Error 420
One Thousand Club
Hey kids, ever been in a theater before? Real nice place with the comfy chairs and the big curtains? Almost seemed kinda homey, didn't it?
I have some bad news for you then, that theater was cursed as hell. It doesn't matter what theater, how many exorcisms you perform, any theater worth their salt has way more vengeful spirits than that old abandoned hospital your mom told you not to go in. The whole place is like one of those traps from Ghostbusters, except you're on the inside. Even without ghosts wanting a taste of your good juicy life force, the place is a death trap. Lamps explode, arbors fall, curtains suffocate people, sound engineers go on rampages, it's generally one of the more dangerous public houses in artistic society. As such, there are general rules of curteousy that you should follow if you don't want to kill everyone inside the theater.
1: Shakespeare
Being the father of modern English and of modern Theatre, it's inevitable that the works of Shakespeare are very likely to pick up curses of their own. For example, one does not speak the name of the Scottish Play in a theater, near a theater, or in context with a theater, lest it be left in ruin by the hexes of Hecate. That's a well known curse, but there's also one pertaining to one of his Romantics, the oft-forgot Titus Andronicus. Just don't do the show, the whole thing is fucked. Not just the name or anything just the whole show. It's fucked.
2: Whistling
This has an interesting history, actually dating back to the 1600's, when sailors looking for work on land found it in theaters. Their simple way of communication through whistling which worked well on boats would often interrupt shows, as well as get on the nerves of stage managers. This disdain for whistling was spread from stage manager to stage manager, mentor to student, through the generations, to today. Most stage managers still can't stand the sound of whistling in the theater.
3: No chandeliers.
Chandeliers were a common decoration piece in baroque style theaters in Europe, being a proud and dominant centerpiece. It turns out that having your decorations more attractive than your stage will distract audiences, so it's not a great choice. Moreover, a general fear of hanging decorations was bred after a few accidents in the 1800's, but the practice of nixing the 'lier was actually made popular by the Andrew Loyd Webber musical Phantom of the Opera, which brings us nicely to
4: Appease the phantom.
Generally, in fiction, it's a terrible idea to fight a monster by giving them exactly what they want. However, in the case of a theater spirit, you have the choice of that or burning down the theater and commiting a mass murder-arson-suicide with all of the people who ever performed or worked in it, which unfortunately has been known to create more vengeful ghosts in the longrun. If there are clear signs that some entity does not like what you're doing, STOP DOING THAT. This list is largely historical or curteous, not superstitious, but this one is not a matter of faith in the paranormal. This is a matter of not pissing off a ghost, which is always a good thing not to do. If you work in a theater for any amount of time, abandon rationality. You serve the phantom now. They are your master(s).
6: Don't eat the wheat paste
I know you think you can eat it and be fine, and you might be right. But like, come on. It's glue. Glue that has a high probability of containing rat poison to stop rats from eating it. Still doesn't stop humans from trying though.
7: Don't touch curtains.
Those babies shake like crazy and some don't stop for hours, which is super distracting to an audience. Many theaters have older curtains made from velvet that stain easily and break down when exposed to the oils in your skin, so you might be doing a lot of damage.
8: Don't touch anything
If you don't work in a theater, make the assumption that anything that doesn't look like it was specifically meant for an audience member to touch, don't touch it. That big red lever is the only thing keeping that 500 pound bar from falling on your head. That "totally stable" table was built a hundred years ago out of plywood and those splinters are nasty.
9: Don't eat the glue. Really.
Please, I'm begging of you. Don't eat the set.
10: Say Good Morning
Regardless of the time of day. This tradition is actually really hard to track, and has more purported origins than "Break a leg". But it's just kinda nice, isn't it?
11: Do Vandalize***
Vandalizam is a crime. Don't do it.
Unless you see that the last act in this theater vandalized with a signature or a spray tag. Then the spot right next to it is yours, baby! Some theaters hate it. In others, it's an unspoken, purely communal tradition that enriches a theater's history.
12: No Babies
In the audience, onstage, backstage, the lobby. Those ghosts can and will corrupt that child's soul. You want your child's soul to be corrupted naturally, through life, not through occult interference. (Also try paying for therapy later on in life after seeing Titus Andronicus as a baby).
