about my anxiety and stuff. I hate when people don't say some things to me or don't confront me with things just because I have anxiety and depression. Its not like one fucking comment about something is going to make me go into a depressed super panic attack.

And is it just me or do other people hate when people call my anxiety and depression a 'Sickness'. A sickness, in most cases, can be got rid of. You can't get rid of anxiety and depression for good. Sure, you can take medicine for it. But it only lessens the impact it has on you. It does not get rid of it. It will always be there.

Annnnywaaayyyy lets get off the topic of sad things!

I would love to do some twisted RP with you some time! Just send me a message whenever you want and we can make something up lol.

 

[sukaithemoonlord774]

Thank you so much! I don't really feel all that courageous lol. But I guess that's just my insecureness talking lol. I've been dealing with my anxiety probably my whole life but the time it got really bad and my family and I noticed I have a problem or something I was in like middle school. It was realllllyyyyy badddddd. But somehow I made it to high school. And high school was worse. The people who were supposed to help me, (The teachers, counselors, etc) were just assholes. I had a really bad panic attack at school one day and one of the vice principals really said, "Your acting like a seven year old.". My own therapist turned on me at one point too. I don't know why. They just stopped doing anything. They wouldn't do anything. So I had to switch therapists. And there's not really any around where I live. And all that shit certainly did not help with my depression.

Spoiler: I'm censoring this because its dark and some people probably dont want/need to see it.

I became suicidal at one point. My depression was clouding my mind and making me think that no one really gives a shit about me. It would use what the teachers and therapist did as examples for how nobody cared. There were only two things that stopped me from taking the easy way out. The first one was that I was simply afraid. I was scared of death. I like to think that, that is our brain fighting back. It knows what we are thinking of doing so it tries to stop us. And the second thing was that... I didn't want to make my family hurt. I didn't want them to be sad. All I've ever wanted in life is for my family to be happy. My depression even at one point tried to make me believe that my family would be better off. But I knew that wasn't true. I know the one person who would be hurt the most and that person is the one I'm the closest with. My mom. Me and my mom have always been close. And I know if I did take the easy way out, she would never be happy again. But I got better. I'm not like that anymore thankfully. Although there are still days that I just feel like I'm worthless and no one gives a shit, I still get through it. Because its the only thing I can do. Welp, now I've just went on a whole life story rant.

I also have some triggers in real life but for some reason I just literally have no triggers in roleplay lol. WHOOHOOO HURRAY FOR EMOTIONALLY TORMENTED AND MENTALLY TORTURED!!!! SOUNDS LIKE MY KIND OF STUFF. lol.

Before I forget, I just want to say some more things about people and when they find out about my anxiety and stuff. I hate when people don't say some things to me or don't confront me with things just because I have anxiety and depression. Its not like one fucking comment about something is going to make me go into a depressed super panic attack.

And is it just me or do other people hate when people call my anxiety and depression a 'Sickness'. A sickness, in most cases, can be got rid of. You can't get rid of anxiety and depression for good. Sure, you can take medicine for it. But it only lessens the impact it has on you. It does not get rid of it. It will always be there.

Annnnywaaayyyy lets get off the topic of sad things!

I would love to do some twisted RP with you some time! Just send me a message whenever you want and we can make something up lol.

...
I totally agree with your views on anxiety and depression. Sicknesses can be cured, mental "illnesses" are incurable because it's the way our brains are wired. And there shouldn't be so much stigma for having them and talking about them openly. I think, by this point in human history; especially with all the medical advances we have, right now -- People like us, who have anxiety and depression (to whatever severity it may be) should be able to talk about their problems outside of a therapist's office without being looked at as though they need to be "fixed" and/or they're seriously corrupted because of how their brains are wired. Which is unfortunately, how a lot of people view mental illnesses. And while I don't like getting too political, I do think the stigmas of having my brain wired a different way shouldn't be viewed as a defect but rather a part of my own uniqueness because my anxiety does help me, in some cases. But I'm talking a lot now. I sent you a message, lol!

