AtlannianSpy
Alarmed and Strangerous
Nagisa Kanazawa
A few days after the death of the Hoshikage...
"So that's what happened," Nagisa said, taking a sip of tea from her cooling, barely touched mug. She was sitting in Mayor Kunoshita's dining room in the village of toymakers. The mayor himself was absent though, after kindly providing the tea he'd made himself scarce so that Nagisa and Tsuchinoko, the only other person in the room, could speak candidly.
"The Hoshikage eh? A troublesome fellow if the rumours are to be believed," Tsuchinoko said, taking a surprisingly delicate sip from his tea and letting out a low, rumbling chuckle. "So the mission didn't go exactly according to plan but when do they ever? All's well that ends well and if your goal was to make a name for yourself then arguably it turned out even better than was planned,”
“Mmm,” Nagisa grunted, looking away sullenly.
“On the other hand you attacked a teammate, fought a dangerous enemy you weren’t supposed to engage and could have easily torpedoed already tense relations between the Sand and the Leaf. The mission was almost an unmitigated disaster as a result of decisions you made,”
“...mm,”
“But you know all that already, the good and the bad,” said Tsuchinoko, his eyes twinkling. “You aren’t stupid, you don’t need my help to put together an after action report. Which begs the question of why exactly we are having this conversation, beloved student of mine,”
“I…” Nagisa opened her mouth, then hesitated and closed it, before trying again. “I keep telling myself I was panicking, or angry and acting on emotion back then, and I was, but I also knew exactly what I was doing. I knew Sanada wouldn’t back down if I tried to leave, I knew the Hoshikage would eventually turn up and… I knew we’d be forced to fight,” Nagisa shifted her jaw, as if testing how the words felt coming out. “I wanted to trash her stupid plan and succeed anyway. I wanted to show them I shouldn’t have been cut out in the first place. She’s not the only one who can be manipulative, or underhanded. Hell that shit comes naturally to me, she just picked it up on a whim,”
“And why did you want that?”
“What?”
Tsuchinoko sighed. “Go a level deeper with me. You provoked a fight with the hoshikage because you wanted to derail this Sanada girl’s plan. Fine, but why I understand the strategy, what was the motivation. Was it because you hate this girl? Yoou wanted to see her fail?”
“No!” Nagisa looked startled. “I mean… She’s reckless, arrogant, careless, LOUD and...and.. I do hate her. You’re right. I thought she was just annoying but lately as soon as I even start thinking about her it’s like I go fucking crazy!” Nagisa spat and then looked surprised at her own venom. “But that’s not why I…”
“So then maybe you wanted the notoriety of taking the Hoshikage down? Didn’t want to share with the Suna nin?”
“No- What does it matter? I did it! I fucked up! Next time I won’t, I’ll keep control of my emotions and I’ll be better!”
“Better at what though?” Tsuchinoko asked, his voice thick with exasperation then he shook his head and picked up Nagisa’s cup along with his own, tossing what was left into a nearby pot plant. "You're damn smart but there's some pretty important questions you never ask yourself. Tsuchinoko grumbled, easing himself off his chair to root around in a cupboard nearby. “Oh and don’t tell Iori about that, pretty sure he paid some absurd amount for that tea,” the old man reappeared, slightly dusty and brandishing an equally tarnished bottle of sake. Tsuchinoko eased open the cork in the bottle and poured a generous splash into both of the tea cups. “Drink, you’re old enough and I’m crap at this sort of thing so we’re both gonna need a little extra firepower to get through it,”
Nagisa took a sip from her cup and then coughed. This sake was different from the cheap stuff Hideki had brought to her party, just the scent of it made her feel light headed and it burnt on the way down, leaving a comforting warmth behind in her mouth and throat.
“Truth is I should have had this conversation with you a long time ago,” Tsuchinoko said, after gulping down his entire cup of sake and pouring another with a contented sigh. “But I thought I’d have more time! The skinny, one armed little brat I found on the floor of my cave… I figured it would take her longer to get to the cusp of being a jonin… to have battles and deaths and sacrifice under her belt! Then again this way isn’t so bad either! We can drink together for one! It’s no small thing, for a teacher to be able to drink with his student,”
Nagisa looked away, conscious that her cheeks were turning red and blaming it on the sake. Even still she took another sip. “You’ve only had one drink,” she muttered. “Don’t start getting sentimental already,”
“Your life would actually be a lot easier if you let yourself be sentimental sometimes,” Tsuchinoko growled and then laughed. “But fine I’ll get down to business. Nagisa, what is your nindo? Your ninja way?”
Nagisa rolled her eyes. “Idealistic crap, I don’t have one,” she said, throwing back the rest of her sake and reaching for the bottle, she was starting to get used to the burn.
“Wrong!” Tsuchinoko said gleefully, snatching the bottle out of reach and pouring himself some more, before pouring a smaller amount into Nagisa’s cup. “There are three kinds of shinobi in the world: Those who know their nindo, those who think they know their nindo and those who know they don’t know their nindo, but there are no shinobi who don’t have one.
Normal, sane people don't risk their lives daily. They farm, or get jobs and maybe if some kind of catastrophe befalls them once in a while they defend themselves or whatever is precious to them but they don't fight and risk death all the time. Shinobi are people who choose to do that and whatever reason they choose is their nindo, if they didn't have one they would go do something else. That includes you by the way. you're a smart kid, you could have been successful doing damn near anything, still could, so there's a reason you're a shinobi even if you try to ignore it."
"Why does any of this matter?" Nagisa demanded, grinding her teeth. "It shouldn't matter to anyone why I'm a shinobi. I'm good at it so who cares!?"
"YOU SHOULD CARE!" Tsuchinokko said, throwing up his hands and laughing exasperatedly. "Nindo's are important! If your actions aren't in line with what your real goals are then you'll hesitate, you'll be uncertain and your actions will lack resolve. If you ignore it for long enough your nindo will bubble up under the surface and eventually erupt and you'll find yourself acting or reacting in ways that you don't expect and aren't prepared for, which can put you or other people in danger. Sound familiar?"
Nagisa remained silent, staring sullenly down at her cup.
"On the other hand a nindo can be a powerful weapon, resolve can strengthen your muscles, quicken your nerves and clear your mind and it provides an invaluable kind of focus. This Sanada girl for example, she sounds a little...simple minded, but she's made it to jonin before you, From the sounds of it she knows what her nindo is. It might be naieve or simplistic, but all her effort goes towards realizing that vision. Your effort goes in different directions depending on what seems efficient or useful to you at the time. Unless you can figure out what you're nindo is and start focusing on it you'll always be a step behind her and others like her."
"How..." Nagisa started after a long silence and then continued. "How do you figure out what you nindo is?"
Tsuchinoko grinned wolfishly. "How would you figure out how a machine you've never seen before works,"
"...Take it apart?"
"Exactly. Take yourself apart and see how the pieces fit together, that's my final lesson for you O' student of mine,"