If y'all have any more, I'd love to hear them and add them to the list.
I have some bad news for you then, that theater was cursed as hell. It doesn't matter what theater, how many exorcisms you perform, any theater worth their salt has way more vengeful spirits than that old abandoned hospital your mom told you not to go in. The whole place is like one of those traps from Ghostbusters, except you're on the inside. Even without ghosts wanting a taste of your good juicy life force, the place is a death trap. Lamps explode, arbors fall, curtains suffocate people, sound engineers go on rampages, it's generally one of the more dangerous public houses in artistic society. As such, there are general rules of curteousy that you should follow if you don't want to kill everyone inside the theater.
1: Shakespeare
Being the father of modern English and of modern Theatre, it's inevitable that the works of Shakespeare are very likely to pick up curses of their own. For example, one does not speak the name of the Scottish Play in a theater, near a theater, or in context with a theater, lest it be left in ruin by the hexes of Hecate. That's a well known curse, but there's also one pertaining to one of his Romantics, the oft-forgot Titus Andronicus. Just don't do the show, the whole thing is fucked. Not just the name or anything just the whole show. It's fucked.
2: Whistling
This has an interesting history, actually dating back to the 1600's, when sailors looking for work on land found it in theaters. Their simple way of communication through whistling which worked well on boats would often interrupt shows, as well as get on the nerves of stage managers. This disdain for whistling was spread from stage manager to stage manager, mentor to student, through the generations, to today. Most stage managers still can't stand the sound of whistling in the theater.
3: No chandeliers.
Chandeliers were a common decoration piece in baroque style theaters in Europe, being a proud and dominant centerpiece. It turns out that having your decorations more attractive than your stage will distract audiences, so it's not a great choice. Moreover, a general fear of hanging decorations was bred after a few accidents in the 1800's, but the practice of nixing the 'lier was actually made popular by the Andrew Loyd Webber musical Phantom of the Opera, which brings us nicely to
4: Appease the phantom.
Generally, in fiction, it's a terrible idea to fight a monster by giving them exactly what they want. However, in the case of a theater spirit, you have the choice of that or burning down the theater and commiting a mass murder-arson-suicide with all of the people who ever performed or worked in it, which unfortunately has been known to create more vengeful ghosts in the longrun. If there are clear signs that some entity does not like what you're doing, STOP DOING THAT. This list is largely historical or curteous, not superstitious, but this one is not a matter of faith in the paranormal. This is a matter of not pissing off a ghost, which is always a good thing not to do. If you work in a theater for any amount of time, abandon rationality. You serve the phantom now. They are your master(s).
6: Don't eat the wheat paste
I know you think you can eat it and be fine, and you might be right. But like, come on. It's glue. Glue that has a high probability of containing rat poison to stop rats from eating it. Still doesn't stop humans from trying though.
7: Don't touch curtains.
Those babies shake like crazy and some don't stop for hours, which is super distracting to an audience. Many theaters have older curtains made from velvet that stain easily and break down when exposed to the oils in your skin, so you might be doing a lot of damage.
8: Don't touch anything
If you don't work in a theater, make the assumption that anything that doesn't look like it was specifically meant for an audience member to touch, don't touch it. That big red lever is the only thing keeping that 500 pound bar from falling on your head. That "totally stable" table was built a hundred years ago out of plywood and those splinters are nasty.
9: Don't eat the glue. Really.
Please, I'm begging of you. Don't eat the set.
10: Say Good Morning
Regardless of the time of day. This tradition is actually really hard to track, and has more purported origins than "Break a leg". But it's just kinda nice, isn't it?
11: Do Vandalize***
Vandalizam is a crime. Don't do it.
Unless you see that the last act in this theater vandalized with a signature or a spray tag. Then the spot right next to it is yours, baby! Some theaters hate it. In others, it's an unspoken, purely communal tradition that enriches a theater's history.
12: No Babies
In the audience, onstage, backstage, the lobby. Those ghosts can and will corrupt that child's soul. You want your child's soul to be corrupted naturally, through life, not through occult interference. (Also try paying for therapy later on in life after seeing Titus Andronicus as a baby).
If y'all have any more, I'd love to hear them and add them to the list.