 

[DearWormwood]

...
I totally agree with your views on anxiety and depression. Sicknesses can be cured, mental "illnesses" are incurable because it's the way our brains are wired. And there shouldn't be so much stigma for having them and talking about them openly. I think, by this point in human history; especially with all the medical advances we have, right now -- People like us, who have anxiety and depression (to whatever severity it may be) should be able to talk about their problems outside of a therapist's office without being looked at as though they need to be "fixed" and/or they're seriously corrupted because of how their brains are wired. Which is unfortunately, how a lot of people view mental illnesses. And while I don't like getting too political, I do think the stigmas of having my brain wired a different way shouldn't be viewed as a defect but rather a part of my own uniqueness because my anxiety does help me, in some cases. But I'm talking a lot now. I sent you a message, lol!

I agree. I just hate it when people are just like "Your sick" or "You can be fixed". It's the way our brain works! There is absolutely nothing we can do about it.

 

[sukaithemoonlord774]

I agree. I just hate it when people are just like "Your sick" or "You can be fixed". It's the way our brain works! There is absolutely nothing we can do about it.

Yes! It is the most annoying thing... And to me, there's a difference between spiritual healing and mental health. But I think a lot of people assume the two are the same thing. They aren't. Spiritual healing, for me is all about self-acceptance for who I am and exactly how I'm wired mentally, emotionally etc. Whereas mental health, while it does have a connection to my soul (in my opinion) is not the same thing as spiritual health. I think people in the health care field should diagnose people as holistic beings, including their brain wiring and that they shouldn't be seen as defective! My mom works in the health care field, so she knows where I'm coming from to a certain degree. But I agree with you! Our brains are wired that way, we are quite literally born this way. We can't change our brain wiring, unless we want to get into some kind of psychedelic drug use (which I don't support, personally) and that has been proven to be very dangerous for a lot of people. I've read and seen studies, in relation to what I just said about the drug use I don't support. Although I do support medication prescribed my doctor, because it does help me. But it's also a placebo effect, as well! Forgive me, for talking so much lol...

 

[Suum]

I won't judge either way on what you might be wanting from this thread, though I do need to highlight that your frustrations towards people seeing it as something you can fix is perhaps ill-placed.

People can and do come out of depression and social anxiety, and being determined that there is nothing you can do about it is one of the most common reasons people will dub others as attention seekers and give up on them. Why is this? Because depression and social anxiety are actually fairly common issues now. A large amount of the population have experienced this at some point in their life, some perhaps in a less intense form that you, and others in a more intense form. But the fact is that people come out of social depression and anxiety too, and that makes sympathy much harder towards those perceived to be using it as a crutch.

Realistically only you know the experiences you've been through and only a professional is really qualified to decide how to help there, and I wish you well on working on whatever is causing the issues. Calling people an asshole for an opinion which may very well be genuine and founded on logic/past experienced is perhaps also a red rag to a bull. Shaming people for their genuine thoughts or concerns about motive is no better or worse than them shaming you for feeling depressed - fire with fire does not work and will only create more social issues for you to deal with.

 

[DearWormwood]

I won't judge either way on what you might be wanting from this thread, though I do need to highlight that your frustrations towards people seeing it as something you can fix is perhaps ill-placed.

People can and do come out of depression and social anxiety, and being determined that there is nothing you can do about it is one of the most common reasons people will dub others as attention seekers and give up on them. Why is this? Because depression and social anxiety are actually fairly common issues now. A large amount of the population have experienced this at some point in their life, some perhaps in a less intense form that you, and others in a more intense form. But the fact is that people come out of social depression and anxiety too, and that makes sympathy much harder towards those perceived to be using it as a crutch.

Realistically only you know the experiences you've been through and only a professional is really qualified to decide how to help there, and I wish you well on working on whatever is causing the issues. Calling people an asshole for an opinion which may very well be genuine and founded on logic/past experienced is perhaps also a red rag to a bull. Shaming people for their genuine thoughts or concerns about motive is no better or worse than them shaming you for feeling depressed - fire with fire does not work and will only create more social issues for you to deal with.

I can see where your coming from and I respect what you have said.

Also, the only time as far as I can remember I only said, "Or you can just be an absolute asshole and say I'm just looking for attention. Whatever suits your fancy.". Now, this is just my opinion, but if someone said that someone was seeking attention and the person they accused of such a thing isn't actually seeking attention, then I would think they are an asshole.

But, I will say that I probably was a bit hostile in my original post. I even said, "I'm sorry if I seem hostile. I'm not trying to be. It's just hard to talk about things like this.".