Chitchat Self Care

[rosiphaura]

I think it's very important that we forgive ourselves at the end of the day/week for things we have failed at or mistakes that we have done. I was wondering, Do you guys have any sort of ritual, system, routine that makes you feel good about yourselves and lifts that weight off your back?

 

[Nenawa]

I missed this post since I had a busy weekend, but I agree completely!

I guess one little routine I have involves getting in the habit of doing small, quick chores and tasks each and every day rather than letting things pile up too much. Like, before I go into the kitchen I look around for dishes to bring or trash to throw away, or while I'm waiting for food to cook I take care of a few dishes or do a little cleaning. It's so much easier doing those things for a minute or two every single day rather than having it all accumulate, and also it feels good knowing I'm getting things done even when they're really small things like that!

When it comes to things I've failed at or mistakes I've made, I guess I just try to be the person for myself that I would want for myself? And I know that sounds weird, so let me try and explain. If I mess up, the last thing I want is someone else pointing it out, rubbing it in my face, or making me feel bad for it for no reason at all. That's just mean and rude! Instead I would want someone whom I could talk to and say, "I messed up, oops" or "I'm sorry," and they would acknowledge it and recognize it without sweeping it under the rug, but instead of blaming me would encourage me to learn from my mistakes and do better next time or maybe just let things go and move on. So when I don't have someone else around to do that, then I try to be that person for myself instead and to provide that second voice and kinder perspective.

 

[Kaztastrophe]

I think it's very important that we forgive ourselves at the end of the day/week for things we have failed at or mistakes that we have done. I was wondering, Do you guys have any sort of ritual, system, routine that makes you feel good about yourselves and lifts that weight off your back?

My “ritual” is not giving two defecations about it. As for what makes me feel good sugary foods and killing game character especially if I dismembered them, also impractical jokers episodes.

 

[Chocolate-Strawberries]

I shower, use oils or lotions on my skin, and if I need to I'll cover self-harm scars

 

[Pith]

I never used to be this way, but lately I've found a lot of power in routines. I don't beat myself up if I don't do everything every time, but I've noticed I feel better when I DO stick to my routines, as it eliminates stress for future-me, so it'd made me more likely to continue doing them. I make my bed in the morning, prep my breakfast, coffee, and lunch the night before, and have my clothes waiting in the bathroom for after my shower. Right there, I'm washed, dressed, fed, and have a clean-looking room with minimal hassle. I also make sure to get both social events in at least once a week, but also to take a day on my weekend that's just for me.

Regarding guilt and forgiveness, I use a lot of self-talk. I tend to disparage myself a lot, and I have to say out loud: "no, you're not stupid, mistakes happen." Another favorite is to ask myself if I would disparage my best friend the same way, which is almost always no.

I also try to cut absolutes out of my language. I don't ALWAYS mess up. It's not that I've NEVER gotten something right. Not EVERYONE is disappointed in me. Those words really enforce ideas that are just categorically untrue, and makes it easier to stay in a depressive cycle.

 

[Moonshine]

I completely agree with you.

See, my fiancé has been suffering depression for years. It's been better for about a year, but as the last year went by it came back full-force.
He luckily has a willpower strong enough to not start on self-harm again, but it's hard nonetheless.
He's unpredictable, sometimes going from cheerful and sweet to lethargic or aggressive within seconds.
Im trying to support him the best I can but when he's rejecting everything, even the smallest touch, for days or weeks on end it's basically impossible to not be frustrated or just plain hurt and helpless at some point.
His illness hurts us both and there's often just no space for my needs--like closeness, cuddling, things like that.
There are moments when I feel all alone, or like I've been friendzoned. And I can never be sure whether or not his depression will make him doubt everything again. It's happened before.

I've found it very soothing to sing. I'm part of a choir that collect money for aid projects in Columbia, like building schools and hospitals.
The people are great and I've known most of them all my life.
Their positivity and easiness helps me regain some energy and just get away from the depression for a while.

 

[still watching fma]

nope, I just keep moving forward.

 

[Abendrot]

You can "deconstruct" certain tasks to make them more doable when you can't do it all. Don't be afraid to half-ass things. Instead of thinking " ugh there's no way I'm going to clean the whole bathroom right now I might as well NOT DO IT" I tell myself, "well, even if all I do is wipe down the sink, I've made a good starting point."

Start with baby steps and then gradually ramp up the effort.

 

[Kazami42]

I can agree with that, but there really is nothing much to do if you have achieved the things you set out to do that day.

I just write when bored, and I draw if I run out of things to write up. Though it is not healthy if one beats themselves up over the past in a recurring cycle. Or if you had something bad happen without any say or way about it. The first step to recovery is acceptance. Then to find a neat hobby to do. If I run out of those two, experience a crappy day, but get a garage, I suppose I could spend time building a motorized bicycle, granted the parts actually arrive.