Character Theory Selfless but worthless? Help on personality character flaws.

[Simon_Hawk]

I have a question about character strengths and weaknesses. I hope you can help me out.
Can a person be a selfless individual but also harbor negative self-worth of themselves? I guess an example might be someone who does things and goes out of their way to help people but doesn't feel deserving of the same treatment? I am really curious about what you all have to say on this subject. Thanks!

 

[rae2nerdy]

Certainly. We are often far harder on ourselves than we would ever be on other people. I would think that it is entirely possible for someone with low-self esteem / negative self-image to compensate by helping others. As they could see it as a way of "justifying" their existence.

Ex. I am an empty vessel of a human being but if I can help X live a better life than maybe I won't have been a total waste of oxygen.

Or even they could help others as a means of desperately attempting to hide their own self-loathing.

Ex. If I focus on projecting this facade of being a caring person and helping others than people won't see what a truly reprehensible person I am.

I would say the most important thing to look at with these kinds of characters is, where does the self-loathing come from?

Even irrational feelings have a rationale to them within the persons own mind.

Is this something that comes from not living up to societal expectations in some way (being the wrong sexuality, the wrong gender, liking the wrong things, being overweight, being not x personality trait enough, etc.)

Is it something that stems from familial feedback? Oh hey OC you should try being more X. Why are you so Y?

 

[Simon_Hawk]

Certainly. We are often far harder on ourselves than we would ever be on other people. I would think that it is entirely possible for someone with low-self esteem / negative self-image to compensate by helping others. As they could see it as a way of "justifying" their existence.

Ex. I am an empty vessel of a human being but if I can help X live a better life than maybe I won't have been a total waste of oxygen.

Or even they could help others as a means of desperately attempting to hide their own self-loathing.

Ex. If I focus on projecting this facade of being a caring person and helping others than people won't see what a truly reprehensible person I am.

I would say the most important thing to look at with these kinds of characters is, where does the self-loathing come from?

Even irrational feelings have a rationale to them within the persons own mind.

Is this something that comes from not living up to societal expectations in some way (being the wrong sexuality, the wrong gender, liking the wrong things, being overweight, being not x personality trait enough, etc.)

Is it something that stems from familial feedback? Oh hey OC you should try being more X. Why are you so Y?

Wow, that is amazing and makes a lot of sense. Thank you very much!!! You have pointed out a fantastic thing too in knowing where the self-loathing comes from and to have it make sense. That will be a difficult task I believe.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Wow, that is amazing and makes a lot of sense. Thank you very much!!! You have pointed out a fantastic thing too in knowing where the self-loathing comes from and to have it make sense. That will be a difficult task I believe.

I find sometimes it helps to sort of reverse engineer the process. What exactly are the things that OC hates about themselves? Is it something specific or just a general feeling of "I am garbage and I don't deserve to live."

A specific thing could stem from societal expectation they aren't living up to. Body image, sexuality, gender roles, etc.

A more general feeling is usually the mark of familial feedback. Whether it is direct feedback (the family tells them they are worthless) OR indirect feedback (they compare themselves to relatives that they feel are perfect) it would likely still be something that stems from the family.

Of course there are also a few mental disorders that might play into it. But those require some research to do without seeming cringey. So I would stick to either societal expectations OR familial feedback. And if your partner happens to say "Oh hey this sounds like X mental disorder" than you can look into it later.

 

[Simon_Hawk]

I find sometimes it helps to sort of reverse engineer the process. What exactly are the things that OC hates about themselves? Is it something specific or just a general feeling of "I am garbage and I don't deserve to live."

A specific thing could stem from societal expectation they aren't living up to. Body image, sexuality, gender roles, etc.

A more general feeling is usually the mark of familial feedback. Whether it is direct feedback (the family tells them they are worthless) OR indirect feedback (they compare themselves to relatives that they feel are perfect) it would likely still be something that stems from the family.

Of course there are also a few mental disorders that might play into it. But those require some research to do without seeming cringey. So I would stick to either societal expectations OR familial feedback. And if your partner happens to say "Oh hey this sounds like X mental disorder" than you can look into it later.

That's great! I am definitely staying away from mental illnesses for multiple reasons, but I think a little dose of low self-esteem could work out and not be cringe-worthy. Thanks again!

 

[rae2nerdy]

Not at all I wish you luck in creating the characters

 

[obieblu]

This is often the secret motivation for philanthropy and otherwise kind acts. It's a way to give yourself value 'outside' of yourself instead of internalizing a sense of worth.