ArchieTheFel
Born to ":3", forced to "Hi, welcome to the store"
I always wonder what life would be like if I had never taken to the internet. I was introduced to it at such a young age, and given free reign when I shouldn't have been. As embarrassed as I would have been, maybe it would have been a good thing if my parents or older siblings had found what I would deliberately search for and confiscated my laptop until I was old enough to be more responsible. Curiosity truly did kill me in so many ways.
It was an unhealthy obsession, not unlike any other; the digital screen was my escapism far earlier than I could recognize that it was such. My innocent searches on the internet soon turned me down paths that no child should be exploring. Uncensored sexual content, gore, horror, and the general sickness of humankind began to seep into my brain. It took years before I was finally desensitized to it all, but now I wish I could look upon something and still feel that abstract, uneasy horror.
Now, I turn to one of my many screens to escape life. The monotony of it all, and the realization that I will never be anything more than a speck...it destroys my brain. The fact that the world is stuck in constant, horrific agony and I'm helpless to do anything about it.
My brain is constantly turning; it's like there's always sounds in my mind that I struggle to cover up with the sounds of voices through my computer's speakers. I can't even perform the most mundane of tasks without relying on something playing in the background. Life has no joy and no meaning to me. I'm simply here.
It feels like I'm a tick riding on the back of a dog, my only purpose to suck the life from it until it becomes too much for me. I wait longingly for that moment to come. I don't think I was built for living, and I think they all know it. I'm simply a parasite, unseen and unknown. I'm only here for the ride, but it's so long and I'm tired. I wish it would stop finally. I wish I could turn off my screen and sleep in peace, for once.
I don't even care that I'm speaking complete nonsense at this point. I don't think anyone will even notice this as anything significant. Maybe, they're just like me; seeking an escape to a life that is ultimately unfulfilling, and may never take the path that they wish it would have. Or maybe they'll think I'm crazy. They'll simply pass this off as another individual trying to seem unique and deep.
I think I'm slowly dying and my body just hasn't caught up to it yet.
It was an unhealthy obsession, not unlike any other; the digital screen was my escapism far earlier than I could recognize that it was such. My innocent searches on the internet soon turned me down paths that no child should be exploring. Uncensored sexual content, gore, horror, and the general sickness of humankind began to seep into my brain. It took years before I was finally desensitized to it all, but now I wish I could look upon something and still feel that abstract, uneasy horror.
Now, I turn to one of my many screens to escape life. The monotony of it all, and the realization that I will never be anything more than a speck...it destroys my brain. The fact that the world is stuck in constant, horrific agony and I'm helpless to do anything about it.
My brain is constantly turning; it's like there's always sounds in my mind that I struggle to cover up with the sounds of voices through my computer's speakers. I can't even perform the most mundane of tasks without relying on something playing in the background. Life has no joy and no meaning to me. I'm simply here.
It feels like I'm a tick riding on the back of a dog, my only purpose to suck the life from it until it becomes too much for me. I wait longingly for that moment to come. I don't think I was built for living, and I think they all know it. I'm simply a parasite, unseen and unknown. I'm only here for the ride, but it's so long and I'm tired. I wish it would stop finally. I wish I could turn off my screen and sleep in peace, for once.
I don't even care that I'm speaking complete nonsense at this point. I don't think anyone will even notice this as anything significant. Maybe, they're just like me; seeking an escape to a life that is ultimately unfulfilling, and may never take the path that they wish it would have. Or maybe they'll think I'm crazy. They'll simply pass this off as another individual trying to seem unique and deep.
I think I'm slowly dying and my body just hasn't caught up to it yet.
